Fear of Being Alone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 100
Fear of Being Alone
I hate being alone, when I'm alone I start thinking sh*t and start feeling sorry by myself. I'm more vulnerable when I'm alone. One of the things I used to drink for was to be more sociable and it worked most of the time. I've met some people in AA, they're pretty cool, I love to hang out with them. They're older than me, but I don't mind.
They've been around this town for a while and they also have their own friends. I'd like to hang out more time with them, but there are times that they don't include me in their plans and I start feeling sorry for myself for not having really close friends. I hate to be alone. When they don't include me in their plans I start with my obsessive thinking, "probabbly they don't like me that much, that's why they don't invite me". So then I start behaving certain ways to be accepted, or even start inviting them to stuff so I can fit in. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm just afraid to be left alone.
For example today I had talked to one of my friends about getting together to watch the baseball game, so we were going to meet at a certain spot, and he never showed up. It just makes me feel like sh*t, like if I wasn't worth anything, no call, no msg that he wasn't going to be able to make it, or anything. I don't want to call and ask what happened, because I don't want to frustrate others or make them feel I wan't to control them, but it pisses me off to get ditched. I also I'm kinda shy in calling them to see what they're up too, because they probabbly don't like me that much as their really close friends, probabbly only AA friends. I don't want to call and have them invite me over when they really don't want me around. I'm so insecure.
Should I call people when I want to do something or should I wait for them to call me?
Thx in advanced, peace.
They've been around this town for a while and they also have their own friends. I'd like to hang out more time with them, but there are times that they don't include me in their plans and I start feeling sorry for myself for not having really close friends. I hate to be alone. When they don't include me in their plans I start with my obsessive thinking, "probabbly they don't like me that much, that's why they don't invite me". So then I start behaving certain ways to be accepted, or even start inviting them to stuff so I can fit in. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm just afraid to be left alone.
For example today I had talked to one of my friends about getting together to watch the baseball game, so we were going to meet at a certain spot, and he never showed up. It just makes me feel like sh*t, like if I wasn't worth anything, no call, no msg that he wasn't going to be able to make it, or anything. I don't want to call and ask what happened, because I don't want to frustrate others or make them feel I wan't to control them, but it pisses me off to get ditched. I also I'm kinda shy in calling them to see what they're up too, because they probabbly don't like me that much as their really close friends, probabbly only AA friends. I don't want to call and have them invite me over when they really don't want me around. I'm so insecure.
Should I call people when I want to do something or should I wait for them to call me?
Thx in advanced, peace.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,474
It's always hard to try to fit in.
It seems like your friends enjoy your company and spending time with you. But, they have other things to do too. So, just relax and enjoy doing things with them and when you're by yourself, try to figure out things that you like doing. Maybe you could take a course, do some volunteer work - there are lots of things you can where you can meet new people and make friends.
Also, I think you'll find that as your sobriety continues, you will enjoy spending more time with yourself. You'll come to know and like yourself more and 'alone time' will be enjoyable.
It seems like your friends enjoy your company and spending time with you. But, they have other things to do too. So, just relax and enjoy doing things with them and when you're by yourself, try to figure out things that you like doing. Maybe you could take a course, do some volunteer work - there are lots of things you can where you can meet new people and make friends.
Also, I think you'll find that as your sobriety continues, you will enjoy spending more time with yourself. You'll come to know and like yourself more and 'alone time' will be enjoyable.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
((((( indigo ))))))
I'd give them a call.. because that's what you want to do and if you don't ask well, people aren't mind readers, and you won't get what you want out of the deal. Give em a call .. why not?
I had to spend a few months away from people, telephones and televisions when I was about your age. I thought I was gonna go nuts. I may have gone a little nuts but that got me to become comfortable inside my own skin. I remember I made a lot of stuff. A new quilt and some drapes. Did some paintings and drawings and other craft stuff. Does any of that interest you so that you do have a project that keeps you in yourself and not bored?
You're doing so well indigo.. I always hope to see you post here because I know how badly you want to beat these addictions and make some good choices for yourself. Rock on honeybunch!!!
I'd give them a call.. because that's what you want to do and if you don't ask well, people aren't mind readers, and you won't get what you want out of the deal. Give em a call .. why not?
I had to spend a few months away from people, telephones and televisions when I was about your age. I thought I was gonna go nuts. I may have gone a little nuts but that got me to become comfortable inside my own skin. I remember I made a lot of stuff. A new quilt and some drapes. Did some paintings and drawings and other craft stuff. Does any of that interest you so that you do have a project that keeps you in yourself and not bored?
You're doing so well indigo.. I always hope to see you post here because I know how badly you want to beat these addictions and make some good choices for yourself. Rock on honeybunch!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 100
So I called this guy who says he is my sponsor, we where going to go to a meeting tonight and then he leaves a voicemail that there are change of plans. I call him and I ask him what's going on, he has changed his plans. I ask him what's he up too, he says that he is going out with some "friends"... then I ask him, hey are you going out with Karl (he's the guy that ditched me today) and he says yeah I'm on my way to his house and tells me it's a good time to read the big book.
Now I just feel like sh-t, it's like if they don't want me hanging out with them, but I'm not going to ask them to invite me, or should I have to do that? Should I have to ask them if I can go? Or should they be the ones that invite me? I don't want to ask them if I can meet up with and then be all uncomfortable with them around. But just makes me feel like sh*t man, I feel lonely, I don't feel loved, I don't feel I have attention from others. Makes me feel like crap.
Now I just feel like sh-t, it's like if they don't want me hanging out with them, but I'm not going to ask them to invite me, or should I have to do that? Should I have to ask them if I can go? Or should they be the ones that invite me? I don't want to ask them if I can meet up with and then be all uncomfortable with them around. But just makes me feel like sh*t man, I feel lonely, I don't feel loved, I don't feel I have attention from others. Makes me feel like crap.
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