newbieintexas

I didnt know where else to post a question regarding AA and such so thought I would give this a shot.

I recently met someone who is a member of AA. I think that is awesome and they have my full support. I do not know how far along they are in the program and am confused about the dating thing. I know that members of AA have to get some sobriety under their belts before ready to pursue an interest in someone and that really confuses me.

We have went out several nights over the past two weeks and then the person I am interested in told me that we would have to keep it casual because they needed to reach the stable point to pursue a real commitment - which I understand but whats wrong with seeing someone who supports your involvement in AA and would not do anything to distract them but more or less have fun with and make that person feel good about themselves and take things as they come?

I was told that they wanted to continue seeing me and were not interested in anyone else but for the time being it has to be casual. I am not expecting to jump into a relationship right away, but if we keep it casual and we end up at a point in the future where I am ready and they arent? Should I continue seeing this person and taking a chance if I really like them?

Know this probably doesnt make sense and sounds like rambling but I am helpless and need some advice... please help me!

Thanks

Cynay

Hi and welcome....

I usually post in Friends and Family but let me give a shot at explaining.

First of all I would suggest you learn as much as you can about the disease of Alcoholism before you make any choices or decisions.

It sounds like your friend is probably in the first year of his soberity, They suggest no major changes in the first year which would include new relationships. I understand that you would not "intend" to be a distraction for him and want to support him.... but to be honest if he is an Alcoholic then chances are he really needs this time to learn how to make himself feel good and learn to support himself. You may not intend to be but more then likely you WILL be a distraction because you give him something else to focus on besides his recovery.

I know its really a hard concept to get.... but then so is Alcoholism. If you want to get more understanding my suggestions would be to read as much as possible, attend some open AA meetings and Al-anon meetings.

He really does need this time. Come on over to Friends and Family.... Lots of wise people over there that have been through it.