Class of August 2021 Support Thread Part 7
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Hey Free. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Can you find 5 minutes to just stop and breathe, and center yourself? You've got a lot rattling around in there all at once. Too much for anyone to try to process.
I hope that you guys haven't exhausted all of your options regarding the insurance. Are you saying that your builder isn't able to obtain the builders risk coverage, or that you won't be able to get homeowners coverage once the house is built? I don't recall how you guys are handling this new build, but I thought that it was on the builder to carry the insurance until the house was done. Just curious. I worked in commercial insurance for years, albeit on the IT side of the house. Seemed like high risk policies were available, even in the worst circumstances..........at a price.
My approach with my troubled middle daughter was a 'tough love' approach. She really started acting out during and after my divorce, when she was in her late teens and early twenties. I didn't have the mental capacity at the time to deal with her and decided to just back completely off. We were estranged for maybe a year. She had to learn some tough lessons on her own, but eventually grew up and took responsibility. It was a very rough several years, but I don't really regret how I handled it. Every situation is different, and I'm not qualified to give you any advice. Just take care of yourself and listen to your heart. Like you said, you didn't cause it, and you can't cure it. You'll do the right thing.
Thinking of you today and wishing you strength. Hugs.
I hope that you guys haven't exhausted all of your options regarding the insurance. Are you saying that your builder isn't able to obtain the builders risk coverage, or that you won't be able to get homeowners coverage once the house is built? I don't recall how you guys are handling this new build, but I thought that it was on the builder to carry the insurance until the house was done. Just curious. I worked in commercial insurance for years, albeit on the IT side of the house. Seemed like high risk policies were available, even in the worst circumstances..........at a price.
My approach with my troubled middle daughter was a 'tough love' approach. She really started acting out during and after my divorce, when she was in her late teens and early twenties. I didn't have the mental capacity at the time to deal with her and decided to just back completely off. We were estranged for maybe a year. She had to learn some tough lessons on her own, but eventually grew up and took responsibility. It was a very rough several years, but I don't really regret how I handled it. Every situation is different, and I'm not qualified to give you any advice. Just take care of yourself and listen to your heart. Like you said, you didn't cause it, and you can't cure it. You'll do the right thing.
Thinking of you today and wishing you strength. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
All is appreciated. Thanks.
Turns out called youngest, we had a pleasant and enjoyable conversation. Working two jobs, working very hard during summer break. I kept our talk positive, thanked her in a text for taking the time to talk to me.
Positive reinforcement I decided is best. Living with her dad and brother isn’t easy, so I know how much pressure she’s under.
I can be harsh, abrasive, and a cold start. What is good here, is to reflect like James did the other day, and like I’ve been trying to practice, is WHY, do I have such an overreaction inside.
I think it’s abandonment, really. I feel terrible when I’m ignored. We were neglected as children, for real, as far as supervision and food, and basic needs went unmet. The children’s services took us away and we were placed in foster care.
But, it could be another reason than being neglected or ignored, maybe they ARE busy….,,.working two jobs, and being 21. They are of OUR blood, our children, we are not of theirs. The love balance is NOT even, and the chapter in life is at different ends of the books. Different needs, different viewpoints, variable points of what is important change with those chapters and roles.
And, my kids are 100% American, and I’m a half breed, raised by a mum with that stiff upper lip, you know, stand offish-like. I’m FAR from that, but I feel that royal pompous self righteous blood boil at the slightest infraction. Keeping that in check. Relationships are better than being right, eh?
I’m the most animated warm half-Brit around….😁
Ahhh, remember this free…….
Turns out called youngest, we had a pleasant and enjoyable conversation. Working two jobs, working very hard during summer break. I kept our talk positive, thanked her in a text for taking the time to talk to me.
Positive reinforcement I decided is best. Living with her dad and brother isn’t easy, so I know how much pressure she’s under.
I can be harsh, abrasive, and a cold start. What is good here, is to reflect like James did the other day, and like I’ve been trying to practice, is WHY, do I have such an overreaction inside.
I think it’s abandonment, really. I feel terrible when I’m ignored. We were neglected as children, for real, as far as supervision and food, and basic needs went unmet. The children’s services took us away and we were placed in foster care.
But, it could be another reason than being neglected or ignored, maybe they ARE busy….,,.working two jobs, and being 21. They are of OUR blood, our children, we are not of theirs. The love balance is NOT even, and the chapter in life is at different ends of the books. Different needs, different viewpoints, variable points of what is important change with those chapters and roles.
And, my kids are 100% American, and I’m a half breed, raised by a mum with that stiff upper lip, you know, stand offish-like. I’m FAR from that, but I feel that royal pompous self righteous blood boil at the slightest infraction. Keeping that in check. Relationships are better than being right, eh?
I’m the most animated warm half-Brit around….😁
Ahhh, remember this free…….
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,828
Sorry to hear of the family and house issues, Free. And glad to hear the family stuff got somewhat squared away. Like Venus, I am not a parent, but I have been a step-parent in the past and am currently a step-parent to 3 adult children. I’ll write more tomorrow when I can get to my laptop, it’s hard to type a lot on the iPad.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
I love the way that you worked through all of that Free. What you said about the chapters in life being at different ends of the book is brilliant. I'm very close with my oldest daughter, who lives in New York. We go for long stretches of time without talking, where I start to feel that she might be upset with me. That's never the case, but I never fail to concoct a narrative in my mind. She's just busy with her work and life.
Whatever mix of nationalities you are comprised of Free, we love you just the way you are.
Whatever mix of nationalities you are comprised of Free, we love you just the way you are.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Thanks James, my book is helping me, my action to REALLY be better, to heal the broken parts here at age 59, seems to be helping.
I think I will purchase it. Taking extensive notes.
In another thread you mentioned carrying a gratitude book with you during the day. This training of your brain, of soaking in and consciously taking note of positive experiences/pleasure will make your brain matter change as you change your thinking.
What a beautiful gift our brains are. Done abusing mine here. So done.
Good day, class. Love and hugs to all
4.5 mile, 1000vertical feet walk with hubby today, maybe look at garden, maybe go to lot.
Lynn
🤓❤️
I think I will purchase it. Taking extensive notes.
In another thread you mentioned carrying a gratitude book with you during the day. This training of your brain, of soaking in and consciously taking note of positive experiences/pleasure will make your brain matter change as you change your thinking.
What a beautiful gift our brains are. Done abusing mine here. So done.
Good day, class. Love and hugs to all
4.5 mile, 1000vertical feet walk with hubby today, maybe look at garden, maybe go to lot.
Lynn
🤓❤️
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Way to knock out that exercise Lynn (I'm going to try to get used to calling you my your actual name on this thread)! Your level of activity amazes me. 59? I think you function like a 29 year old. Thanks for all of the great resource recommendations.
Starting to accumulate some sober time. There have been a couple of missteps, but I think that I am learning from them. Trying to put in the work, even when I don't feel like it.
Starting to accumulate some sober time. There have been a couple of missteps, but I think that I am learning from them. Trying to put in the work, even when I don't feel like it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Hi, everyone! I have been lax in commenting here because I feel like I have to make a quality post but I can just say hello if I want to! Letting go of my inclination to be a smarty pants big mouth. Control issues, you know. Life is getting easier now that I just let things happen rather than managing every minute. Since I'm sober, I don't have to micromanage my own behaviors- because now I'm doing the next right thing rather than cleaning up the mess later.
Hope you are all doing well- I actually think of you all on a regular basis. My sober support system, the best one in town.
Peace!!
Hope you are all doing well- I actually think of you all on a regular basis. My sober support system, the best one in town.
Peace!!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Thanks Viking and James!
So, Bodhi, where are you sweetie? Come back and just put a smiley face emoji here……I’m sure the fertility treatments are tough going.
Keeping a 14 day challenge log in my iPhone, with weight and pics.
Today, 117.4, 40 minute Pilates workout Day 1 coming to,a close, next, make and bake ginger cookies,
tomorrow 8 mile 2000 vertical feet hike, and some unseen day 2 challenge Pilates workout.
Super crabby earlier, golf didn’t go well, people letting their dogs off lead to harass wildlife here, and bikes roaring past us on a narrow two way path near the creek.
Better now, here with my peeps on SR, drinking a soda water with cherry juice. Life is good.
So, Bodhi, where are you sweetie? Come back and just put a smiley face emoji here……I’m sure the fertility treatments are tough going.
Keeping a 14 day challenge log in my iPhone, with weight and pics.
Today, 117.4, 40 minute Pilates workout Day 1 coming to,a close, next, make and bake ginger cookies,
tomorrow 8 mile 2000 vertical feet hike, and some unseen day 2 challenge Pilates workout.
Super crabby earlier, golf didn’t go well, people letting their dogs off lead to harass wildlife here, and bikes roaring past us on a narrow two way path near the creek.
Better now, here with my peeps on SR, drinking a soda water with cherry juice. Life is good.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Ginger cookies!!! You little temptress! How I would love to dunk one of those in my coffee right this minute. They look so good!
Viking, I'm right there with you. Always feel like I need to say something profound and post-worthy. Heck with it. I got nuthin' to say this morning. Just glad that you checked in and are cruising along nicely.
I'm sure that Bodhi will check in when she has time. Sending positive thoughts her way this morning.
Hoping that everyone is looking forward to the long weekend. It's going to be beautiful here in flyover country.
Viking, I'm right there with you. Always feel like I need to say something profound and post-worthy. Heck with it. I got nuthin' to say this morning. Just glad that you checked in and are cruising along nicely.
I'm sure that Bodhi will check in when she has time. Sending positive thoughts her way this morning.
Hoping that everyone is looking forward to the long weekend. It's going to be beautiful here in flyover country.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Hey everybody hope you had a good day so far. I woke up in a kerfuffle I had my first drinking dream and it was terrible. I was distressed in the dream, I was distressed when I woke up and I’ve been off balance all day. I once heard David Crosby talking about sobriety and he knew he didn’t have to worry about relapsing when he stopped dreaming about drinking and I’ve always kind of had that in the back of my head even though it might be completely untrue. So I was annoyed this morning, or not annoyed, more scared this morning when I woke up and realized that I had just had a drinking dream. In the dream I drank one glass of wine and I could see the bottle and I could hold it in my hands and I felt it and then I went to pour another glass and I dumped the bottle down the sink. I didn’t wake up though, there was more to the dream that was not related to that but during the rest of the dream I just felt this terrible remorse and failure and I woke up like that. I don’t think about drinking at all, it’s not even a thought in my head and today, all I can think about is why why did I have that stupid dream?????
Forgive my voice to text it does sound like a rambling fool. But a sober one with no plans to change!
Forgive my voice to text it does sound like a rambling fool. But a sober one with no plans to change!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,506
Well, I couldn't agree less with Mr Crosby.
Drinking dreams are a gift in my view. They are a reminder of who we never want to be again....a glimpse of our former selves, sent to help us.
Even in your dream, you threw out the wine love. You drank a glass and threw it out. Isn't that a miracle?
Your subconscious is saying that although you still think about the wine, you don't want the wine.
s xxx ❤️
Drinking dreams are a gift in my view. They are a reminder of who we never want to be again....a glimpse of our former selves, sent to help us.
Even in your dream, you threw out the wine love. You drank a glass and threw it out. Isn't that a miracle?
Your subconscious is saying that although you still think about the wine, you don't want the wine.
s xxx ❤️
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Hi Lisa, I just read your whole post, from 2011 to today. Very moving!
You are strong and have patience and perseverance.
Do that puzzle, put that 288# down on calendar.
Proud to be your classmate
🤓❤️
Lynn
You are strong and have patience and perseverance.
Do that puzzle, put that 288# down on calendar.
Proud to be your classmate
🤓❤️
Lynn
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Skip the Pilates, I’m exhausted!
120.4 #, scrambled eggs and strawberries raw with TWO C coffee,cream and sugar.
Lunch on hike, nonfat Chobani yogurt smoothie with frozen fruit, and celery, and one (ONE), and dinner one piece of everything pizza, bubbly water, and four (FOUR 😫 sanders dark chocolate seal salt caramels……..
7 miles, 1900 vertical foot hike, as we were able to park at trailhead. Very fun hike with another couple.
120.4 #, scrambled eggs and strawberries raw with TWO C coffee,cream and sugar.
Lunch on hike, nonfat Chobani yogurt smoothie with frozen fruit, and celery, and one (ONE), and dinner one piece of everything pizza, bubbly water, and four (FOUR 😫 sanders dark chocolate seal salt caramels……..
7 miles, 1900 vertical foot hike, as we were able to park at trailhead. Very fun hike with another couple.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Good morning friends.
The drinking dreams. I remember having one after a long stretch of sobriety. Same type of off-kilter feeling the next day, but so much relief right after waking up. I suspect that alcohol will always reside in my subconscious, even when I get to the point of not giving it any attention on a daily basis. I wish that I was smart enough to decipher the signals that our subconscious is trying to send us, but I suspect they are there to nourish us and not cause us harm. In your case Lisa, maybe it was just a quick poke to say "remember how much this sucked?".
Lynn, what does the 120.4# stand for? And how on earth were you able to manage that type of calorie burn on so few calories? And what are scrambled eggs and strawberries raw? Are you chugging raw eggs, like Rocky? So many questions. Hopefully you have a restful day ahead of you.
My favorite little three year old spent the night with me last night. Had a blast at a local playground. This kid is fearless and so social. Nothing makes me happier than to watch kids interact, make instant friendships, and just be unfiltered, unbridled bundles of joy. Why can't we figure out how to do this as adults?
I'm tapping out this post while the princess is still sleeping. Not sure what's on our agenda today, but it will require my undivided attention. Have a great Saturday everyone!
The drinking dreams. I remember having one after a long stretch of sobriety. Same type of off-kilter feeling the next day, but so much relief right after waking up. I suspect that alcohol will always reside in my subconscious, even when I get to the point of not giving it any attention on a daily basis. I wish that I was smart enough to decipher the signals that our subconscious is trying to send us, but I suspect they are there to nourish us and not cause us harm. In your case Lisa, maybe it was just a quick poke to say "remember how much this sucked?".
Lynn, what does the 120.4# stand for? And how on earth were you able to manage that type of calorie burn on so few calories? And what are scrambled eggs and strawberries raw? Are you chugging raw eggs, like Rocky? So many questions. Hopefully you have a restful day ahead of you.
My favorite little three year old spent the night with me last night. Had a blast at a local playground. This kid is fearless and so social. Nothing makes me happier than to watch kids interact, make instant friendships, and just be unfiltered, unbridled bundles of joy. Why can't we figure out how to do this as adults?
I'm tapping out this post while the princess is still sleeping. Not sure what's on our agenda today, but it will require my undivided attention. Have a great Saturday everyone!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Raw strawberries, natural without sugar.
Not raw eggs 🤮🤢. Need to write more clearly.
# stands for pounds. Yep. Gained three, I’m wanted to gain muscle, and lose fat. Going to track here, as I know weight is up, and down.
Hoping that son asks Filipino to marry her, jelly of the grandchildren, James,
Gotta,go, LOTS to do today.
Ride those waves, everyone! The reward is inner peace and love. We are strong.
Not raw eggs 🤮🤢. Need to write more clearly.
# stands for pounds. Yep. Gained three, I’m wanted to gain muscle, and lose fat. Going to track here, as I know weight is up, and down.
Hoping that son asks Filipino to marry her, jelly of the grandchildren, James,
Gotta,go, LOTS to do today.
Ride those waves, everyone! The reward is inner peace and love. We are strong.
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