Wow
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 28
Wow
I'm really not at all certain where to put this, so here it shall lie until someone tells me otherwise. LOL!
Tonight was an interesting night. I have not had a drink in 13 days. Yay me and all that jazz. My husband continues to drink, but does it the garage. That's for MY benefit, apparently. How kind of him.
Tonight he had to take a client out to dinner. He had $100.00 with him. After dinner he went to a bar. I spoke with him at 9:00p.m. I didn't plan on seeing him come home. He binge drinks when he isn't just sitting at home drinking, and he hadn't "been out there" in a while.
I receive a phone call at 1:45 a.m. from his "friend". Apparently my husband had had a few too many Jack and Cokes and decided to get in a few fistfights, **** on the sidewalk, and then attempt to drive home, while he couldn't even walk. Police saw this. All of it. Neat. Somehow his "friends" got him out of going to jail, and possibly a dui, although I'm not sure yet. His friends had a "friend" bring him home. Yeah, thanks for that
. He began to get beligerent and loud with me on the way up the stairs, so I told him he couldn't come inside. He went to sleep in the garage. Two hours later he's in his underpants banging on the door to get in. That's dead sexy. He falls into the bathtub. Is talking about eating, in the bathroom, and would I move. Not making ANY sense. His face was pale and his hands were blue. He then stripped completely naked and fell into my daughters bed. (She's asleep in my bed, by the way. LOL)
What to make of this? I'm pretty done with this all. I want out. I'm sick over this. And I haven't slept. At all. I hope he's resting well. Idiot.
Tonight was an interesting night. I have not had a drink in 13 days. Yay me and all that jazz. My husband continues to drink, but does it the garage. That's for MY benefit, apparently. How kind of him.
Tonight he had to take a client out to dinner. He had $100.00 with him. After dinner he went to a bar. I spoke with him at 9:00p.m. I didn't plan on seeing him come home. He binge drinks when he isn't just sitting at home drinking, and he hadn't "been out there" in a while.
I receive a phone call at 1:45 a.m. from his "friend". Apparently my husband had had a few too many Jack and Cokes and decided to get in a few fistfights, **** on the sidewalk, and then attempt to drive home, while he couldn't even walk. Police saw this. All of it. Neat. Somehow his "friends" got him out of going to jail, and possibly a dui, although I'm not sure yet. His friends had a "friend" bring him home. Yeah, thanks for that
. He began to get beligerent and loud with me on the way up the stairs, so I told him he couldn't come inside. He went to sleep in the garage. Two hours later he's in his underpants banging on the door to get in. That's dead sexy. He falls into the bathtub. Is talking about eating, in the bathroom, and would I move. Not making ANY sense. His face was pale and his hands were blue. He then stripped completely naked and fell into my daughters bed. (She's asleep in my bed, by the way. LOL)What to make of this? I'm pretty done with this all. I want out. I'm sick over this. And I haven't slept. At all. I hope he's resting well. Idiot.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
Wow, I am surprised you didn't call 911, the pale face and the blue hand would have really had me worried.
My guess is he won't remember most of it. See how he feels when wakes up. Maybe this will be a turning point for him. Try not to show your anger if you can. See if you can subtly make him realize how much of last night he doesn't;t remember, maybe it is his we up call. If praying is your think say lots of prayers that this experience help him to see that there is a problem.
Get his perspective first, remember you can't make him want to stop drinking, though gentle persuasion when the opportunity arises might help.
Good luck, I'll say my prayer for the both of you.
My guess is he won't remember most of it. See how he feels when wakes up. Maybe this will be a turning point for him. Try not to show your anger if you can. See if you can subtly make him realize how much of last night he doesn't;t remember, maybe it is his we up call. If praying is your think say lots of prayers that this experience help him to see that there is a problem.
Get his perspective first, remember you can't make him want to stop drinking, though gentle persuasion when the opportunity arises might help.
Good luck, I'll say my prayer for the both of you.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Hi Mary Poppins -
Welcome!
I don't know what to say about all the rest of it, but congratulations on your own 14 days.
Keep reading and keep posting, is all I can think of...
Welcome!
I don't know what to say about all the rest of it, but congratulations on your own 14 days.
Keep reading and keep posting, is all I can think of...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Mary,Oh how I can relate to this.....I feel for you!!!! I cant give you advice, only tell you how I handled it the night my H came home near alcohol poisoning from Firewater.....
The next day, he knew he had screwed up BIGTIME. But he didnt remember anything, or at least nothing after something like the 10th beer and 5th shot.....
I went about my business, let him wake up and get some tylenol in him and then I nicely (probably a bit of sarcasm in there too) asked him what he did remember, he told me, of course, he didnt remember the worst of it so I filled him in on everything from him puking all over his best friends truck on the way home to the verbal abuse on me to the falling down etc.....
Then I just flat out told him how disgusted I was and if things didnt change real quick in a hurry, I was gone.........
I made sure I didnt help him through the hangover etc. I let him suffer and he hasnt touched the stuff since.....he does binge drink but on very rare occasion (not that it makes it ok) but he did improve.
I hope this helps and that you can get some rest today!!!! Please keep us posted and stay strong!!
Liss
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD THERE GOES I.
That could be me still today...if not dead already.
It is sad to see love ones in that kind of position. right?
It's not their fault they ended up this way...If anything is to
blame ..its the DISEASE of alcoholism....When we learn
more about this horrible disease then we are better to
understand why our loved ones behave as they do and
me... as I did.
The disease of Alcoholism strips us all our dignity....
of what our purpose in life is suppose to be....
it numbs every ounce of our being...it is extremely
sad and degrading....
My family stepped in and did an intervention on
me 16 yrs ago where the police got a court order
to come pick me up and take me to rehab where
i spent 28 days....i hated everyone involved
in the intervention at the time....but today
im grateful and thankful for what they did for
me ...for what i couldnt do for myself at the time.
I wanted more than anything to get sober and try
to stay sober esp. for my little ones at the time....
today both kids r attending college and are doing
very well in life...Thank God...
I would have lost it all....beginning with my own
life if things didnt happen the way they were meant
to happen.
Today i am able to come here and share my own
experiences, strengths and hope with many in hopes
to inspire those looking for happiness and a way out
of that horrible disease...just by living one day at a time
following the suggestions and program so freely shared
with me.
Continue to keep showing up and before u know it
the answers will follow u to guide u thru ur recovery
journey.
Thanks for letting me share.
That could be me still today...if not dead already.
It is sad to see love ones in that kind of position. right?
It's not their fault they ended up this way...If anything is to
blame ..its the DISEASE of alcoholism....When we learn
more about this horrible disease then we are better to
understand why our loved ones behave as they do and
me... as I did.
The disease of Alcoholism strips us all our dignity....
of what our purpose in life is suppose to be....
it numbs every ounce of our being...it is extremely
sad and degrading....
My family stepped in and did an intervention on
me 16 yrs ago where the police got a court order
to come pick me up and take me to rehab where
i spent 28 days....i hated everyone involved
in the intervention at the time....but today
im grateful and thankful for what they did for
me ...for what i couldnt do for myself at the time.
I wanted more than anything to get sober and try
to stay sober esp. for my little ones at the time....
today both kids r attending college and are doing
very well in life...Thank God...
I would have lost it all....beginning with my own
life if things didnt happen the way they were meant
to happen.
Today i am able to come here and share my own
experiences, strengths and hope with many in hopes
to inspire those looking for happiness and a way out
of that horrible disease...just by living one day at a time
following the suggestions and program so freely shared
with me.
Continue to keep showing up and before u know it
the answers will follow u to guide u thru ur recovery
journey.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Welcome to SR!!
Is this the first time this, or something like this, has happened?
If not, then you two have a pattern that is progressive.
You can only address and take care of your drinking problems and your daughter, and it sounds as if you are ready, willing and able to do whatever it takes to do it now. Bravo!!
He can only address and change HIS drinking problems if he is also ready, willing and able, and he may or may not be.
There is help for both of you. Try posting this over in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum.
I will hope for the best and offer you my support!
Is this the first time this, or something like this, has happened?
If not, then you two have a pattern that is progressive.
You can only address and take care of your drinking problems and your daughter, and it sounds as if you are ready, willing and able to do whatever it takes to do it now. Bravo!!
He can only address and change HIS drinking problems if he is also ready, willing and able, and he may or may not be.
There is help for both of you. Try posting this over in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum.
I will hope for the best and offer you my support!
Congratulations on your sober time!!Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 28
You are all so awesome! I so appreciate ALL of your responses.
NYCGirl- Your insight was awesome. I didn't sleep a wink, and kept checking on him to make sure he was breathing, etc. You had great points.
Lollipop- It's nice to know that others can relate. It's just so unfortunate, isn't it? I will have a nice cup of coffee and contemplate how to deal with this situation. I must remember that this isn't my deal. It's his. I'm working my deal, and doing mighty fine at the moment, I might add. We'll see how this plays out.
Barb-Thank you for the welcome! It's nice to be here.
aasharon- I'm glad that people can change if they want to. I hope that his path leads him somewhere along a similar road as his family (the children and me).
communicat- This used to happen ALL the time when I met him. It was a several times per week thing. And after his first two children, it just stopped. It hadn't really happened since. However, he replaced alcoholic and fighting with gambling for the past two years. Interesting...
You are all so awesome. Again, thank you for your replies. I'll have some coffee and enjoy my kids. Boy, he'll have a hangover today. And I won't! And for THAT (the fact that I won't), I'm so thankful.
Have a great day, all!
NYCGirl- Your insight was awesome. I didn't sleep a wink, and kept checking on him to make sure he was breathing, etc. You had great points.
Lollipop- It's nice to know that others can relate. It's just so unfortunate, isn't it? I will have a nice cup of coffee and contemplate how to deal with this situation. I must remember that this isn't my deal. It's his. I'm working my deal, and doing mighty fine at the moment, I might add. We'll see how this plays out.
Barb-Thank you for the welcome! It's nice to be here.
aasharon- I'm glad that people can change if they want to. I hope that his path leads him somewhere along a similar road as his family (the children and me).
communicat- This used to happen ALL the time when I met him. It was a several times per week thing. And after his first two children, it just stopped. It hadn't really happened since. However, he replaced alcoholic and fighting with gambling for the past two years. Interesting...
You are all so awesome. Again, thank you for your replies. I'll have some coffee and enjoy my kids. Boy, he'll have a hangover today. And I won't! And for THAT (the fact that I won't), I'm so thankful.
Have a great day, all!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
Mary ....I am getting a great vibe from you....you are a strong, witty, woman and I am sorry that you have to go through this
.....you are doing the right thing by focusing on your recovery and congrats on your days sober.......
We are here for you , enjoy your coffee and reflect on this event.....He is gonna feel like *ss today and your not....smart woman....and yes a big WOW to your post...
~Beezy
.....you are doing the right thing by focusing on your recovery and congrats on your days sober.......We are here for you , enjoy your coffee and reflect on this event.....He is gonna feel like *ss today and your not....smart woman....and yes a big WOW to your post...
~Beezy
Mark B. - Teetotaler |R|
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Freeport Pennsylvania
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by MaryPoppins
I have not had a drink in 13 days. Yay me and all that jazz. My husband continues to drink, but does it the garage. That's for MY benefit, apparently. How kind of him.
You are in a prime position for change and, likewise, to provide positive motivation for your husband to change as well. You have sober time and he does not. Therefore you can help carry the message.
However, for the grace of our Higher Power, one's own Sobriety is contigent upon improving the mind, body and spirit. What we recommend is to go to meetings, do 90 meetings in 90 days and make yourself an example on how to recover from alcoholism. It's from the example that you set that your husband, if he is honest, open-minded and willing and certainly wants what you have, will do so.
If he doesn't want what we have then don't blame yourself and certainly don't harbor any resentments, for that's a part of the disease of alcoholism:
"Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically." (AA pp. 64)
Yours in Recovery, Mark B.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: niagara falls, ontario
Posts: 173
ohhhhhhhh no you know you can't change what he does but what you can change is how you re-act to it and what you do about it. my main squeeze is 14 months sober, he got that way because i threw him out when our baby was 1 month old, he was gone for about 2 months then came back realizing what he lost. when he came back i still had my 'one' month binges, he said he would no longer tolerate being in a relashionship where one of us drank, he didnt' want our daughter growing up that way sooo i stopped for him but mostly for me and my daughter. nothing good comes of drinking, there has never been a time that i said 'wow' i'm so glad i was drunk not oneeeeeee however i have said' wow so glad i didn't drink' does he want to quit?? does he think he has a problem?? wow you must be sooooo turned off today, i can sooooooooo imagine, i'mhere for you pm me any time... Lise
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: niagara falls, ontario
Posts: 173
let him be your reminder why YOU quit lol and gambling ummmm can you say 'highly addictive personallity' me and my honey are the same , we have to be carefull , sometimes it was eating , control freaks lol we learn everyday but luckily now were doing it together, anything is possible as long as you both want to work it out and be truthfull
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 28
Thanks again! Yeah, today was a tough one. He had much to deal with today. And not much of it came from me. He had to answer to several people. He has admitted that he has a problem, and has agreed to go to counseling and whatever else is required to get help. That's a great choice for him. It would be a great choice for our family. But MY choice is that I'm on day 12 of being sober. And I love MY choice daily. You are all so wonderful. I just can't thank you all enough. Big hugs to all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 73
Mary,
Although you have every right to be pissed off, your husband apparently has a problem too. Have you two discussed going to AA meetings together? I was in a relationship a few years ago where my girlfriend abused pills and I obviously abused alcohol. She defended herself by saying things like "At least I don't embarass us in front of our friends and neighbors." That was true, but she would drive to nastiest parts of town looking for her fix. All in all, it was a bad situation. We both wanted each other to stop our addictive behavior, but neither one of us could stop our own addictive behavior. It would be best if you two work together and support each other. In this case, you may have to swallow your pride to get the ball rolling.
Although you have every right to be pissed off, your husband apparently has a problem too. Have you two discussed going to AA meetings together? I was in a relationship a few years ago where my girlfriend abused pills and I obviously abused alcohol. She defended herself by saying things like "At least I don't embarass us in front of our friends and neighbors." That was true, but she would drive to nastiest parts of town looking for her fix. All in all, it was a bad situation. We both wanted each other to stop our addictive behavior, but neither one of us could stop our own addictive behavior. It would be best if you two work together and support each other. In this case, you may have to swallow your pride to get the ball rolling.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by cubbie
Mary,
Although you have every right to be pissed off, your husband apparently has a problem too. Have you two discussed going to AA meetings together? I was in a relationship a few years ago where my girlfriend abused pills and I obviously abused alcohol. She defended herself by saying things like "At least I don't embarass us in front of our friends and neighbors." That was true, but she would drive to nastiest parts of town looking for her fix. All in all, it was a bad situation. We both wanted each other to stop our addictive behavior, but neither one of us could stop our own addictive behavior. It would be best if you two work together and support each other. In this case, you may have to swallow your pride to get the ball rolling.
Although you have every right to be pissed off, your husband apparently has a problem too. Have you two discussed going to AA meetings together? I was in a relationship a few years ago where my girlfriend abused pills and I obviously abused alcohol. She defended herself by saying things like "At least I don't embarass us in front of our friends and neighbors." That was true, but she would drive to nastiest parts of town looking for her fix. All in all, it was a bad situation. We both wanted each other to stop our addictive behavior, but neither one of us could stop our own addictive behavior. It would be best if you two work together and support each other. In this case, you may have to swallow your pride to get the ball rolling.
My PRIDE? Wow, I'm not sure I have much "pride" to swollow. That was a bit offensive, honestly. I am two weeks sober. I'm working on that. My husband just YESTERDAY admitted he has a drinking problem. Not sure where my "pride" is coming in on that one. I'm proud of myself for not drinking. I don't deem myself "prideful". Anyhow, I'm not in a position to get anyone else's "ball rolling" but my own. And I'm here. Not drinking. He's making an appointment to see our counselor tomorrow. As far as working together and supporting one another, I imagine that can be done when both are WILLING to do so. I'm certain that in the last 24 hours things have been discussed and we are in the process of figuring out the next step.
*choking down my "pride"*
Ugh. Thanks for that uplifting comment.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Mary, I think you're doing great. You are focusing on you and your sobriety. That is all you have control of. If your AH decides to seek help that's great and you can be a wonderful source of support for each other. But if he doesn't you just continue to focus on you and your recovery. As he sees you change and grow and become healthier and happier that may be the incentive he needs to give it a go for himself. Or maybe not. Bottom line is you would still be sober and reaping the benefits as will your daughter.
Big hugs,
Kellye
Big hugs,
Kellye
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Ditto KellyeD
Mary, Forget about pride for now and let that comment wash right over you. We take what we need and leave the rest......
You are taking good care of your sobriety. Thats most important.
Mary, Forget about pride for now and let that comment wash right over you. We take what we need and leave the rest......
You are taking good care of your sobriety. Thats most important.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Houston area
Posts: 56
I can't say I know cubbie but that's a pretty common figure of speech. I will consider it's potential impact before using it again myself but maybe they didn't mean offense, they just referred to the difficulty of going to the first AA meeting, which can be a nervewracking experience.
Ditto the "awesome vibe" comment though, I think you sound very committed to your sobriety. Only you can decide if this behavior is worth dealing with until this guy hits his bottom. Hopefully this scene can help him get there. Whatever you do don't let him take Tylenol, it causes major liver damage and can lead to a coma or death when taken with alcohol or for hangovers. My sister in law's boyfriend died that way.
I can understand the replacement addiction thing too, I am sober for 45 days and have spent serious money on food, books and clothes since I quit booze. I am going to try to get a healthy compulsion going like exercize, cleaning, organizing all my crap, something that is low cost or free and really helps my life become manageable.
Best wishes and you are both in my prayers!
Ditto the "awesome vibe" comment though, I think you sound very committed to your sobriety. Only you can decide if this behavior is worth dealing with until this guy hits his bottom. Hopefully this scene can help him get there. Whatever you do don't let him take Tylenol, it causes major liver damage and can lead to a coma or death when taken with alcohol or for hangovers. My sister in law's boyfriend died that way.
I can understand the replacement addiction thing too, I am sober for 45 days and have spent serious money on food, books and clothes since I quit booze. I am going to try to get a healthy compulsion going like exercize, cleaning, organizing all my crap, something that is low cost or free and really helps my life become manageable.
Best wishes and you are both in my prayers!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by UnusedPortion
I can't say I know cubbie but that's a pretty common figure of speech. I will consider it's potential impact before using it again myself but maybe they didn't mean offense, they just referred to the difficulty of going to the first AA meeting, which can be a nervewracking experience.
Ditto the "awesome vibe" comment though, I think you sound very committed to your sobriety. Only you can decide if this behavior is worth dealing with until this guy hits his bottom. Hopefully this scene can help him get there. Whatever you do don't let him take Tylenol, it causes major liver damage and can lead to a coma or death when taken with alcohol or for hangovers. My sister in law's boyfriend died that way.
I can understand the replacement addiction thing too, I am sober for 45 days and have spent serious money on food, books and clothes since I quit booze. I am going to try to get a healthy compulsion going like exercize, cleaning, organizing all my crap, something that is low cost or free and really helps my life become manageable.
Best wishes and you are both in my prayers!
Ditto the "awesome vibe" comment though, I think you sound very committed to your sobriety. Only you can decide if this behavior is worth dealing with until this guy hits his bottom. Hopefully this scene can help him get there. Whatever you do don't let him take Tylenol, it causes major liver damage and can lead to a coma or death when taken with alcohol or for hangovers. My sister in law's boyfriend died that way.
I can understand the replacement addiction thing too, I am sober for 45 days and have spent serious money on food, books and clothes since I quit booze. I am going to try to get a healthy compulsion going like exercize, cleaning, organizing all my crap, something that is low cost or free and really helps my life become manageable.
Best wishes and you are both in my prayers!I really appreciate the reply. And I'm laughing about the exercize or the organization of crap compulsion. Wouldn't that be the perfect deal? Seriously though, my house has become a VERY clean place, and my "crap" organizational skills are being honed. Fine tooth comb-style, I tell ya!!!
Hugs, all!
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