What a difference a year makes--long post
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
What a difference a year makes--long post
Well to the many of you who have supported me and talked me through some very difficult times I just want to say a heartfelt Thank You. I really could not have done it without you.
My story is no different from any of yours...I abused drugs and alcohol for most of my life...was in and out of rehabs and hospitals for treatment and for overdosing.
Last October...after a months of absolute hell, I finally did it...I hit rock bottom. Lost my professional license, my job, my house, my car, my husband, my kids. I had been arrested and was looking at 7 years in prison. I was having multiple affairs with guys for money or drugs. I looked in the mirror daily but had no idea who was looking back at me...nor did I care.....
One day I sat on a park bench high on pills and drunk ...I sat there for hours, thinking...what am I doing , where am I headed...I knew those answers...death or prison. So I finally cried ...I cried and cried and wanted to be back home and just be held, just be told It's gonna be okay, but that was not an option.
So I got mad, mad at myself , mad at my addiction, mad at my choices ...just really mad. I walked to a sub shop got some food in me and headed to see my old counselor. I sat in her office until she could see me and I let it all out...Finally I told her everything....she is a wise woman, has been an addiction counselor for 20 yrs and she held me and she cried with me and then she said go home to your husband, tell him everything you just told me. So I did.
I went over there and spilled it all. He looked at me and said...so that's it ...it's over....I started to get my bag to get the rest of my stuff and he said what are you doing, I did not mean we were over, I meant this ...this pattern of destruction...you got it...it is over for you. He hugged me and it was the best feeling I had felt in a long time. It was over. I was done with that lifestyle. I knew I had a long, hard bumpy road ahead but knew it could not be any worse than from where I had come from.
I started back with my counselor and began working through my legal problems...and my recovery. When I started to complain about any financial burdens from the lawyers etc...I just remember the burden of not addressing my addiction...the cost to my family and my life.
We then moved to a smaller town and it has been a blessing, my kids are 200 % better, they are happy and my marriage has never been better. Our finacial situation may not be what it was when I was working but our quality of life is better than any paycheck.
I did relapse a couple of times but was quick to tell my husband and get back on track. I have 4 months clean but I really feel like it has been a year because even though I relapsed I got my life back that fall day sitting on that park bench 1 year ago.
It has not been easy and I struggle daily but I also learn a little more everyday....I may be an addict but that does not define me. It no longer controls me and man am I thankful for that.
Thanks again to all who have been there for me...you know who you are and I love each and every one of you. Addiction is really action without the ddi...so what action are you gonna take ??? It is all up to us to make that change...to stop surviving and start living.
Peace and Love~~~Beezy
My story is no different from any of yours...I abused drugs and alcohol for most of my life...was in and out of rehabs and hospitals for treatment and for overdosing.
Last October...after a months of absolute hell, I finally did it...I hit rock bottom. Lost my professional license, my job, my house, my car, my husband, my kids. I had been arrested and was looking at 7 years in prison. I was having multiple affairs with guys for money or drugs. I looked in the mirror daily but had no idea who was looking back at me...nor did I care.....
One day I sat on a park bench high on pills and drunk ...I sat there for hours, thinking...what am I doing , where am I headed...I knew those answers...death or prison. So I finally cried ...I cried and cried and wanted to be back home and just be held, just be told It's gonna be okay, but that was not an option.
So I got mad, mad at myself , mad at my addiction, mad at my choices ...just really mad. I walked to a sub shop got some food in me and headed to see my old counselor. I sat in her office until she could see me and I let it all out...Finally I told her everything....she is a wise woman, has been an addiction counselor for 20 yrs and she held me and she cried with me and then she said go home to your husband, tell him everything you just told me. So I did.
I went over there and spilled it all. He looked at me and said...so that's it ...it's over....I started to get my bag to get the rest of my stuff and he said what are you doing, I did not mean we were over, I meant this ...this pattern of destruction...you got it...it is over for you. He hugged me and it was the best feeling I had felt in a long time. It was over. I was done with that lifestyle. I knew I had a long, hard bumpy road ahead but knew it could not be any worse than from where I had come from.
I started back with my counselor and began working through my legal problems...and my recovery. When I started to complain about any financial burdens from the lawyers etc...I just remember the burden of not addressing my addiction...the cost to my family and my life.
We then moved to a smaller town and it has been a blessing, my kids are 200 % better, they are happy and my marriage has never been better. Our finacial situation may not be what it was when I was working but our quality of life is better than any paycheck.
I did relapse a couple of times but was quick to tell my husband and get back on track. I have 4 months clean but I really feel like it has been a year because even though I relapsed I got my life back that fall day sitting on that park bench 1 year ago.
It has not been easy and I struggle daily but I also learn a little more everyday....I may be an addict but that does not define me. It no longer controls me and man am I thankful for that.
Thanks again to all who have been there for me...you know who you are and I love each and every one of you. Addiction is really action without the ddi...so what action are you gonna take ??? It is all up to us to make that change...to stop surviving and start living.
Peace and Love~~~Beezy
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Somewhere there is peace of mind
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That was a very touching story. I like the way you realize that is the day your life turned around, even if your clean date changed, this is still a very, very important anniversary. I had a similar experience years ago, very similar. It was like I got the spiritual awakening before I even worked the first step.
So glad to hear all is going well for you. Hugs~
So glad to hear all is going well for you. Hugs~
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Beezy, thanks for sharing and congrats on the 1 year of a better life.
I can completely relate to finding a point in time when life begins to change dramatically even when it's not the true "sobriety date". December of 2005 is when my husband sat me down and told me that I had a peculiar smell about me and that maybe I had a problem with my liver (not one word about alcohol). Gross and yikes and WTF! It was because of that I started down this road and I won't ever forget the December vacation when I told my husband what's been going on and that I need to quit.
Thanks for keeping that thought fresh in my mind.
I can completely relate to finding a point in time when life begins to change dramatically even when it's not the true "sobriety date". December of 2005 is when my husband sat me down and told me that I had a peculiar smell about me and that maybe I had a problem with my liver (not one word about alcohol). Gross and yikes and WTF! It was because of that I started down this road and I won't ever forget the December vacation when I told my husband what's been going on and that I need to quit.
Thanks for keeping that thought fresh in my mind.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
no problem ...I like your new sig.....
I am bummed today...I have found a home for the newfoundland that I rescued from the pound... I really wanted to keep him but he just needs a bigger yard .....he jumps our fence and though he never goes far I just cannot have him running around ...get hit by a car or something....
So I am very sad and will miss my big guy...but he will be happy on the farm.
I am bummed today...I have found a home for the newfoundland that I rescued from the pound... I really wanted to keep him but he just needs a bigger yard .....he jumps our fence and though he never goes far I just cannot have him running around ...get hit by a car or something....
So I am very sad and will miss my big guy...but he will be happy on the farm.
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