Class of May 2022 Part One
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,095
Hi all-
I am back here on Day 1. Had a four day slip, I ended up drinking, not much, but still I did drink. It was weird as I didn't drink as much as I had, and really didn't enjoy it--which has been a theme the times I've slipped this year. Still, I have no interest in moderating so here I am. I was almost not going to come back, but I know that would be an excuse.
I'm determined to get past this.
I am back here on Day 1. Had a four day slip, I ended up drinking, not much, but still I did drink. It was weird as I didn't drink as much as I had, and really didn't enjoy it--which has been a theme the times I've slipped this year. Still, I have no interest in moderating so here I am. I was almost not going to come back, but I know that would be an excuse.
I'm determined to get past this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 398
HI all
Welcome to SR our lovely members that have joined us in our class of May. Lovely to see you here
Hi my lovely friends I already know Well done on sober days, coming back, posting and the lovely amazing support we give each other.
BTG - Words can not describe my heartfelt sorrow on hearing of the loss of your hubby. Please know that you and your loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you all hugs xx
Sorry Ive been MIA again recently. I swear this is becoming a theme in my life. I start to post lots and then it all goes woop woop in my house and I go off disappearing! My lovely boy is almost at the end of his GCSE mocks now and I am celebrating this fact!! I have now realised that he turns into a stressful, dramatic, nothing is right, argh teenager (even worse than I have ever experienced) so lord help me next year when its the actual GCSEs hahahaha!!! Add to this a 12 yr old veering between pain with her arthritis and giggling loudness, plus a squawking parrot that likes to screech down the stairs at me 'what doing?', plus organising twin step daughters 21st birthday meal its great fun in this household!!!!
Welcome to SR our lovely members that have joined us in our class of May. Lovely to see you here
Hi my lovely friends I already know
Well done on sober days, coming back, posting and the lovely amazing support we give each other.BTG - Words can not describe my heartfelt sorrow on hearing of the loss of your hubby. Please know that you and your loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you all hugs xx
Sorry Ive been MIA again recently. I swear this is becoming a theme in my life. I start to post lots and then it all goes woop woop in my house and I go off disappearing! My lovely boy is almost at the end of his GCSE mocks now and I am celebrating this fact!! I have now realised that he turns into a stressful, dramatic, nothing is right, argh teenager (even worse than I have ever experienced
) so lord help me next year when its the actual GCSEs hahahaha!!! Add to this a 12 yr old veering between pain with her arthritis and giggling loudness, plus a squawking parrot that likes to screech down the stairs at me 'what doing?', plus organising twin step daughters 21st birthday meal its great fun in this household!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 17
I’m happy to have found SR again! I was here about 7 years ago when I was really bad off (drinking heavily everyday). Since then I have tapered down to less frequent (3 days/wk). The problem is that those 3 days are still excessive & from time to time I was still sneaking a bit more than what it looked like during those 3 days. So, with that said, I still have a problem. My last drink was on 4/29/22 (4 days ago), I feel good & want to commit to not drink one day at a time & keep that rising. I look forward to posting more and reading everyone’s posts. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 260
49 hours since I last had a drink and where yesterday was all shakes and sweats and anxiety, today is much improved. The fog is still there but the sweat has quite literally dried up and I'm no longer trembling. Right now he side of my body is still sore from a drunken fall on Saturday night, but with luck that'll be gone in a few days, too.
The trouble is that I know only too well how the physical symptoms are a useful reminder of exactly why you need to give up. When they fade, you're left feeling human again, and your only weapon against a repeat performance is willpower. For someone who's spent his entire life merrily giving into temptation, who has made being wild and wicked part of his brand, that's quite a daunting prospect.
Still. 49 hours and counting.
The trouble is that I know only too well how the physical symptoms are a useful reminder of exactly why you need to give up. When they fade, you're left feeling human again, and your only weapon against a repeat performance is willpower. For someone who's spent his entire life merrily giving into temptation, who has made being wild and wicked part of his brand, that's quite a daunting prospect.
Still. 49 hours and counting.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I don’t think willpower helped me stay sober. For me it was accepting I was a terrible even catastrophic drinker, and getting worse, not better.
Once you accept the premise that it’s the first drink that awakens the monster, I think that makes it easier to finally dismiss and disperse those ‘am I really that bad’ thoughts.
D
Once you accept the premise that it’s the first drink that awakens the monster, I think that makes it easier to finally dismiss and disperse those ‘am I really that bad’ thoughts.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 260
Thanks, Dee. I still think it's willpower though. 
Like just now I had to go and sort out my in-law's internet. Job done, but on the way back the voice was going, 'You did good. Reward yourself with a drink. You deserve. it.' Didn't it take willpower to ignore the voice?
Like just now I had to go and sort out my in-law's internet. Job done, but on the way back the voice was going, 'You did good. Reward yourself with a drink. You deserve. it.' Didn't it take willpower to ignore the voice?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,996
Hello May class,
I would like to join you. I am miserable, and alcohol, to paraphrase Dee, is making my life worse. I had been doing reasonably well, getting back on track, but my mood crashed a couple of weeks ago on tapering Ativan, and foolishly, I turned to alcohol. I feel miserable and have kept drinking on and off. I feel very lonely, and can't face myself, my life. I feel apart from most people I do interact with, other than the lovely people of SR.
I desperately want to change, and experience even moments of joy, if that could be possible. If I let myself think about my life, I am a heaping, crying mess, and so drink. Perhaps it's better to be a heaping, crying mess for however long, and hope for a modicum of change.
All the best to all of us. Today, it's my day 1 starting. Please, whatever powers that be, let it stick this time, although I know it's up to me to do the work.
I would like to join you. I am miserable, and alcohol, to paraphrase Dee, is making my life worse. I had been doing reasonably well, getting back on track, but my mood crashed a couple of weeks ago on tapering Ativan, and foolishly, I turned to alcohol. I feel miserable and have kept drinking on and off. I feel very lonely, and can't face myself, my life. I feel apart from most people I do interact with, other than the lovely people of SR.
I desperately want to change, and experience even moments of joy, if that could be possible. If I let myself think about my life, I am a heaping, crying mess, and so drink. Perhaps it's better to be a heaping, crying mess for however long, and hope for a modicum of change.
All the best to all of us. Today, it's my day 1 starting. Please, whatever powers that be, let it stick this time, although I know it's up to me to do the work.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,996
Hi all,
I just saw my psychiatrist. He wants me to go back to a higher dose of Ativan than I had reached. I was at 0.125mg at night for almost two weeks, and he wants me to resume 0.5mg at night, and then he plans to switch me to Diazepam and do a longer taper. I can't stop crying. I feel that I've failed at this taper, and I'm back to where I was. My doctor says it's just a different way of achieving the same long term goal.
I'm weary of everything. Flat, no interest, no motivation, not taking care of myself, or my house stuff. But I've got to press on and keep going. I'm grateful that I have the guidance of a psychiatrist.
I just saw my psychiatrist. He wants me to go back to a higher dose of Ativan than I had reached. I was at 0.125mg at night for almost two weeks, and he wants me to resume 0.5mg at night, and then he plans to switch me to Diazepam and do a longer taper. I can't stop crying. I feel that I've failed at this taper, and I'm back to where I was. My doctor says it's just a different way of achieving the same long term goal.
I'm weary of everything. Flat, no interest, no motivation, not taking care of myself, or my house stuff. But I've got to press on and keep going. I'm grateful that I have the guidance of a psychiatrist.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 54
Also tapering Ativan, got switched to Valium, got switched back to Ativan and now am back to starting over.
You haven't failed at tapering because you are still trying. Lot's of people just give up.
You know that it's a slow process and it won't do any good to talk about failing other than making yourself feel worse.
I read a few back posts and saw you have CBT in the works? I did that last year for a few months. It was apparent I was very good at self talk--as I should be as have had the GAD diagnosis for about 30 years. It was good exercises with therapist that reminded me to use it though!
Does the psychiatrist know you've started drinking? I know my psychiatrist would of done the same as yours, upping the dose till I was stable. He would of been better able to understand me, though, if I told him I had taken up drinking here and there to cope with either the taper, my feeling, other stuff, etc. Which I basically did just go through, am still going through, a trauma and said to him Friday "am ready to try drinking because I can't live like this."
You haven't failed at tapering because you are still trying. Lot's of people just give up.
You know that it's a slow process and it won't do any good to talk about failing other than making yourself feel worse.
I read a few back posts and saw you have CBT in the works? I did that last year for a few months. It was apparent I was very good at self talk--as I should be as have had the GAD diagnosis for about 30 years. It was good exercises with therapist that reminded me to use it though!
Does the psychiatrist know you've started drinking? I know my psychiatrist would of done the same as yours, upping the dose till I was stable. He would of been better able to understand me, though, if I told him I had taken up drinking here and there to cope with either the taper, my feeling, other stuff, etc. Which I basically did just go through, am still going through, a trauma and said to him Friday "am ready to try drinking because I can't live like this."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 17
Today is my Wife’s first day off for a 4 day stretch. What usually happens on her off days is that we run errands, shop, spend time with our son…and then in the evening we have some wine and watch a movie or sit out on the porch…and that could be for the next 3 nights as well.
Well today I’m having coffee and doing all those daytime activities, and I’m choosing to relax tonight without the wine. It’s an unusual feeling, part of me says it’s ok to just have some wine tonight; however, I know where that leads…wanting more than what I say I’ll have and increasing that over the next 3 nights.
I’m thankful to be able to post here, writing this out and reading these posts really help me remain vigilant. So, I’m not going to have that first drink tonight that leads to destruction. I feel great about my decision today. Thanks for reading!
Well today I’m having coffee and doing all those daytime activities, and I’m choosing to relax tonight without the wine. It’s an unusual feeling, part of me says it’s ok to just have some wine tonight; however, I know where that leads…wanting more than what I say I’ll have and increasing that over the next 3 nights.
I’m thankful to be able to post here, writing this out and reading these posts really help me remain vigilant. So, I’m not going to have that first drink tonight that leads to destruction. I feel great about my decision today. Thanks for reading!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Originally Posted by MarkstheSpot 
Thanks, Dee. I still think it's willpower though. Like just now I had to go and sort out my in-law's internet. Job done, but on the way back the voice was going, 'You did good. Reward yourself with a drink. You deserve. it.' Didn't it take willpower to ignore the voice?
Like just now I had to go and sort out my in-law's internet. Job done, but on the way back the voice was going, 'You did good. Reward yourself with a drink. You deserve. it.' Didn't it take willpower to ignore the voice?
I’ve been here too long to argue semantics MTS
if you want to call it willpower that’s fine with me. Do whatever works for you, please
D
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