codi32574

I haven't posted much over the past month so much. I was into my day 3 detox of opiates, and ended up spacing out at the wheel of my car and flipped it 3 times. I know God or some guardian angel is watching out for me. I was carried away by the Jaws of life, luckily ended up with a complete fracture to my right arm...anyway the next few hours of the ER with my family screaming at their lungs not to give my pain meds...hello...surgery? My sister actually accused my of flipping my car on purpose to get meds. The ironic thing was I was on day 5 of detox, only to get on the roller coster again. This time I told everyone on staff I am an addict, but they said they would deal with the pain and detox me....BIG LAUGH...But, I've decided the road is too long to go down again, and I quit the pain meds given to me after surgery..I had a complete fracture, and now have a metal plate in my arm...it hurts...but compared to withdrawls, piece of cake. Anyway....threw the rest of my script out at ten yesterday morning...going cold turkey. There is a reason I lived, although lately I've been wondering what that was, so along with the pain comes the cold sweats, diahhrea, no sleep. I'm 32 and my entire family is so judgemental, except my husband. The problem is that I do need there help right now, not only with the detox, but besides the fact that I had surgery and a metal plate to connect the 2 bones, I am in a lot of pain...and all of a suddent all my "helpers" are gone. I have a full arm cast, and can't do much. Please, ya'll stay with me and give me hope, I read this forum and least 12 times a day....My higher power has shown my what I have to live for....I WANT TO LIVE!!!! Withdrawls are excruciating, especially with 2 young boys, and my husband still uses pills, though he thinks he has no problem (taking 10-12 a day is a problem) I need to do this....life has much in store for me as a clean sober person, and mom. Any encouragement is appreciated. I feel like I know a lot more about you guys than you'll ever know....and you keep my going hour by hour. I just need some help desperately...thanks Codi

barb dwyer

Hi, Codi -

Welcome!

Everyone's got a bottom. We've all been there. It's what we do next that matters. What's your HP tellin' ya?

owie. You're not alone, though. Not any more.

I think everyone in here knows the 'humility awakening' when we realize we're lucky to be alive. I do, every single day.

I'm going to a funeral tomorrow, in fact. Right now this minute, it's not hard at all to be humble.

We're all lucky to be here, lucky to be online, lucky to be broke, lucky to be fat, old, toothless, hyper, bummed out ... if we're breathing ... it's a blessing to me, anymore!

Hang in there!

deb

Little Missy

Good morning!! Glad you are back!! You just hang in there girl!! You can do this!!

Big hugs to you!!

windysan

glad you are alive. stay off dope and you'll do fine. you need to make some hard choices regarding the doper husband.

Smyle

I am going through a similar situation, I am 4 1/2 months clean so it is a little different but I slipped and blew out my knee on Wednesday....oh the pain...i was very hesitant to get that shot of demerol but I trusted myself and man am i glad i did....got through the MRI...etc...and actually hated the feeling but did like not feeling the pain...

So I have been on pain meds for the past several days...because I need them for this pain, I do not need them to enhance any mood or numb any emotion. I need them to do their job. Like I said I am not in that early stage, but still need to watch myself and make sure I stay on the right path...

Good luck and I am in a leg cast too....gimping around here with my 4 and 6 yr old ...my hubby has been helping when he is home but I am also needing a minnie me... take care of you and if you are in pain and decide to use the meds...take them as directed ......

Good luck ....

jbm125

You are so full of self pity it's astonishing. You had an accident and threw the pills away. WHY? Now you're suffering and no one will help you. If you had the pills you would need less help. Forget your husband and his pills. The only person you can get sober is you. Cold turkey?
Doctors have pills so you don't have to suffer needlessly through withdrawal. Why didn't you go to detox and rehab after your accident? Why don't you go now? Imagine how your kids see you in this state. They must think Mommy is nuts. They must be scared to death. You're dealing with life and death, you could have died in this accident and you worry about your family being judgemental? They should judge you, you are messing up by the numbers.
I hope you get professional help and soon. Without it you are no good for your kids, patents, husband, everybody.
God bless

jbm125

And you even lied here. You 1st said I'm in day 3 of detox, then you said it was day 5. Get your story straight. Get in rehab and stop expecting everyone around you to save you from yourself.

codi32574

Yep, I definately sounded like a whiner. I am just looking for advice. I know we are all addicts, but with all different situations. I'm aware I am feeling sorry for myself, but I have had a life changing situation...I could've died, my kids could've died, thank God they weren't in the car. I pray so hard to make it just to the next day. I just wanted to tell my story. I need to stop, so I made the decision to go CT. I really need advice on how to deal with little ones during this time, I can't just sit around in bed and read all day. I have called 4 rehabs that will not take me...I have no insurance and no medicare. The wait is about 6 months. I obviously have to do this here and now. And has no one else felt the same way? Women with small children know how hard it is...this is my 3rd time, and I really just want some help, constructive critisician is completely taken to heart, but so is the honest to goodness love in this forum that keeps me going. Thanks to all.:

P.S. I meant 3 days at accident 5 days going home...sorry to confuse you

gettingbetter32

((Codi))
wow - you're right you were lucky. - that could have ended so much worse - you're around for a reason - my guess is for your children.
I know you and I talked before - thought I was doing good then whoops! here I am back on day 4 again - but I think I'm done being mad at myself for it now. I have 2 children as well, only am single and my youngest is autistic - so I know how hard it is to do this. We can't go to bed and cry and scream for the day - because someone needs to look after them. The withdrawals suck - I agree, the last few days I keep saying to myself - one more hour, one more hour - then before I know it another day has gone by. I hope it gets better for you - I need you around. We'll whine and scream, and be positive and get better together.
take care and try to have a good day.
I'm so glad you're alright.

codi32574

Thank you for all the suppot, unfortunately, my ortho surgeon doesn't understand addiction. He wants me to stop CT. I really could use some sound advice instead of people thinking I am having a pitty party for my self. I don't know how to taper, I've only gone CT and I'm scared to death. I had an intervention last night with my family and because of the not using in 2 days almost came up clean. My arm will have to undergo more surgery because I can feel the screws, I'm scared to death. Although I keep an open mind to anyone on this bored, I really do need prayers, and encouragement. Day 3 for me, but who is counting....I'm sorry if I offended you I am in desperate need of courage, strenght and prayer to make it off the meds and deal with the pain. Thanks for your input.

Smyle

I saw my ortho yesterday and scheduled a surgery...he wrote me a script and I filled it....It does not mean I have relapsed...it means my leg is tore to crap and it freaking hurts... i will keep doing what my ortho says cause i want to be healthy again, I wanna walk again and I don't care if it means i have to take the same drugs that almost killed me last year. I am sure your ortho understands plenty....you don't seem to understand that it is alright to take what is recommended by a professional....if you deviate from that then yep let someone else hand them out to you. Take care of your arm ...get thru the surgeries and as for your family...kick each of them in the chin 10 times then ask if they get the message. your in pain treat it....Good luck..

BTW I have 2 small kids...babysit a 10 month old and another 4 yr old...I was up to 80 to 100 pills daily by this time last year....heart stopped , passed out in front of my kids...4 yr old called daddy and Er saved me (Again) so I know all about what you are saying..it is traumatizing, but you gotta get through it, you can ...I have been clean 4 1/2 months...you can do it....takes time and support..

codi32574

Thank you Smyle, and getting better32....we addicts are bound to relapse. But thankfully we can get on our own to feet and eventually walk again. I really don't care what we talk about, addiction, kids, hubby, anything to keep my mind off of the pain, and sickness. Please keep in touch, you're simple hello's keep me going on step at a time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Smyle

If the prescription is valid for pain it is not a relapse.... you should check out the Any mom's out there keeping sane thread....we have alot of support on there and it is all about moms and dealing with our addictions....stop in and see us ...

~B

codi32574

No kidding, while I was up all last nigt I read 2 hours worth of posts of mommy's with kids. It did make me feel a lot better. The w/d's are starting to come on quick. I've noticed how supportive you are all to eachother and I would like to start posting...I'm really shy though. One member caught my eye and that was Aiya Zaire(sp) she sounds so like me, and if she can do c/t with kids around, so can I . I just need the inspirtation to keep on going. You'll support eachother so well. I may just give it a try. It's lonely out here in computer land, but not with you guys. Thanks for giving you time to reach out to me....it means so much. I just feel so alone. Thanks for everything, even those who think I'm just having a pity party for myself. I can't promise anything except one hour/minute/day at a time. Thanks, Codi

Smyle

just post a hello....we will take it from there...beware we are a little silly and no holds barred on the gross kid stories ......

Please visit .....no reason to be shy.....no judging...no mean spirits...a little tough love sometimes but all in all....just plain support...

and Ayla is so funny....she has some seriously funny stories...

janeeyre

Hi Codi!

Yes, DO come join us at the mom thread. It is my favorite place here at SR, and the women there are absolutely wonderful. You are more than welcome with us!

Jane

ayla zaire

hey, sweetie you made my day...thanks for noticing that i'm amazing..tehe...well...you seem amazing, and i really hope you join us in mommyland...we need all the help we can get...before we all truly go insane...

i have to say...without mentioning names...that a couple of responses here were a bit harsh...we are here for kind support not to be called liars and to be judged....that person was very judgemental and that is uncalled for...i'm sure he/she has plenty of problems and would not appreciate being treated the way they treated you...ignore the critics and come visit the mommies who are in your shoes....you already have friends here...

yes...i am also very funny...and modest...thanks....

ayla

ayla zaire

what are you waiting for? there is a hot cowboy and iced tea by the lake whenever you're ready...and plenty of laughs and love to go around...

Smyle

hey that cowboy is mine......just kidding anything for a newbie...she can have the cowboy and the tea.....but I got dibs on the canoe to take out on the lake...with MY cowboy.....

janeeyre

Hi Codi--

How are you doing today?

Jane