I want to quit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: orange county, ca
Posts: 15
I want to quit.
Hey, my name is Matt and I'm an alcoholic. By any definition. I've never said that before, I've never been to meetings. I've never posted on a board like this. But I HAVE to do something to give myself that final push I need to truly quit. I keep quitting quietly, not telling anyone about it - so there are no consequences, then falling right off the wagon - and none of my friends are any wiser.
Here's my problem.... and I'd really like to know if there are others out there like this: I drink too much, but my life is not a disaster. I haven't lost my job, I've never gotten in a fight, I haven't crashed my car or gotten a DUI. I have called in "sick" when I was really hung over, but not excessively. I can totally keep it together at family or work gatherings and only have 2 or 3. I don't drink at completely inappropriate times. And I don't have a list of people to apologize too. But I still want to quit.
Why? I have blackouts WAY too often. And more in the last couple years than ever before. I want to REMEMBER my life. I'm a 32 year old single man. I LOVE to go out and meet single-women. You can't have ANY sort of "game" when you're slobbering drunk. I spend roughly $40/night and go out 4-5 nights a week. That's $720 / month. I could be driving a VERY nice car right about now..... There are great bars/clubs to meet women at (or just have fun with friends) that I never go to because I'd have to drive. So instead I limit myself to a bike-able radius around my house, or spend too much money on cabs... I'm at 16% bodyfat, which is great and healthy, etc... but I really want to get down to 12% and the only thing holding me back is the empty calories in the alcohol I drink. I only smoke cigarettes when I drink. I ALWAYS smoke cigarettes when I drink. I'll never stop smoking cigarettes unless I stop drinking. I'm a Christian man. God doesn't want me wasted all the time. I am LUCKY to have thus far escaped serious injury or death in my blackout times. It would be very easy to get hit by a car, fall down stairs, etc, etc. I'm going to have to stop someday because my liver (and my lungs from the smoking) aren't going to put up with this forever. If I don't quit, I'm literally taking years off my life. I can't tell you guys how many times I haven't been able to "function" properly sexually because I was too drunk to be of any use.... and even if everything did work, I was too drunk to remember everything as vividly as I would have liked. ;-)
But the number ONE reason I want to quit, far above everything else.... is that I use alcohol as a CRUTCH. Can't talk to that girl at the bar unless I'm drunk first, can't dance with that other girl until I get drunk, can't hang out in the sun on my patio without a beer, can't have fun with my friends without a beer... That's what I hate. I'm a better/stronger person than that! And I HAVE gone out sober before and hung out in a bar full of drunk people and had a GREAT time! So I know it's possible. I actually had a better time! I remembered everyone's name, I could drive, I had "game" with women, etc, etc.
I went on the AA site about a year and a half ago and it said the only people AA doesn't work for is those who don't want to quit. At the time I didn't want to quit so I said @#$@ it! And I didn't. But now I want to. I just don't know if I can. I've pretty much laid out the laundry list of reasons WHY I want to quit. Seems like a no brainer right?! But I don't know if I can. Despite all that, there is that DESIRE to drink. I just plain want to get drunk. I like being drunk; it's fun! But it's no longer worth all the negative consequences I've listed. I don't know why I'm posting this... I don't know what I expect. I just know I really, really, really want to quit. I hope somehow you guys can help me get over that hump and make it stick this time. I don't want to hit "rock bottom" and loose my job, my health, damage relationships, etc. I want to be smarter than that and stop now. So how do I do this? Do I tell my friends? I don't want to tell them, then fail and they see me drinking a week later. Is it easier if I make a big announcement.... or what? I don't have a problem going out and being around drunk people while I'm sober. That's no more of a trigger for me than sitting on the couch. Besides, I don't want to quit having a life and going out... I want to quit drinking! I have quit for a month at a time before (as part of a diet/exercise regimine) so I know it's possible. And I know I'm truly an alcoholic, or quitting would be a non-issue. People who don't have problems with alcohol, don't compose a long-winded narrative to a bunch of strangers on the internet about how they want to quit! Lol!
Here's my problem.... and I'd really like to know if there are others out there like this: I drink too much, but my life is not a disaster. I haven't lost my job, I've never gotten in a fight, I haven't crashed my car or gotten a DUI. I have called in "sick" when I was really hung over, but not excessively. I can totally keep it together at family or work gatherings and only have 2 or 3. I don't drink at completely inappropriate times. And I don't have a list of people to apologize too. But I still want to quit.
Why? I have blackouts WAY too often. And more in the last couple years than ever before. I want to REMEMBER my life. I'm a 32 year old single man. I LOVE to go out and meet single-women. You can't have ANY sort of "game" when you're slobbering drunk. I spend roughly $40/night and go out 4-5 nights a week. That's $720 / month. I could be driving a VERY nice car right about now..... There are great bars/clubs to meet women at (or just have fun with friends) that I never go to because I'd have to drive. So instead I limit myself to a bike-able radius around my house, or spend too much money on cabs... I'm at 16% bodyfat, which is great and healthy, etc... but I really want to get down to 12% and the only thing holding me back is the empty calories in the alcohol I drink. I only smoke cigarettes when I drink. I ALWAYS smoke cigarettes when I drink. I'll never stop smoking cigarettes unless I stop drinking. I'm a Christian man. God doesn't want me wasted all the time. I am LUCKY to have thus far escaped serious injury or death in my blackout times. It would be very easy to get hit by a car, fall down stairs, etc, etc. I'm going to have to stop someday because my liver (and my lungs from the smoking) aren't going to put up with this forever. If I don't quit, I'm literally taking years off my life. I can't tell you guys how many times I haven't been able to "function" properly sexually because I was too drunk to be of any use.... and even if everything did work, I was too drunk to remember everything as vividly as I would have liked. ;-)
But the number ONE reason I want to quit, far above everything else.... is that I use alcohol as a CRUTCH. Can't talk to that girl at the bar unless I'm drunk first, can't dance with that other girl until I get drunk, can't hang out in the sun on my patio without a beer, can't have fun with my friends without a beer... That's what I hate. I'm a better/stronger person than that! And I HAVE gone out sober before and hung out in a bar full of drunk people and had a GREAT time! So I know it's possible. I actually had a better time! I remembered everyone's name, I could drive, I had "game" with women, etc, etc.
I went on the AA site about a year and a half ago and it said the only people AA doesn't work for is those who don't want to quit. At the time I didn't want to quit so I said @#$@ it! And I didn't. But now I want to. I just don't know if I can. I've pretty much laid out the laundry list of reasons WHY I want to quit. Seems like a no brainer right?! But I don't know if I can. Despite all that, there is that DESIRE to drink. I just plain want to get drunk. I like being drunk; it's fun! But it's no longer worth all the negative consequences I've listed. I don't know why I'm posting this... I don't know what I expect. I just know I really, really, really want to quit. I hope somehow you guys can help me get over that hump and make it stick this time. I don't want to hit "rock bottom" and loose my job, my health, damage relationships, etc. I want to be smarter than that and stop now. So how do I do this? Do I tell my friends? I don't want to tell them, then fail and they see me drinking a week later. Is it easier if I make a big announcement.... or what? I don't have a problem going out and being around drunk people while I'm sober. That's no more of a trigger for me than sitting on the couch. Besides, I don't want to quit having a life and going out... I want to quit drinking! I have quit for a month at a time before (as part of a diet/exercise regimine) so I know it's possible. And I know I'm truly an alcoholic, or quitting would be a non-issue. People who don't have problems with alcohol, don't compose a long-winded narrative to a bunch of strangers on the internet about how they want to quit! Lol!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,448
You're right about it being a non-issue if you were not an alcoholic and as you said, the reason you're here is because you know that you're an alcoholic. You are very lucky to know this and to know you need to stop before things get worse than they are. Things will get worse if you do not stop, that is inevitable.
There's lots of support here and inspiration. You can do this!
There's lots of support here and inspiration. You can do this!
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Congrats to you for making the decision. You can do it, you said that several times in your post. You will probably find a lot of friends in AA, they can help yo along the way as well.
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: long beach, calif
Posts: 9
Tell me if this sounds familiar
When I got sober, I had very similar circumstances. I was a functioning alcoholic. I could limit myself to two or three when I went out. I could even say no. All of my friends drank and smoked pot like me, I was not unusual. I had a job and a life.
But, like you, I also had side effects. You mentioned blackouts, which from what I have learned are very dangerous. I had my own little joys called, depressions. A big side effect for me was a depressed mood. I was already suffering from some clinical depression, but the drugs and alcohol only catalyzed it. Just as dangerous as blackouts, if not more so. I also knew I was an addict. And I desperately wanted to quit.
I hear you brother. I will be honest. My road to sobriety was very hard. I had to change all my playmates and playgrounds. No more bars and clubs. Fewer concerts. More meetings, therapy, sober friends, coffee, sober dances. Don't get me wrong, I began to really enjoy these sober activities. Accept that you are going to have to make some changes to make this work.
Go to meetings. Do this forum, as well, but go to in person meetings. Listen for the similarities between you and others. Not just the story. How they feel and felt. You will most likely relate to a lot of sh$@. Keep posting man,
we can help.
But, like you, I also had side effects. You mentioned blackouts, which from what I have learned are very dangerous. I had my own little joys called, depressions. A big side effect for me was a depressed mood. I was already suffering from some clinical depression, but the drugs and alcohol only catalyzed it. Just as dangerous as blackouts, if not more so. I also knew I was an addict. And I desperately wanted to quit.
I hear you brother. I will be honest. My road to sobriety was very hard. I had to change all my playmates and playgrounds. No more bars and clubs. Fewer concerts. More meetings, therapy, sober friends, coffee, sober dances. Don't get me wrong, I began to really enjoy these sober activities. Accept that you are going to have to make some changes to make this work.
Go to meetings. Do this forum, as well, but go to in person meetings. Listen for the similarities between you and others. Not just the story. How they feel and felt. You will most likely relate to a lot of sh$@. Keep posting man,
we can help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Hiyas Matt!!! Welcome to SR.
Like others, I can relate to what you are saying. I too was a functioning alcoholic.....I never hit rock bottom, had a DUI, or lost anything. But I would have. (A different addiction caused me to lose a ton of money but thats another show LOL) Only you can decide as far as telling your friends etc. I didnt because I felt that to do so and then "slip" would just be setting myself up for future failure. I just told them I wasnt in the mood, had things to do, was driving etc. I also had to let go of a few party buddies, when I did though, I realized that they were just that....."party buddies" not real friends, my real friends are still here and accept me rather I am drinking or not.
I take my life one day at a time now. I am discovering triggers and weaknesses that cause me to want to drink and when they hit, I keep busy doing positive non-alcohol things. When the evil alcoholic voice in my head starts pressuring me to drink, I come here and post instead.....the support in unbelieveable!
You have already taken the first big step in recovery.......realizing the problem and seeking help in fixing it. WTG! You can do this. Keep posting and reading here, go back and check out AA or a different group, whatever it takes to help you. Sobriety is a wonderful thing......I keep a journal too, it helps me remember all the negative things I had/did while drinking as well as all the positive reasons I quit.
Take Care!!!!
Liss
Like others, I can relate to what you are saying. I too was a functioning alcoholic.....I never hit rock bottom, had a DUI, or lost anything. But I would have. (A different addiction caused me to lose a ton of money but thats another show LOL) Only you can decide as far as telling your friends etc. I didnt because I felt that to do so and then "slip" would just be setting myself up for future failure. I just told them I wasnt in the mood, had things to do, was driving etc. I also had to let go of a few party buddies, when I did though, I realized that they were just that....."party buddies" not real friends, my real friends are still here and accept me rather I am drinking or not.
I take my life one day at a time now. I am discovering triggers and weaknesses that cause me to want to drink and when they hit, I keep busy doing positive non-alcohol things. When the evil alcoholic voice in my head starts pressuring me to drink, I come here and post instead.....the support in unbelieveable!
You have already taken the first big step in recovery.......realizing the problem and seeking help in fixing it. WTG! You can do this. Keep posting and reading here, go back and check out AA or a different group, whatever it takes to help you. Sobriety is a wonderful thing......I keep a journal too, it helps me remember all the negative things I had/did while drinking as well as all the positive reasons I quit.
Take Care!!!!
Liss
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: South Florida
Posts: 51
You can do it mattman. If I as a man with a 30 year drinking career that turned into periods when I would binge drink for days on end, a wek usua;lly a week was about as long as I could binge before becoming violently ill..then yo can do it.
I've got until friday this week and I'll have been sober and dry for 30 days. The first week was misery with the withdrawals, but after almost a month I am feeling darn good.
I never lost my job either, I'm a self employed General Contractor and always managed to keep the business going, but now I've got a much better handle on it.
A stranger looking at me and my lifestyle would think I have it pretty well together, a nice home, a successful business, my wife drives a BMW Z4......but the hidden part that only those closest to me realized is what would have likely killed me in the next several years if I didn't stop.
I like being sober, I really like it........
Good luck to you..............if I can give it up then I believe anyone can do it, I was pretty far gone.
I've got until friday this week and I'll have been sober and dry for 30 days. The first week was misery with the withdrawals, but after almost a month I am feeling darn good.
I never lost my job either, I'm a self employed General Contractor and always managed to keep the business going, but now I've got a much better handle on it.
A stranger looking at me and my lifestyle would think I have it pretty well together, a nice home, a successful business, my wife drives a BMW Z4......but the hidden part that only those closest to me realized is what would have likely killed me in the next several years if I didn't stop.
I like being sober, I really like it........
Good luck to you..............if I can give it up then I believe anyone can do it, I was pretty far gone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 161
Hi
I'm a single 31 year old functioning alcoholic (if there is one). I have never had a DUI. I have good career, car, and an apartment.
I had my real moment over a month ago. Realized that I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't drink like you - drank alone a lot. But also did it with my ex at pubs and clubs to be social and fun etc.
I can only speak for myself now. I had to come to reach the point where I had to quit and find other things to do. There are tons of ways to meet people without drinking. I've also thought long and hard about relationships and I'd like to meet someone who doesn't drink (or does once a year) and alcohol is not a factor in there lives. I don't want to meet a bar star.
So maybe you can think of all the great women you can meet who are into the sober you and like hanging out not drinking. Find some stuff you like doing sober. For me - big ones is reading, seeing movies, running, and rock climbing.
There's some awesome and wonderful things to do aside from the bars. And some great people who do them like going to coffee shop and talking about politics, taking a walk, etc.
I was liberated last week when I went to a pub and drank cranberry/soda and didn't feel all deprived. Also observed some obnoxious drunk people in the past few weeks.
It's all possible!!! My thoughts are with you. I'm sure the sober guy is way cooler then the drunk one.
I'm a single 31 year old functioning alcoholic (if there is one). I have never had a DUI. I have good career, car, and an apartment.
I had my real moment over a month ago. Realized that I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't drink like you - drank alone a lot. But also did it with my ex at pubs and clubs to be social and fun etc.
I can only speak for myself now. I had to come to reach the point where I had to quit and find other things to do. There are tons of ways to meet people without drinking. I've also thought long and hard about relationships and I'd like to meet someone who doesn't drink (or does once a year) and alcohol is not a factor in there lives. I don't want to meet a bar star.
So maybe you can think of all the great women you can meet who are into the sober you and like hanging out not drinking. Find some stuff you like doing sober. For me - big ones is reading, seeing movies, running, and rock climbing.
There's some awesome and wonderful things to do aside from the bars. And some great people who do them like going to coffee shop and talking about politics, taking a walk, etc.
I was liberated last week when I went to a pub and drank cranberry/soda and didn't feel all deprived. Also observed some obnoxious drunk people in the past few weeks.
It's all possible!!! My thoughts are with you. I'm sure the sober guy is way cooler then the drunk one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: orange county, ca
Posts: 15
Thanks guys! It really helps to hear your stories and realize I'm not the only one in that place. I think there's a tendancy to put people into 2 camps - The moderate drinker who can go out and have 2 drinks, 3 max. And then the raging alcoholic, crashes car, loses job, drinks to blackout 7 days a week. And I think there's also a tendancy to not think you need help until you are squarely in camp number 2. Well I'm not as bad as camp number 2. But I also have many, many Saturday nights I can't remember. I've tried for the last year and a half to "take it easy" to moderate. Occassionally I can. And I think that's why it's taken this long to realize I need to stop. Because when I do drink responsibly and keep it together it makes me think quitting is extreme. Last month, I went home to visit the family and had 4 beers at a 6 hour barbecue. Totally reasonable. My uncle meanwhile got completely annihilated blackout drunk. It's easy, and tempting in that situation to say, "I don't have a problem. I'm not even drunk. I'm not like my uncle." But a week later I was just as drunk as he was out at my local bar... I don't understand that? How can I easily keep it together in some situations but not others? 4th of July we had a huge party at my house with 3 kegs and the whole deal. It was going to be an all day event. I knew this going in so I drank water - beer - water - beer - water all day long and did GREAT! I got buzzed but I never got too drunk. How come I can't always do that??
The thing is I have to build in these controls. If I just let myself go and drink the way I want to, I'll get TOO drunk almost every time. I'd like to think I could repeat my 4th of July behavior every time (Heck I'd even be OK with MOST of the time!) but my track record shows I can't. I guess that's why I'm here and posting. I realize the "keep it together" times were becoming more and more the exception and less the rule. I don't want to wait until it's blackout EVERY time before I quit. You know? Beer-water-beer-water works GREAT for me. And I know this. Yet I fail to stick to it. I make excuses why I can just have another beer and then get to the water. Or why I HAVE to take the shot someone bought me even though I don't do shots. Or why I'll do beer-water tomorrow, but tonight I just want to get drunk. I don't know. I guess I don't HAVE to quit. No one does. But the alternative of having to constantly, mentally fight to "moderate" seems so much harder than just stopping altogether.
And then of course the fact that I devote this much time and mental energy to this topic tells me that at the very least I "have a problem with alcohol." I know it'd be a heck of a lot easier to quit if I did have something extreme happen, if I did hit rock-bottom. It's kind of harder to get off and stop on the WAY down, then all the way at the bottom. But that's a blessing too. I don't want to find the bottom! A DUI would make me stop, but it'd be a DUI.... or a lost job, ruined relationship, or getting beat up or..... whatever. I don't know. I don't see this getting easier and better. Like I magically drink less and less and don't ever blackout again. I don't think that's realistic. I think my options are QUIT or keep battling and struggling to drink moderately. In my opinion that's a bigger fight than not drinking at all.
And I realize there are other things to do than hang out at the bar, but I also KNOW sober people go to bars. I ENVY them. I want to be one of them. I think it's absolutely awesome to be able to go hang out with friends, socialize, laugh, dance, meet girls and do it all sober. That's a STRONGER, better person that can do that. That's what makes me want to quit more than anything. "Hey look, I'm having fun and I didn't have to get wasted first."
The thing is I have to build in these controls. If I just let myself go and drink the way I want to, I'll get TOO drunk almost every time. I'd like to think I could repeat my 4th of July behavior every time (Heck I'd even be OK with MOST of the time!) but my track record shows I can't. I guess that's why I'm here and posting. I realize the "keep it together" times were becoming more and more the exception and less the rule. I don't want to wait until it's blackout EVERY time before I quit. You know? Beer-water-beer-water works GREAT for me. And I know this. Yet I fail to stick to it. I make excuses why I can just have another beer and then get to the water. Or why I HAVE to take the shot someone bought me even though I don't do shots. Or why I'll do beer-water tomorrow, but tonight I just want to get drunk. I don't know. I guess I don't HAVE to quit. No one does. But the alternative of having to constantly, mentally fight to "moderate" seems so much harder than just stopping altogether.
And then of course the fact that I devote this much time and mental energy to this topic tells me that at the very least I "have a problem with alcohol." I know it'd be a heck of a lot easier to quit if I did have something extreme happen, if I did hit rock-bottom. It's kind of harder to get off and stop on the WAY down, then all the way at the bottom. But that's a blessing too. I don't want to find the bottom! A DUI would make me stop, but it'd be a DUI.... or a lost job, ruined relationship, or getting beat up or..... whatever. I don't know. I don't see this getting easier and better. Like I magically drink less and less and don't ever blackout again. I don't think that's realistic. I think my options are QUIT or keep battling and struggling to drink moderately. In my opinion that's a bigger fight than not drinking at all.
And I realize there are other things to do than hang out at the bar, but I also KNOW sober people go to bars. I ENVY them. I want to be one of them. I think it's absolutely awesome to be able to go hang out with friends, socialize, laugh, dance, meet girls and do it all sober. That's a STRONGER, better person that can do that. That's what makes me want to quit more than anything. "Hey look, I'm having fun and I didn't have to get wasted first."
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,448
You have a great attitude Matt!
Most of us have done the rationalizing thing where we tell ourselves all kinds of stories to convince ourselves we aren't alcoholics and we can control our drinking. I tried for ages to control my drinking and it never lasted for very long. One of the upsides of not drinking is losing the mental obsession. My mind was consumed with when will I next drink, where, how much, etc. It was so freeing to have my mind back!
Most of us have done the rationalizing thing where we tell ourselves all kinds of stories to convince ourselves we aren't alcoholics and we can control our drinking. I tried for ages to control my drinking and it never lasted for very long. One of the upsides of not drinking is losing the mental obsession. My mind was consumed with when will I next drink, where, how much, etc. It was so freeing to have my mind back!
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Mattman....
Welcome to SR!!!! You've taken the first step, and while I have no words of wisdom, know we are behind you and cheering you on!!!
There'll be more along shortly with encouragement, welcome and words of wisdom. LOL
Welcome to SR!!!! You've taken the first step, and while I have no words of wisdom, know we are behind you and cheering you on!!!
There'll be more along shortly with encouragement, welcome and words of wisdom. LOL Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 24
Matt - you must be my soulmate...
I can SO relate to almost all you wrote. The BIG difference is I am not single and I have a family. I drink because I feel it makes me calmer but then I cross the line and I am incoherent, I black out. I pretend I am just exhausted but I KNOW the truth.
Maybe together we can do it.
Maybe together we can do it.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Matt..
For understanding alcoholism...I recommend...
"Under The influence"
and it's sequel
"Beyond The Influence"
they are carried by Amazon
I want to address the blackout issue.
I spent most of a decade with them.
They were a part of my drinking.
I thought all drinkers had them.
On page 119 in "Under" blackouts are explained.
Also..not until I found how my brain and liver
enzymes processed alcohol incorrectly..
information in "Under" did I finally quit.
That book saved my sanity and AA keeps me in recovery...
Glad to see you here..
For understanding alcoholism...I recommend...
"Under The influence"
and it's sequel
"Beyond The Influence"
they are carried by Amazon
I want to address the blackout issue.
I spent most of a decade with them.
They were a part of my drinking.
I thought all drinkers had them.
On page 119 in "Under" blackouts are explained.
Also..not until I found how my brain and liver
enzymes processed alcohol incorrectly..
information in "Under" did I finally quit.
That book saved my sanity and AA keeps me in recovery...
Glad to see you here..
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
MattMan welcome! You're in the right place!
You say that you believe you're an alcoholic, and I would agree with you based on your mention of repeated blackouts and a growing loss of control. Your story sounds a lot like me over the years, and I'm definitely an alkie and have been one for a long time.
Its good that you're facing it now rather than waiting for the condition to get worse. Treating the condition BEFORE it introduces a lot of problems (health, legal, financial, etc) into your life is definitely a good thing! Its like any disease -- the sooner you recognize it, face it and start treating it, the better.
In the past I've tried the beer-water-beer-water approach too. I only had limited success with it and only for short periods of time. For one thing, it was dependent on my ability to remember to do it and to stick with it, (at least one water after every beer). Of course, the more beer I had, the less I cared about balancing it with water. By the time the beer tasted like water I simply didn't care anymore.
No matter how much water you drink during the night, think about trying to explain to a judge how much time you spent in the bar drinking. All the judge is going to care about is how many beers you downed. Now pretend that the judge is YOU.
Non-alcoholics don't drink for hours on end. Their typical average is about two drinks all evening. "When I'm drinking normally I'm not having fun -- but when I'm having fun, I'm not drinking normally". You wouldn't sit there and put down a six pack or more of Coca-cola in one evening, now would you?
Wouldn't you like to get rid of all that "white-knuckling" too? You know, "should I go out or shouldn't I?"... "should I have a beer or shouldn't I?"... "well maybe I can stop at just four tonight"... "hope I have enough sense when the place closes to get home okay tonight"...
But anyway... I would certainly recommend finding an AA group to check out. Sit through a few meetings and see what its all about. No matter what you'll learn a little bit.
You won't, however, learn how to drink "normally" -- that's not what AA is about. You've stated repeatedly that you simply want to quit drinking. That IS what AA is all about. There's no stigma attached.
You'll meet a great group of people. Focus on the similarities and not the differences. You'll find that there's a surprisingly large number of people that you have a lot in common with. Your experiences won't be anything new to anyone, and you'll be amazed at the amount of affirmation and support you'll receive if you're honest and sincere. There are literally MILLIONS of people going through exactly the same thing you are.
Definitely check out some meetings. You'll probably be surprised at what you find.
You say that you believe you're an alcoholic, and I would agree with you based on your mention of repeated blackouts and a growing loss of control. Your story sounds a lot like me over the years, and I'm definitely an alkie and have been one for a long time.
Its good that you're facing it now rather than waiting for the condition to get worse. Treating the condition BEFORE it introduces a lot of problems (health, legal, financial, etc) into your life is definitely a good thing! Its like any disease -- the sooner you recognize it, face it and start treating it, the better.
In the past I've tried the beer-water-beer-water approach too. I only had limited success with it and only for short periods of time. For one thing, it was dependent on my ability to remember to do it and to stick with it, (at least one water after every beer). Of course, the more beer I had, the less I cared about balancing it with water. By the time the beer tasted like water I simply didn't care anymore.
No matter how much water you drink during the night, think about trying to explain to a judge how much time you spent in the bar drinking. All the judge is going to care about is how many beers you downed. Now pretend that the judge is YOU.
Non-alcoholics don't drink for hours on end. Their typical average is about two drinks all evening. "When I'm drinking normally I'm not having fun -- but when I'm having fun, I'm not drinking normally". You wouldn't sit there and put down a six pack or more of Coca-cola in one evening, now would you?
Wouldn't you like to get rid of all that "white-knuckling" too? You know, "should I go out or shouldn't I?"... "should I have a beer or shouldn't I?"... "well maybe I can stop at just four tonight"... "hope I have enough sense when the place closes to get home okay tonight"...
But anyway... I would certainly recommend finding an AA group to check out. Sit through a few meetings and see what its all about. No matter what you'll learn a little bit.
You won't, however, learn how to drink "normally" -- that's not what AA is about. You've stated repeatedly that you simply want to quit drinking. That IS what AA is all about. There's no stigma attached.
You'll meet a great group of people. Focus on the similarities and not the differences. You'll find that there's a surprisingly large number of people that you have a lot in common with. Your experiences won't be anything new to anyone, and you'll be amazed at the amount of affirmation and support you'll receive if you're honest and sincere. There are literally MILLIONS of people going through exactly the same thing you are.
Definitely check out some meetings. You'll probably be surprised at what you find.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by mattman
Here's my problem.... and I'd really like to know if there are others out there like this: I drink too much, but my life is not a disaster. I haven't lost my job, I've never gotten in a fight, I haven't crashed my car or gotten a DUI. I have called in "sick" when I was really hung over, but not excessively. I can totally keep it together at family or work gatherings and only have 2 or 3. I don't drink at completely inappropriate times. And I don't have a list of people to apologize too. But I still want to quit.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: berkshire massive..UK
Posts: 225
Hi Matt
your doing the right thing..wish you well...
It is chuffing hard.. sounds like you know you need to do it. Just remind yourself of some of the crap. Sounds like there is some.. ..eg. blackouts.
You mention being drunk being fun. . Heres 4 points you mentioned which are a result of this fun activity.. :
- I am LUCKY to have thus far escaped serious injury or death in my blackout times. It would be very easy to get hit by a car, fall down stairs, etc, etc.
- I'm going to have to stop someday because my liver (and my lungs from the smoking) aren't going to put up with this forever
- Can't talk to that girl at the bar unless I'm drunk first, can't dance with that other girl until I get drunk, can't hang out in the sun on my patio without a beer, can't have fun with my friends without a beer.
- I haven't been able to "function" properly sexually because I was too drunk to be of any use.... and even if everything did work, I was too drunk to remember everything as vividly as I would have liked.
your doing the right thing..wish you well...
It is chuffing hard.. sounds like you know you need to do it. Just remind yourself of some of the crap. Sounds like there is some.. ..eg. blackouts.
You mention being drunk being fun. . Heres 4 points you mentioned which are a result of this fun activity.. :
- I am LUCKY to have thus far escaped serious injury or death in my blackout times. It would be very easy to get hit by a car, fall down stairs, etc, etc.
- I'm going to have to stop someday because my liver (and my lungs from the smoking) aren't going to put up with this forever
- Can't talk to that girl at the bar unless I'm drunk first, can't dance with that other girl until I get drunk, can't hang out in the sun on my patio without a beer, can't have fun with my friends without a beer.
- I haven't been able to "function" properly sexually because I was too drunk to be of any use.... and even if everything did work, I was too drunk to remember everything as vividly as I would have liked.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: orange county, ca
Posts: 15
I think the notion of a "progressive disease" is helping me with this decision. Fine I'm not as bad as some people, and not as bad as I could be, and I don't absolutely HAVE to stop now. I could continue drinking, continue living my life, working my job... That's one option, I could definitely keep doing what I'm doing. But it's GOING to get worse. And worse things are going to happen. I either quit now or quit later. Or live my life in an alcholoic haze and die young. I think I'd rather quit now.
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