This is VERY painful for me to talk about
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Frisco, PA
Posts: 8
This is VERY painful for me to talk about
Hi
I am speaking up for the first time ever about this. I feel I have truly been disowned by my family and it is one of the most painful things I have ever had to deal with in my 43 years. I was abused (physically) as a child and my father and myself are like "oil and water" although we have always tried not to talk about our "differences" (or the abuse) because it is a painful legacy for me (although he denies everything of course) and as one would expect, my mother stands by her man and if he say's nothing happend, then that's "good enough" for her and I must be a "liar". I have often wished that I could place an ad in the local paper for a new but you only get one family in life. You can't pick the one you want.
Over the years, I have dealt with alcoholism. I am currently sober but have relapsed in the past. My "deal" (when I drank), was that I would either get in a really combative mood and would lash out at whoever I felt had done me an injustice in the past (almost always my father) or anyone who condemned, critisized or judged me (again, usually my father). I would also write angry but civil emails and "speak my mind" a lot about the memories I had growing up.
But it could also go the other way and after 7-8 or even 12 beers (or more) I could be in a super-friendly and talkative mood. I would call multiple family members up, talk for hours on end and apologize for even the silliest things (even when I knew I had done nothing wrong but wanted to gain thier support), talk openly about sex or blab on and on about some stupid thing that noone probably even cared about but being my family, they would patiently listen.
For years and years this went on. Thing got heated at times but now, it has gotten to the point where things have gotten nastier and nastier. They have hung up on me twice, told me not to email them and from what I understand, are talking about me to other family members who (coincidentally) seem to be siding with them (they all live in the same city and I live over 1,000 miles away so I'm not privy to everything). Anyway, they never call, write, return calls and refuse to see anyone else's point of view other than thier own narrow-minded ones. I have also blocked at least two of my email accounts so I won't have to get any more of their blaming, critisizing, "its-all-your-fault" emails. I have all but lost my parents and siblings because of the past and because of my alcoholism.
Alcohol makes you feel less inhibited and it did with me so that if I happened to be remembering a bad childhood experience and was also drunk at the time, I'd write my father an email or call him and ask him about it (politely) but of course, he would always deny everything, paint me as some kind of a nutcase and act like my childhood was something out of a fairytale.
I wonder how many others here have, with a combination of abuse, alcoholism and other deep-seated family issues, had frequent quarrels that eventually lead to someone being disowned. Anyone here care to share?. I don't even know if I'm making sense here. I am so upset about this after it has gone on for months now that I feel like I've just come out of a nightmare or a coma or somthing. I'm drained, washed out and it keeps me up nights or if I sleep, I have nightmares about my dad and mom. Abuse, my alcoholism, lots of misunderstandings, bruised egos, misconstrued motives, hurt feelings and a lack of understanding has all contributed to the mess I am in right now.
PS: Please understand that I am not in denial or blaming everything *but* my alcoholism and that I AM an alcoholic but there are other factors involved as well here.
Thank you all so much for listening.
I am speaking up for the first time ever about this. I feel I have truly been disowned by my family and it is one of the most painful things I have ever had to deal with in my 43 years. I was abused (physically) as a child and my father and myself are like "oil and water" although we have always tried not to talk about our "differences" (or the abuse) because it is a painful legacy for me (although he denies everything of course) and as one would expect, my mother stands by her man and if he say's nothing happend, then that's "good enough" for her and I must be a "liar". I have often wished that I could place an ad in the local paper for a new but you only get one family in life. You can't pick the one you want.
Over the years, I have dealt with alcoholism. I am currently sober but have relapsed in the past. My "deal" (when I drank), was that I would either get in a really combative mood and would lash out at whoever I felt had done me an injustice in the past (almost always my father) or anyone who condemned, critisized or judged me (again, usually my father). I would also write angry but civil emails and "speak my mind" a lot about the memories I had growing up.
But it could also go the other way and after 7-8 or even 12 beers (or more) I could be in a super-friendly and talkative mood. I would call multiple family members up, talk for hours on end and apologize for even the silliest things (even when I knew I had done nothing wrong but wanted to gain thier support), talk openly about sex or blab on and on about some stupid thing that noone probably even cared about but being my family, they would patiently listen.
For years and years this went on. Thing got heated at times but now, it has gotten to the point where things have gotten nastier and nastier. They have hung up on me twice, told me not to email them and from what I understand, are talking about me to other family members who (coincidentally) seem to be siding with them (they all live in the same city and I live over 1,000 miles away so I'm not privy to everything). Anyway, they never call, write, return calls and refuse to see anyone else's point of view other than thier own narrow-minded ones. I have also blocked at least two of my email accounts so I won't have to get any more of their blaming, critisizing, "its-all-your-fault" emails. I have all but lost my parents and siblings because of the past and because of my alcoholism.
Alcohol makes you feel less inhibited and it did with me so that if I happened to be remembering a bad childhood experience and was also drunk at the time, I'd write my father an email or call him and ask him about it (politely) but of course, he would always deny everything, paint me as some kind of a nutcase and act like my childhood was something out of a fairytale.
I wonder how many others here have, with a combination of abuse, alcoholism and other deep-seated family issues, had frequent quarrels that eventually lead to someone being disowned. Anyone here care to share?. I don't even know if I'm making sense here. I am so upset about this after it has gone on for months now that I feel like I've just come out of a nightmare or a coma or somthing. I'm drained, washed out and it keeps me up nights or if I sleep, I have nightmares about my dad and mom. Abuse, my alcoholism, lots of misunderstandings, bruised egos, misconstrued motives, hurt feelings and a lack of understanding has all contributed to the mess I am in right now.
PS: Please understand that I am not in denial or blaming everything *but* my alcoholism and that I AM an alcoholic but there are other factors involved as well here.
Thank you all so much for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Sober Grover,
My situation is similar to yours. Both my parents drank too much. My mother was abusive to me physically and emotionally. My father knew about it and allowed it. He would have done anything for her and I was not worth fighting for. I began to bury all my emotions and try as hard as I could to be 'perfect' and to please everyone. I developed depression and anxiety and made a decision to remove myself emotionally from my mother. It was the best decision I ever made. When I tried to confront her she laughed at me and denied everything. I made a decision I don't regret and never reconciled with her before she died. Just because someone is a family member does not mean they have the right to mistreat you. Sometimes we just have to take care of ourselves.
My situation is similar to yours. Both my parents drank too much. My mother was abusive to me physically and emotionally. My father knew about it and allowed it. He would have done anything for her and I was not worth fighting for. I began to bury all my emotions and try as hard as I could to be 'perfect' and to please everyone. I developed depression and anxiety and made a decision to remove myself emotionally from my mother. It was the best decision I ever made. When I tried to confront her she laughed at me and denied everything. I made a decision I don't regret and never reconciled with her before she died. Just because someone is a family member does not mean they have the right to mistreat you. Sometimes we just have to take care of ourselves.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Frisco, PA
Posts: 8
Thank you so much for reading my long post and for sharing with me (I really appreciate that a LOT!). I also have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks my entire life and take Xanax, Celexa and other meds for it. I recently read where there was a connection between childhood abuse/trauma and anxiety/panic. I also suffer from depression but it comes and goes so I can so much relate to you.
I hope, like you, I can reach the point where I can emotionally let go but it's soooooo unbelievably tough whenever a parent/son/daughter realtionship bites the dust. They have never really been there for me anyway except to give me a bit of lip service (but no real, tangible help) and I was always getting called a liar, dumped on and made to feel like the Devil himself...all of this and when I'd try to fight back it was like "oh, how could you treat us like that when we were only trying to give you good advice and be good parents!!". They are also very hypocritical and always telling me that I should'nt do a certain thing and then turning right around and doing the SAME thing themselves or accusing me of "playing the victim card". Well, heck yes...I WAS a victim and they made me one!!.
GRrrrrrrrrrr...sorry for ranting. This thing is going to kill me if I let it.
I hope, like you, I can reach the point where I can emotionally let go but it's soooooo unbelievably tough whenever a parent/son/daughter realtionship bites the dust. They have never really been there for me anyway except to give me a bit of lip service (but no real, tangible help) and I was always getting called a liar, dumped on and made to feel like the Devil himself...all of this and when I'd try to fight back it was like "oh, how could you treat us like that when we were only trying to give you good advice and be good parents!!". They are also very hypocritical and always telling me that I should'nt do a certain thing and then turning right around and doing the SAME thing themselves or accusing me of "playing the victim card". Well, heck yes...I WAS a victim and they made me one!!.
GRrrrrrrrrrr...sorry for ranting. This thing is going to kill me if I let it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
That is exactly how my situation was. I knew by the time I was twenty I was going to have to make it on my own. I knew my family would not be there for me. But, it took me about ten years to emotionally detach from my mother. I would swing back and forth, but one day something was said about my husband, and that was it. I never looked back and never felt so free. One of the consequences is that I have become fiercely independent and never want to ask anyone for help. That can be a stumbling point. My heart goes out to you because I know how you feel when you want and expect your family to love you and you don't get what you need from them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Frisco, PA
Posts: 8
Same here too. I kept going back and forth until finally my father said and did several things that let me know right there that it was over. Your right. I mean REALLY right. Without parents or family, you have to be ferociously independant because a HUGE part of what *should* be your support base goes right out the window. Again, I really appreciate your sharing. While we have lost our families (or perhaps portions of them) I find it very reassuring that there are so many other proverbial "fish in the sea", friends to make, relationships there for the taking and forums like this one where we can all become our OWN family.
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
Welcome to SR Grover!
Wow! ... There's a lot of similarities in our backgrounds...
I can absolutely relate to that!!! ... I grew up despised in my own household. I've only recently (last couple of years) come to realize just how much those scars have affected my life. I don't have any choice over having the scars, but I do have a choice over what I DO with the scars.
Although I was never actually "disowned", (too much fun to call me up and dump on me), there was a time when I sort of disappeared. None of my family knew where I was or even if I was still alive, and this lasted for a few months, (this was back in the 80's).
I too live many States away from the rest of the family -- and for good reason -- although my mom and step-dad usually come for a short visit twice a year, (this usually means my place gets a good scrubbing at least every six months!).
These days (last few years) my mom gets repeatedly upset with me because I call her on her B.S. rather than just internalize it. Of course, she blames me for it all -- even to the point of insisting that I'm delusional when I hold her to the content of conversations only a few weeks old. She doesn't seem to understand that it wouldn't happen if she would just be honest and straight with me, (but in order to do that she'd first have to be honest with herself).
But that's a whole 'nother story. She's still my mom, and I do my best to honor and respect her. She's still my mom even though we've hardly had what anyone would consider a "normal" relationship ever since I was a child. She's still my mom.
As regards the things you've done over the years while using, all I can say is to give it time and work on making amends.
As regards the scars and the pain you carry... Work on forgiveness... "... and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us...". Its the only thing that will help, and trust me on that.
You Are Not Alone!
Wow! ... There's a lot of similarities in our backgrounds...
Originally Posted by Sober_Grover
... I was always getting called a liar, dumped on and made to feel like the Devil himself ...
Although I was never actually "disowned", (too much fun to call me up and dump on me), there was a time when I sort of disappeared. None of my family knew where I was or even if I was still alive, and this lasted for a few months, (this was back in the 80's).
I too live many States away from the rest of the family -- and for good reason -- although my mom and step-dad usually come for a short visit twice a year, (this usually means my place gets a good scrubbing at least every six months!).
These days (last few years) my mom gets repeatedly upset with me because I call her on her B.S. rather than just internalize it. Of course, she blames me for it all -- even to the point of insisting that I'm delusional when I hold her to the content of conversations only a few weeks old. She doesn't seem to understand that it wouldn't happen if she would just be honest and straight with me, (but in order to do that she'd first have to be honest with herself).
But that's a whole 'nother story. She's still my mom, and I do my best to honor and respect her. She's still my mom even though we've hardly had what anyone would consider a "normal" relationship ever since I was a child. She's still my mom.
As regards the things you've done over the years while using, all I can say is to give it time and work on making amends.
As regards the scars and the pain you carry... Work on forgiveness... "... and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us...". Its the only thing that will help, and trust me on that.
You Are Not Alone!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 348
I am sorry to hear about all of your stories. I had a pretty hellish childhood as well with different forms of abuse. What really helped me was finding a good counsellor. Good luck to you and your right, you cannot choose your family but you CAN choose how you react to them.
Joanne
Joanne
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: antioch il
Posts: 1
We need to leave the past where it is. In the past.
I think growing up with all the craziness and abuse.
Is how I was able to put my foot down one after the other and keep moving forward. I think the pain will always be their but I beleive that is where the strength comes from.
If are past wasn't the way it was we may not be so lucky to be here.
I think GOD I am what I am.
I AM SOBER TEN YEARS AND SMOKE FREE one in a half years.
No more anxiety medicine.
I am done suffering from my past.
I am sooo very grateful.
Is how I was able to put my foot down one after the other and keep moving forward. I think the pain will always be their but I beleive that is where the strength comes from.
If are past wasn't the way it was we may not be so lucky to be here.
I think GOD I am what I am.
I AM SOBER TEN YEARS AND SMOKE FREE one in a half years.
No more anxiety medicine.
I am done suffering from my past.
I am sooo very grateful.
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I too had issues with my parents, mainly my Mother. My Father was the silent one, my Mother wore the pants. No matter how out there my Mother was, my Father would stand by her side. To say the least, I had huge resentments and anger towards my Mother. My sisters still do. When I drank, those resentments would brew. Anything, and everything she said or did, would grate on me. There were times when something she would say would make me so furious, I actually felt hatred pent up in me. Then I would feel guilty for feeling that way towards my own Mother. My Mother is never happy and is constantly complaining. It is hard to sit back and listen to that. She has an acid tongue. I bite my a lot. My Mother also has many good qualities, but I was blind to them from being overwhelmed by all of her bad.
After getting sober and working step nine, things started to get better. My sponsor had me write a letter to her. The letter was very harsh and very to the point. There were no holds barred. I would never send it to her because I know it would devastate her. For whatever reason, I had these feelings and I needed to get them out.
Today, my resentments are gone. I no longer let my Mother bother me like she did. She hasn't changed, I have. I now can see the good in her, not only the bad. I know that her time on earth is limited and I plan to make the time that I have with her as pleasant and memorable as possible. Holding resentments against her isn't worth it. I know that we all get to that forgiving place at a different pace then others. Some of us may never get to that place of forgiveness.
I'm glad I was able to come to terms with my past and with my Mother's personality. One of her favorite sayings is you can't teach an old dog new tricks. She has no intentions of changing and I know she never will. I'm confident in saying that when she leaves this earth, I will have no regrets, at least I hope not. Do whatever it takes to get past these feelings. You are right, the resentments will eat you alive. I wish you resolve, but if that is not possible, do what you have to do to heal.
After getting sober and working step nine, things started to get better. My sponsor had me write a letter to her. The letter was very harsh and very to the point. There were no holds barred. I would never send it to her because I know it would devastate her. For whatever reason, I had these feelings and I needed to get them out.
Today, my resentments are gone. I no longer let my Mother bother me like she did. She hasn't changed, I have. I now can see the good in her, not only the bad. I know that her time on earth is limited and I plan to make the time that I have with her as pleasant and memorable as possible. Holding resentments against her isn't worth it. I know that we all get to that forgiving place at a different pace then others. Some of us may never get to that place of forgiveness.
I'm glad I was able to come to terms with my past and with my Mother's personality. One of her favorite sayings is you can't teach an old dog new tricks. She has no intentions of changing and I know she never will. I'm confident in saying that when she leaves this earth, I will have no regrets, at least I hope not. Do whatever it takes to get past these feelings. You are right, the resentments will eat you alive. I wish you resolve, but if that is not possible, do what you have to do to heal.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Through a combination if theraphy and sobriety
I have given up resentments towards my past.
I also stay the heck away from toxic people..
family or not.
I love being independant and enjoy serenity.
Blessings..
I have given up resentments towards my past.
I also stay the heck away from toxic people..
family or not.
I love being independant and enjoy serenity.
Blessings..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: FRIENDSWOOD, TEXAS
Posts: 500
Originally Posted by Sober_Grover
Thank you so much for reading my long post and for sharing with me (I really appreciate that a LOT!). I also have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks my entire life and take Xanax, Celexa and other meds for it. I recently read where there was a connection between childhood abuse/trauma and anxiety/panic. I also suffer from depression but it comes and goes so I can so much relate to you.
I hope, like you, I can reach the point where I can emotionally let go but it's soooooo unbelievably tough whenever a parent/son/daughter realtionship bites the dust. They have never really been there for me anyway except to give me a bit of lip service (but no real, tangible help) and I was always getting called a liar, dumped on and made to feel like the Devil himself...all of this and when I'd try to fight back it was like "oh, how could you treat us like that when we were only trying to give you good advice and be good parents!!". They are also very hypocritical and always telling me that I should'nt do a certain thing and then turning right around and doing the SAME thing themselves or accusing me of "playing the victim card". Well, heck yes...I WAS a victim and they made me one!!.
GRrrrrrrrrrr...sorry for ranting. This thing is going to kill me if I let it.
I hope, like you, I can reach the point where I can emotionally let go but it's soooooo unbelievably tough whenever a parent/son/daughter realtionship bites the dust. They have never really been there for me anyway except to give me a bit of lip service (but no real, tangible help) and I was always getting called a liar, dumped on and made to feel like the Devil himself...all of this and when I'd try to fight back it was like "oh, how could you treat us like that when we were only trying to give you good advice and be good parents!!". They are also very hypocritical and always telling me that I should'nt do a certain thing and then turning right around and doing the SAME thing themselves or accusing me of "playing the victim card". Well, heck yes...I WAS a victim and they made me one!!.
GRrrrrrrrrrr...sorry for ranting. This thing is going to kill me if I let it.
i ALSO had a very abusive and traumatic childhood and also have anxiety problems and I believe it started when I was younger but didnt know what it was until 4 yrs ago when I started having panic attacks and I am also taking either xanax or other forms of benzo's to control it and I had also read the same thing and I also think I might be depressed-not severely but enough that I think is one reason I started drinking in the first place, I know I can only blame myself for the drinking, but I grew up where my father was physically and verbally abusive towards bothe me and even worse w/my mother and my father had a very violent bad temper and I wondered why my sister and brother dont have the same problems and I think I figured out that they were not exposed as much as I was to the abuse cause they would not speak up to my father but I would cause I was just has hard headed as my father and when I would argue it was a shouting match which normally ended up with me getting hit and my mother would try to cover for us kids cause she didnt want to listen to him yell either, anyway I am rambling but I know how you feel and I feel for you, even though I had childhood problems I can now get along sometimes w/my father, he has mellowed some but still a difficult person to deal with.
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
Grover: See? You are not alone!
It is possible to put away all the pain and to have a loving and enriching relationship with your family. It won't happen overnight, (mine's going to take many years, I know, for both sides of that), but it IS possible.
You can do it!
It is possible to put away all the pain and to have a loving and enriching relationship with your family. It won't happen overnight, (mine's going to take many years, I know, for both sides of that), but it IS possible.
You can do it!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Frisco, PA
Posts: 8
All I can do is read these responses with sheer amazement and see just how much I am NOT alone and how many unbelievable parallels there are between the lives of the people who responded to my post and my OWN life/situation. I'm still shaking my head...
Thank you soooo much!!
Thank you soooo much!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Frisco, PA
Posts: 8
Hi and THANK GOD ALMIGHTY for all of you here because I am feeling so down, depressed, desolate and lonely right now that it feels like I'm in pergatory or something. I could sure use a friend right now!.
Anyway, I spent the entire day getting LOADS of things done that I have been putting off for months and on top of that, I had just gotten a nice dinner ready when my best friend/roommate walks in and say's "oh boy, your gonna LOVE this!!". Then he hands me a letter from my father. It's the same tired, old stuff (blaming, berating, judging, accusing, etc). I read a few lines by placing the letter up to a light and once I got the basic "jist" of what he was saying, I pomptly (and without opening the letter) took it down to the post office and had it stamped "refused" (same as "returned to sender").
I've already TOLD him (several times) not to email me, send me a postal letter, send messages to me through other family members, leave messages on my answering machine or attempt to contact me by any other means and yet he is STILL harrassing me. How do you deal with another family member when they just refuse to leave you alone?.
I had him blocked from sending me email and a whole slew of other things but he's one of those dictator types where HE has to have the final say and everything has to be on HIS terms so I guess he feels like if he wants to keep harrassing me then that's just "how it's going to be". I have been sober now for 4 days, have not contacted him (or my mother) and was just starting to get my life back together again and now this.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want him to leave me alone but he won't. (sigh). What's even worse is that he hides behind the Bible, uses it as a whip on me and in between all of the stabs, barbs and other not-so-nice things he say's, he always strategically plants a few Bible versus to reinforce his "message" so it makes me feel like if I don't do exactly what he thinks I should do, I must be an "evil doer" or something. One day I looked up one of the Bible versus he quoted me to back up something rather cruel he said to me and he had totally misinterpreted the verse to such an extent that it was really a HUGE stretch but that's just him. If he thought that little kids should be boiled in hot oil then you can be sure he'd spin and twist some verse in the Bible to "validate" his point of view and make me feel like a heathen just because I did'nt boil my kids in hot oil too (if I had kids that is).
This guy is completely WACKED and what makes it incredibly painful for me is that he is my own FATHER and he won't leave me alone!!!.
PS: Now, I'm going to have to spend money to have caller ID/Call Blocking installed just because I'm terrified he will try to call me and harrass me that way.
Thank's for listening...ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I spent the entire day getting LOADS of things done that I have been putting off for months and on top of that, I had just gotten a nice dinner ready when my best friend/roommate walks in and say's "oh boy, your gonna LOVE this!!". Then he hands me a letter from my father. It's the same tired, old stuff (blaming, berating, judging, accusing, etc). I read a few lines by placing the letter up to a light and once I got the basic "jist" of what he was saying, I pomptly (and without opening the letter) took it down to the post office and had it stamped "refused" (same as "returned to sender").
I've already TOLD him (several times) not to email me, send me a postal letter, send messages to me through other family members, leave messages on my answering machine or attempt to contact me by any other means and yet he is STILL harrassing me. How do you deal with another family member when they just refuse to leave you alone?.
I had him blocked from sending me email and a whole slew of other things but he's one of those dictator types where HE has to have the final say and everything has to be on HIS terms so I guess he feels like if he wants to keep harrassing me then that's just "how it's going to be". I have been sober now for 4 days, have not contacted him (or my mother) and was just starting to get my life back together again and now this.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want him to leave me alone but he won't. (sigh). What's even worse is that he hides behind the Bible, uses it as a whip on me and in between all of the stabs, barbs and other not-so-nice things he say's, he always strategically plants a few Bible versus to reinforce his "message" so it makes me feel like if I don't do exactly what he thinks I should do, I must be an "evil doer" or something. One day I looked up one of the Bible versus he quoted me to back up something rather cruel he said to me and he had totally misinterpreted the verse to such an extent that it was really a HUGE stretch but that's just him. If he thought that little kids should be boiled in hot oil then you can be sure he'd spin and twist some verse in the Bible to "validate" his point of view and make me feel like a heathen just because I did'nt boil my kids in hot oil too (if I had kids that is).
This guy is completely WACKED and what makes it incredibly painful for me is that he is my own FATHER and he won't leave me alone!!!.
PS: Now, I'm going to have to spend money to have caller ID/Call Blocking installed just because I'm terrified he will try to call me and harrass me that way.
Thank's for listening...ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Last edited by Sober_Grover; 09-25-2006 at 04:56 PM.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I am sorry this happened again Grover, but you can choose to not let it get to you. And, trust me, I know hard that is. When I was in the process of disengaging from my mother, I would feel strong. Then I'd be walking down the street, and I'd hear her voice in my head, saying something awful. Or, I'd see a woman and her mother together enjoying themselves, and sadness would sweep over me, followed by anger. So, I realized, that even though I had consciously disengaged, my mother was still controlling my thoughts and emotions. I had to decide to not let her have that power anymore. Right now, you are giving your father power as he gets to you. Stand firm and strong and in peace and know that toxic people do not have a part in your life.
You're doing great Grover. Remember it's a process.
You're doing great Grover. Remember it's a process.
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