Feeling sick tired hopeless and sick of it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2
Feeling sick tired hopeless and sick of it.
I am probably on my 100th attempt in the past 2-years of quitting this beast that is sucking the life and soul out of me.
I have been drinking since I was 13,now thirty-six. Wow a 23yr. career
Im a ******* superstar!
If I could have only stuck with my football career that long, or with my guitar playing, exercise, saving money etc. I would be in a hell of a lot better place.
My drinking, although not a daily thing but when I do drink, boy do I put it away what started with a six pack, turned into a 12-pack to get the same effect and I have worked my way up to be able to put away 18-24 beers in an evening. It is ******* disgusting I am disgusted, my wife is worried sick about me. I cant go on like this.
I have been in and right out of AA, I hate it it makes me ill.
No offense to anybody that it works for thats great, for me I cannot stand it.
Just started seeing a therapist going to start working out again this week
I used to be in such good shape and I feel like Ive just been letting myself waste away.............drink away the pain and all of my problems.
My therapist is going to introduce meditation and yoga techniques in the process, which is kind of cool seeing as I have always been interested in that stuff and hell everything else I tried so far aint doing diddly.
Its strange cuz on the days I break from beer, I feel so much more alive and real
and just all around better in so many ways. Yet I stil fool myself 2-3 days a week that its going to be good this time. all of my joints hurt my bodyaches and the depressions I get with the hangover are enough to make me wish I was dead.
I feel so sorry for my wife having to deal with my a$$ I cant believe she is so willing to stick with me and believes in me, that I can change.
She'd be better off without my mess and baggage.
God I am so @#$%$#@ depressed.
The world just looks so ugly from where Im standing right now. Its a beautiful sunny day
but to me it looks like a turd.
I have been drinking since I was 13,now thirty-six. Wow a 23yr. career
Im a ******* superstar!
If I could have only stuck with my football career that long, or with my guitar playing, exercise, saving money etc. I would be in a hell of a lot better place.
My drinking, although not a daily thing but when I do drink, boy do I put it away what started with a six pack, turned into a 12-pack to get the same effect and I have worked my way up to be able to put away 18-24 beers in an evening. It is ******* disgusting I am disgusted, my wife is worried sick about me. I cant go on like this.
I have been in and right out of AA, I hate it it makes me ill.
No offense to anybody that it works for thats great, for me I cannot stand it.
Just started seeing a therapist going to start working out again this week
I used to be in such good shape and I feel like Ive just been letting myself waste away.............drink away the pain and all of my problems.
My therapist is going to introduce meditation and yoga techniques in the process, which is kind of cool seeing as I have always been interested in that stuff and hell everything else I tried so far aint doing diddly.
Its strange cuz on the days I break from beer, I feel so much more alive and real
and just all around better in so many ways. Yet I stil fool myself 2-3 days a week that its going to be good this time. all of my joints hurt my bodyaches and the depressions I get with the hangover are enough to make me wish I was dead.
I feel so sorry for my wife having to deal with my a$$ I cant believe she is so willing to stick with me and believes in me, that I can change.
She'd be better off without my mess and baggage.
God I am so @#$%$#@ depressed.
The world just looks so ugly from where Im standing right now. Its a beautiful sunny day
but to me it looks like a turd.
Last edited by HighOnFire; 09-16-2006 at 09:18 AM.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: home of the liquid sunshine-Florida
Posts: 294
Welcome! You are in the right place for support. Good luck in your endeavors.
I am an AA'er but there are other programs out there. AA is just tried and true with many members. Sometimes it takes a few meetings before you are comfortable. Was it the spirituality of the program, that deterred you? It is a very honest, rigorous and spiritual program.
In the mean time post here, read around and most important, DONT pick UP!
It really becomes very easy if we start putting other things in front ofdrinking. If you started drinking at 5:30 go take a run/walk, post here. meditate, do some yoga. Anything to avoid the first one.
I have found it relatively easy to NOT drink. It is by NOT picking up that first one, if I do....it's over.
ETA - I have been drinking since I was 15; blackouts and hard core partying started at 17. I am 32 now. It has been a long ugly journey for me. I was sick...sick of it all just like it sounds you are. This can be done. This is my longest time NOT drinking in 15 years. I am at 89 days. It does get better.
I am an AA'er but there are other programs out there. AA is just tried and true with many members. Sometimes it takes a few meetings before you are comfortable. Was it the spirituality of the program, that deterred you? It is a very honest, rigorous and spiritual program.
In the mean time post here, read around and most important, DONT pick UP!
It really becomes very easy if we start putting other things in front ofdrinking. If you started drinking at 5:30 go take a run/walk, post here. meditate, do some yoga. Anything to avoid the first one.
I have found it relatively easy to NOT drink. It is by NOT picking up that first one, if I do....it's over.
ETA - I have been drinking since I was 15; blackouts and hard core partying started at 17. I am 32 now. It has been a long ugly journey for me. I was sick...sick of it all just like it sounds you are. This can be done. This is my longest time NOT drinking in 15 years. I am at 89 days. It does get better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2
I am afraid
Hearing a lot of you folks stories has been very inspiring and thought provoking.
I want to quit this vicious circle. I really do.
I have been lucky enough to have avoided DUI's, Arrests and many other things that could make things alot worse. How I avoided them, GOD only knows, somebody out there somewhere must like me.
Sure I escaped all that good stuff, but I hcant escape the mental torture in my head,the self abuse I continously put on myself. This hangover today
I wish it was gone.
I want my physical and mental health back. I want to feel good again.
I want to quit drinking. So today I wont we'll see what happens next.
I want to quit this vicious circle. I really do.
I have been lucky enough to have avoided DUI's, Arrests and many other things that could make things alot worse. How I avoided them, GOD only knows, somebody out there somewhere must like me.
Sure I escaped all that good stuff, but I hcant escape the mental torture in my head,the self abuse I continously put on myself. This hangover today
I wish it was gone.
I want my physical and mental health back. I want to feel good again.
I want to quit drinking. So today I wont we'll see what happens next.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: home of the liquid sunshine-Florida
Posts: 294
Thats all you have to worry about. Just for today, dont pick it up!
I have the arrests, I have the DUI, drug probration, no license, etc.
What I also have is a new relationship with God, I have my girls, my husband, a car (when i get my license back) a mother who has held me out of the water more times than I can count. A LIFE WORTH LIVING without the hell. Without the addiction, without the constant NEED. Trust me the physical and mental part may not rebound as quickly as you would like, just don't get frustrated; it will happen. At almost 3 months, I still am not 100% physically and mentally but the numbers change every day!! Good Luck.
You are very fortunate to have a wife who still sees the real you and is willing to help draw him back out. Gotta love that!!!
I have the arrests, I have the DUI, drug probration, no license, etc.
What I also have is a new relationship with God, I have my girls, my husband, a car (when i get my license back) a mother who has held me out of the water more times than I can count. A LIFE WORTH LIVING without the hell. Without the addiction, without the constant NEED. Trust me the physical and mental part may not rebound as quickly as you would like, just don't get frustrated; it will happen. At almost 3 months, I still am not 100% physically and mentally but the numbers change every day!! Good Luck.
You are very fortunate to have a wife who still sees the real you and is willing to help draw him back out. Gotta love that!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: state of confusion..
Posts: 358
Stick Around Here. I did!
Hi. we all know what you mean AND HOW YOU FEEL! There is so much support here it's amazing. That's what we need....I NEVER did the AA thing. It was suggested, but...not my thin either. I was beginning to think I'd never get away grom the monster....My MONSTER is narcotics, prescription drugs...a stronger version of Vicodin...VERY addicting! i need to look and see HOW LONG I've been posting here! It's been A LONG HAUL! I am FINALLY happy to say I'm FREE of my demons! Talk to the people here. Youir life is not OVER. It could be the beginning of the kind of life you want. My husband is a saint for putting up qwith my a$$ too! They must really love us...If the tables were turned,m I think I'd have been long gone...can't really say for sure. Do stick around. Vent here. I came on to give support to those need it today. There were all of these good ppl that helped me in my deepest, darkest time of my life. I got better, and kinda just "booked." Shame on me! I need to "give back" what was given to me. Things will get better for you, I promise. You gotta have the faith that it will get better, it WON'T be easy, but it can be done. look at ALL of us....you're noit any different...just in the beginning phase of where we ALL were at one time. Time will get you where you want to be. Be strong. Hate your "monster". Do not let your "monster" defeat you. We are all here for you! You GO!
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Welcome to SR. I'm glad you have found us.
I didn't like AA when I first start going. It really rubbed me the wrong way. I hated my drinking life more than I disliked AA. I was willing to do anything to get sober, so I stuck it out and it worked.
There are other programs like Smart, Rational Recovery, Lifering to name a few. Good luck and I hope you can find something that will work for you. Sobriety is so worth the efforts.
I didn't like AA when I first start going. It really rubbed me the wrong way. I hated my drinking life more than I disliked AA. I was willing to do anything to get sober, so I stuck it out and it worked.
There are other programs like Smart, Rational Recovery, Lifering to name a few. Good luck and I hope you can find something that will work for you. Sobriety is so worth the efforts.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: FRIENDSWOOD, TEXAS
Posts: 500
Hi, my name is Anne, welcome to SR
I have gone through a total of 3 DWI's, jail time, license suspended til December of this year, which is a total 2 year suspension from my last DWI. I have been trying really hard but have had some relapses, wennt 33 days sober then relapsed then went about another week and relapsed and I also taking Campral which helps but is not a total cure, I am also sick and tired o f all this mess and want to quit drinking very badly.
I have gone through a total of 3 DWI's, jail time, license suspended til December of this year, which is a total 2 year suspension from my last DWI. I have been trying really hard but have had some relapses, wennt 33 days sober then relapsed then went about another week and relapsed and I also taking Campral which helps but is not a total cure, I am also sick and tired o f all this mess and want to quit drinking very badly.
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