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Do any of you really care . . . What I have to say? I feel like I don't fit in. :bigcry |
Will you tell that voice to shut up that says you don't fit in. We really really really value you here you do fit in we need you doll. Keep coming back |
Hi OnceNice... I probably care as much for your posts as you do for mine... :) I've read your posts before, and have posted in return a few times. I do know that feeling of being "less than" and I get a feeling you have some of that going on with you today. Perhaps rather than posting in Newcomers, it is time for you to try venturing out into some of the other forums. You have some days of sobriety under your belt, don't you? In that case, you have something to offer... something others can turn to when they ask, "how does this work?" "can I really do this deal" "are you sure?"... you can post what has worked for you. One of the best things *I've* ever picked up around the tables is that the feeling of being "not quite quite good enough...." or that of "not belonging" or feeling "part of".... is TYPICAL for those of us who use drugs or alcohol. Hell, that WAS the answer alcohol gave me! Without it, I've had to find other answers. For me, they have been there... but it means giving up my victim status (for me, THAT has been a difficult and ongoing battle) and trying to accept the truth when others hand it to me. I am good enough. And that IS the truth. I wish you well. |
All of us here, no matter what we are here for care. I'm not an addict, my husband is and I am a co-dependent. The people on this site help me to learn what I need to by sharing the experience, strength and hope (ESH) with me. We care about everyone on here. I care about what you have to say. |
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome !!!! My inner voice told me that too for a while - still does too when I start a thread and no one answers IMMEDIATELY (haha) That's my self-centeredness... I've finally realized that sometimes the people that I've met here and that are familiar with me and share the same issues as me just don't happen to be on-line at the time..usually when I come back later there are several replys.. I also found that I got to know people better when I read thru other posts and responded to them..the ones I identified with....Don't worry - We all love you and are glad that you are here !!! Keep posting and tell us a little bit about yourself !!!! xoxo (hugs) Janni :Val004: |
****{Rose}}} Where have you been... what's going on? Of course we care... there are so many posts here it's hard to keep track of one person unless they post often....... Keep posting...keep comming back! Big hugs... |
You are an important part of my recovery and i need to read your posts, keep coming back. :coaster |
Originally Posted by OnceNice What I have to say? I feel like I don't fit in. :bigcry |
Thanks everyone. I'm just really bumming today. I did post on the Alchohol forum. I stink at staying sober. Hi Cindi R. I'm back on day one today. Taking some stupid medicine that is suppose to stop the cravings. Worrying about going home tonight. Worrying about everything. People are super nice on here. Its not about not getting responses, its like I can't keep anyone's interest. Ya know. Some of these threads have 129 responses to it. I know that's probably my self centerness. Its this pathetic stupid pity party that I"m on. Please, did you all ever have these pity party's. This weekend I downed a bottle of Vodka. I never ever drink Vodka. And called someone from my past and told them off. Said something horrible and hung up. Something that happened 20 years ago. How bout that pity party. I've been drinking my stupid life away for this one incident (excuse i know) and then I called drunk. Don't even remember too much of what I said so I guess I didn't get much satisfaction. I'm on a pity trip. How the hell do I get off . Thanks |
That just it Doorknob. I know its stupid. No one is making me feel bad at all. I just feel like I don't fit in. Not the drinking part. I know that I'm a drunk. I think I feel like I don't fit in because I haven't gotten what you all have gotten yet. So, I surf along here every once in a while and post. Then I go away, cause I'm worried about you all getting tired of ole OnceNice and her pity pot party. Heck everyone. I'm getting tired of it too. Could I be approaching the sick and tired part. God I hope so. I scared to quit drinking because of the thoughts. Its not fun anymore. I don't drink with others. I drink by myself in my house. Its not fun. Why is it so hard to give up. I don't want to drink like this anymore. ITS NOT FUN. SO WHY DO I DO IT. MAKES NO DARN SENSE. |
The Next Right Thing !!! Welcome Back !!!!! You did the next right thing !!! Congratulations for coming back..I'm fairly new here - so I didn't know you before... Personally - What I would do next is call my Sponsor and go to an AA meeting..From what you are saying it sounds like your alcoholism has progressed..I am praying you can stay sober today..It is only one day at a time.... Many people here use methods other than AA - so I can't comment on that..All I can tell you about is what has worked for me for 7 yrs...one day at a time..24 hrs at a time..with support from my sponsor and my sober women friends... You are in my prayers and Congratulatios for coming back to your friends and support group here !!!!! I am grateful for my new friends here that provide me with their experience strength and hope !!! Hang in there !!!!! :Val004: Janni |
Rose.... 5 years ago today I was sick and tired of being sick and tired..... I had given another dirty UA and was awaiting the results... I was torn between giving up on my career...as a nurse...to pursue my life as an addict... I had no idea how live life clean and sober... I could not begin to imagine a life either with or without drugs and alcohol... I was 39 years old and had been self medicating since I was 14..... I was high on meth.... I really don't know "why" I decided that next day to give treatment a try..... but by the Grace of God and the fellowship of NA and AA I've been sober one day at a time ever since... What I did do is followed the suggestions of the people who were sitting around those tables... meetings, sponsor, steps.... I don't really know "how" it works.... but it worked for me! the obsession to use has gradually been removed.... There were many times that I, too felt that I "didn't belong"....especially in the beginning. That's our disease talking, wanting to keep us sick.... The choice is yours, Rose... at any time you can make the decision to stop beating yourself up and pick up the toolbelt that awaits you in the rooms... It's a simple program but no one will tell you that it's an easy program... As you get to know people, you will become more comfortable around the tables... try different meetings, look for different times and locations....try to make a meeting every day...or more. I once attended 3 in one day! Now, I could walk into any group and feel at home, because I know that I have friends in every city across the nation and even in other countries... We always welcome "out of towners"... they have new stories to share... Although, in reality, I've slacked off in going to face to face meetings during the last year or so since my sponsee died.... I just felt like I didn't have anything useful to give... but I do see that I need to get back to the basics once again... |
Thanks cindi. I think the hardest part is walking up to someone you really don't know and asking them to help you. I'm not afraid to ask for help, but some people are weird ya know and you don't usually find out someone is weird till you get to know them. Talking to strangers and calling htem on the the phone is not too much fun. |
I was pretty wierd when Iwas drinking (ha ha) I know what you mean - our radar is not verygood in early sobriety..If we pray to whatever might be taking care of us and "helping us" get sober to guide us to the right people - we'll have a better chance... At the meeting I go to - they usually ask if there are any newcomers..If you can muster the Courage to stand up and introduce yourself..people will come to you after the meeting and save you the stress there.. Also at the meeting I go to - they sometimes ask if the Sponsors Available will please Stand..They are pretty good people and you can go to any of them to ask questions.... The other option is to listen to the people who speak and see if any of them sound like someone who is a bit like you - or someone you'd like to get to know and talk to them after the meeting... Just some suggestions to try and make things a bit easier.. If you tell people you are new - you will be Welcomed with open arms and offered lots of help - Just ask for what you need!!! I am so happy for you that you are reaching out here !!!! :Val004: Janni |
Don't be too happy for me Janni. I've been on here before. Just like how I've been in and out of AA. Last May when I tried to kill myself and they put me in the nut house. Literally. I thought I was going to rehab, but they put me in this center where people could hardly talk. I just wanted out. Anyway, I thought that would be my bottom, but it wasn't. I used to think rehab would be good, but they literally put me in there with people who had problems that were not addictive. These people stole my clothes and would touch on me. They spoke nothing of drinking. It was like being in an old time mental institution. I was amazed. Sorry, I'm just babbling now. Thanks all for listening. |
Awww I think you got lotsa interesting things to say and it seems you've survived some rough times, OnceNice. :hug: Marte |
If I didn't care I wouldn't be here. There are over 20,000 members on this site. If we each took the full amount of time to spend with each member that would be wanted or needed, we would never sleep or go off line *LOL* You fit in, you do matter but as I stated... there are over 20,000 here. Personally, for me, I try to answer as I see a need and spread support around as much as I can. I may reply to 20 of your posts or I may not reply to a post for another 20 days. Many times it is a matter of who is here and asking what when I show up. Yes pity parties happen with me from time to time as well but I have learned you get a sore butt from sitting on the pity pot for long times *LOL* I get myself off as fast as I can. So as far as how many replies ... timing, who is around with an answer at the moment, and many times... a great answer is given, no need to reply further is a reason replies stop coming. You do matter and this place is filled with many people who do care. |
Thanks Marte. I just know that when I'm on my way home tonight. My mind will start thinking and I'll start drinking. I'm running out of places to go now. I pretty well ticked everyone off. Not because I was mean, they are just tired of me and my stupid behavior for the last 20 years. I just assume you all are getting tired of it too. |
Originally Posted by OnceNice I just assume you all are getting tired of it too. *HUG* You will find your answers and I know you can do it. |
I do care Rose. I've been gone for the week. I'm glad you're here. |
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