Lobotomy

I’ve been lurking for a while and noticed one person a while back “out” themselves as a moderate drinker. This person (let’s call her “Mary”) then proceeded to say that ‘Yes guys…it’s possible…’ to paraphrase. This got me thinking that she was fairly brave to voice that opinion in this venue. I don’t know if she is right or not but it got me thinking about why she would be active in SR to begin with—and OF COURSE, could it work for ME.

Now I may be a fool but I don’t think I’m a damned fool as the saying goes. Yes, I know that for many it IS impossible to be a “moderate” drinker. In all likelihood it is impossible for me as well and this is an exercise in denial. In fact it is most likely virtually impossible for anyone who is a member of this forum--but why does Mary make her assertions—and why here of all places?

I wanted to start a thread to see if anyone HAS been successful since it seems as if no one but “Mary” has. Maybe, like me, she never hit the proverbial “bottom”... Maybe she knows something I don’t…maybe she found a way “off the elevator” before it crashed in the basement and her body crossed a line from which it could not retreat…

After some deliberation, however, I thought that it might give false hope to the newbies for all the people in denial to assert their success for thousands to see when in reality they just haven’t hit bottom yet. Most, if not all, of the people we would likely hear from would be people who think they are in control of their drinking but are actually in denial—probably like me…

Therefore, send me a PM if you think it IS possible for someone who has found his or her way to this forum to be a “moderate” drinker. Who is a candidate in your opinion and what habits must be followed to pull it off? I personally don’t think most of us here can pull it off—including me—but I’d love to hear from any other “Mary or Marks” out there that think they have.

On the other hand, for those of you who think wanting to hear that “moderation is possible” is in reality just the disease talking to me—and it is NOT possible despite what I may want to hear…let’s post those thoughts for all to see. You guys are probably going to be right in the vast majority of cases—probably mine as well.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

This might be of interest...

Moderation Management, the one group that deals with moderate drinking; useful for the guidelines:

http://moderation.org/

I do hope you find your answers..

miss communicat

Hey Lobotomy (great name!!)

Me. I was successful at moderation.

I moderated for 3+ years. I drank "wine with dinner", sometimes half a glass, could walk away from the half filled glass, didnt want more than a few sips...etc etc.

But, once I felt I had my drinking under control, I started indulging more often, and a little more each time.

I never lost anything external that would indicate I had a drinking problem. So, I think I can say I can do moderation drinking, but I dont want to.

Because, here's what happened next:

I started to think about that glass of wine earlier and earlier each day, every day. I found that I would drink more than I had intended to, more often than not. I found that my life was reduced to a control-fest. I used up WAY too much of my brain's potential pondering the questions of: Can I drink a glass of wine tonight? and, "When can I have that wine?", and so on...

I was feeling stressed over everything, not serene or free. Everybody, friends, clients and strangers rocked my boat. Soon I began isolating with my wine, and within 1 year, I crossed that line into obsession, craving, and not moderate drinking.

So. I guess I cant say I was successful at moderation for very long. Sorry to be a bad case in the experiment, but I love to contribute data to your scientific method (lol!)

Good luck and keep us in your loop of info, and we will surely keep you in ours!

Lastbinge

Hey there Lobotomy

I tried drinking moderately many times in my 30+ year drinking career. I could keep it that way for a few months at a time, but always slid back into a state of continuous and binge drinking. Nope, moderation did not work for me, though I deluded myself many times that I could. I'm now about 75 days into total sobriety and feeling darn good about it.
Good luck with your struggle with alcohol.

Candy Scratch

Lobotomy,
I wish I could drink moderately, and I'm still stopping and starting in fits and starts (not for lack of trying). Like Miss Communicat, I *can* moderate...right now. How long will THAT last? I think we're all here because we know that our bodies do not handle alcohol normally.

A really sad thing I just discovered is the story of Audrey Kishline. She was a founder of Moderation Management. Then she got drunk, drove up the wrong side of the highway and killed a 12-yr-old girl and her father. She returned to AA after that and I'm not sure where she's at right now. To me, that whole story just about summed it up.

Candy Scratch

cmc

Lobotomy,
I was wondering, you do realize that there are alot of people at SR who have different issues besides drinking and drugs... codependants, eating disorders, grief etc.
I am in many ways similar to Miss C's description of herself. I rarely drink but have noticed signs of a progression and have just decided that moderation is a risk I am not willing to take anymore. Nothing tragic or dramatic has occured, except that my recovery as a codie wife/mom has given me an insight into my own behavior. I would rather not take the risk.
Whether it is ok for some to drink in moderation is entirely up to them of course and I do believe it can be done.

I hope you will find the answers to your questions, and settle this in your own mind and heart.

bob123

i think it may be possible for some.. but not for me.
I would love to be able to drink just to that right level
.maybe could for a while...But I could not guarantee 100% that I would never go from from moderation into oblivion ...it would only take the once and that once I could end up dead or in prison..

windysan

I have a few beers every now and then. No big deal to me. I've been dope free for 3.5 years. Having a couple of beers on the weekends doesn't make me want to go out and guzzle a gallon of Jack and it doesn't make me wanna go for a poke either. But that is just me. Many others can handle even a beer.

Lobotomy

Wow! I got 50 e-mails flooding my pm box right away saying they had no problem with moderation...Just kidding...only a couple actually.

I was interested in moderation.org too but had concerns with their outdated website--and then I heard the story of the founder who said she was kidding herself all along--and then the terrible tragedy that happned...

Thanks for your responses. If there are any others out there trying moderation, feel free to PM me. I don't know that this will work--feel free to confront me--Now that I've come out of my "lurking mode" of almost a year to finally post, I feel emboldened to take on ANY comments that may come my way. In fact, I welcome the hardest nosed son of a gun on this board with his extremely direct comments as well--bring it on EarlyBird--I probably need your tough medicine to get me thinking right!

Mongo

Hi Lobotomy

I know that moderation cannot work for me so I'll not try it.

However, perhaps it can work for some people. Most people here agree that it's not for them.

I wonder how hard it will be though. Say, allowing yourself to drink on special occasions, or having a few every week. After say, two beers, when another one woudn't hurt and the night is young,and hey, tomorrow's a holiday!

Good luck and keep well

Ron

Rusty Zipper

i'm not shure if this will conect to anyone, just that it is my proof that i cant have a belt or two... in my early recovery i didnt have the sugar cravings that i hear lots do... i also didnt drink coffee, or hardly... at my three month anny, i remember i was a bit nerved up, happy too... i said, hey, why not have a cup of coffee... i did, and got a great coffee buzz...
at the "panal of experts" (home group) a lady has been bringing in leftover donuts, and i mean dozens of um from the earlybird meets... i remember stuffing a bag with them to bring over miracals for her, her two kids and me... one the ride over, i had one... yep ONE!... well to make this short... thirteen donuts later i had a blackout... j/k... was bloated tho... point, to this day, over three and a half years clean... i now drink about 5 - 10, more on the 10 side lol! cups of coffee a day and can put down a dozen donuts in record time... moral... i do not dare think i can have one drink, let alone drink in moderation...i and i speak just for me...

all good wishes................... xxoo, pattee, the donut king... rotfl

ps, that lady from MM, saw the story, and for me, i'm mad as hell... have seen too many hard core'rs in denial... the result... death... bottom line.

StrongR2Day

My attempts at controlled drinking were laughable. I actually picked my hang outs by the size of their wine glasses. The one place that had huge (and I'm talking HUGE) goblets got all of my business. You see, I only had 2 or 3 glasses...so I didn't have a problem.

jmhs002

I don't have any interest in moderation. When I drank, I drank to get drunk. A few beers never did anything for me. So, for me, the answer is no. If you can do it, good for you. I wish you luck.
JMHS

earlybird

Its interesting to hear the people that say they are successful at moderate drinking. You can pretty much do anything for a while at first before you're "successful" at it. What I mean is, a recovering alcoholic who goes back out can ONLY say they were successful at moderate drinking if they moderated all the way up til the day they die. What usually occurs though is this. Someone comes on this site or others and says something like "I am a success at moderate drinking, so yes,...it can be done" Then we find out that they have only been doing it for a few months, or a few years MAYBE....then it plummets. Turns out, they werent such a success after all. Being a drinker or a recovering alcoholic are lifetime decisions and one can only declare themselves successful at either after a lifetime has past.

2dayzmuse

I couldn't do it. I tried and failed miserably. Then I accepted the fact that I couldn't drink at all, period. Today, I'm okay with that and I don't miss my old, miserable, lifestyle.