62 days clean and I still have a stash
 

Am I being an idiot? I still keep this one little baggie and I know exactly where it is. I consider it a test, knowing it is there but not picking it up. Well, I did take it out because I was going to flush it, but then I didn't. Is it insane to have it in the house? The way I figure, once I am in the using frame of mind, I am going to use no matter how far I have to go to get it. So there is nothing wrong in having it here. Except I have not told my sponsor because I know he would come and stand in the bathroom with me until I got rid of it. So why am I really keeping it if I know my sponsor would not approve. If it really does not matter to me, why do I not get rid of it? Am I kidding myself? I think my mind is playing tricks.

Oh, boy.

If you want to use and it's there, you'll use it.

If you want to use and it's not there, you'll have that little space between the urge and the act of getting more. Hopefully, you'd come to your senses in that space. Some do, some don't.

By getting rid of it, you give yourself the opportunity to do the next right thing, which is use the tools the program and your sponsor are trying to teach you.

Keeping it is a reservation. If we want to stay clean, we have to do so without reservation.

Flush the bag.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

get rid of it homeslice...
or you will be filling out that recovery and relapse sheet you were commenting on a few days ago...........

If you don't want your sponsor standing over you as you flush it...I will be right over and stand in his place.

Little voices that play mind games with us...the best way to tell them to take a hike...flush it.

You want to be in control of something...control the little voices by flushing it.
If it isn't about, they have nothing more to say about it.

Ur Sponsor is on his way, Brad... : ) what if u have a "pigeon" you are helping ..sponsoring urself....r u being extremely HONEST with him? Are u being Honest with urself? What would u tell ur sponsee? Lets see....ok ive been sober for this long and im still holding onto this little bag....just in case....what will ur little sponsee say or think as he's on his road to recovery....Well my Sponsor thinks its ok to have a little stash....just as long as i dont use it...i just like having it around as a reminder....ill go get me a stash and hide it too for just such emergencies....i may never use it...but i feel comfortable having it near by. Hmmmmmm...then he grows in recovery and has a bad day...and ur little sponsee uses...because u showed him that it was ok to keep a stash as a reminder.... hmmmmm

Remember Alcohol /drugs are:

CUNNING, BAFFLING AND POWERFUL

this is a dangerous game you are playing with yourself...can you truly say that if something dramatic happens in your life you won't go straight to that litte baggie? flush it for your own sake and sanity...you know you are addicted and that that will never go away...this is not something to test yourself with as you know it is a major weakness to have it around...

Get rid of it Nevyn as its simply not part of your life, is it?

Kevin

Personally I can have liquor in the house but if I ever just saw a bag I would run in the opposite direction as fast as my little legs would carry me.

I've got a friend who quit smoking with cigarettes still in his house... It's been quite a few years and the cigarettes are still there. Cigarettes don't turn your life to absolute hell as soon as you smoke one, for me one snort and I'd be off and running, bottle of scotch not far behind.

I think Kiddo may be right, and it is a control thing. I am a control freak and everything else is so very out of control right now.

Sharon has a point. If I was sponsoring someone, I would not advocate doing it. It is not for everyone and I guess you could say that not having things laying around is safer.

I almost feel like I need to have it there though. I am not sure that getting rid of it is the right thing for me.

well homie
 

you have the relapse and recovery sheet
if you dont dump it you WILL need it

the only thing you truly have control of right now is yourself....and if you have a relapse you lose that...if you are a control freak you should remember what your life was like when it was completely out of control...flush that s*** ,man...it is the only thing that makes sense...

It is like playing with fire and is very risky. Makes it too easy to relapse. Remember, this is addiction we are talking about and sometimes it is patiently waiting for just the right moment to catch you off guard and you could slip up. Then, that control that you were trying to prove that you had over the addiction could come back to bite you.

Not worth the risk.

Having been through the "holding a stash" thing before when i was first trying to quit...saying that I wouldnt use it and it was there for a test....I would really recommend that its not a good idea. You need to flush it. Take control of your addiction and get rid of it for good.

I have a full liqour cabinet and beer in the fridge, and i also have control, i have to have that control personally, i know alot are saying get rid of it but i say if it works dont break it.
If im going to drink it wont matter if i have it here or not, if anyone is gonna relapse it dont matter if they do or dont have drugs/alcohol around them.
Do what feels right to you.

Hi Nevyn,

I am laughing my head off (sorry..) I did the exact same thing, and I and anyone who knew thought I was nuts!!!

You will get rid of it when your ready, I had booze, lots of it for my first 60 days of sobriety in my apartment, I also had vicoden and weed till 4 or 5 months of sobriety, no-one knew about those, my little back-up plan ( I don't even like weed???)

When I started telling people I had this stuff is when I was ready to dump it, my sponsor never knew.

Although a day or two after I got rid of it, the **** hit the fan and I was so glad I didn't have the stuff anymore, I might have replapsed.

Your doing the right thing telling on yourself.

Love, Rose

My name is Vic and I am an addict! Probably dang lucky to be here clean today. Through the Grace of God, the Program of Recovery, the fellowship of the recovery, the steps :blah I haven't had to take a drug (alcohol is a drug) since May 25, 2006 and for that I am extremely grateful. What you have is NOT control, what you do have is what is called a RESERVATION in your program.

I relapsed on Valentines day of this year, but my relapse started before that. I called someone to score dope from, well I couldn't get the number right. Then one day I seek out the number another way and called this person. I told her that I tried to get a hold of here a few weeks ago to score some dope but forgot her number. She said that she wouldn't have scored it for me if her life depended on it.

Later that night well in the wee hours of the morning I heard a banging on my door. I went to answer it and it was her and her BF. They said that they would cut through the chase, and they could get me whatever I wanted. Without thinking about it I said get me a 8 ball. Within a hour they were back with the dope. Most of the people have heard this story already.

When they came back with the 8 ball I broke it in half. I sat there watching these two people get high. They asked if I was going to get high and I said NO> After they left I put my part of the 8 ball up in the kitchen cupboard. Yes that was addict thinking. I had it there untouched until Valentines day. I had a date and we were both in the program. I had 10 1/2 months clean and she had 9 months clean. When we got back from dinner we were talking about how we both had tried to get hold of someone to do dope with and it was on the same day. I said I still had some left that I never did. She asked to see it and for the first time I went in and grabbed it to show her. When she seen it she said lets go. I said where and she said to go get a tire gauge.

While we were going I told her that under no circumstances was I going to use. I believed that! When we got back I watched her get high for awhile and then she said that I was making her nervous and I told her that I could go into the other room. She said that isn't the problem that she didn't like to get high alone. She asked if I would get high with her. I sat there for 5 minutes and then said give it here.

Let me tell you that if you think that you have POWER over this bag of dope then YOU are NOT Powerless. Dope kicked my butt hard, I am just now getting close to 4 months clean again. I know that for one if anything happened that the cops had to come over and I had a bag of dope I would be insane to have it here and risk prison time. YOU don't have control over dope, neither do I or anyone else here. If we had control then we wouldn't be trying to stay clean. I hope that you do the responsible thing and get honest with yourself.

Love Vic :bananadan

Pardon my bluntness... YES!
True that, but your making it easier on yourself.


One question? Are you committed to this deal or not?


Pardon that slap upside your head.


... dump it!