pline

Morning,

Coffee and tap out something on SR....enjoyed the bike story Adv.
A lot of healthy living going on here....which is good. Though I'd need a bit more than what's on that plate Free. Sober, I even manage to make a shopping list of stuff to get.....a level of personal organisation that is completely absent usually. Experimenting with all those thai things right now....lime, coriander and so on. A lot of of one pan noodle things here. Cutting back on the noodle quantities tho....but seem to go through a lot of onions, garlic, ginger.

Bit of a broken night, awake at five listening to the dawn bird chorus.....may as well get up and get into it.
A bit to do today. Have to go out to a job later, tho client away for day, which suits me....Ok, I know that can sound rude....but I'm male, can only do one thing at a time....and quiet focus works for me. Find it hard to hold a conversation at the same time. Another bit for my emerging thesis, provisionally entitled: "Solo Living: How it Changes Your Brain".

But first....sit in front of netflix in the evening measuring and making templates on the laptop for a hobby project. Turn the lines into an object and 3d print in the morning, then test to see if a better fit. Yesterday's wasn't. So....go and do those first. A couple of other domestic things....then out for the rest of the day.

Great media excitement in this country yesterday....the lions in the Sydney zoo broke out of their enclosure and briefly roamed free.
Police personel were deployed as bait in order distract the lions while they were euthanised....no, sorry, anaethetised, before being returned to their proper place in the order of things. Imagine joining the police and being ordered to the zoo....to face wandering lions. What were they going to do if they encountered....pepper spray them? Anyway, probably less dangerous than dealing with the meth heads up Oxford St.

Ok....off to another day making my fortune in the big world.
Later

dustyfox

All in all it feels like everyone is doing well in terms of sobriety, despite the challenges of life and health and emotional turmoil.

advbike, a 'bunionectamy' what a great word!
I do sympathise Free - They are painful. I have one, from years of high heels and so far have avoided having to do much about it, other than hardly ever wearing high heels, but given at any moment I might have to give chase to my wayward daughter it's probably just as well....
Talking of daughters, Zura I hope your daughters' visit is wonderful, how exciting that she is about to start uni. what a wrench for you, but you must be so proud of her!

I thought about my own life when I lived alone, it was very different to this one; I drank a lot and did exactly as I pleased. Although outwardly I was a high-functioning professional, my real drive was to drink whenever I could. I had no accountability, I dread to think what might have happened if I had not moved home .
Now I often crave solitude. I do find too much 'people time ' very tiring.
Your pumpkin seeds look delicious advbike, I still have two pumpkins left so might try it tomorrow!
And I must say I enjoyed the idea of lions breaking out pline! I am off to google that story!

I really do hope everyone is ok, the pathway through sobriety is not always easy but I do believe the rewards are and will be great. Best wishes to all.

advbike

I'm the same, Pline.. one thing at a time, please. We've gone from parallel processing to serial.. haha, and I really don't do well with interruptions or distractions... I also still have those early wake-ups sometimes. If it's 3am I'll read for awhile and hope to sleep more. If it's after 4am I generally just flip on the coffeemaker. Mine brews one mug at a time and I ALWAYS set it up the night before, so all I have to do is stumble out to the kitchen and flip it on, then retreat back to the bedroom. 5 min later it's ready. I would not survive very well without it. The lion story is great, had read it somewhere but did not know the details.

Regarding feet. I have those flexible ones - podiatrists always see it right away. Leads over time to something called metatarsalgia - where the arch gets weak and the metatarsals (like your base finger joints but for the toes) get sensitive and inflamed between the 3rd/4th joint. Years of wearing business shoes and narrow cycling shoes made it worse, and eventually caused a neuroma on one side. interestingly though, when I was running regularly - no problems. Feet were probably stronger.

I did not want surgery either, and eventually found a podiatrist in Northwest Portland who believed that we can strengthen the feet and resolve many of these issues - he's kind of a naturopath sort of guy, and a barefoot runner, etc. He suggested I do some exercises, and move to 'minimalist' shoes - the kind with a wide toebox, "minimal" sole (thin) and no rise in the heel. And go barefoot when I can. All of which I have done over the last 10 years, and it has really helped my feet.

The minimalist shoes also really help proprioception - our being properly grounded and balanced to the surface we are on. Like being barefoot. You feel the surface intimately and if a pebble is there the foot reacts instantly. Everything with my feet has slowly improved over the past 10 years - I can go longer on the bike without stopping, hike further, and go barefoot on my tile floors. I am just so pleased that no surgery was ever required.. feet are important. Glad you found a solution too, Free.

Tired - off to bed. Best to all.

pline

The complexities of being bipeds.....
Couple of years ago I started running in the mornings. Gave it up. Decided that I'd started too late in life and would probably just destroy my ankles. Which I need for walking.....having been a life long walker. Walking relaxes the mind in a way that running just didn't for me.....walking gets me into that 'flow' mental state we've talked about. Running doesn't do that.....I'm passed all the time when out walking by gasping sweating runners, pushing themselves harder against their boundaries and so on.....nah, I can't see much zen flow happening there. Walking is low level and can be life long.....just part of how you live each day. Running seems to be yet another task to be performed.
So, there it is. Reasons not to run.

Beautiful morning here, Friday.....being freelance there is the delicious possibility of just going awol for the day. But, being a semi responsible adult, will inevitably look at what should be done really.

Son flies back here nxt weekend for a couple of days, last time we'll see him for a while as leaves later this month for this trip to Georgia which I don't feel enthusiastic about. But too old to be grounded now. He's going alone too...his mates are all off to Thailand.
2 or 3 weeks in Bangkok would suit me just fine too. Maybe work ahead and go autumn winter nxt year. Been a couple of times, but its always been a bit rushed and would like to just explore the city more.

News here is about a new wave of covid. Oh, please. C'mon....isn't that done? Apparently not.
I stood in the supermarket at the height of the last wave and watched a nice older Asian lady, surgical mask dropped around her neck, examining the truss tomatoes. Each bunch was lifted, rotated and carefully examined. Then sniffed. Seriously. Sniffed and then put back into the tray. Unreal....no wonder it spreads.
I know a pharmacist here, when it arrived, he did all the right things. New auto door onto the street, hand sanitiser station just inside. He said he'd stand there at the back counter and watch the ppl come through the new door with a prescription in their hand, pause momentarily in front of the hand sanitiser. What to do with the script? How about : hold the corner in your mouth while you did the hand thing then hand the soggy cornered paperwork to the counter person......

Anyway....covid resurgance and I'll just stay holed up here. Its worked so far. Listening to a radio program yesterday talking about alcohol sales going thru the roof here during the lockdowns and the booze ads targeting home drinking....

Anyway....today will be a nice day. Worry about that....later

Free2bme888

Wow, what cool posts!

Yay, no surgery!!🎉🪅🎁

Yesterday had yogurt, fruit, blah blah blah, speed walked 5 miles and then golfed 9 holes. Lunch lettuce, beef jerky, and celery. Dinner fried breaded cod, asparagus, and salad with balsamic vinaigrette.

Small portion of raw almonds and chocolate chips (dark, of course).

Stretched Achilles 15 minutes, must do daily. It’s a sesamoid bone problem.🦴


Today skipped bkfst. Had tuna salad over some romaine. Dinner homemade chili with homemade cornbread with room temperature salted butter. Stretched. No walks, big snow squall today.






Down one pound, 0.5kg from last Friday.

Free2bme888

Ok. I’m a dork. I had already posted the surgeon results. 😁🤣

Free2bme888

Pline, it’s so disgusting the marketing of alcohol. Amazing I didn’t see it too much while active in my addiction because I’m not. TV watcher, but boy, does it get my goat now.

Big money, BIG business, at other people expense. 🤬😨

Free2bme888

Adv, I asked my Dr for a mild non addictive sleeping pill. It’s been a wonderful two night sleep, between 7-8hrs each. AMAZING.

Hope your anxiety cools off to let your body and mind be at its best.

Free2bme888

DF, I NEED alone time. Will go nuts if I don’t get it. I also have a terrible reaction to mastication sounds. Hubby eats chips, nuts, ANYTHING crunchy with his lips open. Drives me CRAZY. I’ve asked him to try and correct that, but, y’a know, gotta love him the way he is, and not nit pick.

So, totally understand your need for quiet time alone. I steal some time daily as part of my self love.

Free2bme888

Zura, hopefully your are staying on the healthy diet plan. Gotta mix some indulgence in there on my quest, otherwise I might get on a snacking binge. You have so many fresh things to eat from your garden, or you will have, if the seeds and seedlings haven’t been washed away by the record rain you are having.

advbike

On the iPad this morning so will be brief, hate typing on it. I agree on all points about the need for privacy and personal space. Have grown used to it from so many years solo. The freedom to do as we please with our time. Its an adjustment when I'm overseas (probably good for me) although an interesting thing is when she and i travel together it is always good. No stress, good conversation, similar style and priorities.

Pline, i get the running thing, but those gasping runners aren’t in the right zone. A runner who is, flows like the wind, smooth and efficient. I loved it for the 15-20 years or so that i really enjoyed it (started late.. at 30). That was my flow experience, as is the cycling when it is hard enough. Walking the same route for me is boring, and allows my mental gyrations to continue unabated, unless I am hiking on a trail in nature, where my desire to perceive the beauty around me takes over. I loved the story of the woman smelling the tomatoes, haha so true. Hope your visit with your son goes well too.

Free, love the chili and cornbread, but i would eat at least two bowls of that, haha 😂 I also get the thing about annoying habits - don’t get me started - lets just say the finer points of dinner table etiquette are not something most filipinos are taught. or want to be, in my case. Any suggestions are taken as criticism. Not that I’m seeking perfection or am a shining example myself.. lol.. but def a clash of cultures.. funny thing is her son is great.. and so is she, when traveling, out to dinner, etc.. so its laziness at home.

Well ive had it with this keyboard. cold here, a bit of snow in nearby mountains. no cycling today.

best to all..

pline

....and its Sat morning.

Yesterday didn't go awol. Phone rang and required amendments to project arrived by email for discussion. So sat down for the afternoon and did the whole thing while the conversation fresh in mind. So the slacker day off turned into a long afternoon of grafting. By the end of it I was cold and had shoulder cramp....but all done and mailed straight back. Clients love fast turnaround, doesn't get much better than that.

But its late afternoon and this is the difficult bit of the day. There's this dead bit of the afternoon early evening, its sort of too late to start something else, a bit difficult to suddenly mentally change gear to a new task, something's been done. It is of course my classic drinking cue.
Its made worse by daylight saving. I have this preference for dinner after dark. And it gets dark so much later now....so the dead bit of the afternoon drags on....so I go for a walk. A march. This takes me through the city, full of bars and restaurants full of ppl socialising and ending their weeks with some drinks and some friends. Then they go home to their families and lives and weekends. I have to remember its not like that for me. A couple of Friday end of the week drinks for me will be a written off weekend, probably stretching into the new week. So can't even start....once I do, there's no real limits on it, so it just keeps on.

So, I do the circuit and get back...close the curtains to make it pretend darker, and cook.....classic Friday night, gardening show for an hour,
then netflix, on the laptop making a part for printing....go late, dark chocolate, eventually crash late and sleep.. Wake to a sunny Saturday morning, but sober and not looking in the frij to see what's left over from last nite's binge and pass out effort. So, it is way better.

Its just getting through that late afternoon bit. Need a new habit....sit down and do something else.....but constant do, do all the time wears off, sometimes just not mentally there for it. Anyway.

Today, back to the laser. See if I can get it better this time. Have a bike...should see if it will fit in the back of the car and go and try it. Something different.....?

Have a good day all, later.

Zura

Well I blinked and missed a flurry of activity lol. Busy with the usual here so not much to report. Sounds like everyone is doing ok although I get the thing about it being hard to break habits pline! So to answer your question Free, no the healthy living isn't going very well 🤣. I think I'm the opposite to you and need to stay away from indulgences. It's a bit all or nothing with me, like with drinking. But I'll persist and get there even if it takes me a little while.

dustyfox

Pline I too have always loved walking - in fact I don't drive, never bothered to learn, having moved to London at 18 a car seemed unnecessary and ever since I have lived in cities, now in a small city but still one with plentiful public transport. I love nothing more than going to a new place and walking, in any direction and seeing where it takes me. Losing myself amongst buildings and people I find very enjoyable!

My 'witching ' hour was between about 5 and 7 when I used to be planning how much drink I had when I could start drinking and the usual internal wrestle over that. Well that's gone now but it took a while to get some new habits, and new mental attitudes.

I have been reading about CBT and wondering if this is something that could help my daughter and indeed myself. I find it very difficult not to react to her sometimes rather nasty provocation, and I desperately want to find a way to let it wash over me without reacting. So anyway it's either CBT or some medication to numb me to the pain... feeling a bit trapped by it all at the moment. However, on Sunday I am going to a nearby wood and ancient hill fort with my son and a friend and his son, it will lift my spirits I feel sure.
Best wishes to all, and a sober, inspiring weekend.

pline

Had to google CBT.
But, yeah....that would make more sense to me than medication Dusty, if you could get it to work. Thoughts are habitual. I watch mine...how one habitually leads to the usual next. It is possible to be aware of it and challenge the link I feel. It seems to be a more active way of dealing with mental states than the mindfulness approach: "thoughts are just like clouds....just watch them pass and blow away". No, they're not.....

The hill fort walk sounds great. Used to go for walks over West Kennet, Avebury, Silberry Hill, when still had family in that part of UK. Fascinating and mysterious...still am v interested in what those places could have represented or meant to neolithic people. There are some really interesting theories and ideas....some very plausible too.

Looks like a good weekend for the garden Zura.....growing your own must be pretty healthy living tho?
My potted tomatos are coming on, wondering now if the posts should be bigger.....

advbike

Nice job getting through the Friday/Saturday witching hour, Pline. We do know where that couple of drinks will lead. And I don't even pretend it would ever be just one. The first two are always drank in short order, and usually a third follows unless I am out somewhere, I might stop.. Since we drive everywhere here, three is risky. Sheriffs everywhere. But certainly I would want a couple more. One reason I prefer to bike in the afternoons is that temptation is eliminated, and I never feel like drinking after a hard workout. The mind is in the zone - relaxed, fatigued, no chatter even.

I agree Dusty, it is very important to examine our thought patterns, and learn to re-frame them, if necessary. Much of it is just an ingrained response, as Pline suggests. Thoughts lead to emotions and I have emotional reactions to everything - with my g/f, who seems disconnected at times.. and my brother, who learned to "push my buttons" decades ago. Even my l/t ex-gf needed a lot of emotional support, and since I tend to absorb others emotions - it would overwhelm me and I would shut down. Perhaps your situation is similar. Empaths can easiky become overwhelmed by other's emotions. Obviously, all of this is a major reason I drank so much over the years - the difficulty with regulating my emotions.

dustyfox

Advbike you have hit the nail on the head 'absorbing other people's emotions is and has been one of my major issues/challenges that has led me down many a dark and difficult road. Despite the fact, I consider myself an analytical thinker, (I studied literature and philosophy, well read etc) all my immediate reactions are emotional. In contrast, my husband is rarely affected in the same way.
So yes, if I am overwhelmed I also shut down, close off, and can appear cold and distant. Some people seem to get a kick, albeit unconsciously, of pushing all my buttons, which is actually pretty easy, and then I am struggling to not react and it takes so much energy!
It's an interesting area and now I am older and maybe wiser to this, I try to avoid people who will drain me.
I don't know much about empath's but am off to google it.

The hill fort I am visiting tomorrow is on a ley line, so steeped in historical mystery. If I absorb other people's feelings which can be a drain, absorbing the ancient atmosphere of a place like this will fill me with inner nourishment , which is what I need more than anything at the moment.

Best wishes to all.

pline

Um, help me here Adv, what is an l/t ex girlfriend? Genuinely not trying to poke, just curious...

But, sorry, I really don't get the idea of absorbing other people's emotions. How does that work?
Don't think I'm an empath. I'm not cold, or uncaring....but neither any need to emotionally merge with other people, don't get the need to feel the same thing with others. Organised sport bores me. Supporting the team, sorry, not my thing. I don't understand co-dependency, I'm not dismissive, not mocking.....but just don't get it. Other people are very other. I basically got kicked out of a workplace for not having these skills. I found the jargon ludicrous, the group team building exercises intolerably intrusive, so,... got slipped the envelope.

I married a very cold person. She had a heart of ice, everything that had happened to her had turned her ever inward. Looking back, I can see now that there was a brief moment when she opened out, we were really only together for that time, some of it here, some briefly and unforgettably in Shanghai. She had a miscarriage on the plane back. It was never acknowledged. Then a stillborn. They try and tell you a story about this. "It'll make you stronger together", they say. It doesn't. The marriage got packed up into cardboard boxes and disposed of. I wonder if the children she has now slept in that cot. I wrote about it a year later and posted it to a site for ex parents. Within 24 hours it was deleted. Not the right story. I was supposed to wonderfully married, and we were to go onto having beautiful children and a special star on the Christmas tree every year for our 'angel'. It's strange. I don't miss her, but I do miss being married. We just pretended for a while.

I have learned the value of being indifferent to what doesn't matter. There is some buddhism in this....indifference is not to be dismissive or to denigrate. Its just a kind of psychic separation. The only way I will ever deal with addiction is to seperate from the needs that drive it.
They're pretty basic needs. Loneliness & fear drive everything. Drugs provide respite. This is why people can't get off.

Anyway. Its the weekend....so here's some music. Playing in the street, just brilliant. George and Noriko:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZOikN6vfgY

Free2bme888

Pline, you are ROCKIN’ IT!!!


🎉🪅🎊🪄❤️🎁🤓

advbike

Well I'm beat - did two full shifts of canvassing today. Have eaten and headed to bed soon.

Dusty, I thought that might be relatable for you.. hope the hill fort is fantastic and very mysterious! Haha..

Pline, what I meant was long term gf - we were together for over a decade, although not co-habitating, except briefly. As for "absorbing" other's emotions - when the other person is upset or feeling their emotions - I feel them too, because I'm also high on the feeling scale.. sensitive and empathetic - so I get just as upset, anxious, etc as they are. Whereas other people in relationships (perhaps you) remain "separate" from the other person and mostly just observe. She also had a lot of anxiety which of course really amped mine up, and she told me later that she knew how hard it was on me.

Most of my gf's including her, have have been generally warm and sweet, although my ex wife was a bit cool, and my current g/f.. yikes. No one observing her on the street would ever mistake her for sweet, although she can be at times.. Mostly she's tough, all business, and has no fear - Cat 5 typhoon? Bring it on. Zip line 250m high above a river? Yawn.. Maniac motorcycle rides? just how she likes it. But a brilliant smile when she engages. It is a devastating combination and drew me right in.

I'm sorry for the loss of your child - it always hurts. And the inability to share the loss would of course make it really hard to process. Very sad in any case.

But I absolutely loved the street music! Happy times.