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scared of what to do...

Old 08-14-2006, 10:25 PM
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scared of what to do...

Hi I'm really new at this but I need someone's advice. I've been happily married for 9 years to an A. Tonight I had enough courage to do some snopping around because of a few "weird" occurances lately. Low & behold I found the bottle that might change my future that my husband was hiding in his truck. I took the bottle out of the truck so when he goes for it he'll know that I found it. I'm so numb with all sorts of emotions I can't think straight. We have 5 amazing teenagers between us, this could change everything. Should I approach him first or wait for hime to admit to it?
Thanks I'll take any advice.
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Old 08-14-2006, 10:29 PM
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You have been "happily" married for 9 year..you have great kids...

No reason to take off..calm down..confront him...discuss a solution to help him get through it. He needs you the most at this time.
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Old 08-14-2006, 10:34 PM
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jeephers - first of all welcome! this place is great for support!
second, i fit more in the category of your husband, i would hide all my beer cans around the house, so my husband wouldn't find out how much i was actually drinking. speaking from my own experience, hubby had to confront me about the amount i was drinking, i didn't want to own up to the fact i had a problem.
there is also a "friends and family of alcoholics" section on this site that might be helpful to you also! i hope all goes well for you!

Stay strong!

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Old 08-14-2006, 11:04 PM
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Welcome to SR!

Here is a link...the top sticky post have good info..

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/

Blessings to all of you...
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Old 08-14-2006, 11:23 PM
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Originally Posted by jeephers
Hi I'm really new at this but I need someone's advice. I've been happily married for 9 years to an A. Tonight I had enough courage to do some snopping around because of a few "weird" occurances lately. Low & behold I found the bottle that might change my future that my husband was hiding in his truck. I took the bottle out of the truck so when he goes for it he'll know that I found it. I'm so numb with all sorts of emotions I can't think straight. We have 5 amazing teenagers between us, this could change everything. Should I approach him first or wait for hime to admit to it?
Thanks I'll take any advice.
I used to be married to an alcoholic and we were co-enablers. I remember one time I was thinking I had to quit and I told my wife I wanted to stop drinking. She basically said something like, "what the hell are you talking about? You don't have any problem. Get a beer." Obviously, if she had said she would support me she would have had to come dangerously close to admitting her problem. IF I had married a woman who truly supported her husband, I might have been sober 10 years ago. I'm not blaming her, as it was always my own responsibility. It's just that alcohol can have an amazing power over people.

Don't confront your husband in a hostile way, as that will give him the excuse to lash out and run away from the situation, which he might do anyway. I have no idea what you are going to go through, but if he can come to see what he needs to do, it will be tons easier if he can rely on you for support. I'd also expect him to go through some major mood swings while his body readjusts.

I'm hoping all goes for the best for you and your family. They always tell the alcoholic to take it a day at a time, and I think you have to do so as well. Talk to people (e.g., your doctor) and get info so you can know what to expect.

Take care of yourself and keep us up to date.
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Old 08-15-2006, 04:39 AM
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If this is the first time in 9 years that this has happened, you might consider trying to help him through this.

If it's an ongoing problem, then that's a different situation.
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Old 08-15-2006, 05:30 AM
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Welcome to SR,
I agree, check out the friends and family part of this site, there is a ton of info and people in your situation who can give you some insight on how best to handle this.
I know from personal experience as the alcoholic, I had to realize that I needed help, that I was indeed an alcoholic and until I did, people telling me made me angry, I did hear their words but I had to be the one to make changes, it had to be "my idea" Denial is such an easy thing when you are the one who is there.

Please dont expect changes overnight, or even for him to admit it at first, if he does, wonderful, but dont count on it. Alcoholism is a very EVIL disease, it plays tricks on ones brain and it lies and cheats everyone involved but remember, it is the disease, so if he does deny things, be gentle at first, be supportive and most importantly, remember yourself and your kids first. The emotional strain can be a really hard thing for the family and loved ones as well. Take care of yourself and stay strong. Keep posting and reading, this place is wonderful!!!!!
I wish you the best, keep us posted!
Liss
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Old 08-15-2006, 05:57 AM
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Thank you for the great advice. I didn't know my husband when he was drinking so I really don't know what I'm up against. He did tell me that he was an A from the get go. It was never a problem, but as I look back his mood swings have been more often. I thought it was stress from our business....
I guess I'm in for the fight of my life.....I tought that my eyes were already open.
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Old 08-17-2006, 08:05 AM
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Hang in there and just talk to him calmly and tell him that you are there for him and want to help in any way that you can. He may deny it at first but don't fall for it. Make sure that he knows that you are positive about his problem and you are not mad but want to help if you can. Talk this out with him and don't be accusing. I wish you the best of luck! Let us know how it goes.

GP
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Old 08-28-2006, 10:31 AM
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Thanks for listening. I did confront him, of course he acted like he didn't know what I was asking. I wanted HIM to tell me what I found (the bottle) in his truck. Of course my tears came unvoluntarily (sp). He confessed to drinking since March!!! How could I have been soooo stupid. His family thinks he's clean. The only person that has found out is me. We have a combined family of 5 teenagers, they will be devasted! I have been very supportive and I realize how difficult it is for him. He told me that he misses the social aspect of drinking. I'm lost!
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