Zoma

Hi everyone,

Just stumbled across the site today hope it can help.I'm a 28 male heroin addict.Was also on crack,methadone etc.I'm stoned right now and feel so ashamed I wanna just give up.I know i should be strongerand try to thinnk straight bat the thoughts in my mind I just can't deal with them and the easy way out really seems inviting at the moment.

I can't beleive I'm using again after all the **** I went through coming off methadone the last time ******* nearly killed me.Only or my precious love I wouldn't have made it.This time feels different and I'm looking for help!I can't lay it all on her again and I gota swallow my pride as hard as its is to do.

I hope to meet some new friends who can understand me and help me along the way.If I can to the same for another I will gladly do so.

Peace and love Zoma.

c'est la vie

Glad you're here. There are lots of folks that can be a great support network for you. The good thing is that you've recognized the need to nip it in the bud. So don't use any more. Don't wait for tomorrow to start clean. Start right now. Do you have anyone to call today? Maybe an NA hotline to get you on the right path? If not, then stick really close to this site. Post as often as you need or want to and you'll get responses that will help you.

Mancos Mule

I. too, started up again after a long period of sobriety. My DOC is alcohol, but I'll do as much of any mind altering substance I can get my hands on. Its hard to walk back through the door to an NA or AA meeting, but you will find the support you need there. You know that cuz you were in the program before. Don't be too hard on yourself. The normal state of an alcoholic/addict is to be high. Being sober is very abnormal for us, but it can be done as millions have proved. Don't ever, ever give up.

Good luck!

Yours,
the "Mule"

michski

Don't be ashamed.. lots of people use relapse as part of their process of learning to never use again ever. So you went out and did a little more research only to find out it's NOT what you want. Sooner or later that "thinking" it's NOT what you want becomes a "knowing" it's NOT what you want. You'll do it because you want to.

What you going to do now? Do you have a plan to detox?

Madalaina

Hi Zoma, and WELCOME!!

My DOC was methadone, so I know what you mean about how hard it is to get off of! But, you know just as I do, it can be done! Take c'set la vie's advice and start right now. Maybe find a meeting, and after the meeting find someone that you can talk to! You don't have to do this alone! We are here for you! Let us know how you are doing, please! WE CARE!!

Hugs,
Alissa

igfan

hi Zoma, Welcome! Like C'est said.....stop today, not tomorrow, get to a meeting, call someone.......do anything but use more. You can do this and you're not alone. You will find lots of support here. Keep posting and reading.

Zoma

Thanks guys,it means a lot.I know this sounds stupid but I can't stop jus like that I would love to but I will lose my job which I need at the moment.Getting time off is hard but not impossible and I have got plans to do so.I never went to an NA meeting as theres more drugs at them than there is in my estate.I know their not all like that but around here its a bit differemt.

I've been in contact with my GP who helped me the last time but to get a detox I have to sign back on and wait(which I have done).He cannot do anything for me untill I'm back on the addiction register.

I started using cause I wanted releif from my grief and stress and before I knew it bang I was caught up in it again but I know I can do it I just wnt to stop thinking about ecerything in the past.Itsthis I can't cope with.I know the drugs don't help but they stop me cringing and giving out to myself like I'm some sorta mental case.

c'est la vie

Can you go to an ER for detox?

Madalaina

Hi Zoma!

Have you got back on the addiction registar yet?

What about an AA meeting? How are those around you? Just substitute drugs instead of alcohol. The NA program and my sponsor have taught me a new way of life. It has taught me how to deal with situations that cause me grief or stress, without using drugs. I bet it can help you as well, all you have to do is give it a try!

Hugs,
Alissa

Zoma

No c'est they don't do that here.And Alissa thanks but no thanks if I told you everything you would understand.I have a very supportive spouse plus close friends I can go to at any time day or night.Meetings are not for me,well not just yet anyway.I've seen to much happen at both AA and NA.my mother was a n alcoholic all my life and it finally killed her 7 years ago along with a swig of my methadone!!!!

I know everyone has a story but everyone has diferent methods of recovery mines not meetings.I just need to talk with people here for a start and try to deal with things better than I am.

I am back on the register bat as I said I may have to wait.It can take up to 8 weeks here just to be seen by a doctor who deals with addicts.You have to wait for a place in a chemist willing to give you methadone and then your GP takes over from there,detox etc.

Zoma

Oh yeh guys I just wanna say wow! and thanks I really didn't expect much of a reply.I feel a little better already.Thanks

Madalaina

And that is OK, my friend!

If you feel like this is a start for you, then so be it! We are here to listen! I'm glad your feeling a little bit better!

Hugs,
Alissa

c'est la vie

This is where a lot of people start. Just stick close by and keep posting.

eire rose

Hello Zoma,

I just wanted to welcome you to SR, its great to have another "Paddy" here, I am from Down.



My doc is alcohol and anything I can get my hands on when I am drunk, stick around, when I joined this site it wasn't for my own addiction, but that of my exabf, eventually I was able to get and stay sober.

Love, Rose

Arura

Welcome Zoma ...that little list looks familer...!

I also was a heroin addict for 17 yrs,..methadone, n then the crack moved in ...! any other drug was recreational...! It took me 7yrs to get SERIOUS about stoppin...!
So your in for abit of a ride, for ahwile as im sure you well know...

But there is MUCH hope ...down to ya Dr ...Dont do it alone, as WE carnt,

Meetings, n lots of outside help...! for your Underliying feelings to use.!
I wish you well ...the substance abuse forum has lots of folk n the NA forum are great lots of people who have been exactley were you are now...!
Like i said that list does sound familer...

Welcome to another Chance...

latenightlady

Oh Zoma..............I feel your pain.....right now I am going through a horrible time myself...........13 years sober (but more or less 13 years as a dry drunk!!)....."much" older than you are but the pain is the same. Hopefully I will head for an AA meeting tonight.........NO...I "AM" going to a meeting tonight!!! Don't be ashamed...you have a lot of baggage with your family sweetie........that alone would make a person "slip"...you have found a really great place here. I know I have. I don't post as often as I should but hopefully I will in the future....need to get my head together!! Please do the same.............the people here are great and will give you so much support. Hang in there!

dalin

like you do about meetings.
but gradualy they saved me from myself.
im just glad you are here

djfriedm

So glad that you've come here. This place can work wonders. The people are amazing here. We're all in this together you know. This is a really good place to start and hopefully we can help you in any way. Just surround yourself with the right kind of people and go from there!

German69

Hi Zoma,
I'm Siobhan and I'm an alcoholic, also still struggling (BTW, my husband is from Dublin, I'm German).
I know exactly how you feel, you know, that I can't stop right now BECAUSE...because, in my case, I'm afraid to experience a fatal anxiety/heartattack if I stop drinking suddenly. I relapsed 2 months ago after being sober for 6+ months.

I relapsed because I had a major grief/stress factor as well as a severe medical condition (temporarily) going on all at the same time...I didn't want to face the possibility of losing two people as well as my own life, all due to traumatic medical conditions (that were unrelated to drinking)...so I eased my extreme fear of dying and grief with beer. At first I started drinking "sensibly" (just a couple of beers to calm my nerves). But I'm back up to 8-14 beers a day. I was trying to cut down to 4 for days now, which is not working at all. So, today is my first day without. Currently, I'm just living without the drink and all my fears minute by minute and I hope I will be able to make it through this day without beer.
I'm so sorry you are in this boat as well.
Good luck to you.

Zoma

hi guys,

Holy **** I think I'm gona cry.Youse really know how to make someone feel welcome. I will be posting here as much as can as I can see already its gona help me a lot.One step at a time thats my mantra at the moment.

Just got a call from the docs today have to go see her on Monday to get the ball rollin.So that'l be the physical side of it sorted easy lol yeh right.Gone try a see a psyco maybe but'l I think this will do for now.