Notices

Dont Even Fk With Me

Old 08-08-2006, 03:53 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
 
Little Missy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
((Liss)) I am so very sorry for your loss. But I am happy you are back to being sober. Celebrate ((Kurt's)) life, by living yours to the fullest!!

Love and hugs
Little Missy is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 03:57 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
Naps are good.
 
TexasDawn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 181
Lollipop, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't even imagine the pain you are going through and I would never judge you for slipping and drinking during such a difficult time, as I am sure that most people here would not. It takes a long time to build up a foundation of sobriety, and even then many people can relapse after YEARS of sobriety. I'm just so glad that you are still here with us at SR. I often wonder how I am going to get through painful times in the future. Shoot, you all saw how much I fretted just about going on vacation and that is supposed to be a happy time. I know we shouldn't worry about the grace that we might need for tomorrow, but it's difficult, especially for us newbies.
Prayers and hugs to you.
TexasDawn is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 04:51 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
Member
 
ibhmn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Camelot
Posts: 90
I'm SO sorry for your loss. Although I never knew Kurt, I bet he's giving you a spiritual "high 5" for being sober today...
ibhmn is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 04:57 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
Dreamz do come true!!!
 
Dreamz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 348
Thanks for checking in - Good on you for getting through the first night and your positive attitude about being sober today. Its hard, its so hard sometimes - but when you need support just lean back and SR will be there behind you....lots of love!!!!
Dreamz is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 05:39 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
ASH
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
(((Liss))) so sorry for the loss of your dear friend
ASH is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 06:16 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
Member
 
deedee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 963
(((Liss)))

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you ...

hugs and prayers ~

deedee
deedee is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 08:07 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Lollipop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859

Thanks again all.
It is now 10:38 my time, I am just kinda in a calm right now. I am just so very tired. My body and my mind are drained to the point of being numb. I had a very strange experience today and I would like to share it with all of you now.

This afternoon, I went to see my doctor, with the stress I have had in my life for several months now, my seizure and anxiety medication has been closely monitored, when something out of my norm. happens, I see my doc. immediately to discuss possible temporary changes that could be needed to help me through. Of course, he has known about the fight with Kurts illness from the day we found out. So today he wanted me in his office. I went. We talked about things and we decided that I will get through this without further medication. I will continue to take my regular meds, but I turned down anything stronger. As crazy as it may sound, I want to feel the pain come Friday which is when we will bury him. I dont want to float through it in an altered state. I NEED to for myself and for Kurt. My doc. was a bit surprised but understood and said he would leave a prescription for xanax at the office just in case......I will not be picking it up.

I left there in what has been my usual state today, numb........In my van, driving along.....I was talking to Kurt. I was asking him to please look over me and help me stay strong on Friday. My phone beeped out of the clear blue....letting me know I missed a call and had a voicemail. I checked it. It was left on Friday, 2 days before he died, it was Kurt. Very weak voiced but clear as a bell. He was calling me to "check in" and he told me he loved me. I dont know why it took so long for it to come through, I dont care. I just got tears in my eyes and smiled. To me, it was a sign from him letting me know that indeed he is there and always will be in spirit. I saved that voicemail. I will always have it with me. he is my angel. I wish I could call him or run up to the house and hug him, these are things I am going to have to learn to handle. But having his voice and knowing he is there means the world.
Liss
Lollipop is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 08:17 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
O Liss...How awesome!!..
CarolD is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 08:27 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
Member
 
MNGirlyGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
(((Liss))) I'm so glad that you were given that comfort. I don't know any words that will help make it better. Just know that I'm giving you a big hug right now.
MNGirlyGirl is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 08:33 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
One Day At A Time
 
upanddownjj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: West Vancouver, BC
Posts: 405
I've been watching for your post tonight Liss...I'm so glad Kurt sent you that message and that you are taking good loving care of yourself...
"bubbles, bubbles, bubbles in the bath" xoxoxo

Hugs Janni
upanddownjj is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 08:41 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Peace be with you through this most difficult time.
hugs,
live
Live is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 10:09 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
Member
 
Zoro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Colorado
Posts: 154
Liss-
You and Kurt are AMAZING!!

It is NOT crazy to feel all the pain on friday. "Steel is forged in fire."

Just pls make sure you've got good support for yourself there, like friends, water, tissues and air conditioning nearby ok?

Love Dale
Zoro is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 10:28 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
Trying to do the right thing.
 
Arura's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: London
Posts: 4,345
(((Liss))), Your Strong honi.! That was a Beautiful thing for you.

Life certainly can work in the most wonderful ways.

Peace for you ((Liss)) at this time.



...
Arura is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 10:53 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
Dreamz do come true!!!
 
Dreamz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 348
God works in mysterious ways - thats a beautiful thing to have happened. I betcha Kurt is looking down at you now - proud of how you're taking control!!!
Dreamz is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 11:45 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Originally Posted by Lollipop
:........In my van, driving along.....I was talking to Kurt. I was asking him to please look over me and help me stay strong on Friday. My phone beeped out of the clear blue....letting me know I missed a call and had a voicemail. I checked it. It was left on Friday, 2 days before he died, it was Kurt. Very weak voiced but clear as a bell. He was calling me to "check in" and he told me he loved me. I dont know why it took so long for it to come through, I dont care. I just got tears in my eyes and smiled. To me, it was a sign from him letting me know that indeed he is there and always will be in spirit. I saved that voicemail. I will always have it with me. he is my angel. I wish I could call him or run up to the house and hug him, these are things I am going to have to learn to handle. But having his voice and knowing he is there means the world.
Liss
Whoa!! That's way cool and now I've got goosebumps. I'm glad you feel his presence right now.
c'est la vie is offline  
Old 08-08-2006, 11:55 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
Member
 
leviathon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
That is truly amazing. I don't believe in the whole "coincidences" thing. I think there is something more at work there... you were in a time of need and you needed him... and there he is. He will always be there with you. Perhaps this was a way for you to know that.

Amazed, Levi
leviathon is offline  
Old 08-09-2006, 01:52 AM
  # 57 (permalink)  
Member
 
sloane2468's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Nevada
Posts: 41
WOW, this is just too beautiful for words. I am so happy for you to have experienced this with Kurt.
He will always be with you, looking out for you, bless you both.
sloane2468 is offline  
Old 08-09-2006, 05:39 AM
  # 58 (permalink)  
Member
 
scootinbabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
ohmigod. i have tears reading this. God sure works in mysterious ways. What a comfort that must be to you and how special Kurt was!

Amazing!
scootinbabe is offline  
Old 08-09-2006, 07:02 AM
  # 59 (permalink)  
Om, Aum, Ohm...
 
Sugah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I'm not good at keeping things short, but I'll try.

Two weeks ago, my father passed from cancer. He had it for a long while, lost a lot of weight over a long period, but he never had it treated. He preferred living in denial. The docs say it probably didn't matter, that the kind of cancer he had may have been slowed down a bit by chemo, but it was doubtful. So, less than a month after I took him to the emergency room, I was sitting by his side, five days back in his own home (on hospice...they are angels), when he took his last breath. I kept looking at his chest, expecting to see another breath. I kept hoping my son was wrong when he said, "no pulse." I wanted hope that this wasn't over. See, my dad & I buried a lot of past hurts in that month, and I thought we should have a future, more time.

At the funeral, three days later, my sister and I read Indian prayers. She is epileptic, and I am a recovering drunk/druggie. We stood there, both with a challenge: she had to stay calm in order not to seize, and I had to remember that no matter what, I could only honor my father by staying sober. You're doing that today for your friend, Kurt. My father never expected me to be perfect, either -- just do my best. We, you and I, can both give those we love and want to honor, our best today. I made it through all of that sober, but I will tell you honestly, of all the challenges to my sobriety, that was the toughest.

Below is the prayer that my sister read for my dad. Maybe it can bring you some comfort in all that you're going through now:

Oh Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the wind,
and whose breath gives life to all the world,
hear my prayer.

Let me walk in beauty through all my days.
May my eyes see sunrise freshness,
and sunset glory.


Make my hands respect the things you have made,
and my ear sharp to hear your many voices.


I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.


Make me wise, that I may learn the lessons you teach my people,
the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.


I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy, myself.


Oh Great Spirit, hear me.
Make me ready.
So when life fades to a last sunset,
my spirit will come to you without shame.


Peace & Love,
Sugah
Sugah is offline  
Old 08-09-2006, 09:04 AM
  # 60 (permalink)  
Member
 
igfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by Lollipop
I left there in what has been my usual state today, numb........In my van, driving along.....I was talking to Kurt. I was asking him to please look over me and help me stay strong on Friday. My phone beeped out of the clear blue....letting me know I missed a call and had a voicemail. I checked it. It was left on Friday, 2 days before he died, it was Kurt. Very weak voiced but clear as a bell. He was calling me to "check in" and he told me he loved me. I dont know why it took so long for it to come through, I dont care. I just got tears in my eyes and smiled. To me, it was a sign from him letting me know that indeed he is there and always will be in spirit. I saved that voicemail. I will always have it with me. he is my angel. I wish I could call him or run up to the house and hug him, these are things I am going to have to learn to handle. But having his voice and knowing he is there means the world.
Liss
OMG! That gave me chills! Liss, i'm so sorry to hear of your loss.......i have no idea what to say except you're doing exactly what you're supposed to do. Hang in there, everything will be ok.
igfan is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:32 AM.