Hoping I Make It Through
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 12
Hoping I Make It Through Heres my story...
My drinking is WAY out of control. I have been drinking since I was 14, and I am 29. I have destroyed relationships, friendships and am in a financial crisis. I have had sex with my boyfriends friends, and I even made a porno with one of them two weeks ago. Last night was the last straw, cause I went to my boyfriends house, and he wasnt there. I ended up having sex with his roommate.
I have made the decision this morning to stop, but I am scared I am going to fail, again. I made this same decision two weeks ago, when I realized what I had done on camera. I was so sure that I was through with drinking, but yesterday I thought "I will just have a couple". Well, a couple of drinks led to some memory loss and a bad hangover with more regrets.
WHEN WILL I FINALLY OVERCOME THIS???????
My drinking is WAY out of control. I have been drinking since I was 14, and I am 29. I have destroyed relationships, friendships and am in a financial crisis. I have had sex with my boyfriends friends, and I even made a porno with one of them two weeks ago. Last night was the last straw, cause I went to my boyfriends house, and he wasnt there. I ended up having sex with his roommate.
I have made the decision this morning to stop, but I am scared I am going to fail, again. I made this same decision two weeks ago, when I realized what I had done on camera. I was so sure that I was through with drinking, but yesterday I thought "I will just have a couple". Well, a couple of drinks led to some memory loss and a bad hangover with more regrets.
WHEN WILL I FINALLY OVERCOME THIS???????
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Welcome to SR, you have come to a good place to learn how others have changed their lives. Remember that we cannot change our past, but we can move on and learn from it. There is hope. As was said before, you can learn and make things different from here on out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: home of the liquid sunshine-Florida
Posts: 294
WOW! Hey, how did you get control of me?? First I want to say welcome! Second, I will say I have done sooo many horrible things while drinking. Instant slu.t just add alcohol. Third, YOU DONT HAVE TO DO IT ANYMORE!!!!
Praise be to God I am sober and the slu.t in me has been forcibly removed. I simply dont have these thoughts while sober.
It can be difficult at times, but you know what, think about that video, when you want to drink, see if that helps a tad. Think about the person you are on alcohol and see if you really want to continue that lifestyle.
You are not alone! We all do stupid things while under the mind controlling substances that we abuse. Let's not abuse them anymore. OIn fact, let just stop altogether.
AA has been wonderful to me. I finally have a sponsor and am starting to really work the program. If all this sounds confusing, don't worry. Things will clear. I suggest finding a meeting and going to some. It helps to be with others face to face with the same problems.
The main point behing AA and the program is
1) learning how to live a good sober life
2) cleansing and purging ourselves by working the steps designed
3) once purged - upkeep is essential
4) helping other alcoholics - whether it is by sharing your story, giving some advice or making coffee at a meeting
Keep posting! You CAN do this.
BTW you wont overcome this until you really want to and to get started DONT pick up the drink. Change people, places and things that make you want to drink. Recognize your triggers (things that make you feel like drinking) and try to avoid them.
I am 32 and have been drinking since I was 15, this is my longest time sober at 74 days, it CAN be done! We can help each other
Praise be to God I am sober and the slu.t in me has been forcibly removed. I simply dont have these thoughts while sober.
It can be difficult at times, but you know what, think about that video, when you want to drink, see if that helps a tad. Think about the person you are on alcohol and see if you really want to continue that lifestyle.
You are not alone! We all do stupid things while under the mind controlling substances that we abuse. Let's not abuse them anymore. OIn fact, let just stop altogether.
AA has been wonderful to me. I finally have a sponsor and am starting to really work the program. If all this sounds confusing, don't worry. Things will clear. I suggest finding a meeting and going to some. It helps to be with others face to face with the same problems.
The main point behing AA and the program is
1) learning how to live a good sober life
2) cleansing and purging ourselves by working the steps designed
3) once purged - upkeep is essential
4) helping other alcoholics - whether it is by sharing your story, giving some advice or making coffee at a meeting
Keep posting! You CAN do this.
BTW you wont overcome this until you really want to and to get started DONT pick up the drink. Change people, places and things that make you want to drink. Recognize your triggers (things that make you feel like drinking) and try to avoid them.
I am 32 and have been drinking since I was 15, this is my longest time sober at 74 days, it CAN be done! We can help each other
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,231
Hi Star and welcome to Sr. My name is Sharon and Im an alcoholic.
There are many miracles that happen right here in SR. You too can be one of those miracles.
We all have a story inside of us that we've shared so far or needs to be shared. The reason why we share our ESH...experiences, strengths and hopes with each other is to show we have all been down those roads before. Most have hit the lowest of lows in their bottom and thru the miracles of recovery have turned their lives around.
It all starts with the DESIRE and WIILINGNESS.
The First Step to take is:
ADMITTING THAT YOU ARE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL AND THAT YOUR LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE.
There will be many suggestions offered to you for the taking....its all free...
Suggestions like search for u an AA meeting near you. Look in the yellow pages. Many have walked thru the doors of AA scared and full of fear but once they set foot in the room they are welcomed by friendly smiling faces willing to guide u along the way.
A suggestion to attend 90 meetings in 90 days for beginners. I use to hear this many times.....bring the body and the mind will follow.....just go, sit there, listen absorb what u can and if after 90 days uve heard nothing that appeals to u then they will glad refund ur misery.
If u want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it then u r in the right place.
There are many kind caring members here in SR and they too will be along shortly to share their own words of wisdom with you.
Keep coming back.
There are many miracles that happen right here in SR. You too can be one of those miracles.
We all have a story inside of us that we've shared so far or needs to be shared. The reason why we share our ESH...experiences, strengths and hopes with each other is to show we have all been down those roads before. Most have hit the lowest of lows in their bottom and thru the miracles of recovery have turned their lives around.
It all starts with the DESIRE and WIILINGNESS.
The First Step to take is:
ADMITTING THAT YOU ARE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL AND THAT YOUR LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE.
There will be many suggestions offered to you for the taking....its all free...
Suggestions like search for u an AA meeting near you. Look in the yellow pages. Many have walked thru the doors of AA scared and full of fear but once they set foot in the room they are welcomed by friendly smiling faces willing to guide u along the way.
A suggestion to attend 90 meetings in 90 days for beginners. I use to hear this many times.....bring the body and the mind will follow.....just go, sit there, listen absorb what u can and if after 90 days uve heard nothing that appeals to u then they will glad refund ur misery.
If u want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it then u r in the right place.
There are many kind caring members here in SR and they too will be along shortly to share their own words of wisdom with you.
Keep coming back.
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 12
Update:
I am on day 2, and I feel pretty good. I took a long hot bath this morning, and I am just going to relax with the kids. My son is in band, and he is going to play a "song" for me.
I didnt even remember what instrument he played. How pathetic.
I will try and remember that next time I want a drink.
Thank you guys so much for being here.
I am on day 2, and I feel pretty good. I took a long hot bath this morning, and I am just going to relax with the kids. My son is in band, and he is going to play a "song" for me.
I didnt even remember what instrument he played. How pathetic.
I will try and remember that next time I want a drink.
Thank you guys so much for being here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Houston area
Posts: 56
I can't tell you what to do, and I feel like consentual exploration is a valid sexual preference, but you might find that distancing yourself from these men can help you explore if feelings about this are contributing to your alcoholism.
(two cents worth from another brand-newbie)
Hugs from a fellow Texan! I hope we all can make it together! I did my first meeting last night and it was a real breakthrough for me!
Day three and counting!
(two cents worth from another brand-newbie)
Hugs from a fellow Texan! I hope we all can make it together! I did my first meeting last night and it was a real breakthrough for me!
Day three and counting!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Star...yes I too was a relapse queen with alcohol.
After 4 years in and out of AA
I read
"Under The Influnce by Milam & Ketcham
I used the info there + God + AA
and have not had another drink.
You can order it from Amazon
as well as
"Beyond The Influence" it's sequel.
Keep trying...you CAN stay quit.
After 4 years in and out of AA
I read
"Under The Influnce by Milam & Ketcham
I used the info there + God + AA
and have not had another drink.
You can order it from Amazon
as well as
"Beyond The Influence" it's sequel.
Keep trying...you CAN stay quit.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: dc
Posts: 62
good luck! i hope you are doing well. i have similar issues as you when i am under the influence, but i also think it is result of some other psychological problems that i have- either way it has made me decide to become sober as well, and i am on day 2- and on my way to a meeting in the next few minutes
keep strong and keep in touch.
keep strong and keep in touch.
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 12
Thank you everybody!
Today has gone by fast. I have slept most of the day, just getting up for a meal and water. I have had this endless thirst. I should be well hydrated, since I havent drank since Friday night but, I feel like I drank last night. Who knows, I think I am going through a mild detox.
It is that time, when the cravings start, so I decided to get on SR and check the post's, and probably have a hot bath. This may begin to be routine for me, since it has been working the past few nights.
"Angel" has been great. We didnt talk much about my problem last night, he was just here and thats all I needed. We ate dinner, talked about other things like our childhood and school. Then we watched a comedy and went to sleep.
I might go to a meeting tonight. It will be my very first, ever. We will see. Let me just jump in the great big tub and see how I feel.
I have no energy. Can anybody give any advice on how to feel better? All I want to do is sleep.
Today has gone by fast. I have slept most of the day, just getting up for a meal and water. I have had this endless thirst. I should be well hydrated, since I havent drank since Friday night but, I feel like I drank last night. Who knows, I think I am going through a mild detox.
It is that time, when the cravings start, so I decided to get on SR and check the post's, and probably have a hot bath. This may begin to be routine for me, since it has been working the past few nights.
"Angel" has been great. We didnt talk much about my problem last night, he was just here and thats all I needed. We ate dinner, talked about other things like our childhood and school. Then we watched a comedy and went to sleep.
I might go to a meeting tonight. It will be my very first, ever. We will see. Let me just jump in the great big tub and see how I feel.
I have no energy. Can anybody give any advice on how to feel better? All I want to do is sleep.
Recovering perpetual kid...
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Layton Utah
Posts: 219
Good luck Star, just do it for 24 hours and then do it again and again... It's amazing how the days will add up. In time you'll start feeling better physically emotionally and your thinking will grow clear and sharp. Until then, take it easy, rest, eat good, drink lots of pure water, meetings are good... Keep us up to date. My thoughts are with you, here's a dose of positive mojo...
Hang loose, Doc.
Hang loose, Doc.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by Star180
I have had sex with my boyfriends friends, and I even made a porno with one of them two weeks ago.
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Summerside, PEI
Posts: 110
Wow Star - you're cruising right along aren't you? Great job!
It's great when we can actually function through the day and remember what happened during it eh?
Keep going, another day almost done.
It's great when we can actually function through the day and remember what happened during it eh?
Keep going, another day almost done.
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