Is This Where I Introduce Myself?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: edmonton, alberta
Posts: 88
Welcome back Tosh!
I was reading along from the beginning and could not make sense of the fact that you were going to quit drinking on Sept. 12, 2006 - I just figured out that you had posted that over 2 years ago! Duh!
Anyway, I'm new here and am finding tons of support at SR. Glad you came back and are attending AA meetings.
Keep coming back!
I was reading along from the beginning and could not make sense of the fact that you were going to quit drinking on Sept. 12, 2006 - I just figured out that you had posted that over 2 years ago! Duh!
Anyway, I'm new here and am finding tons of support at SR. Glad you came back and are attending AA meetings.
Keep coming back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chepstow
Posts: 359
Thanks, guys/gals, it's good to be back, but even better because I'm now a sober alcoholic whose just starting out this exciting journey.
It was usefull for me to read my original post and see how naive and how little I knew about my problem; I can remember exactly my mindset when I typed it.
I was looking for an easy answer, and when given one; I didn't want to know because it didn't sound easy enough. AA sounded like I had to find God, study the Bible, and lots of other stuff. It just sounded too weird to me. Life without alcohol seemed an imposibility; I just wanted to reduce my drinking; I didn't believe it's possible to have an even better life without it.
When you arrive at a site like this still drinking, knowing nothing about the AA or alcoholism (apart from it's wrecking your health, wealth, happiness, and life), you guys can sound like you're on a different planet (which you/we are).
But six days into sobriety, it actually hasn't been the huge mountain to climb that I thought it would be. Live life one day at a time! Looking at a lifetime of not drinking frightened me to death; maybe it still does give me the 'heebie jeebies' during dark moments.
On day two of my sobriety I ended up out of desperation at my local AA group, and they were brilliant. They gave me HOPE that there was a route out of my drinking; most of my group looked healthy and happy.
What a shock it was to me when the chairman said, 'Hello, my name is X and I'm an alcoholic'. He said it with such confidence! I bet the shock of someone saying that out loud has lost it's power over you old AA hands, but it made me feel part of the group.
On my second AA meeting, another chairman gave an apology for the absence of a member because he was cycling from the Northern tip of the British Isles to the Southern point of the country.
Wow! An alcoholic cycling an arduous 800+(ish) miles; not mentioning all the preparation and planning that must go into that.
It's the little stuff like this that gives us n00bs hope and motivation not to pick up the bottle. I'm not saying it's been an easy six days; it feels much much longer, believe me. Don't you remember how time used to 'fly' when you were drinking and when you stopped, how everthing seemed to go slow? I've anxiety issues, my emotions are still all over the place, sleeping is a problem, but the fog is lifting in my head (though my short term memory and concentration is appalling (hence this disjointed post)); but there's been a definate change to my mindset.
I guess the real problem with AA is getting the alcoholics through the door in the first place; and helping them to keep an open mind.
It was usefull for me to read my original post and see how naive and how little I knew about my problem; I can remember exactly my mindset when I typed it.
I was looking for an easy answer, and when given one; I didn't want to know because it didn't sound easy enough. AA sounded like I had to find God, study the Bible, and lots of other stuff. It just sounded too weird to me. Life without alcohol seemed an imposibility; I just wanted to reduce my drinking; I didn't believe it's possible to have an even better life without it.
When you arrive at a site like this still drinking, knowing nothing about the AA or alcoholism (apart from it's wrecking your health, wealth, happiness, and life), you guys can sound like you're on a different planet (which you/we are).
But six days into sobriety, it actually hasn't been the huge mountain to climb that I thought it would be. Live life one day at a time! Looking at a lifetime of not drinking frightened me to death; maybe it still does give me the 'heebie jeebies' during dark moments.
On day two of my sobriety I ended up out of desperation at my local AA group, and they were brilliant. They gave me HOPE that there was a route out of my drinking; most of my group looked healthy and happy.
What a shock it was to me when the chairman said, 'Hello, my name is X and I'm an alcoholic'. He said it with such confidence! I bet the shock of someone saying that out loud has lost it's power over you old AA hands, but it made me feel part of the group.
On my second AA meeting, another chairman gave an apology for the absence of a member because he was cycling from the Northern tip of the British Isles to the Southern point of the country.
Wow! An alcoholic cycling an arduous 800+(ish) miles; not mentioning all the preparation and planning that must go into that.
It's the little stuff like this that gives us n00bs hope and motivation not to pick up the bottle. I'm not saying it's been an easy six days; it feels much much longer, believe me. Don't you remember how time used to 'fly' when you were drinking and when you stopped, how everthing seemed to go slow? I've anxiety issues, my emotions are still all over the place, sleeping is a problem, but the fog is lifting in my head (though my short term memory and concentration is appalling (hence this disjointed post)); but there's been a definate change to my mindset.
I guess the real problem with AA is getting the alcoholics through the door in the first place; and helping them to keep an open mind.
Last edited by Tosh; 05-02-2009 at 01:56 AM. Reason: clarity
It DOES get better.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Alright Tosh!! just read your post and saw it was from 2006 and then when I got to the end and saw you back it was Fanstastic!!! Well done mate, nice one. I'm a fellow englishman.
I can totally relate to you when you said you used to view this forum whils't drunk, I have read through posts on here many times comforted by my 9 cans of beer sitting next to me and thought how am I gonna give you up? your a part of me. I think I am gonna have to go to AA if I'm going to remain sober so it is good to hear that you got on alright and it helped you.
Once again mate, Nice one. ( That means well done to you American's!haha)
I can totally relate to you when you said you used to view this forum whils't drunk, I have read through posts on here many times comforted by my 9 cans of beer sitting next to me and thought how am I gonna give you up? your a part of me. I think I am gonna have to go to AA if I'm going to remain sober so it is good to hear that you got on alright and it helped you.
Once again mate, Nice one. ( That means well done to you American's!haha)
Last edited by Dee74; 10-28-2010 at 01:14 PM. Reason: edited by request
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Glad to see you finally found AA. Better late than never. Don't be in a hurry to rush through the steps. Get yourself a sponsor who has some serious sobriety behind him. Work with that sponsor and you'll be amazed as to how much your life will change. And I hope that you're no longer blaming the Army, your ancestors, Santa Claus, or the local librarian for your alcoholism.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chepstow
Posts: 359
9th day sober today!
And the funny thing is, the Heathen I am, I'm quite looking forward to tonights AA meeting.
I can't believe how much FUN they are. I guess if you stick a load of crazy alcoholics in one room, then there's got to be some laughs along the way.
Not one of the posts I've read mention that!
Of course, under the thick veneer of humour, there's a serious side.
Cheers guys.
PS. I'm the 'tea lady' now. I was given this job on my second visit, and I've got to transport the mugs, tea, coffee, milk etc to each meeting. I suspect I was given this job to ensure I keep going; because if I don't, they don't get their tea/coffee.
One of the blokes reckons I'm honoured; he used to be given a brush to sweep the floor with!
And the funny thing is, the Heathen I am, I'm quite looking forward to tonights AA meeting.
I can't believe how much FUN they are. I guess if you stick a load of crazy alcoholics in one room, then there's got to be some laughs along the way.
Not one of the posts I've read mention that!
Of course, under the thick veneer of humour, there's a serious side.
Cheers guys.
PS. I'm the 'tea lady' now. I was given this job on my second visit, and I've got to transport the mugs, tea, coffee, milk etc to each meeting. I suspect I was given this job to ensure I keep going; because if I don't, they don't get their tea/coffee.
One of the blokes reckons I'm honoured; he used to be given a brush to sweep the floor with!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: in France
Posts: 393
Hi Tosh
I like what you said about the sense of humour. I'm on day 6 without adrink and i thought how miserable it would be but some of the posts and sometimes in the chatroom i really do laugh-even though I'm in depression. that's cause there are some really great people on this site. Really interesting and funny people-and of course i mean funny in the most positive way possible.
I like what you said about the sense of humour. I'm on day 6 without adrink and i thought how miserable it would be but some of the posts and sometimes in the chatroom i really do laugh-even though I'm in depression. that's cause there are some really great people on this site. Really interesting and funny people-and of course i mean funny in the most positive way possible.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Tosh first of all let me welcome you back to SR and say I am glad you have found AA to your liking.
Tosh I will be honest and say for a while I thought that statement had lost its power with me, but about 2 months ago I realized just how much power that simple statement has. There is a lady in my home group who the first month she was coming just seemed so miserable and withdrawn, she had never introduced herself as an alcoholic, simply by her first name which is an option. Any how about 2 months ago there was something different about her, a kind of confidence I guess would be the best way to describe it, any how when she decided to share she introduced herself as an alcoholic and grinned from ear to ear as she said it, I actually choked up because I could see the power those simple words had for her, she was free of the stigma and was ready to move on. Looking back those were the most freeing words I ever said.
Very wise words Tosh!!! The open mind and honesty I have found to be the key once I walked through those doors.
LOL Oh yea, I have heard the old timers in my area speak of cleaning ash trays after meetings...... and actually staying sober doing it!!! Glad all the meeting in my area are non-smoking!
Tosh 9 days is awesome!!! Congrats!
BTW do you have a sponsor yet?
What a shock it was to me when the chairman said, 'Hello, my name is X and I'm an alcoholic'. He said it with such confidence! I bet the shock of someone saying that out loud has lost it's power over you old AA hands, but it made me feel part of the group.
I guess the real problem with AA is getting the alcoholics through the door in the first place; and helping them to keep an open mind.
PS. I'm the 'tea lady' now. I was given this job on my second visit, and I've got to transport the mugs, tea, coffee, milk etc to each meeting. I suspect I was given this job to ensure I keep going; because if I don't, they don't get their tea/coffee.
One of the blokes reckons I'm honoured; he used to be given a brush to sweep the floor with!
One of the blokes reckons I'm honoured; he used to be given a brush to sweep the floor with!
Tosh 9 days is awesome!!! Congrats!
BTW do you have a sponsor yet?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chepstow
Posts: 359
Taz,
I haven't got a sponsor yet; but I've one in mind; I just need to guts to ask him. He's a big brash Geordie (a Geordie is someone from the North East of England) like myself and has been sober for about 20 years.
I've asked another long term AA member what my potential sponsor would be like as a sponsor, and he reckons he's a quality guy to have as a sponsor, but is currently sponsoring someone else. So I'm not sure if he'll take me on too.
This potential sponsor, so I've been told, is 'big' on the Steps, and tells you how it is. I guess I'm the type that needs a bit of firm guidance!
But steps 4 and 9 worry me daft! But I'll leave the fretting for now and just do it a step at a time, and take life a day at a time; as they say
.
I can only ask.
I haven't got a sponsor yet; but I've one in mind; I just need to guts to ask him. He's a big brash Geordie (a Geordie is someone from the North East of England) like myself and has been sober for about 20 years.
I've asked another long term AA member what my potential sponsor would be like as a sponsor, and he reckons he's a quality guy to have as a sponsor, but is currently sponsoring someone else. So I'm not sure if he'll take me on too.
This potential sponsor, so I've been told, is 'big' on the Steps, and tells you how it is. I guess I'm the type that needs a bit of firm guidance!
But steps 4 and 9 worry me daft! But I'll leave the fretting for now and just do it a step at a time, and take life a day at a time; as they say
.I can only ask.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Tosh my God man!!! It sounds to me as though the guy would be a good choice, I do not know about the UK, but here in the states it is not uncommon for a man to have more then one sponsee, I have 4, my sponsor has several men as well.
Oh yea did I mention my sponsor was a biker and still looks like one! My sponsor is very similar to the man you describe:
I like you needed the same thing as you:
I am the same way!
Funny thing, but all of my sponsees and I are like that!
I can tell you from my experience that the steps as spelled out in the BB are the key to good long term sobriety. So any sponsor that is by the BB and into the steps is a good sponsor.
Oh yea did I mention my sponsor was a biker and still looks like one! My sponsor is very similar to the man you describe:
is 'big' on the Steps, and tells you how it is.
guess I'm the type that needs a bit of firm guidance!
Funny thing, but all of my sponsees and I are like that!
I can tell you from my experience that the steps as spelled out in the BB are the key to good long term sobriety. So any sponsor that is by the BB and into the steps is a good sponsor.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chepstow
Posts: 359
Hi all,
I'm sorry to resurect a three-year-old post, but I just thought I'd add an update, since I started this one.
Well, I'm still sober and I'm now an extremely happy customer of AA; I'm nearly four months sober I think too.
It's funny for me to read over this old post, it just shows what my mindset was like. i.e, I didn't really want to stop drinking, just be a normal drinker and not an alcoholic; failing that I wanted pills to stop me drinking; my esteem was low (so I told lies bigging myself up), and in my first post I asked if life was worth living without alcohol.
LOL!
Well, that's what I was like. What happened was I found AA and someone gave me a Chris R AA speakertape and I listened to his story. He really excited me about the programme and I got stuck into the Steps.
I no longer have the obsession with alcohol and on top of that, almost as a fringe benifit, I have this great programme for keeping me on the straight and narrow; which is just where I want to be.
What I find the funniest is remembering reading those posts from people trying to help me, suggesting AA, and I thought 'no way, those guys are religious nuts and that'll never work for me; can I have the pills please?'
It's an interesting journey isn't it; not without it's humour too.
Thanks for your help guys and gals,
Tosh, a happy alcoholic and a grateful member of AA!
I'm sorry to resurect a three-year-old post, but I just thought I'd add an update, since I started this one.
Well, I'm still sober and I'm now an extremely happy customer of AA; I'm nearly four months sober I think too.
It's funny for me to read over this old post, it just shows what my mindset was like. i.e, I didn't really want to stop drinking, just be a normal drinker and not an alcoholic; failing that I wanted pills to stop me drinking; my esteem was low (so I told lies bigging myself up), and in my first post I asked if life was worth living without alcohol.
LOL!
Well, that's what I was like. What happened was I found AA and someone gave me a Chris R AA speakertape and I listened to his story. He really excited me about the programme and I got stuck into the Steps.
I no longer have the obsession with alcohol and on top of that, almost as a fringe benifit, I have this great programme for keeping me on the straight and narrow; which is just where I want to be.
What I find the funniest is remembering reading those posts from people trying to help me, suggesting AA, and I thought 'no way, those guys are religious nuts and that'll never work for me; can I have the pills please?'
It's an interesting journey isn't it; not without it's humour too.
Thanks for your help guys and gals,
Tosh, a happy alcoholic and a grateful member of AA!
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi tosh, Glad to hear your doing well!! it's funny because I just read my post in this thread from when I first became a member of SR and I can't believe how far I've come since then. I was also at the stage of wanting to quit deep down but not being able to realistically get my head around a future without booze. How thats changing now!! Feels great and extremely liberating.
I had to go out a few more times and put myself through lots more pain but I needed to do that to reach where I am now; 33 days sober and feeling great about it.
Keep on keeping on Man,
I had to go out a few more times and put myself through lots more pain but I needed to do that to reach where I am now; 33 days sober and feeling great about it.
Keep on keeping on Man,
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Tosh Thanks for bringing back this thread, I was already into AA when I found this site, but I can hear myslef in your posts, both past & present. Odd how we fight the hardest against the very thing that saves us and brings us peace and happiness. I can remember when I was the man, I could do anything all by myself, my way, any one who asked for help and did anything with the help of others was a loser!!!
Funny how we learn that in order to get on the winning side we have to surrender!
Funny how we learn that in order to get on the winning side we have to surrender!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Congratulations Tosh. I don't see old threads like this one come around very often. It's a great thing to see. It shows what determination and resolve can lead to. You're an inspiration to us all. Keep up the good work!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chepstow
Posts: 359
Originally Posted by KenL 
Congratulations Tosh. I don't see old threads like this one come around very often. It's a great thing to see. It shows what determination and resolve can lead to. You're an inspiration to us all. Keep up the good work!
So what I used to do when I was obsessing about drinking was to stick an AA Speakertape on (some of them are really funny too) and tell myself I could go and buy some booze, but I had to listen to a speaker tape first.
Funnily enough, by the time the tape had finished, I didn't need to drink and the moment had passed. I don't know what the rules are about posting links on this site, but if you google for XA Speakers, you'll find thousands of speaker tapes. I recommend Chris R (you can search the site for him).
But at around the two month mark, I don't know when exactly, at around Step 9 (as yet still much to do), I found I didn't want to drink; the obsession with alcohol had gone; is gone and as long as I work the programme of AA, I reckon I'm in a safe place. What I'm saying is I didn't really have to do much, only to be willing and to have an open mind, no white-knuckling (or very little and only at the begining). I'm almost frightened to say this, but my God did the rest (and he's a fairly laid back, easy going God).
I say I'm frightened to post the 'God bit', because that's what switched me off from AA in the first place; I'm not religious; but I didn't know that all I needed is a belief in a power greater than myself, and being desperate, that was easy to find. I know some just believe that GOD stands for Group of Drunks (an AA meeting group). I just didn't realise that I didn't have to be Catholic or something to do AA!
So to be honest, I suffered very little with alcohol obsession, only at the begining; I replaced much of that obsession with the Programme of AA, and at about two-months sober I felt free from wanting to drink at all. I wish I listened to some of the guys/gals who tried to help me sooner, because from my initial post to when I found AA I had another two-and-a-half years of suffering. But that's all my fault; I'll have that!
It's great to be here, sober too!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
