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12 steps!!!

Old 10-15-2006, 05:47 PM
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12 steps!!!

hello my name is will and im an alcoholic and addict. ive been clean for seven days now and for that im very thankful. i have a question that i hope you guys will help me with. ive been attending aa and na meeting at least 1 a day, so far ive been to 4 na meetings and 4 aa meetings. the na meetings were discussion meetings and we didnt talk about the 12 steps yet. 2 of the aa meetings were lunch/speaker meetings and 1 was a brekfast discussion and the other was a 12 study meeting and since i was the newest member there they decided to just cover the 1st 3 steps only at that time. now i know im powerless over alcohol and drugs and that my life is completely unmanagable. this is a fact. i also believe that it will take a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity and with out the help of that power i will use again. and ive have made the decision to turn my life and my will over to that power and let it guide me so that i may stay clean. my question is about the 4th step, about taking a fearless and moral inventory of myself. im not sure what that means and i was hoping that many of you who have already been there and done that could give me a bit of insight. understand that i havent yet had the oppurtunity to ask about this in a meeting yet, mostly i just listen and i have a big book, and im reading it but i havent got that far yet. just wanted to see what you guys may have to say on the subject. thanks!!!!
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:01 PM
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You need to get a F2F sponsor to guide you with Step work.

Ask in your next meeting for a sponsor.

That is my opinion..
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:11 PM
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Splithead,

I have been to AA meetings as well. I find them helpful, but I have so many questions like you do. The people in the meetings I've been have been really short (not rude) with me. I'm not sure if they are hesitant to speak to me because I am new. One lady even suggested that I go to another meeting because there will be more young people there. Due to my DWI situation, I can't drive, so I have to go to the meetings that are a few blocks away. I am also reading the big book. I would like to get a sponsor, but I'm not sure how to go about it. I will keep you posted on what I find. Take care.

Cubbie
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:13 PM
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In ur Big Book....thats where u will find all the answers u need and the instructions on how to work the steps....there are also workbooks u can get that will help u work them...esp. the 4th step...but all in time....u dont want to rush thru the steps....working the steps is like building a foundation in recovery...if u fly thru the steps and the foundation is wobbly or not solid then as u continue to build then it can all come crumbling or toppling down....thats why so many slip.....Recovery is a day at a time process for the rest of ur life....its changing the way u use to live learning thru the 12 steps...(and almost similar to the 10 commandments) They are the rules we live with and apply to our daily lives.

They have step studies where u use ur Step Book to follow and discuss in ur group....u normally read this in meetings and discuss it each week.....this helps u better understand the steps....then u have Big Book Studies which also helps....u read and discuss this in groups.....listening and absorbing then applying it to ur life...

Recovery is a process not a race to get sober quickly.....you will begin to reap the rewards....or promises as mentioned in the Big Book when u stay sober and live the steps in ur everyday life one day at a time....
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:21 PM
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im not rushing nor am i in a hurry, the 1st 3 seem to be about acceptance and then starting with the 4th is when the action starts. i was just wondering what a moral inventory was thats all. believe me im not trying to win a race here. btw whats a sponsor?
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:27 PM
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alright, I'll admit it - I'm lost. I've never been to a meeting - but know a lot of people who go faithfully, so I know it works. not sure it's for me though. what I don't understand is the higher power. I don't think I believe in a higher power - so if I can't do this on my own why am I bothering? yes, I'm having a moment - (sorry - withdrawals make me cranky)
I'm pretty sure I've worn out my welcome with anything higher than myself and the odds of them helping me (from wherever they may be) are probably slim to none. And if I'm wrong and I DO have a higher power, where the hell were they when I got into this mess in the first place? I think higher powers should reveal themselves a little more in the prevention area, instead of sitting around waiting to see what a mess the addiction can make.
sorry to tramp on your thread.
I know, take responsibility Krista...............
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:28 PM
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From what I've gathered, a sponsor is a person who guides you through the 12 step program.
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:31 PM
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i dont think an higher power has to be some abstract, spiritual being or beings that you cant see or hear, maybe it can also be a group of drunks and addicts who have been where you are and know what it takes to stay clean. not some invisible almighty that you ask for help and poof your cured. from what i read its the action and work you do that keeps you clean or not. hell i guess a toothbrush could be a higherpower, at least its a hell of alot cleaner than i am!!!
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:43 PM
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Exclamation

YOU need a face to face sponsor to do your 4th Step as well as the rest of ALL the steps.
You can not do them by yourself!


Congrats!
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:49 PM
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why cant i? and the question was what is a moral inventory? latley even at the meetings ive been getting alot of this set down and shut up, we've been sober longer than you, snob job. and quite frankley it kind of ticks me off. i mostly just listen anyway. whats the deal is it a secret that cant be revealed until im ready for it, and which alcoholic/addict decides when a newbie is ready.
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:52 PM
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ha ha, a toothbrush.
first laugh I had in 3 days............at least I know I still can!
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by gettingbetter32
alright, I'll admit it - I'm lost. I've never been to a meeting - but know a lot of people who go faithfully, so I know it works. not sure it's for me though. what I don't understand is the higher power. I don't think I believe in a higher power - so if I can't do this on my own why am I bothering? yes, I'm having a moment - (sorry - withdrawals make me cranky)
I'm pretty sure I've worn out my welcome with anything higher than myself and the odds of them helping me (from wherever they may be) are probably slim to none. And if I'm wrong and I DO have a higher power, where the hell were they when I got into this mess in the first place? I think higher powers should reveal themselves a little more in the prevention area, instead of sitting around waiting to see what a mess the addiction can make.
sorry to tramp on your thread.
I know, take responsibility Krista...............
Krista,

If you haven't already, you might take a read around Secular Connections. You'll find others with similar issues, who are finding or have found other ways to stay sober, other programs or groups, and creative ways to make use of the 12-Step program without the theistic/supernatural element. Many use an eclectic style of recovery, borrowing elements from various programs and philosophies. There are many paths to recovery, and they don't all require believing in a Higher Power.

Paul
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Old 10-15-2006, 06:59 PM
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thanks Paul - I'll do that

willing to try anything right now -
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Old 10-15-2006, 07:04 PM
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There are many ways to do a fourth step. The most straightforward way is to write down a list of people and institutions you resent, list the reasons why, and then write about it a lot until you start to see your side of it. I found it to be quite an emotional experience dealing with guilt, resentments, and other hot button issues. (There are a number of 4th step workbooks out there as well.)

I didn't want to do it because it sounded like something being imposed on me, but it turned out to be a voyage of self-discovery. But I had to have a pretty solid spiritual life before that was possible; otherwise I'd be too hard on myself, or take on too much at once.

It's not necessary to do it right away, but it sure gives you a start to see what your issues are, and what's going on.
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Old 10-15-2006, 07:22 PM
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thank you ngokpa, believe me, it doesnt sound like something im gonna be in a hurry to do, but i appreciate you for clarifying that for me. i understand that what im about to embark upon is not gonna be easy, infact there are some aspects of it that im very uneasy about, but i feel its better than the alternative. i may try to work on that a bit as i go along and grow and learn. i still dont understand why i need a sponsor. why is it that i cant work my program without the interference of someone i dont know and i dont trust, and it be succesful. did bill or dr bob have a sponsor? i understand the importance of staying open minded and sharing with others, but im not sure that i want someone else knowing that much about me or my past. especially when im not going to know anything about them. im not comfortable with that idea at all. does this make since?
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Old 10-15-2006, 07:30 PM
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This brings up a lot of difficult points of contention. I ahve known people who are successful and never went to any aa meetings, and I know people who went to aa meetings drunk.

The hardest part of a lot of this i found for me, is understand that our disturbed thoughts delivered us to the addiction. This is what is meant by the fact the addict is created before the drug. It is my thinking that led me to the medicine.

I personaly do not like many of the steps, and am following my own way on staying clean.

First and foremost--be grateful.
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Old 10-15-2006, 07:30 PM
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makes sense to me - I think it's all about what we can be comfortable with. Privacy is what keeps me from meetings altogether - of course I know many people in them so I certainly wouldn't knock them. They have saved many people. Do what you think is right for you, and at the right speed. If you're comfortable and it's working for you - I say go for it.
good luck with all this by the way - it's all pretty overwhelming at times.
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Old 10-15-2006, 07:44 PM
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thank you stormtooth that certainly does ease my mind a bit. so my thinking is what makes me an addict not my addiction. so if i change my thinking i lose the addiction. i like that. and the 12 steps are suggestions not laws that help to change ones way of thinking, but certainly not the only viable method of helping to aid one in that transformation, bet merely one of many possibilities. i am grateful for being sober another day and for the advice.
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Old 10-15-2006, 07:48 PM
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Originally Posted by splithead
about taking a fearless and moral inventory of myself.
I've done this, not through one of the 12 step programs...
this was required for other programs as well.

I interpreted it as meaning:

I needed to take an HONEST look at my behaviors.

Like... if I found a sealed, stamped, addressed envelope... would I mail it or open it.

I had to answer questions honestly. The first time that question came up, I hesitated knowing the 'right' thing to do would be to mail it... but honestly at that time... I would have opened it.

The last time I was asked that question.. I said I'd mail it.
Not because I knew it was the 'right' answer, but because NOW, I honestly would mail it.

Hope that helps.
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Old 10-15-2006, 07:58 PM
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thank you chris, that does help. oh and by the way, to be honest, i did open it already.
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