Dont Even Fk With Me
((Liss)) I am so very sorry for your loss. But I am happy you are back to being sober. Celebrate ((Kurt's)) life, by living yours to the fullest!!
Love and hugs
Love and hugs
Lollipop, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't even imagine the pain you are going through and I would never judge you for slipping and drinking during such a difficult time, as I am sure that most people here would not. It takes a long time to build up a foundation of sobriety, and even then many people can relapse after YEARS of sobriety. I'm just so glad that you are still here with us at SR. I often wonder how I am going to get through painful times in the future. Shoot, you all saw how much I fretted just about going on vacation and that is supposed to be a happy time. I know we shouldn't worry about the grace that we might need for tomorrow, but it's difficult, especially for us newbies.
Prayers and hugs to you.
Prayers and hugs to you.
Thanks for checking in - Good on you for getting through the first night and your positive attitude about being sober today. Its hard, its so hard sometimes - but when you need support just lean back and SR will be there behind you....lots of love!!!!
Thanks again all.
It is now 10:38 my time, I am just kinda in a calm right now. I am just so very tired. My body and my mind are drained to the point of being numb. I had a very strange experience today and I would like to share it with all of you now.
This afternoon, I went to see my doctor, with the stress I have had in my life for several months now, my seizure and anxiety medication has been closely monitored, when something out of my norm. happens, I see my doc. immediately to discuss possible temporary changes that could be needed to help me through. Of course, he has known about the fight with Kurts illness from the day we found out. So today he wanted me in his office. I went. We talked about things and we decided that I will get through this without further medication. I will continue to take my regular meds, but I turned down anything stronger. As crazy as it may sound, I want to feel the pain come Friday which is when we will bury him. I dont want to float through it in an altered state. I NEED to for myself and for Kurt. My doc. was a bit surprised but understood and said he would leave a prescription for xanax at the office just in case......I will not be picking it up.
I left there in what has been my usual state today, numb........In my van, driving along.....I was talking to Kurt. I was asking him to please look over me and help me stay strong on Friday. My phone beeped out of the clear blue....letting me know I missed a call and had a voicemail. I checked it. It was left on Friday, 2 days before he died, it was Kurt. Very weak voiced but clear as a bell. He was calling me to "check in" and he told me he loved me. I dont know why it took so long for it to come through, I dont care. I just got tears in my eyes and smiled. To me, it was a sign from him letting me know that indeed he is there and always will be in spirit. I saved that voicemail. I will always have it with me. he is my angel. I wish I could call him or run up to the house and hug him, these are things I am going to have to learn to handle. But having his voice and knowing he is there means the world.
Liss
I've been watching for your post tonight Liss...I'm so glad Kurt sent you that message and that you are taking good loving care of yourself...
"bubbles, bubbles, bubbles in the bath" xoxoxo
Hugs Janni
"bubbles, bubbles, bubbles in the bath" xoxoxo
Hugs Janni
Liss-
You and Kurt are AMAZING!!
It is NOT crazy to feel all the pain on friday. "Steel is forged in fire."
Just pls make sure you've got good support for yourself there, like friends, water, tissues and air conditioning nearby ok?
Love Dale
You and Kurt are AMAZING!!
It is NOT crazy to feel all the pain on friday. "Steel is forged in fire."
Just pls make sure you've got good support for yourself there, like friends, water, tissues and air conditioning nearby ok?
Love Dale
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Originally Posted by Lollipop
:........In my van, driving along.....I was talking to Kurt. I was asking him to please look over me and help me stay strong on Friday. My phone beeped out of the clear blue....letting me know I missed a call and had a voicemail. I checked it. It was left on Friday, 2 days before he died, it was Kurt. Very weak voiced but clear as a bell. He was calling me to "check in" and he told me he loved me. I dont know why it took so long for it to come through, I dont care. I just got tears in my eyes and smiled. To me, it was a sign from him letting me know that indeed he is there and always will be in spirit. I saved that voicemail. I will always have it with me. he is my angel. I wish I could call him or run up to the house and hug him, these are things I am going to have to learn to handle. But having his voice and knowing he is there means the world.
Liss
Liss
That is truly amazing. I don't believe in the whole "coincidences" thing. I think there is something more at work there... you were in a time of need and you needed him... and there he is. He will always be there with you. Perhaps this was a way for you to know that.
Amazed, Levi
Amazed, Levi
I'm not good at keeping things short, but I'll try.
Two weeks ago, my father passed from cancer. He had it for a long while, lost a lot of weight over a long period, but he never had it treated. He preferred living in denial. The docs say it probably didn't matter, that the kind of cancer he had may have been slowed down a bit by chemo, but it was doubtful. So, less than a month after I took him to the emergency room, I was sitting by his side, five days back in his own home (on hospice...they are angels), when he took his last breath. I kept looking at his chest, expecting to see another breath. I kept hoping my son was wrong when he said, "no pulse." I wanted hope that this wasn't over. See, my dad & I buried a lot of past hurts in that month, and I thought we should have a future, more time.
At the funeral, three days later, my sister and I read Indian prayers. She is epileptic, and I am a recovering drunk/druggie. We stood there, both with a challenge: she had to stay calm in order not to seize, and I had to remember that no matter what, I could only honor my father by staying sober. You're doing that today for your friend, Kurt. My father never expected me to be perfect, either -- just do my best. We, you and I, can both give those we love and want to honor, our best today. I made it through all of that sober, but I will tell you honestly, of all the challenges to my sobriety, that was the toughest.
Below is the prayer that my sister read for my dad. Maybe it can bring you some comfort in all that you're going through now:
Oh Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the wind,
and whose breath gives life to all the world,
hear my prayer.
Let me walk in beauty through all my days.
May my eyes see sunrise freshness,
and sunset glory.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
and my ear sharp to hear your many voices.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Make me wise, that I may learn the lessons you teach my people,
the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy, myself.
Oh Great Spirit, hear me.
Make me ready.
So when life fades to a last sunset,
my spirit will come to you without shame.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Two weeks ago, my father passed from cancer. He had it for a long while, lost a lot of weight over a long period, but he never had it treated. He preferred living in denial. The docs say it probably didn't matter, that the kind of cancer he had may have been slowed down a bit by chemo, but it was doubtful. So, less than a month after I took him to the emergency room, I was sitting by his side, five days back in his own home (on hospice...they are angels), when he took his last breath. I kept looking at his chest, expecting to see another breath. I kept hoping my son was wrong when he said, "no pulse." I wanted hope that this wasn't over. See, my dad & I buried a lot of past hurts in that month, and I thought we should have a future, more time.
At the funeral, three days later, my sister and I read Indian prayers. She is epileptic, and I am a recovering drunk/druggie. We stood there, both with a challenge: she had to stay calm in order not to seize, and I had to remember that no matter what, I could only honor my father by staying sober. You're doing that today for your friend, Kurt. My father never expected me to be perfect, either -- just do my best. We, you and I, can both give those we love and want to honor, our best today. I made it through all of that sober, but I will tell you honestly, of all the challenges to my sobriety, that was the toughest.
Below is the prayer that my sister read for my dad. Maybe it can bring you some comfort in all that you're going through now:
Oh Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the wind,
and whose breath gives life to all the world,
hear my prayer.
Let me walk in beauty through all my days.
May my eyes see sunrise freshness,
and sunset glory.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
and my ear sharp to hear your many voices.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Make me wise, that I may learn the lessons you teach my people,
the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy, myself.
Oh Great Spirit, hear me.
Make me ready.
So when life fades to a last sunset,
my spirit will come to you without shame.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Originally Posted by Lollipop
I left there in what has been my usual state today, numb........In my van, driving along.....I was talking to Kurt. I was asking him to please look over me and help me stay strong on Friday. My phone beeped out of the clear blue....letting me know I missed a call and had a voicemail. I checked it. It was left on Friday, 2 days before he died, it was Kurt. Very weak voiced but clear as a bell. He was calling me to "check in" and he told me he loved me. I dont know why it took so long for it to come through, I dont care. I just got tears in my eyes and smiled. To me, it was a sign from him letting me know that indeed he is there and always will be in spirit. I saved that voicemail. I will always have it with me. he is my angel. I wish I could call him or run up to the house and hug him, these are things I am going to have to learn to handle. But having his voice and knowing he is there means the world.
Liss
Liss
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