Stormtooth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangor, maine
Posts: 78
Stormtooth
I have now been sober for 10 months and will soon be sober for 11 months. I started treatment 14 months ago, and had several relapses, but after my last thanksgiving relapse with the help of friends, got through the worst of it and have not relapsed again.
In looking at the John Hopkins quiz posted on anther part of this site in a thread, I said yes to all twenty questions. I once calculated I drank more than 96% of the male population. I guess the other 4% were in line in front of me at the liquor store.
I drank my way out of a job, out of an engagement, and none of that made any difference. Ironicaly though i feel bad about the job, it really was a lousy situation. The engagement was a bad idea also, and in retrospect in some crazy way I am glad i did not marry that woman.
When i was taken to the emergency room by friends who came over to my apartment, the doctors told me my heart rate was around 160. the physician told me I had more than five times the legal limit of alcohol in my blood system, and he couldn't believe I had every appearence of carrying on a lucid conversation when most people would be struggling to remain concious.
He also told me if I did not stop drinking i would be dead in a matter of months.
the sick part of this is that I had trouble deciding whether I would rather be dead than sober. the subsequent binges happened even though i knew every binge had potentialy fatal results.
I had to be medicaly withdrawn from alcohol because I was physicaly addicted. I have read some of the withdrawel symptoms other people have reproted here. believe me, if it doesn't wise you up, they can be a lot worse.
Every day even after almost 11 months is a struggle like a little rat gnawing in my gut.
However i am able to take things one day at time.
I am glad to find this community.
In looking at the John Hopkins quiz posted on anther part of this site in a thread, I said yes to all twenty questions. I once calculated I drank more than 96% of the male population. I guess the other 4% were in line in front of me at the liquor store.
I drank my way out of a job, out of an engagement, and none of that made any difference. Ironicaly though i feel bad about the job, it really was a lousy situation. The engagement was a bad idea also, and in retrospect in some crazy way I am glad i did not marry that woman.
When i was taken to the emergency room by friends who came over to my apartment, the doctors told me my heart rate was around 160. the physician told me I had more than five times the legal limit of alcohol in my blood system, and he couldn't believe I had every appearence of carrying on a lucid conversation when most people would be struggling to remain concious.
He also told me if I did not stop drinking i would be dead in a matter of months.
the sick part of this is that I had trouble deciding whether I would rather be dead than sober. the subsequent binges happened even though i knew every binge had potentialy fatal results.
I had to be medicaly withdrawn from alcohol because I was physicaly addicted. I have read some of the withdrawel symptoms other people have reproted here. believe me, if it doesn't wise you up, they can be a lot worse.
Every day even after almost 11 months is a struggle like a little rat gnawing in my gut.
However i am able to take things one day at time.
I am glad to find this community.
Welcome, Stormtooth!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangor, maine
Posts: 78
Hi People,
I have tried posting in some other threads, and i hope to see some responses. I see a lot of people wondering if they are alcoholics. Only the alcoholic really knows. But this is an important point.
An alcoholic will rationalize anything in order to maintain their supply of alcohol. That's one test right there. how nervous does someone get when they think about their supply being cut off?
How much of their life centers around getting home to drink, concealing the amount they drink, making up explinations to cashiers, and bottle return clerks.
How much minutae is actually involved in maintianing this "fault"?
When i was in rehab a herion addict one day said being an addict turned into a full time job. here was his notice. He quit.
I have tried posting in some other threads, and i hope to see some responses. I see a lot of people wondering if they are alcoholics. Only the alcoholic really knows. But this is an important point.
An alcoholic will rationalize anything in order to maintain their supply of alcohol. That's one test right there. how nervous does someone get when they think about their supply being cut off?
How much of their life centers around getting home to drink, concealing the amount they drink, making up explinations to cashiers, and bottle return clerks.
How much minutae is actually involved in maintianing this "fault"?
When i was in rehab a herion addict one day said being an addict turned into a full time job. here was his notice. He quit.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 73
Thanks for sharing. I have also drank away lucrative jobs and, more importantly, a relationship with a woman I now realize I could have had a long, happy life with. She hasn't returned my calls the past few months. I realize that I messed up (cheated on her during a drinking binge; I didn't remember most of the night) and that I can't be with her. I just want to apologize to her. That is the worst part of this disease. It isolates you from things that matter. Unfortunately, I didn't realize what mattered until I stopped drinking.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I think this is excellent info for those who are
questioning their drinking..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Take care...
questioning their drinking..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Take care...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangor, maine
Posts: 78
Cubbie,
Thanks for your response. I am also originaly from charlotte. I'm surrounded by yankees here in maine, and they are *proud* to call themselves Yankees, and even proud to call themselves danmed Yankees.
The relationship i drank my way out of was a bad relationship, and in some senses I am lucky i got dumped when i did. my friends were all glad, and they thought i was the luckiest man in the world. my father lit up like a pre-dawn barage over the trenches of france!
The relationship made me miserable, and even though she left me because of my drinking--the sad truth is the only reason the relationship lasted as long as it did is because I was drinking. Like they say, denial is not just a river in egypt.
Now i feel dumping me was the most caring thing she did. I would never have had a shot at staying sober if she had not gotten out of my life.
The thing i have the hardest time accepting is how much time i wasted, and how I let myself down. That's one of the really hard ones there. I used to be on time and make my dead lines and commitments, and not make excuses. That's something that slipped away, and i am just getting back now.
Thanks for your response. I am also originaly from charlotte. I'm surrounded by yankees here in maine, and they are *proud* to call themselves Yankees, and even proud to call themselves danmed Yankees.
The relationship i drank my way out of was a bad relationship, and in some senses I am lucky i got dumped when i did. my friends were all glad, and they thought i was the luckiest man in the world. my father lit up like a pre-dawn barage over the trenches of france!
The relationship made me miserable, and even though she left me because of my drinking--the sad truth is the only reason the relationship lasted as long as it did is because I was drinking. Like they say, denial is not just a river in egypt.
Now i feel dumping me was the most caring thing she did. I would never have had a shot at staying sober if she had not gotten out of my life.
The thing i have the hardest time accepting is how much time i wasted, and how I let myself down. That's one of the really hard ones there. I used to be on time and make my dead lines and commitments, and not make excuses. That's something that slipped away, and i am just getting back now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Stormtooth, At least you are getting back. I am the mother of an addicted daughter and she is still living in denial. Losing everything has not been enough to make her stop. Congratulations on your clean time. Marle
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Summerside, PEI
Posts: 110
welcome Stormtooth
you've come a long way - and I wish you continued success. I've only got 3 days in but somehow it feels like a really long time. This is my second attempt and I hope I don't have to go any further down to realize I have to do it this time.
Keep posting - hopefully this site will help you, and I know without a doubt you'll be inadvertantly helping others. (such as myself)
I am too still at the point of wasting my time now thinking about the time I've already wasted. Which makes no sense, but it's hard to move on from that.
you've come a long way - and I wish you continued success. I've only got 3 days in but somehow it feels like a really long time. This is my second attempt and I hope I don't have to go any further down to realize I have to do it this time.
Keep posting - hopefully this site will help you, and I know without a doubt you'll be inadvertantly helping others. (such as myself)
I am too still at the point of wasting my time now thinking about the time I've already wasted. Which makes no sense, but it's hard to move on from that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangor, maine
Posts: 78
Marle,
Thanks for your response.
Unfortunately from what I know from my own experience, and the experience of others in rehab--that is the one's that went into rehab--losing everything didn't really mean that much.
It was only an ugly game called life and death that really changed my mind, and that took a while. i sat next to a rather nice woman for several weeks who was in liver failure, yellow, with a swollen abdomen, who could not stop drinking. She is dead. Someone else I knew ended up in the obituaries also from liquor and pills.
I think if he knew that was his last day on earth he might have chosen sobriety, or maybe not.
Only she can do it. I hope it's sooner then later. i wish i had something more optomistic to say.
Thanks for your response.
Unfortunately from what I know from my own experience, and the experience of others in rehab--that is the one's that went into rehab--losing everything didn't really mean that much.
It was only an ugly game called life and death that really changed my mind, and that took a while. i sat next to a rather nice woman for several weeks who was in liver failure, yellow, with a swollen abdomen, who could not stop drinking. She is dead. Someone else I knew ended up in the obituaries also from liquor and pills.
I think if he knew that was his last day on earth he might have chosen sobriety, or maybe not.
Only she can do it. I hope it's sooner then later. i wish i had something more optomistic to say.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangor, maine
Posts: 78
Getting better,
I think afetr 6 days i will still experiencing significant withdrawal symptoms. Insomnia was one of them. I relapsed five times after my initial seeking of treatment. However, i had a great deal of incentive to keep trying, as in i didn't really want to die.
One of the really hard things in terms of wasting time is all the formidable experiences and growth things where i was drunk or in earlier years high. All the normal high school things that never happened, all the difficult moment in life that simply passed me by.
Now if i could just get rid of comparitus
.
I think afetr 6 days i will still experiencing significant withdrawal symptoms. Insomnia was one of them. I relapsed five times after my initial seeking of treatment. However, i had a great deal of incentive to keep trying, as in i didn't really want to die.
One of the really hard things in terms of wasting time is all the formidable experiences and growth things where i was drunk or in earlier years high. All the normal high school things that never happened, all the difficult moment in life that simply passed me by.
Now if i could just get rid of comparitus
.
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