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Old 10-17-2006, 04:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Hello there.


Wow. Thank you all for participating in this site. I first logged on a few days ago. I've been looking around the site and I'm amazed. This is an awesome resource.
I've been sober for a little over 5 years. Toward the end I only drank at home every evening until I passed out or blacked out or ran out of booze.
I started waking up all bruised and banged up and didn't remember how it happened. I started having a lot of pain around my liver area whenever I drank. That frightened me. I was fearful that I would lose my job since I was calling in with a "migraine" so often. My husband had hep-C. My kids were a mess, fighting all the time. I drank to numb myself. I missed my higher power, too. Figured I was going to hell. Oh, I kept going to church. I was a chalice bearer with a hang over. And I couldn't wait to get home and start drinking again. I knew I as an alcoholic. My husband said, "no you aren't. just drink 2 like me." So I'd drink the two he gave me and sneak many more when he wasn't looking. He didn't want his "drinking buddy" to quit.
One morning I reached out for help. I phoned a friend who directed me to
AA. I made a commitment to find the next meeting and go there. Instantly I felt the brick wall I had built between me and God crumble. I went to my first meeting the next day and had a sponsor by the end of the week. I called her every day, went to meetings, worked the steps. By God's grace I have been sober ever since. Amazing things have happed in my life in the last 5 years. Life is still hard most of the time, but I have the tools to deal with it.
I've also been in food recovery for 15 months. Working the 12 steps with a sponsor on that has been very deep and very fruitful.
I currently go to 7 or 8 AA meetings a week with an OA meeting thrown in once or twice a week. I love being clean and sober and having the option of working on all my other character flaws one day at a time.
That's me in a nut shell. Thanks for being here!!!!
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Old 10-17-2006, 05:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome Zephyr!

Wow, it sounds like you're doing great. I hope you keep visiting our wonderful recovery community.
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Old 10-17-2006, 06:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks, Anna. I'm definitely jazzed about the community! This is great.
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Old 10-17-2006, 10:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi Zephyr,

I'm intrigued by your comment about your husband when you first tried to get sober. I have a similar delimma in that my husband doesnt believe I have a problem and I find myself trying to convince him and me that I do. Hard enough to admit it to me but trying to make someone else believe it - arghh! Part of my problem is the fact that my husband is a hardcore, low bottom alcoholic in recovery for about 16 years. Because I dont drink like him I must not have a problem in his eyes. Any ESH that might help me drown out that voice that keeps telling me I dont really have a problem.
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Old 10-17-2006, 12:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
Trying to do the right thing.
 
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Welcome Zephyr,...Its Great to see you here,........
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Old 10-17-2006, 03:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Salamander,It sounds like many husbands don't believe we are alcoholics, thats what makes this site so nice. Mine did not at first, until I started sharing everytime I thought about drinking, he eventually understood it was an obsession, and now supports my going to AA most nights. Hang in there, there is lots of advice to be had here...
Zephyr, welcome. I managed to make the church scene and hide my drinking well during my drinking. When I told my pastor, he was shocked. I was tired of asking forgiveness, only to do it again the next night. Sobriety is awesome
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Old 10-17-2006, 03:16 PM   #7 (permalink)
everything is already ok
 
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Welcome to SR Zephyr

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Old 10-17-2006, 06:07 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hey Salamander,
Thanks for your post.
We all know that we are the only ones who can determine if we are alcoholic. I knew for myself because I could never stop after the first sip. I would wake up in the morning with fear, guilt and remorse and swear to never drink again. By noon I would have started again. Hopeless.
I may have handled my husband inappropriately. I pretty much ignored him. I think it had become a habit by then anyway. He was very angry when I said "no booze in the house". I only heard about it second hand though since he is very non confrontational.
My sponsor tells me that other people's opinions about me are none of my business. Boy, that was hard for me to swallow.
Hang in there, girlfriend.
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Old 10-17-2006, 06:09 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thumbs up

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Old 10-18-2006, 12:56 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Zephyr!

Finally admitting to myself that I'm an alcoholic was pretty hard for me and it took many years and some serious soul-searching. Eventually though, there was enough evidence in front of me that even *I* couldn't ignore it.

Probably the top three things that finally did convince me were these:

1. Realizing how many bad things that have happened during my life so far were either directly attributable to my alcohol use, or were at least related to it.

2. Being arrested twice in the span of about a week due to my alcohol use.

3. The physical cravings -- most especially the "gotta get another beer!" feelings that I used to have once I would start (drinking imperative), and the fact that they started coming earlier and earlier in the night, each and every time I'd go out, (like a biological itch that can't be fully scratched).

Looking back, at the end there, it was all pure insanity.
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Old 10-18-2006, 05:21 AM   #11 (permalink)
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thanks for this place

Hi everyone,
I want to say thanks for all the wonderful people that come in here to support each other - sharing really courageous stories of long term sobriety and stories of just starting and taking those first difficult steps. I had a shaky day today, really stressed at work and just about headed for the bar tonight, but thought of this place and getting home to log in here for some positive reinforcement about why I don't need to be (and can't) be at that bar. You are all a life saver in lots of ways, thanks for that and congratualtions to everyone for one more day....
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Old 10-20-2006, 08:53 AM   #12 (permalink)
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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...Zephyr,
Sorry to be tardy but..

Welcome to SR!

peely...
Wise move...keep in touch..
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