Hi :)

I wanted to answer your question from a while back, dearest Viking, because I have been thinking about it a lot today.

You asked what comes next. What, now? And my answer at the time was not very helpful. I do feel that what happens next is up to you, that the world is your oyster.

But for me, that is conditional, and the condition is actively staying in recovery.

That may sound simplistic, but it is the answer for me. :hug:

Great answer, Suze

I think you are living that answer, dearest Free. :hug: ❤️

Hey, Venus, I really do appreciate you coming back to that question. I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past weeks- about how my own needs have changed, how I am approaching sobriety now vs my very early days and how truly different I feel from even 6 months ago. That compulsion to find something else to put all that focus on- how to fill those hours I had spent writing, reading, listening about making the right choices, strategies to stay sober, how to balance life and work and still be focused on my number one priority. Nothing is more important to me than sobriety, and that feels mostly second nature to me now, and that revealed my answer. I don't have to scurry about searching for the next goal or accomplishment, they will come in their own good time. The year mark was certainly significant- but there is no timeline for sobriety- there is no rush to get things accomplished. I plan on being sober for a long, long, long time, so I have plenty of time to get squared away. It's not about the destination- it's the journey, anyway. That frantic feeling has left me- I'm truly free from the push and pull of "do this, do that" and I am just trying to be a good girl. Good friend, good therapist, good daughter, good person. Doing the best I can in a very difficult world, and keeping a positive attitude and offering a helpful hand. I am going to manifest the life I want, it is going to happen. I am happy and proud of how far I have come, and only I am responsible for where I go and how I get there.

Welp, I’m at day 403, the day of sobriety I confused abstinence with control in 2019.

I didn’t realize how many days sober I was back then until just a few days ago, as I thought I was nearing that timeframe. A little regret, a LOT of learning.

Never going through that again, never. I’m lucky I got to come back after 2+ years, and boy, oh boy, I got worse than ever. Sooooooo scary.

Working hard on the condo, feeling blessed to be able to help eldest out. Today organizing, helping her do laundry, and showing her a different work out place.

Love to all

Congrats on day 403, Free. There was no question you’d surpass that milestone, in my mind. Time to set new records!

Love your post, dear Viking!!! ❤️

Congrats on Day 403 Free! Also, thanks for sharing you’re experience for going back out when you confused abstinence for control. That stuck out to me as something very important to remember on my sobriety journey.

My sister who cut myself and my entire family out of her life over 2 years ago like zero contact, blocked on all social media, total radio silence briefly came back into the picture a few days ago. Basically her sons haven’t showed up to school this year and the police got involved and called my parents. Turns out she’s homeschooling them. From the sound of it she hasn’t changed much at all. It’s interesting to me how she brings up a very dark ominous feeling in me. I used to wonder how we could’ve treated her better but now I realize we’re better off without her. I miss my nephews a lot but she’s isolated them and the police can’t do much about family visitation rights. She apparently got married a few weeks ago. It’s strange not knowing what’s happening in my sisters life.

That’s worrisome, Bodhi. It’s so hard to let it go, especially with young ones involved. Big hugs to you, and prayers for those boys happiness, health, and safety.

Some people are probably best off being peripheral Bodhi?

congrats again on 403 free :)
D

That must be hard, Bodhi. Sometimes the best we can do is detach. Sad, but true. Glad you are here with us!

My sober hero, my clean for 20+ years mother drank yesterday. She told me right away, she was completely glib about “ I had a sip of wine to toast”….(insert unimportant reason here) and my visceral response shocked me. She declined a drink several times, then accepted when her neighbor pressed on with the old “one won’t hurt” BS. I have no concern that this is an issue, she immediately regretted it and passed the glass off to my dad, but it made me realize I will never be safe, can never let my guard down, and must always be aware of the sneaking nature of this compulsion to drink. I am very proud of my reaction, I allowed myself to process my sheer terror as I listened to her story, then I said, “Mom. You were peer-pressured. Never let another person dictate your behavior.” She went silent, then responded in agreement, saying I was right. She should have said, no thanks, I don’t drink. It was a good conversation, I’m not worried about her, but it opened up a dialogue we will have again.

Have a good day, everyone.

James, where are you? You are deeply missed.

Hey Lisa. Sorry guys. Realized it's been a full week since I last posted. Having trouble finding enough hours in the day, but it's no excuse. Flew back home on Sunday and back to work on Monday. Hadn't seen the grandkids for a couple of weeks, so I did that on Tuesday. Getting back into the exercise groove after too much good food in NYC. Plenty of walking, but not enough to offset the wonderful calories.

Will post more this evening as I have more to say on your posts, but I'm already running late this morning. Sobriety is wonderful. Day 113, I believe.

I’m sorry Lisa - that just have rocked you back on your heels a little.
It really is eternal vigilance…one split second decision could spell disaster for me.

I hope this was a blip for your mom and she comes out stronger for it :)

D

In a hurry this morning, but real quick:

1/best recovery guidance I ever got on difficult/toxic family members is: "feed them with a long-handled spoon."

2/If we don't have control over our drinking, we sure don't have any control over anybody else's drinking.

Lisa, I’m so sorry that happened, that your mom drank…lots of wonderful sharing by you about the situation, her reaction, yours, and our life or death to soul and body choice to make sobriety our priority.

NEVER DRINK NOW

Big Hugs, friend.

L

Really good to see you, James. So glad you are well, and that you are loving the sober life again.

HUGE congrats on 113🎊🪅🎏🪄🎉🎁❤️🤓❤️🎁🎉🪄🎏🪅🎊🪅🎏🪄🤓❤️🎁🎉🎁❤️🤓🪄🎏🪅🎊🎊🥳

Quick good morning and happy Friday. This week has been crazy busy, I don’t know how I managed any of it back when I was drinking. My patients are so challenging, they take all my brain power sometimes. I guess they didn’t have that benefit when I was operating on less than half power, now that I think of it.

My BFF’s kids are coming this weekend and we are doing a haunted tour of America’s hometown. Should be fun. Cemetery in the dark- glad I’m not squeamish! I love October and Halloween.

Have a good one, everybody.

So wonderful!

i love Halloween and October in the states too.


i’m feeling super anxious the forgetfulness of my daughter and her attitude and the mix of too many people are making it a little bit rough to handle for me. For the first time in many many months I feel like I’d like a drink to escape but I know that that’s just not true it’s just an old subconscious habit when I’m under extreme stress.

Came back to my daughters apartment and she placed some thing that she needs for her shower underneath her kitchen sink. I picked it up and reminded her that maybe she would like this in the bathroom and not in the kitchen, And my stepson said, “I don’t think any of us need to have the exact permanent location of anything until we get the flooring in”


I don’t know why this made me so angry. He was trying to tell me how to deal with my daughter yesterday, and this is the first time he has ever really had to deal with her and she is still polite with him I’ve been dealing with this for 21 years. So I said to him “well, because she’s going to take a shower before the flooring is done in five days I thought maybe she would like this in the bathroom where it belongs so she doesn’t have to walk naked around the apartment wondering where she put it”

my in-laws are driving me crazy my mother-in-law wants to feed us and get us all fat and when I’m in the middle of something she asks me, “oh, I wanted to tell you about this food we have for you in the refrigerator and the stuff we got for you from the bakery and let me tell you about this and let me tell you about that……, and then, ……” when my daughter is waiting for me to respond to her and doesn’t have much patience with me…… 😟

I’m so sorry I’m ranting but I just need to vent. I know she’s just lonely.

now my day is short because we have to go to some gala I never agreed to go to.

so I was trying to vacuum my in-laws basement because they were spiders and spiderwebs and all the corners because their cleaning people are terrible but they think they are wonderful and in the meantime I was doing my laundry because I was out of everything including personals if you get what I’m saying and I’m timing everything and I go upstairs in my laundry was taken out of the washer and put into the dryer without dryer sheets oh my gosh I just don’t know why I’m getting so upset.

if you’d read to here, thanks and I’m sorry

the drinking urge is dissipating