TOPIC: Are Alcoholics And Addicts Lazy People?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
TOPIC: Are Alcoholics And Addicts Lazy People?
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
Ever since i can remember I have never
been really motivated at go out and conquer
the world....Never have the drive to go out
and make something better of my life.
"You'll never amt. to a row of beans." did
I hear that somewheres?
Am I lazy? I ask myself that question often.
Even yesterday....in conversation with
my spouse and daughter...i feel like a
loser sometimes...here my spouse, and
2 kids..22 and 19 are making a life better
for themselves....always educating themselves.
And me....all i ever wanted to do was escape. Find
the easy way out of life...soooooo SELFISH isnt it...?
I never wanted to be a career oriented person....
Wasnt good in school....i was in the middle i
guess....
Always struggling....Does anyone feel the
same way as I?
Am I just taking up air and space here on Earth?
Taking the free ride thru life.....
I have my little part time job today bagging
groceries for customers....which really
doesnt take a whole lot of brains....but i do
think that it is important
to know how to do ur job well and i do....
maybe it just comes easy for me to
take care of my customers and give
them what they want and deserve.
I did work sales as a teenager, then a teller
a few yrs before becoming an at home
mom for 16 yrs. Its been 5 yrs now at my
little store....
My daughter thinks i should look for
another rewarding job...I just dont
know what else i could be good at
and then im at my age...who will
want to hire someone at this stage in life?
I am grateful to have a husband that
has a good job and supports me finacially.
But life has not been easy with just him
bringing in the money....We r getting to the
point where one is almost ready to grad. from
College and the other is in her second
yr.
Shoot...retirement will be down the road....
and time...well that just seems to be flying..
Hey ...just dig a hole and bury me now...lol
Anyway...i was rambling....does anyone
else feel like i do at times....
I could always CRANK up my music and then
Ill be ok...lol
Thanks for letting me share.
Ever since i can remember I have never
been really motivated at go out and conquer
the world....Never have the drive to go out
and make something better of my life.
"You'll never amt. to a row of beans." did
I hear that somewheres?
Am I lazy? I ask myself that question often.
Even yesterday....in conversation with
my spouse and daughter...i feel like a
loser sometimes...here my spouse, and
2 kids..22 and 19 are making a life better
for themselves....always educating themselves.
And me....all i ever wanted to do was escape. Find
the easy way out of life...soooooo SELFISH isnt it...?
I never wanted to be a career oriented person....
Wasnt good in school....i was in the middle i
guess....
Always struggling....Does anyone feel the
same way as I?
Am I just taking up air and space here on Earth?
Taking the free ride thru life.....
I have my little part time job today bagging
groceries for customers....which really
doesnt take a whole lot of brains....but i do
think that it is important
to know how to do ur job well and i do....
maybe it just comes easy for me to
take care of my customers and give
them what they want and deserve.
I did work sales as a teenager, then a teller
a few yrs before becoming an at home
mom for 16 yrs. Its been 5 yrs now at my
little store....
My daughter thinks i should look for
another rewarding job...I just dont
know what else i could be good at
and then im at my age...who will
want to hire someone at this stage in life?
I am grateful to have a husband that
has a good job and supports me finacially.
But life has not been easy with just him
bringing in the money....We r getting to the
point where one is almost ready to grad. from
College and the other is in her second
yr.
Shoot...retirement will be down the road....
and time...well that just seems to be flying..
Hey ...just dig a hole and bury me now...lol
Anyway...i was rambling....does anyone
else feel like i do at times....
I could always CRANK up my music and then
Ill be ok...lol
Thanks for letting me share.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Well as for me I was the opposite, I drove so hard into my work, still do at times, which has landed me well we all know where. I think most of us are not really lazy just very insecure! I know that I am good at what I do, I have been told that but in my mind I always feel as if I can do better, I fall so so short so often.
I think that we need to find that happy medium, I know for me that here lately with my shots I haven't had the energy to do very much at all. I am getting really sick here being on this treatment, can not breath very well, coughing up dark Flem so I might need to go to the doctor again. But back to the question I am not sure lazy is the right word, if not just being motivated. I know that when I do whatever is in front of me to get done, I can accomplish a lot with the help of my HP
Love Vic
I think that we need to find that happy medium, I know for me that here lately with my shots I haven't had the energy to do very much at all. I am getting really sick here being on this treatment, can not breath very well, coughing up dark Flem so I might need to go to the doctor again. But back to the question I am not sure lazy is the right word, if not just being motivated. I know that when I do whatever is in front of me to get done, I can accomplish a lot with the help of my HP
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 81
I was the opposite also. I accomplished some of the best things while high on pain pills. I felt like I had superpowers. I wrote my Thesis and recieved my master's degree, found my future husband, bought a house, remodeled our house, and traveled all over.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 73
Good evening all,
I am definitely an alcoholic, but I am definitely not lazy. I might actually try to do too much. Like Vic, I may be insecure. I am never satisfied with my lot in life. I always want what other have (material wealth, recognition, respect, etc.). Until recently, I worked a full time job, managed a small business, went to school part time for my MBA, sat on a board for a non profit, and was working on other business ideas. Even with so much on my plate, I still found time to drink and drink heavily. I now realize that I didn't do any one thing well (at least by my standards). Right now, I am in a job search (my 9-5 paid the bills). My business is struggling. The most important thing in my life is to finish my MBA. I have been sober for almost a month. I hope my sobriety can help me pick up on all the things I aspire to do. However, I was arrested for the 3rd time on DWI charges about a month ago. It has wreaked havoc on my life. I can't concentrate on anything. Sometimes, I feel completely hopeless. I can relate to how this disease takes the life out of you. I'm looking for ways to deal with it. Anyway, you might want to volunteer. It will probably make you feel better. In addition, you could really help someone out. I know United Way is always looking for volunteers.
I am definitely an alcoholic, but I am definitely not lazy. I might actually try to do too much. Like Vic, I may be insecure. I am never satisfied with my lot in life. I always want what other have (material wealth, recognition, respect, etc.). Until recently, I worked a full time job, managed a small business, went to school part time for my MBA, sat on a board for a non profit, and was working on other business ideas. Even with so much on my plate, I still found time to drink and drink heavily. I now realize that I didn't do any one thing well (at least by my standards). Right now, I am in a job search (my 9-5 paid the bills). My business is struggling. The most important thing in my life is to finish my MBA. I have been sober for almost a month. I hope my sobriety can help me pick up on all the things I aspire to do. However, I was arrested for the 3rd time on DWI charges about a month ago. It has wreaked havoc on my life. I can't concentrate on anything. Sometimes, I feel completely hopeless. I can relate to how this disease takes the life out of you. I'm looking for ways to deal with it. Anyway, you might want to volunteer. It will probably make you feel better. In addition, you could really help someone out. I know United Way is always looking for volunteers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Maybe lazy isnt the right word to use...Im not...quote lazy lazy....like i dont sit all day long, i dont sleep all day long...im an early to bed early to rise makes one healthy wealthy and wise....I put myself down maybe because its an attention getter. Maybe its all in my head.... I work very hard...even when i was drinking i did it all....after i stopped drinking i still did it all....I have also learned today that its ok not to do it all in one day...its what u call balance in life and recovery....if i can accomplish one thing a day then that progress...esp. since i was brought up believing everything had to be perfect.
Today its progress and not perfection.
I think i used the wrong word....lazy isnt it....
thanks u guys for sharing ur thoughts and giving me something to think about for myself....
Today its progress and not perfection.
I think i used the wrong word....lazy isnt it....
thanks u guys for sharing ur thoughts and giving me something to think about for myself....
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Hmmm....
I almost feel like this is a trick thread. Do I do my best to humbly wave my accomplishments around? Do I say that I now go after success the same way I went after booze and drugs?
Instead, I'll assume it's not a trick post. I know people who are very satisfied with humble lives. I know people who live large lives humbly. I try to be one of the later. What I do, I do well. Do you bag groceries well? Do you smile and maybe make someone's day a little brighter? Do your co-workers enjoy working with you? Do you do your job with an attitude of gratitude, perhaps making it a better place for everyone to work? If that makes you happy, if you don't feel an intense yearning to be somewhere else, then why label it "lazy?"
My family is not wealthy. We're probably not what most would consider financially secure. I have a son in an ivy league school. I go to a "big name" university myself. My husband has a small professional practice and his workload is designed so that he can take an afternoon nap. If he bought a lottery ticket and hit for a mil or two, he'd close up shop and devote himself to philanthropic and socially conscious activities tomorrow. Me? I'm a perfectionist -- one of those you wouldn't spot at first. I'm not high fashion or particularly picky about my appearance, and I'm not super organized, but I'm an assertive person and end up in prominent places. That ivy league son? His senior year of high school, he was racking up the medals in sports and winning academic competitions right and left, and yet I was still getting more column inches in the local papers than him. I didn't set out to do it. That's just me. If I go into something with the motive of being useful to others (in writing, in mentoring, in sponsoring, in speaking at public events, in helping to organize AA events, etc...) and do my best to leave ego out of it, I usually succeed.
Drinking & drugging, I had an impressive resume, but if you looked closely, you'd see that there were gaps. And the high-powered jobs I held didn't last long. I wasn't lazy, but I was afraid to succeed then. I'm still afraid to succeed. I have writing credits, but all because someone picked my stuff up and asked, "Can we publish this?" I'm too damned scared to submit my stuff.
Here I am, making it about me. You asked a general question: are addicts and alcoholics lazy? No, I think that the active ones work awfully hard to stay that screwed up. I think that sometimes, in recovery, we get scared of succeeding (Sug raises her hand). But I think that in working the steps, we start to sort out what's important from what's not. And that's different for everyone.
And you went from a general question in your subject to something more personal. Let me ask: Do you do service in AA, Sharon? (I know you do a great deal of it here) Do you sponsor young women? Is your bathroom and refrigerator reasonably clean?
Then I would respond, if I were you, to others who think you should be aiming higher, "Thank you, but I'm happy and right where I'm supposed to be."
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I think it sounds like you've made your priorities, and others may want to help you reorder them. If your motives aren't to avoid success, if you feel you have
I almost feel like this is a trick thread. Do I do my best to humbly wave my accomplishments around? Do I say that I now go after success the same way I went after booze and drugs?
Instead, I'll assume it's not a trick post. I know people who are very satisfied with humble lives. I know people who live large lives humbly. I try to be one of the later. What I do, I do well. Do you bag groceries well? Do you smile and maybe make someone's day a little brighter? Do your co-workers enjoy working with you? Do you do your job with an attitude of gratitude, perhaps making it a better place for everyone to work? If that makes you happy, if you don't feel an intense yearning to be somewhere else, then why label it "lazy?"
My family is not wealthy. We're probably not what most would consider financially secure. I have a son in an ivy league school. I go to a "big name" university myself. My husband has a small professional practice and his workload is designed so that he can take an afternoon nap. If he bought a lottery ticket and hit for a mil or two, he'd close up shop and devote himself to philanthropic and socially conscious activities tomorrow. Me? I'm a perfectionist -- one of those you wouldn't spot at first. I'm not high fashion or particularly picky about my appearance, and I'm not super organized, but I'm an assertive person and end up in prominent places. That ivy league son? His senior year of high school, he was racking up the medals in sports and winning academic competitions right and left, and yet I was still getting more column inches in the local papers than him. I didn't set out to do it. That's just me. If I go into something with the motive of being useful to others (in writing, in mentoring, in sponsoring, in speaking at public events, in helping to organize AA events, etc...) and do my best to leave ego out of it, I usually succeed.
Drinking & drugging, I had an impressive resume, but if you looked closely, you'd see that there were gaps. And the high-powered jobs I held didn't last long. I wasn't lazy, but I was afraid to succeed then. I'm still afraid to succeed. I have writing credits, but all because someone picked my stuff up and asked, "Can we publish this?" I'm too damned scared to submit my stuff.
Here I am, making it about me. You asked a general question: are addicts and alcoholics lazy? No, I think that the active ones work awfully hard to stay that screwed up. I think that sometimes, in recovery, we get scared of succeeding (Sug raises her hand). But I think that in working the steps, we start to sort out what's important from what's not. And that's different for everyone.
And you went from a general question in your subject to something more personal. Let me ask: Do you do service in AA, Sharon? (I know you do a great deal of it here) Do you sponsor young women? Is your bathroom and refrigerator reasonably clean?
Then I would respond, if I were you, to others who think you should be aiming higher, "Thank you, but I'm happy and right where I'm supposed to be."
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I think it sounds like you've made your priorities, and others may want to help you reorder them. If your motives aren't to avoid success, if you feel you have
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Sharon, I think I understand where you're coming from. I wasn't one of those super powered people and feel a tremendous lack of motivation. I've fallen short of each of my goals and keep trying to lower the bar so that I can feel happy not doing much. Right now I don't think I have any goals. I'm in a weird spot in life and need to figure out a new direction (since down wasn't working out so well. lol)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Aw you guys....that all sounds right...No trick question here..... : )
I tend to think less of myself may times...its that low self esteem issue....and yet if u came to visit me at work....ud never know. : ) When im out and about im fine...when im alone im fine....here at home..this house ...away from my own home town...my own AA support back home....i feel miserable....its the not getting what i want that is making me feel the way i do at times....often i have to remember who in charge here and it aint me....
I guess im jealous of the accomplishments of my husband, kids....and in comparison to my own immediate family....ive disowned them just about completely...only because of my selfish reasons.....my family...hard working parents.....retired Engineer from a huge company....my mom who never finish school....retired lovely cosmetician.....had her own demons..enforced on me with abuse.....she stripped me of what i could have become....i cant blame her..she did the best she could at the time due to her own addiction and sickness....sadly out of 4 kids i was IT....chosen for the physical, verbal emotional abuse....her own abuse by her mom was placed upon me...sad to say....
My little childlike life was damaged..... a small childs hopes dream expectations...all destroyed ..and i drank half my life away..numbing the pain.
However during that time, i swore never to hurt my own kids and as a result of that they are reaching their dreams and goals....my spouse...came from a loving close nit family and it still remains that way...how i resent that...
And yet with open arms they r there to support me...and what do i do.....Push them away....i dont want pity....I cant help it that im an alcoholic....no they dont understand what an alcoholic is....I do....and im armed with knowledge and experience that they will never understand because none of them are sick.
I understand and accept who i am....it wasnt me who has my life all planned out already....I do believe I have a purpose in life....and i do enjoy helping otheres here in recovery.....its what i know best.....SERVICE WORK....
The same thing at my job...no i dont make big bucks...like my well educated in-laws..while they think less of me for being an alcoholic wife with emotional problems married to their hard working, well educated, smart son.
Sorry folks I Am WHO I AM... not to u guys..meant towards the in-laws....
Sure u must hear the resentments in my writing....i do let my feelings build up sometimes and have to release them here. : )
I like my little part time job..its my service work...it helping others to the best of my ability....My family doesnt think im dumb by no means..they just think im afraid of growing..and they r right....who put that fear in me.... MY MOM....have i forgiven her for destroying my lifes potential...i had to in order to grow and stay sober...the disease of alcoholism is to blame....it is to hate...
Sure i could possibly go get educated on Alcoholism and possibly help those in a treatment center..and that has been on my mind....but look at my age...im not in my 20's any more, nor 30 40...lol im nearing 50...lol
Ill be .shhhhhh 48 in Dec....and i cant wait...lol really..i like the way that sounds..honestly i do... : )
But whos gonna want to hire someone at that age and pay them for a few yrs till retirement?
Ok u guys..im rambling now.....all u guys have touched on good point and i understand them all.....if u knew me in person....im not a monster....im not lazy....ive been told i speak intellengently....my customers and coworkers respect me and think im the boss...lol right..lol and i dont like to be told what to do...lol go figure....well someone in charge can tell others what to do, right? im in the wrong postion at work as a bagger..lol
But i dont want to be the boss...i have to ground myself in order to be humble...there r many people and alcoholics in recovery that dont have jobs and that makes me grateful of what i do have....
I dont know...i never wanted to be a career oriented person probabaly because of fear....Fear can be conquered, right?
Ok im thru here...i will lay this to rest for the moment... : )
Thanks u guys for allowing me to share. Much appreciated.
I tend to think less of myself may times...its that low self esteem issue....and yet if u came to visit me at work....ud never know. : ) When im out and about im fine...when im alone im fine....here at home..this house ...away from my own home town...my own AA support back home....i feel miserable....its the not getting what i want that is making me feel the way i do at times....often i have to remember who in charge here and it aint me....
I guess im jealous of the accomplishments of my husband, kids....and in comparison to my own immediate family....ive disowned them just about completely...only because of my selfish reasons.....my family...hard working parents.....retired Engineer from a huge company....my mom who never finish school....retired lovely cosmetician.....had her own demons..enforced on me with abuse.....she stripped me of what i could have become....i cant blame her..she did the best she could at the time due to her own addiction and sickness....sadly out of 4 kids i was IT....chosen for the physical, verbal emotional abuse....her own abuse by her mom was placed upon me...sad to say....
My little childlike life was damaged..... a small childs hopes dream expectations...all destroyed ..and i drank half my life away..numbing the pain.
However during that time, i swore never to hurt my own kids and as a result of that they are reaching their dreams and goals....my spouse...came from a loving close nit family and it still remains that way...how i resent that...
And yet with open arms they r there to support me...and what do i do.....Push them away....i dont want pity....I cant help it that im an alcoholic....no they dont understand what an alcoholic is....I do....and im armed with knowledge and experience that they will never understand because none of them are sick.
I understand and accept who i am....it wasnt me who has my life all planned out already....I do believe I have a purpose in life....and i do enjoy helping otheres here in recovery.....its what i know best.....SERVICE WORK....
The same thing at my job...no i dont make big bucks...like my well educated in-laws..while they think less of me for being an alcoholic wife with emotional problems married to their hard working, well educated, smart son.
Sorry folks I Am WHO I AM... not to u guys..meant towards the in-laws....
Sure u must hear the resentments in my writing....i do let my feelings build up sometimes and have to release them here. : )
I like my little part time job..its my service work...it helping others to the best of my ability....My family doesnt think im dumb by no means..they just think im afraid of growing..and they r right....who put that fear in me.... MY MOM....have i forgiven her for destroying my lifes potential...i had to in order to grow and stay sober...the disease of alcoholism is to blame....it is to hate...
Sure i could possibly go get educated on Alcoholism and possibly help those in a treatment center..and that has been on my mind....but look at my age...im not in my 20's any more, nor 30 40...lol im nearing 50...lol
Ill be .shhhhhh 48 in Dec....and i cant wait...lol really..i like the way that sounds..honestly i do... : )
But whos gonna want to hire someone at that age and pay them for a few yrs till retirement?
Ok u guys..im rambling now.....all u guys have touched on good point and i understand them all.....if u knew me in person....im not a monster....im not lazy....ive been told i speak intellengently....my customers and coworkers respect me and think im the boss...lol right..lol and i dont like to be told what to do...lol go figure....well someone in charge can tell others what to do, right? im in the wrong postion at work as a bagger..lol
But i dont want to be the boss...i have to ground myself in order to be humble...there r many people and alcoholics in recovery that dont have jobs and that makes me grateful of what i do have....
I dont know...i never wanted to be a career oriented person probabaly because of fear....Fear can be conquered, right?
Ok im thru here...i will lay this to rest for the moment... : )
Thanks u guys for allowing me to share. Much appreciated.
alcohol-kicked-my butt
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: oregon
Posts: 191
hi sharon
i am exactly like you--i enjoy a very simple life--i dont have big plans and am not highly motivated--i used to think oh i have to fix this, finally decided, why? im ok this way--besides my life is best kept simple--when i start getting myself all wound up im in trouble--i dont work at the moment--hubbie works--but would like to go back part time this winter--what will i do for work?--something like yoou do--nothing extreme--something to make somw fun money and pay an extra bill or two--maybe someday ill fire up--but if i dont--thats ok too--im early to bed, early to rise to--i keep a clean house--get son off to school --go to meetings --love my animals--and i love watching old sitcoms on tv land like threes company--oh, and i take a nap too--i dont care if society says this, that or the other--im sober; my little family is content--it was great the day it hit me that if this was the way i wanted to do it--its ok!!!--am i lazy?--hmmm--well, honestly, i dont like to do alot that takes much effort and , its okay--just the way i am--i get donr what needs to be done and leave the rest--lol--if i like to keep an easygoing life--thats fine--only thing i have to do is stay SOBER--or im dead meat--take care my friend--oh and none of my family, (aunts,uncles,mom, etc) talk to me either--i have my doubts they ever will--either way i'll be ok
Laura
i am exactly like you--i enjoy a very simple life--i dont have big plans and am not highly motivated--i used to think oh i have to fix this, finally decided, why? im ok this way--besides my life is best kept simple--when i start getting myself all wound up im in trouble--i dont work at the moment--hubbie works--but would like to go back part time this winter--what will i do for work?--something like yoou do--nothing extreme--something to make somw fun money and pay an extra bill or two--maybe someday ill fire up--but if i dont--thats ok too--im early to bed, early to rise to--i keep a clean house--get son off to school --go to meetings --love my animals--and i love watching old sitcoms on tv land like threes company--oh, and i take a nap too--i dont care if society says this, that or the other--im sober; my little family is content--it was great the day it hit me that if this was the way i wanted to do it--its ok!!!--am i lazy?--hmmm--well, honestly, i dont like to do alot that takes much effort and , its okay--just the way i am--i get donr what needs to be done and leave the rest--lol--if i like to keep an easygoing life--thats fine--only thing i have to do is stay SOBER--or im dead meat--take care my friend--oh and none of my family, (aunts,uncles,mom, etc) talk to me either--i have my doubts they ever will--either way i'll be ok
Laura
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Our lives do pattern each others Laura....Staying sober is important to me and if i can get thru another day sober...then thats ok....
I find staying sober easy in a way...the longer u stay sober and do what ur suppose to do..then it all falls into place....
I make everything i do.....look and seem easy...no stress...maybe because ive done it for so long....
Is that so bad....just cause all that i do comes natural then why bother trying to complicate my life with stress and hard work....right?
I am doing the best that i can with what i have,,,and people around me dont accept that...of course that not my problem.....but i still have to live around those that expect more from me.
Getting sober and staying sober is a job..it takes daily work living life on lifes terms....its not easy when we want to control everything...and yet the stuggle can be emmense....so EASY DOES IT....is one of our mottos that i try to live by.....
Thanks Laura for sharing what u did....its nice to know im not alone in my thoughts and feelings....
Thanks to all of u....Much appreciated.
I find staying sober easy in a way...the longer u stay sober and do what ur suppose to do..then it all falls into place....
I make everything i do.....look and seem easy...no stress...maybe because ive done it for so long....
Is that so bad....just cause all that i do comes natural then why bother trying to complicate my life with stress and hard work....right?
I am doing the best that i can with what i have,,,and people around me dont accept that...of course that not my problem.....but i still have to live around those that expect more from me.
Getting sober and staying sober is a job..it takes daily work living life on lifes terms....its not easy when we want to control everything...and yet the stuggle can be emmense....so EASY DOES IT....is one of our mottos that i try to live by.....
Thanks Laura for sharing what u did....its nice to know im not alone in my thoughts and feelings....
Thanks to all of u....Much appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Sharon, I am not an addict, just a codie mom. Daughter is the addict in my life. I am not that motivated in life to succeed, even though I am college educated and have worked the same job for 22 years. I never wanted wealth or a high prestige job. I was happy to be a worker and not the boss. The one area that I wanted to excel in was being a mom. When my daughter fell prey to addiction, my whole world changed. I had to rethink my priorites since she did not want me to mother her anymore. Now I am looking at my own life and finding satisfaction in the things that I do right rather in the things that my daughter is doing wrong. When I look back on my life, I realize that overall I have been a good person, a loving person and a kind person. And that is good enough for me. Hugs, Marle
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Childhood influences....
I remember the first report card I brought home that had less than an A on it. I was in fifth grade. My father lost bragging rights when I got a "C" in Social Studies. I was no longer his smart daughter, I had failed at becoming his son (hunting, fishing, etc.), and from that point on, I was a failure. I modeled my behavior over the next many years around that identity. Get just so close to success then quit.
And I tell myself that these things are no longer -- I'm not a little girl, it's been a long time since I was under Daddy's roof, and I should just get over it. I should turn it over to my HP and leave it there.
Funny thing -- when I see a bat, my adrenaline goes nuts and I look for a place to hide. When I was little, we used to get bats in the house all the time, and my mother would make me put a towel over my head and hide under the furniture until it was out of the house. Knee-jerk reaction that I still have is to hide. There was one in a meeting a few weeks back, trapped in the kitchen, and I could not focus on the meeting because I was braced to dive under the table if it found a way out. I can't "let go" of the bat phobia. I've tried. And the bat is REAL. It's something I can recognize and process in a rational manner, and yet, I'm still scared to death of it.
How do I recognize and process that other ghostly voice of my father when I may not consciously hear it? Practice. Lots of it. Lots of 10th step stuff. Lots of prayer and meditation. It's getting easier because I know what's up, but it's still there.
Progress, not perfection.
Sharon, you're not your mom's target anymore. It's unfortunate that you had to live through that. I understand. I really do. And I've not been sober as long as you have, I know, but I've come to believe that the steps can be applied to anything. Anything that's jamming us up in life can be placed under the umbrella of our alcoholism.
I dislike "should be's", but I'm going to use one: you should be able to be who you are anywhere, and especially in your own home. Have you considered asking your sponsor for homework to help you work through the resentments and other self-esteem issues you have there? My sponsor's suggestion for anyone or anything I'm feeling a resentment towards is to "pray on it." Pray for the object of resentment and pray for myself, to be rid of it so that I can clear that channel for more useful things.
You remind me of this sweet woman I know who's been sober a gazillion years, it seems. She always seems to be doing for someone else, and every once in awhile, she says, "I NEED HELP." It's a great thing that she allows the rest of us to offer a hand, an ear, a shoulder -- allows us an opportunity to be useful to her. Thank you, Sharon, for that opportunity.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I remember the first report card I brought home that had less than an A on it. I was in fifth grade. My father lost bragging rights when I got a "C" in Social Studies. I was no longer his smart daughter, I had failed at becoming his son (hunting, fishing, etc.), and from that point on, I was a failure. I modeled my behavior over the next many years around that identity. Get just so close to success then quit.
And I tell myself that these things are no longer -- I'm not a little girl, it's been a long time since I was under Daddy's roof, and I should just get over it. I should turn it over to my HP and leave it there.
Funny thing -- when I see a bat, my adrenaline goes nuts and I look for a place to hide. When I was little, we used to get bats in the house all the time, and my mother would make me put a towel over my head and hide under the furniture until it was out of the house. Knee-jerk reaction that I still have is to hide. There was one in a meeting a few weeks back, trapped in the kitchen, and I could not focus on the meeting because I was braced to dive under the table if it found a way out. I can't "let go" of the bat phobia. I've tried. And the bat is REAL. It's something I can recognize and process in a rational manner, and yet, I'm still scared to death of it.
How do I recognize and process that other ghostly voice of my father when I may not consciously hear it? Practice. Lots of it. Lots of 10th step stuff. Lots of prayer and meditation. It's getting easier because I know what's up, but it's still there.
Progress, not perfection.
Sharon, you're not your mom's target anymore. It's unfortunate that you had to live through that. I understand. I really do. And I've not been sober as long as you have, I know, but I've come to believe that the steps can be applied to anything. Anything that's jamming us up in life can be placed under the umbrella of our alcoholism.
I dislike "should be's", but I'm going to use one: you should be able to be who you are anywhere, and especially in your own home. Have you considered asking your sponsor for homework to help you work through the resentments and other self-esteem issues you have there? My sponsor's suggestion for anyone or anything I'm feeling a resentment towards is to "pray on it." Pray for the object of resentment and pray for myself, to be rid of it so that I can clear that channel for more useful things.
You remind me of this sweet woman I know who's been sober a gazillion years, it seems. She always seems to be doing for someone else, and every once in awhile, she says, "I NEED HELP." It's a great thing that she allows the rest of us to offer a hand, an ear, a shoulder -- allows us an opportunity to be useful to her. Thank you, Sharon, for that opportunity.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
And for the record, I returned to school at thirty-six. A good friend and sponsee of mine just returned last year at forty-eight. Don't let that stop you, sweetie, IF it's YOUR dream. Live your dreams -- not someone else's dreams for you.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 161
This thread is interesting because it poses a huge general question about a very diverse group of people.
Yes - common addiction issues whether its drugs or alcohol.
However we are all different about tons and tons of things.
I can't relate to a lot of what was put down because I am the opposite. I am highly motivated. I am career focussed. I am a manager and leader in my organization. I am very goal oriented.
What bugged me the most about going down the path of drinking is that those attributes I listed I was unable to focus on drinking. However, my goal orientation I think has helped me stay not drinking and quit drinking.
Therefore everyone can be different. One person doesn't do anything while heavily in addiction. Others do.
But I am way far beyond being lazy. If I was I would be unable to take care of myself. Some people who are married can afford to live off of one income. When you're single you can't.
If you have happiness if you life (positive non-addiction happiness) then who cares.
Yes - common addiction issues whether its drugs or alcohol.
However we are all different about tons and tons of things.
I can't relate to a lot of what was put down because I am the opposite. I am highly motivated. I am career focussed. I am a manager and leader in my organization. I am very goal oriented.
What bugged me the most about going down the path of drinking is that those attributes I listed I was unable to focus on drinking. However, my goal orientation I think has helped me stay not drinking and quit drinking.
Therefore everyone can be different. One person doesn't do anything while heavily in addiction. Others do.
But I am way far beyond being lazy. If I was I would be unable to take care of myself. Some people who are married can afford to live off of one income. When you're single you can't.
If you have happiness if you life (positive non-addiction happiness) then who cares.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: FRIENDSWOOD, TEXAS
Posts: 500
I dont think alcholics or addicts are lazy, I have a degree in Business Administration, Paralegel Certificate and had a few really good jobs that I moved up in, one was a Courthouse and the other a real estate law firm as a legal assistant and then moved up into a supervisor position and I was at that job for six years.
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
If we were truly lazy, none of us would be here.By coming here, we take the chance of learning, feeling, and laughing.Taking a chance on anything is perhaps the most couragous, breathtaking actvity we could ever do.
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