Lixie

Hi Citrus, good to see you!

Day 4, and all is well.

samwitch

Citrus!! So good to see you.

venuscat

Hi Citrus, honey. s So much love. ❤️❤️

Citrus

I can't say I'm doing very well. I am here and one day at a time on eveything in life at the moment. There is still so much going on and the grief at this point is horrendous.

Youngest talked me into a dog... best of intentions... wrong choice. All I can do is laugh about it at this point. She is an adorable pain in the you know what.

Went to the noon meeting that kept me sober for 30 days in August for the first time in a while. Talked a little and got some numbers. That is a bit of a new start I suppose.

But it all just comes back to my baby being in a box, however nice the box is, in the living room. And that makes life dull in a way I never could have imagined.

Pekelover2

Omg Citrus my heart goes out to you. Send ing you so much love.

Pekelover2

Awful last few day. Messing up every night. Loud outbursts towards my husband! He doesn’t want to talk to be now.
Filmed me demanding more wine. Omg. M so sad.
I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING

venuscat

Please talk to me, Citrus. We do so much better when we talk to each other, I think. I love you, honey. s ❤️

Peke, sweety—I am not sure what your husband is trying to achieve by shaming you. I would imagine he wants you to get help. But is he talking to you about it? And is he enabling you while filming?

Ask yourself one question: do you want to stop drinking? Is this for you? If the answer is yes, then let's do this together. s ❤️

Pekelover2

Going running with the gang tonight. Told them that I wasn’t running because I had my eyebrows bladed (which is true). But i didn’t tell them that I drank of course.

Im really in a bad space now. Very bad. If I run tonight it will be three hours. One hour to get there, 1.2 hours to run, on whir to get back. I’ll be okay after that. I don’t stop at the pubs with then.

So if I run, I won’t drink. And that’s good. That’s good.

wish I hadn’t drank last night. I drank beer. I don’t even like beer!!

Dee74

Hi PL

none of us wants to think about this but if your problem is getting worse you need to up your response.

Maybe you need more support or make better use of the support you have.

Maybe you need to think about things like AA or similar groups.

You might even have to think about rehab?

I’m not saying this to make you feel bad or terrify you - I just don’t want to see you get any worse…no one does. Your husband sounds like he’s grasping at straws right now.

You can save yourself - with bold effort

D

Dee74

Citrus I can only imagine the pain
might grief counselling be something useful do you think?

D

Dee74

Keep up the good work Zencat, BassetDog, Samwitch Bobbieka, Mysteryman, Lixie Splash and anyone I’ve missed

D

Pekelover2

Thanks Venus and Dee. You both are so special to me.
I’m so sad right now! I need to align myself with sober peers.
My husband doesn’t want to hang out with me unless I stop drinking.

How can I run tonight! I’m so hungover. One glass of wine and four (4!) beers. Beer is the worst. How can I do this?

if I don’t go I’ll get into trouble. I ll go and at least walk.

venuscat

How about you make the decision to walk in advance. So you can cope. What do you think? s xx

BassetDog

Peke - I hope you decide to go for that walk or run. Sitting around with negative thoughts will lead to negative feelings which will lead to negative behaviors (drinking). There are a lot of helpful apps (like Better Help and Headspace or Calm) and SMART Recovery has a ton of Zoom meetings everyday.

Anna

Peke, it seems that you want to stop drinking, but just can't. I agree with Dee's suggestion. What can you add to your recovery program that will prevent you from drinking again. Why is your husband filming you? Is it because you don't believe him when he tells you that you're shouting and demanding wine? I suppose he is trying to help you in his own way.

Zencat

(((Citrus))) I can only offer words from the wise;

There are some griefs so loud
They could bring down the sky,
And there are griefs so still
None knows how deep they lie,
Endured, never expended.
~May Sarton, "Of Grief,"
A Durable Fire, 1972

(((Peke)))
We are here for you no matter what

"People who are recovering from an addiction will be at risk for relapse for years and possibly for their whole lives. Research shows that combining addiction treatment medicines with behavioral therapy ensures the best chance of success for most patients. Treatment approaches tailored to each patient’s drug use patterns and any co-occurring, medical, mental, and social problems can lead to continued recovery."
NIH

Time to up your game We can only encourage you so much, the rest is up to you. You can recover is the good news. You can make it happen. Keep hope alive!

Lixie

I can only echo what Zencat is saying here, Peke. You have it in you to do this. You have already made the choice to stop drinking, and that is an important first step. Now you need to make a plan. Identify why you want to drink and challenge those reasons. Shake up your routines, because nothing changes if nothing changes. Avoid those trigger situations, and make a list of things to do when the cravings hit. If you have a strong desire to drink, come here. There is always someone around to talk to. We are here to support you, to encourage you and to help you up if you stumble. Don't feel ashamed if you make a mistake, we are not here to judge you - we have all been there!

Rooting for you, love.

Lixie

Venus, you are right, my wife and I have quit together. That makes things so much easier! We already have more energy, and I can see the difference in my face. My eyes sparkle again (according to her, apparently) and I'm less bloated. And I thing I have lost some weight already! Life is so much better now, compared to last week. I'm overjoyed!

venuscat

That is wonderful to hear, dearest Liz. You do have very sparkly eyes; I bet it is awesome to see them again. s xx

Anna

Liz, I'm so happy to hear that you and your wife are both doing well.