tydalwave

Hello everyone! My name is Mike, and I am fairly new to recovery. I am an alcoholic and a drug addict, and have been sober since 09/21/2006. It would have been since 03/23/2006, but I did end up relapsing, drinking, on the night before the 21st of this month. Before that, I went through a place called 'Nova Treatment Center', in Oshkosh, WI for a 28 inpaitient program and found it very helpful. Then after I completed that program, they recommended me to a half-way house in Appleton, where I live, and I stayed there for about 1 1/2 months. Once that was completed, I moved back home, with my mom, and was doing well. I held a job, eventually moved out, about a month later with my girlfriend who is pregnant. We got a fairly nice 2 bedroom duplex on the north side of the city, and I was doing great...for a while. Then I started realizing that there was no way I could afford to live there, with all the bills I have from my past using days; bad checks totaling about $5,000, fines, etc... The bill collectors kept calling, and I kept telling them the same thing, I barely make enough money to pay rent, and buy food, much less be able to pay you back! So I ended up getting very nervous about the future legal pendings my past actions would have if I did not start paying these people back, so I moved back to my moms house after only one month on my own. After about 2 days of living at my moms, I got a call from a local job placement service that I had gone to a few days earlier, about a potential job making twice what I was making now. So I quit my current job and went in for the orientation. About 1/2 way through, I noticed it was for a CDL lisenced person, and I don't have my CDL. So I told the person that, and she said sorry for the inconvienience and that I must have checked the wrong box on my application indicating I had a CDL. So I went back home and immediately called my old boss back to see if I could get my job back, but they were not happy with me and said, not at the moment. So here I was, no job, back at my mom's, and bills piling up. I started to get very stressed out. I was never a big fan of face to face AA meetings, but knew I wanted to drink, so I went downstairs and tryed talking to someone else who rents a room from my mom, who is also in recovery. When I got down there, he was drunk as a skunk. I immediately went upstairs and went to bed, trying very hard not to go out and drink...I succeded that night. The next day, I went to pick up my last paycheck from my old job, went and cashed it, and started driving home. On the way, I passed a liquor store, and was very tempted to stop there and grab a bottle, but I did not. I got home and was pacing around thinking of weather or not I should go to the store and get a bottle for later. Well we all know being alone inside our own heads is a dangerous place for an alcoholic\drug addict. I lost that battle, and went to the store, got a 750ml bottle of vodka, and went back home to hide it until later that night after my mom went to bed. Well, she went to bed, I got the bottle, and we all know what happened from there...but I didn't get caught, this time. So I got a inflated ego, thinking I could keep getting away with it, and a couple of nights later, told my mom I was going to an AA meeting, and instead went to the local park, sat there and debated weather or not I should go to the bar, and evetually went. I was there from about 7:30pm to around 1:00am. I was very drunk by this time and decided to go home. Stupidly, I got into my car and drove home(which was about 9 blocks away). When I got home my mom was waiting up for me, and there was no way of pulling a quick one and pretending I was just tired. I told her I was drinking that night, and she was very concerned. The next day we went to our local recovery club, and she bought me the big book, and a day to day prayer\meditation book. This was helping me for a couple of weeks, until, I'm still not sure what caused my last relapse, but I called up an old friend and went to his house for a game of pool and a drink. Well one turned into two, etc etc... By the time I got home, I was once again very drunk, and woke my mother up because the phone was off the hook and I wanted to call someone. She didn't find out I was drunk until after I left and came home again. When I got back, I went to bed and told her and my girlfriend, who she called over because my mom though something wasnt right with me, and that we would talk in the morning. Well that was last thursday, and here I am now. Basically looking for online meetings and other people to talk to about my sickness so I don't relapse again. I never want to. Anyway, thats my long story short, if you have any questions just let me know and I will be happy to answer them. Thanks for listening (reading)

Michael Heckner

laurie6781

Michael welcome to SR. There is some help to be had here.

I quoted the above from your post because it makes it sound like you're still trying to "it" YOUR WAY. You have tons of meetings in Appleton, I know I have been to some when I have been back in Wisconsin to visit with friends and family.

Its there in the meetings, face to face, helping to set up the meeting before hand and cleaning up after, that you will find others, just like yourself, others that can help anytime day or night. It is in the meetings you will feel SAFE. It is in the meetings where you will eventually find a sponsor to help guide you on this bumpy road of recovery. It's the meetings after the meetings when you go for coffee that I started to feel the 'joy' of being sober.

I'm impressed that you realized as quickly as you did, that you need to get back into recovery........................

Read the 'stickys' at the tops of the forums, read the threads, there is help to be found here, of course, but I have to tell you from personal experience Face to Face is so much better, when I needed someone right away, I had phone numbers (that I had gotten at different meetings) of people I could call, even if it was the middle of the night. That meant so much to me.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care.

Love and (((((to all))))),

CarolD

Hi and We;cpme!


Face to face AA works great for me!
I even found a job from a member!

Take care..you are so worh the joy of recovery

Arura

Welcome to SR and my Best wishies are with you.....

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