cubbie

with alcohol. Events in my life have proven that. I am going on three weeks of sobriety. I don't think I have gone a whole month since I was in high school. Anyway, I don't feel like drinking unless I am in a social setting. When I am by myself or working, I don't think about drinking. However, I feel uneasy in social settings. I feel like I am expected to have a drink. Lately, I have avoided situations where alcohol is present. I am not afraid of the temptation of alcohol, but I am afraid of others thinking that something is wrong with me because I do not want to drink. Is this a social/mental disorder? What are some resources for research and self exploration on such a subject?

dinkies77

Thats how I feel too. I work in sales and its quite common for me to go out and have drinks with clients. I also kind of have the reputation as the Life of the Party. <sigh> I too worry abou the questions people will have when I dont drink in front of them.

cubbie

I would like to have the confidence to attend an event without worrying about others' opinions. I know I should not be ashamed of saying that I am an alcoholic, but I feel the term "alcoholic" insinuates that I am not a capable person.

Anna

I think you might be surprised how little attention is focused on what you're drinking (or not) by other people.

Try to remember that it's not an obligation to drink alcohol in social settings and you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are drinking or not. It's simply a choice you make. I think a lot of people feel that alcohol helps them to be more at ease in social settings. I know I did and I avoided social things for quite awhile because I didn't want to be around people who were drinking.

Cubbie, being an alcoholic is not a character flaw. It's a disease. And there is no reason for you to tell people that you're an alcoholic, unless you really want to. At first I felt like I was hiding something when I didn't tell people. Then, I gradually came to realize that everyone has a story and 'a secret' in their life. And, there's no reason to share, unless you feel comfortable doing so.

CarolD

Not drinking is the best solution for anyone wanting
to live healthy and long.

I never heard of a person losing a career
or dying from sobriety.

You only live your life once on this planet..
Be wise and thrive!

kcathometaz

there are lots of people who will support you not drinking. Being an alcoholic just means you can't drink alcohol. Its a narrow minded person anyhow that would look down on a person with alcoholism abstaining and improving themselves. Your example might also cause someone else to look at their own drinking and come to the same conclusion we all have here..

bob123

welcome cubbie
..some great responses here
my drinking is the same..social situations..work do's,weddings,partys..
in between i could not touch a drop.
I do personally have some anxiety issues generally and am seeing someone about that as well as doing lots of self help and its getting better (it does not work if i drink)

Anyway I have not drunk for 3 months and it is suprising how little reaction ordering a diet coke gets these days.. I initialling just said stuff like "dont fancy it tonight".. but now say I dont drink. Now I find, I can have a laugh as much as anyone who is sloshed..and the next day(s) I dont have all the "what did I do last night" crap

StrongR2Day

One of the greatest gifts of my recovery is to be able to go to any situation sober, and without fear. To be able to accept myself, for who and what I am...and not feel I need a substance to achieve this.

Some people do have Social Anxiety, where being in social settings triggers a negative emotional response. Some people need to take medication for it, others find that by confronting the situations as they come, they are able to overcome it. But you are new in sobriety, so forcing yourself to be in drinking situations is definitely not a good idea. I found going to zoos, amusement parks, festivals, movies and the like...things that normally don't include alcohol, but are fun, were a great way to learn how to live sober and have a good time. After awhile, you'll find your habits have changed, and you will associate drinking less and less with certain situations. But, even after all these years, I still stay out of the bars and such. I just don't have any business being there.

Have you considered AA? That's where I went to learn how not to drink. It also gave me the hands on support I really needed. I also found new sober friends to hang with. I didn't give up on all my old friends, just the ones who drank as much, or as frequently, as me.

linko

You have to stop drinking really you will have a new life...

liiise

it's none of their buisness, if you want , what i sometimes do is say 'i can't drink i'm on medication' that's it

gurujake

Hello and welcome Cubbie and Dinkies! I too am with a company and in an industry that practices a "work hard, play hard" philosophy. I simply tell anyone who asks that I don't drink anymore. It's that simple. Some of those who know me well can understand why. Those that don't respect the fact that I have stopped. I don't tell people that I am alcoholic or that I attend regular AA meetings...they don't need to know that level of information. I just tell them that I am leading a healthier and more productive life by choosing not to drink. I have gotten nothing but respect from people when I tell them that. In fact, many people reply by sharing how they are "cutting back" themselves or need to cut back a bit. Stand tall and proud as a sober member of society...we can set a good example for others without divulging everything about our past or the degree to which we sank.