Craving to go back to my vodka.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 136
Craving to go back to my vodka.
I miss going out SO much, and recently I have been contemplating going back in moderation to see if I can handle it. I know it's known that it never works, but I feel like I have to give it a try. When I embarked on this sober adventure, I told myself that I would try being sober for 6 months...I just hit my four month mark yesterday. I miss being like everyone else, and avoiding parties, bars, comedy clubs...(any social gathering at all where there is going to be alcohol.) I miss my Stoli.....
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
If you miss the social scene...AA members do party hardy
and without the harm drinking causes.
Have you met any new sober friends in your meetings?
I suggest you go back and read your earlier post
before you drink again.
Take Care..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Can u go back and remember how u felt when u were drinking....did u have any consequences as a result of drinking...
Me i can remember going to a club with the intent of having just a few drinks, listen to the band and leave at a good hour anytime before 12....well it started out great...then a drink or 2 to loosen up, meet a few guys, dance a bit, hang outside awhile, dance more, drink more, the party is just beginning at 11...and i have an hr left to have fun..,,,bummer....12 arrives,,,heck just another dance,,,another drink....im heading out the door with a guy..and before i know it its 2ish and im nervous as heck because i shouldnt be out this late....what will my husband think...can i sneek in while he's asleep....ill tip toe in and be a quiet as a mouse.....oh i forgot i raced a dude on the highway and we stoppped on the side of the road....he was black and im white....my goodness....we laughed and left our separate ways....oh nooo im driving up the wrong way on the ramp....ill have to turn around quickly so i wont get lost....in the middle of the innerstate....
Ok im home...spouse is asleep..i fall into bed numb...ears ringing....i was lucky
that night...
another night same thing, yet a mile away from home i ran off the road hitting a concrete culvert sitting on top the ground....i must have blacked out....i just dont know...spent 10 day in the hospital with them removing my spleen are i would have bled to death....did i learn my lesson then....NOPE...i missed the partying, the music, my bar friends....this time i did the same thing, came home late, had a horrible arguement at 2 in the morning then decided i couldnt take that anymore...so i downed a handful of pills and the remaining wine....i was ready to end my miserable life....
Thank God the attempt to kill myself failed....my family stepped in and did an intervention on me and sent me to rehab for 28 days.....it was there that i recieved the tools and knowledge of recovery to learn to stay sober one day at a time.
Alcohol to me 16 yrs later is till poison to me even if i still think of music, lights and dancing...its not place for this alcoholic ....
Thanks for letting me share.
Me i can remember going to a club with the intent of having just a few drinks, listen to the band and leave at a good hour anytime before 12....well it started out great...then a drink or 2 to loosen up, meet a few guys, dance a bit, hang outside awhile, dance more, drink more, the party is just beginning at 11...and i have an hr left to have fun..,,,bummer....12 arrives,,,heck just another dance,,,another drink....im heading out the door with a guy..and before i know it its 2ish and im nervous as heck because i shouldnt be out this late....what will my husband think...can i sneek in while he's asleep....ill tip toe in and be a quiet as a mouse.....oh i forgot i raced a dude on the highway and we stoppped on the side of the road....he was black and im white....my goodness....we laughed and left our separate ways....oh nooo im driving up the wrong way on the ramp....ill have to turn around quickly so i wont get lost....in the middle of the innerstate....
Ok im home...spouse is asleep..i fall into bed numb...ears ringing....i was lucky
that night...
another night same thing, yet a mile away from home i ran off the road hitting a concrete culvert sitting on top the ground....i must have blacked out....i just dont know...spent 10 day in the hospital with them removing my spleen are i would have bled to death....did i learn my lesson then....NOPE...i missed the partying, the music, my bar friends....this time i did the same thing, came home late, had a horrible arguement at 2 in the morning then decided i couldnt take that anymore...so i downed a handful of pills and the remaining wine....i was ready to end my miserable life....
Thank God the attempt to kill myself failed....my family stepped in and did an intervention on me and sent me to rehab for 28 days.....it was there that i recieved the tools and knowledge of recovery to learn to stay sober one day at a time.
Alcohol to me 16 yrs later is till poison to me even if i still think of music, lights and dancing...its not place for this alcoholic ....
Thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangor, maine
Posts: 78
The truth is there *are* a few people that can at some point return to drinking like a normal person. I am ot one of them. Unfortunately for me, once I became a pickle I could never become a cucumber again.
there are biochemical reasons for this, which i will not bore anyone with. None the less they are real and they are physicaly in anyone's brain who has experieneced physical addiction to alcohol.
I know from my own experience not only can i not control when and how much i drink, but within a few days it is as if i never stopped drinking. Now when i say i can not control how much i drink, I might be able to have just four beers, or maybe not. maybe it will be a 12 pack and half a pint of liquor. the point is i don't really know, because i have *lost control*.
What you are experiencing is what I have written about--euphoric recall. That is purely an addiction talking. That is recalling a state of mind. I don't know you and it would be ridiculous for me to look into my crystal ball or use my ouji board to say anything about who you are or what your circumstances are.
Maybe you are one of the exceptions. But the reason the percentage of people that can return to some sort of drinking is not published frequently is because it is a very small percentage, and it would give those afflicted like me false hope and encouragement to pursue a suicidal path.
Only you know for sure. Think it over.
there are biochemical reasons for this, which i will not bore anyone with. None the less they are real and they are physicaly in anyone's brain who has experieneced physical addiction to alcohol.
I know from my own experience not only can i not control when and how much i drink, but within a few days it is as if i never stopped drinking. Now when i say i can not control how much i drink, I might be able to have just four beers, or maybe not. maybe it will be a 12 pack and half a pint of liquor. the point is i don't really know, because i have *lost control*.
What you are experiencing is what I have written about--euphoric recall. That is purely an addiction talking. That is recalling a state of mind. I don't know you and it would be ridiculous for me to look into my crystal ball or use my ouji board to say anything about who you are or what your circumstances are.
Maybe you are one of the exceptions. But the reason the percentage of people that can return to some sort of drinking is not published frequently is because it is a very small percentage, and it would give those afflicted like me false hope and encouragement to pursue a suicidal path.
Only you know for sure. Think it over.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
Originally Posted by **** ma
When I embarked on this sober adventure, I told myself that I would try being sober for 6 months...I just hit my four month mark yesterday.
If you can hang for another couple of months you will at least, have done what you told yourself you WOULD do and that will make you feel good at least about one thing. Your still at the PAWS juncture! You owe it to yourself to give the 6 months a shot.. no pun intended.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Hey ****. It's pretty cool that I'm following so closely (a day behind) and stepping in exactly your footsteps without even knowing it. I'm so glad you posted this since it's really helping me today. I'm craving and romancing the drink so desperately lately. My sponsors says I'm in a state of mourning and it's OK and will pass. I actually believe her so I'm not giving in yet.
You've been given some great advice. Definitely stick it out for 6 months since that's the deal you made with yourself. If the moderation doesn't work out then, at least you won't kick yourself for giving in early. I also hope to continue improving my attitude towards not drinking in the next couple months.
I LOVE Alera's attitude!! I don't want to be a boring and judgemental sober person that no one wants to be around. I want to be a happy confident person that is aware of myself when I get loud (so I don't get too loud) and aware of dancing (so I don't act like an idiot) and aware of who I'm talking to (so I don't start coming on to married friends). I haven't had many social opportunities yet, but I'm feeling better in general and just may make the effort to plan a social night out.
It's great that you can be honest with your feelings. It will come in handy when you're confronted with the Stoli unexpectedly. HONESTLY do you want to be drunk or do you just want to be sipping a festive, chilled drink when you're out?
You've been given some great advice. Definitely stick it out for 6 months since that's the deal you made with yourself. If the moderation doesn't work out then, at least you won't kick yourself for giving in early. I also hope to continue improving my attitude towards not drinking in the next couple months.
I LOVE Alera's attitude!! I don't want to be a boring and judgemental sober person that no one wants to be around. I want to be a happy confident person that is aware of myself when I get loud (so I don't get too loud) and aware of dancing (so I don't act like an idiot) and aware of who I'm talking to (so I don't start coming on to married friends). I haven't had many social opportunities yet, but I'm feeling better in general and just may make the effort to plan a social night out.
It's great that you can be honest with your feelings. It will come in handy when you're confronted with the Stoli unexpectedly. HONESTLY do you want to be drunk or do you just want to be sipping a festive, chilled drink when you're out?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 161
Just wondering whether you have tried to get out and socialize without drinking?
I've been out to a few pubs in the past months with friends and I haven't drank. I know I can't avoid being around alcohol the rest of my life. It helps to be around some supportive people.
I totally know what you're saying though about missing it. I don't 'miss it, miss it' - there's no craving.
It does cross my mind on a night like last Saturday when my plans fell through and I spent the night at home. I bought some ice cream and rented a DVD - which was my treat and ended up fine.
Cheers
I've been out to a few pubs in the past months with friends and I haven't drank. I know I can't avoid being around alcohol the rest of my life. It helps to be around some supportive people.
I totally know what you're saying though about missing it. I don't 'miss it, miss it' - there's no craving.
It does cross my mind on a night like last Saturday when my plans fell through and I spent the night at home. I bought some ice cream and rented a DVD - which was my treat and ended up fine.
Cheers
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 348
I have been where you are many of times. It didn't work for me. I convinced myself soooo many times. o.k. Well I will try moderate drinking (no more than 2, one non-alcoholic drink and then one alcoholic) and it sometimes worked for a month or two until bang, binge and blackout. I tried everything because I really really wanted to be a normal drinker. That hungover feeling, not remembering what I did the night before and feeling humiliated. No thanks, trying to drink moderately is not worth my self respect and it is way too much work.
Do you really miss your friends and the outings or do you miss the drinking that is associated with it. If they are your true friends, you can find many other activities to do together.
Trust me, I understand the bar seen and the fun partying. Although if I sit back and think about the end of the night and the next day, it was VERY RARELY FUN. Play out your outings to the end and remember why you decided to quit in the first place. Be truthful with yourself and remember the pain.
Joanne
Do you really miss your friends and the outings or do you miss the drinking that is associated with it. If they are your true friends, you can find many other activities to do together.
Trust me, I understand the bar seen and the fun partying. Although if I sit back and think about the end of the night and the next day, it was VERY RARELY FUN. Play out your outings to the end and remember why you decided to quit in the first place. Be truthful with yourself and remember the pain.
Joanne
Trying to do the right thing.
Join Date: May 2006
Location: London
Posts: 4,345
Hang in there (((****))) you've been doing FANTASTIC....!
So all credit to you for that dont ever give up hope that life aint quite 'happening',...as it does n will...!
Much Love to ya ((((((((****))))))),......................
So all credit to you for that dont ever give up hope that life aint quite 'happening',...as it does n will...!
Much Love to ya ((((((((****))))))),......................
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
Wow **** Ma (and C'est too) we must all be sharing the same brain waves, just yesterday I envision my self almost an out of body or something of going to my tiki bar and slugging off the vodka bottle.
**** ask your self what part of drinking do you really miss. I know for me it not the buzz...which leads to being drunk.
I haven't changed my life much, I still stop by on Fridays for Happy hour, I just arrive late and leave early, I went to four concerts this summer and numerous parties. Some say I'm playing with fire. I am giving up the booze not my life, I have chosen to learn to drink doing what I like to do instead of not doing what I like because I can't drink I think the latter would be harder. So off I go to bottle of water in tow reminding myself I drank for 30 years and if i couldn't get it right by now I might as well just give up trying. When I fell like returning to my bottle of skyy i ask myself why? what is it gong to do for me, I will just end up drinking to much and feel like crap and what more tomorrow. I hope something I said helps, before you drink try doing the thing you miss doing but without the drink. I have found without conscious effort the heavy duty drinking events have not been of interest. Hang strong we can do it!!!
**** ask your self what part of drinking do you really miss. I know for me it not the buzz...which leads to being drunk.
I haven't changed my life much, I still stop by on Fridays for Happy hour, I just arrive late and leave early, I went to four concerts this summer and numerous parties. Some say I'm playing with fire. I am giving up the booze not my life, I have chosen to learn to drink doing what I like to do instead of not doing what I like because I can't drink I think the latter would be harder. So off I go to bottle of water in tow reminding myself I drank for 30 years and if i couldn't get it right by now I might as well just give up trying. When I fell like returning to my bottle of skyy i ask myself why? what is it gong to do for me, I will just end up drinking to much and feel like crap and what more tomorrow. I hope something I said helps, before you drink try doing the thing you miss doing but without the drink. I have found without conscious effort the heavy duty drinking events have not been of interest. Hang strong we can do it!!!
Spiritual Progress,Not Perfect
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 12
lots of good advice here...this is an awesome forum! only you can tell if you're done, and i've been in AA long enough to be scared by the stories of people who went out one more time and ended up in jail or really sick with little help getting back to a meeting. in my example, being 6 months sober, i know i don't to risk it because i'd be afraid of having the craving and insanity of wanting more alcohol again. i truly believe that God lifted that obsession for me, and i don't want to give that gift back. hope you keep coming back if you do try again though. thanks for sharing your experience with us!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
**{****}} you are doing the right things--coming here posting helps.
definitely go the 6 months or more--you are such an inspiration to me and others on this board.
I totally agree that you shouldn't stay home. Go out, just be prepared. Talk to your sponsor before you do. Plan what you will drink. I'm perfecting the virgin mojito--looks like cocktail and is tart and sweet. It really makes a difference to me because I feel like I'm having a treat. How about sparkling water with a splash of cranberry in a martini glass? looks like a cosmo and only you know the difference. Vodka tonic without the vodka does okay too.
You are worth it. Look how far you've come.
If it helps, it seems like a lot of the big milestones tend to intensify cravings--don't know what psychological link that hits but I've noticed the trend among posters and folks at meetings. This too shall pass. Let it.
Hugs!
definitely go the 6 months or more--you are such an inspiration to me and others on this board.
I totally agree that you shouldn't stay home. Go out, just be prepared. Talk to your sponsor before you do. Plan what you will drink. I'm perfecting the virgin mojito--looks like cocktail and is tart and sweet. It really makes a difference to me because I feel like I'm having a treat. How about sparkling water with a splash of cranberry in a martini glass? looks like a cosmo and only you know the difference. Vodka tonic without the vodka does okay too.
You are worth it. Look how far you've come.
If it helps, it seems like a lot of the big milestones tend to intensify cravings--don't know what psychological link that hits but I've noticed the trend among posters and folks at meetings. This too shall pass. Let it.
Hugs!
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