RenewedHope

Does anyone ever feel like the road is infinitly long with 'many' forks along the way (sort of like a tree in the fall) and then at one point you think...what am I doing? this isnt a problem! and you sort of backtrack and try to figure out 'what happened'. Soo after u think u resolved the issue/s ..and everythings la-dee-da....> everything just worps...Life? (Is this normal?)
And what defines an alchoholic?...and r u sure u can never drink alc again?
For example ..usually when I bought a few beers, one for each day, I would always end up drinking everything...BUT there were times(1 or 2) when I actually saved the beer/ alc. ... SO what does that mean???

ps..I have no alc.ism in my family/I do have mental illness (relate?)

RenewedHope

On the other hand, when I have no money(still dont) ...I remember a few months ago I drank everyday 1 ->2 small vodkas that I 'had' to steal from LCBO, for about two weeks...that ended up being total hell at the end.
O ya, and I never actually liked being so drunk that I cant do anything(u know that time before u pass out?) I liked the transition from the first gulp to a light /'grandeur' type drunk...I guess I would keep drinking because I didn twant it to end....post your EXperiences please..u cant fully explain your feeling with words..but we can sure as hell try...shut out to "fallgirl" ty

Anna

Yes, I relate.

I have anxiety/depression and I began using alcohol to self-medicate. Of course, I thought it would help me to control my life and it ended up with the alcohol controlling me.

Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or not. If you are not sure, try not drinking for a period of time, say for a month, and see what happens. And, yes when I tried to control my drinking, there were times when I managed to do that. But, invariably I would end up drinking way too much. And, when I was trying to control it, I was obsessing about alcohol, thinking about it all the time. It's actually easier to not drink because it frees me from thinking about it all the time.

RenewedHope

anna how long have u been sober?
and...
if I stay away for a month I end up craving it? kk cool

RenewedHope

y are there ppl who get addicted with less problems then those who don't...
Maybe I have a few to many flaws with my character or/ maybe something with being born premature(me...i think it was amonth pre.)/or/ getting head injuries??? anybody a doctor...lol
Its hard to research ..so I thought Id ask...thanks!
"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be RECOVERY"
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is ALSO full of OVERCOMING of it"
--Helen Keller (she was blind & deaf right?)
"It is never to late to be what you might have been"--George Eliot
and
"PERSISTence. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; noting is more common then unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is ful of educated derelicts. Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on', has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race"--Calvin Coolidge
...Im tired
goodnight

2dayzmuse

I appreciate the fact that it is hard to see this as truth from where you are standing. After climbing out of the pit, I've been sober two years, and looking back in hindsight, this proves to be very true for me.

You bring up some very interesting points. Most of us have pondered and struggled with the same thoughts at one time. What defines an alcoholic? Yes, this decision is left to you to figure out whether you fall into this category, or not. For myself, I finally accepted the fact that I was alcoholic after drinking for 20 plus years. It had gotten to be the most important thing in my life. Eventually it took reign over everything, my job, my kids, myself, my soul.

Alcoholism is a very selfish disease. While I was at work, I would be thinking of my next drink. When I was taking care of my children, I was planning on the next drink. It gotten to the point that I lost 3 jobs in 3 years due to my drinking. I resorted to drinking on the job. Today, that sounds insane to me, but it seemed feasible at the time. I now understand that my life had become unmanageable and alcohol had full control over every aspect of my life. I didn't quite see it clearly back then.

I continued to drink because my denial wouldn't allow me to see the magnitude of my problem. I drank myself into more misery and insanity. I felt shame, guilt and totally empty. The void could no longer be filled by King alcohol and I began to hate myself for what I was doing. No matter how much I hated the fact that alcohol was holding the reins, I could not stop. That was when reality hit, but I continued to drink every day and had become physically addicted to it. I would suffer withdrawals if I stopped. I didn't know which way to turn and didn't know how to help myself. My family stepped in and got me outside help. I got connected with AA and that was the beginning of my journey to recovery.

The progression is huge. The disease will escalate over time. Maybe you have already noticed this to be true, maybe the escalation hasn't started yet, but it will. It will not stop until you loose everything, including yourself, or unless you stop and break the cycle.

Great quote. One thing that has been instilled in my brain for certain is, alcoholism is a persistent disease. However, there is a solution and you can thwart it. Be persistent in your recovery and you can overcome the battle of alcoholism. You have to recognize it, accept it, and want it first. What are you going to do when the money starts rolling in again? By the next bottle and continue the cycle? That remains up to you. On an ending note...AA is free. My best to you and may you find the solution you are looking for.

Erin

Hi Renewed

I just finished reading some of your questions/points and now I can only speak from my experience.

When I was your age (I'm 31 now) and for years I had a choice. I could have one drink and stop. Or not drink at all if I went out because I had school the next day or I didn't feel like it.

I crossed the line a few years ago and the choice became eliminated. It went from one drink and stop to one drink lead to two or three or four and then hit the liquor store on the way home from the bar. That lead to hit the liquor store on my way home from work which lead to drinking with others socially once every few weeks to drinking everyday - alone.

After I crossed the line I became an alcoholic. The only thing I can do now is not drink one day at a time. I don't think about forever because it seems too much. But I think of one day.

When I started I also decided to do '30 days' because like Anna mentioned people who aren't alcoholics don't have too drink. Now I'm past 30 days and because I made it I decided there's no point in going back because why destroy the momentum.

There's lots of people out there who don't drink, do drugs, or smoke. Maybe you'll hook up with them in school.

There is way more to life then drinking. Way more. So good on you for starting. You're young so going back to school should be a breeze!!!! Maybe school will be another motivation not to drink - you can't think when you're hung over.

Good luck!!!

RenewedHope

Todays a great day, I dont feel like drinking!!

2dayzmuse

Right on!

REZ

Hang in there! I got clean at age 21, but there is no way I couldnt've done it without NA/AA. No way at all. I did not quit everything at first. I stopped doing mind/mood altering drug/alcohol, but I continued to smoke cigarettes and drink caffeinated drinks. It is really hard try to quit smoking while stopping drinking and drugging. Most people do not recommend that you do this. The way I look at it, cigarettes are hazardous to my health, but not nearly as hazardous as drugs/alcohol.

RenewedHope

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!...Im drunk!
I failed...all it took was 1 beer...

yours truly ...loser

FallGirl

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT A LOSER!!!



FallGirl

NEEDTOBESOBER

Quit while you are young, the older you get the harder it gets, I am 41, and I am 15 days sober, wish I had quit a long time ago, I have gone through so many problems due to alcohol I can't even count, first of all, all together I have had 3 DWI's, and after the first one at 18, i should have figured out I had a problem but I thought I was just drinking for fun, besides which the DWI I had at 18 could have killed me I ran into a tree with my car going about 30-40 miles an hour not straight on, but from the side on the driver's side, everyone back then told me I was lucky to be alive, i think god must have been protecting me or giving me another chance or something and the most recent DWI, I spent 2 weeks in County Jail and license suspended for 2 years and that one happened at the end of 2004, there are many other mistakes i could talk about but it would take too long, my point is STOP NOW while you are young-you have your whole life in front of you.

RenewedHope

TY very much...
Ive stopped again but I dont want to even hear about alcohol or problems, so I will not log on to this site for some time...thanks for being so nice everyone!!!

Dreamz

German69

We all know the feeling of just getting "tipsy" or "slightly drunk" and at that point we don't want to stop because we want to keep feeling good. The bad news is that with each additional drink we get more drunk until the depression sets in. Most people are able to quit once they get tipsy or even before that. I am not able to control it. I also know what you mean about the mental issues and it is too hard to explain to others who don't have those episodes. I wish you luck!