YesIcan

This is only my 2nd post. I'm losing it today and for once, I decided to reach out and try to do something about it!

Last weekend, I moved back to a city I lived in for years. I've been feeling great about it until last night. One thing I've always hated about living here is that I feel judged constantly, feel like less than others. I have a hang up about rich people & there is alot of wealth here. I grew up w/ rich people but we were the "poor" kids. It's ridculous but I'm still totally full of resentment toward people who have more money than I do - correction: people who I think have more money than I do. We went to a nice mall last night to walk around and I SWEAR so many people looked, even stared, at us. And then my husband raised his voice at my daughter and grabbed her arm (she was licking a window LOL) and every head turned. I felt like a freak!! I can't stand having attention drawn to me. Anyway, how am I going to live here if I can't get over this paranoia??

I've been doing a great job at having positive thoughts but today it's been nothing but negativity. I snapped at my kids this morning. This totally nice woman helped me w/something today and by the time we said our goodbyes, I could hear myself finding reasons why I'm less than her. Why do I do it?!?!? I feel like I'm going to explode w/frustration. I don't know why I'm writing this but I'm hoping it will help to get it off my chest.

Oh, and in the midst of all this, I trying to live without drugs and alcohol. UGH!!! Bad day!!!

scootinbabe

****{YesIcan}}}

I think we started this about the same time. My last drink was July 24. I'm a sahm too with 3 kids ages 6 and under.

From what I'm reading, I think it's normal to have these feelings especially at this stage of not drinking. Part of it is just being a mom and stressed, but also part of it is being sober and more aware--maybe even "hyper-aware"--of your surroundings and emotions. It's a phase and it's supposed to pass. Take comfort in that.

I've been feeling really good too. But I've had a few (well maybe more than a few) snaps at my husband and/or kids. Today has been harder for me too--it's dreary out and I have a lot to do and the kids are stuck inside and blah blah blah blah....but we both can come here and vent, can't we ;-)

I also think part of it is just being stressed and a parent. I always feel like people are staring at me and thinking "bad mom" and remarking at how badly behaved my kids are.

Gotta say I did laugh at the "licking a window"! My one crazy guy would probably lick the window while pulling his pants down! Kids certainly exercise us as people, don't they?

And you, you are dealing with a move too. That would stress anyone out! Don't be so hard on yourself. Eat well. Get some rest. Ride out the storm. So what if you snap? You'll apologize and get on with life.

As for other people. Screw 'em! You are doing something really important and powerful now. Try to ignore all those others who have no idea and look inside yourself. You are worthy. You are doing an amazingly hard thing. Just keep doing it!

Wealth doesn't make for happiness. And rich people are just poor people with more money. We all go home to the same maker at the end. Try to remember that they are the same as you--with many of the same problems and concerns. As someone once told me, we all put our pants on the same way.

Enough of my cheerleading. Now, honey, I expect some back when I'm losing my mind some day ;-)

Hang in there. You are not alone. And remember that after all, tomorrow is another day.

michski

((( yesIcan )))

Any day without drugs and booze is a GOOD day!!
Early sobriety is a roller coaster.. it sucks and then it sucks a little more and then IT'S OVER!

Anna

Hi YesIcan,

It sounds to me like you're experiencing low self-esteem which is a common feeling in addicts. I used to be like that, and always assume that everyone was smarter, prettier, etc than I was. Being in recovery has taught me plainly and simply, that it just doesn't matter. We are all on our own journey, learning what we are supposed to learn. As you go through recovery and focus on yourself and your journey, you will gain confidence and lose interest in what others think about you.

As someone at SR always said, 'It's none of my business what you think of me".

hector

Hi, [**(yesican)}]. Great share. Thanks.

There's very little I can relate to. I'm 50, male, twice divorced, childless, and I live in a small city where there's not much wealth. Our common meetiing ground is addiction. My drug of choice was alcohol.

I'm doing the best I can with what I have, materially and physically. I look and dress as nice as I can. I keep my temper in check the best I can. I hold my head as high as I can. I try to keep in mind who and what I am, and be proud of it within reason. That's humility.

I'm always glad when I see a parent discipline a child with love. Good for them! There's a parent who's got it together! There's a child with boundaries! God bless them both! People stare because they're bored and nosy. Don't let it bother you.

I love scootinbabe's share. Right on!

Do whatever you have to do to stay clean and sober. Don't forget why you quit. There is no situation so bad that a drink won't make it worse.

I've been sober over 17 1/2 years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.

Smyle

Hey and glad you posted......I remember that feeling when I first stopped using (been a little over 2 months)...I was totally paranoid. like I was under a microscope or felt like I was walking around naked....we moved during my first month of my previos shot at recovery and yep..it was stressful.....

I am a SAHM with 2 kids...6 yrs and 4 yrs...I just started babysitting a 8 month old and I know how crazy I can get with the kids being kids.....like licking the windows..with thier pants down while farting ...LOL

I mean who cares really...I mean sure people will always be there to judge you and stare......but try not to take to much to heart right now, you are coming to terms with alot. I mean you are clean and sober not numb anymore.

Give it time, let your mind rebuild itself and recoup....glad you are here and look forward to hearing how you are doing ???

~B

REZ

Glad you're reaching at at SR. Have you shared your problem at an AA or NA meeting? With a sponsor?

YesIcan

Thanks for all of your replies. They are a big, big help. Having tech. difficulties so need to stop typing. I'll try to post later.