Class of August 2021 Support Thread Part 5
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 517
Numblady, how frustrating to hear you had a conference a short while ago and they didn’t say anything. Also, I’m not a Mom yet but I hear often how the Moms are the ones the school calls and it’s definitely traditional gender roles that needs to be broken down. I heard a comedian joking around about not knowing his kids school bus number abd to call his wife with those sort of questions. It’s like shame on you for not knowing pertinent information about your child’s whereabouts. So odd to me. I used to work at a school and the kids would sometimes say my Dads babysitting tonight and in my head I was like he’s raising you and watching you not babysitting you. Not that those 2 situations are the same as yours but it’s just another one of those gender roles stereotypes. My husband and I have a joke or more like a catchphrase when gender role stuff comes up we’ll say pizza rolls not gender roles! Ok done with my rant.
pretty easy morning at work this morning which is really nice I’ve been pretty busy the last few weeks and have back to back meeting this afternoon. I think I might take my dog for a quick walk before my first meeting.
pretty easy morning at work this morning which is really nice I’ve been pretty busy the last few weeks and have back to back meeting this afternoon. I think I might take my dog for a quick walk before my first meeting.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 273
I'm grabbing a few moments alone again this morning. I'm adding these to my blessings for the da
Numblady - wow. I'm so thankful my kids have kiddos of their own in today's crazy society and that I'm one step removed from all of the drama that occurs when raising children. My daughter would second your statement about the Mom being the designated responsible person. She deals with it all the time. She has been a stay at home parent until the last couple of months (hence my babysitting gig in retirement) when she went back to substitute teaching. Thankfully, she hasn't had to deal with any of her children being called out for their behavior (yet). Her oldest is a female, and honestly I worry about her because she is almost "too good" - a rule follower who gets a little off kilter when she witnesses others misbehave. She's 12 and I know that can change overnight but I'm hoping she'll just "chill" a little and not go over the edge in the other direction.
I have read the posts about some of us being a little off balance (my words) or somewhat less than euphoric in this point in the sobriety journey. For the last few weeks, I've felt so thankful and been very "up". I could empathize but hadn't experienced those feelings since the very early days. However, just in the last couple of days, I have begun to feel a little "less than". I can't explain it because there is no logical reason not to feel anything but joyful. If I'm totally honest, I feel almost depressed but I can't put my finger on why I would feel that way since I am beyond blessed. I'm fighting a funk and I'm hoping it is short-lived because feeling good and happy is one of the biggest attractions to working toward being sober forever.
Enough of me wallowing in it. Off to eat a healthy breakfast, take a walk, and mentally count my blessings. I hope everyone has a fabulous day today.
Numblady - wow. I'm so thankful my kids have kiddos of their own in today's crazy society and that I'm one step removed from all of the drama that occurs when raising children. My daughter would second your statement about the Mom being the designated responsible person. She deals with it all the time. She has been a stay at home parent until the last couple of months (hence my babysitting gig in retirement) when she went back to substitute teaching. Thankfully, she hasn't had to deal with any of her children being called out for their behavior (yet). Her oldest is a female, and honestly I worry about her because she is almost "too good" - a rule follower who gets a little off kilter when she witnesses others misbehave. She's 12 and I know that can change overnight but I'm hoping she'll just "chill" a little and not go over the edge in the other direction.
I have read the posts about some of us being a little off balance (my words) or somewhat less than euphoric in this point in the sobriety journey. For the last few weeks, I've felt so thankful and been very "up". I could empathize but hadn't experienced those feelings since the very early days. However, just in the last couple of days, I have begun to feel a little "less than". I can't explain it because there is no logical reason not to feel anything but joyful. If I'm totally honest, I feel almost depressed but I can't put my finger on why I would feel that way since I am beyond blessed. I'm fighting a funk and I'm hoping it is short-lived because feeling good and happy is one of the biggest attractions to working toward being sober forever.
Enough of me wallowing in it. Off to eat a healthy breakfast, take a walk, and mentally count my blessings. I hope everyone has a fabulous day today.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Bodhi02 
I used to work at a school and the kids would sometimes say my Dads babysitting tonight and in my head I was like he’s raising you and watching you not babysitting you.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
I failed. Picked back up a week ago last Saturday. Four beers. Dumped the rest the next morning. Three more last Saturday. Didn’t dump the rest. Drank the remaining three on Sunday, got six more and drank four of them. Dumped the rest on Monday. Drank a six-pack last night. And so it goes. I didn’t reach out for help. I drank because I wanted to. Period.
I just can’t seem to find the motivation, discipline, desire, to do this day after day, week after week, and month after month. To do the work required to figure out how to live sober. To invest the time and money to figure out why. I am who I am. I aspire to be something more but lack the conviction to figure out who. Until I do, this is as good as it gets for me. I’ll be okay. Always just okay.
This is goodbye. I thank all of you for the support over the last few months and wish you the best.
I just can’t seem to find the motivation, discipline, desire, to do this day after day, week after week, and month after month. To do the work required to figure out how to live sober. To invest the time and money to figure out why. I am who I am. I aspire to be something more but lack the conviction to figure out who. Until I do, this is as good as it gets for me. I’ll be okay. Always just okay.
This is goodbye. I thank all of you for the support over the last few months and wish you the best.
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Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
"I have read the posts about some of us being a little off balance (my words) or somewhat less than euphoric in this point in the sobriety journey. For the last few weeks, I've felt so thankful and been very "up". I could empathize but hadn't experienced those feelings since the very early days. However, just in the last couple of days, I have begun to feel a little "less than". I can't explain it because there is no logical reason not to feel anything but joyful. If I'm totally honest, I feel almost depressed but I can't put my finger on why I would feel that way since I am beyond blessed. I'm fighting a funk and I'm hoping it is short-lived because feeling good and happy is one of the biggest attractions to working toward being sober forever."
Thanks, Katlin.
Thanks, Katlin.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 273
I just logged in here to see if ClearPath had posted today seeing as how he has been so faithful and regular in this thread. I am so so sorry to read his latest post. CP - If you're reading, please don't step away from this group. Whether you're currently drinking because you want to or whether you're fighting to get back on the sober wagon - we care about you and want to continue lending support.
Quite honestly (selfishly thinking of myself here), reading CP's post both brings me down and scares me a little. My sobriety date is just a few days behind his and I do not want a stumble. I understand that it happens and I think it was CP who mentioned complacency being a red flag this time or in the past. At 70+ days, this is a landmine I need to look for on the path. CP's post reminds me not to take a day of this sober life for granted. I do not want to have another day one. I do not drink anymore.
Quite honestly (selfishly thinking of myself here), reading CP's post both brings me down and scares me a little. My sobriety date is just a few days behind his and I do not want a stumble. I understand that it happens and I think it was CP who mentioned complacency being a red flag this time or in the past. At 70+ days, this is a landmine I need to look for on the path. CP's post reminds me not to take a day of this sober life for granted. I do not want to have another day one. I do not drink anymore.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Originally Posted by ClearPath64
I failed. Picked back up a week ago last Saturday. Four beers. Dumped the rest the next morning. Three more last Saturday. Didn’t dump the rest. Drank the remaining three on Sunday, got six more and drank four of them. Dumped the rest on Monday. Drank a six-pack last night. And so it goes. I didn’t reach out for help. I drank because I wanted to. Period.
I just can’t seem to find the motivation, discipline, desire, to do this day after day, week after week, and month after month. To do the work required to figure out how to live sober. To invest the time and money to figure out why. I am who I am. I aspire to be something more but lack the conviction to figure out who. Until I do, this is as good as it gets for me. I’ll be okay. Always just okay.
This is goodbye. I thank all of you for the support over the last few months and wish you the best.
I just can’t seem to find the motivation, discipline, desire, to do this day after day, week after week, and month after month. To do the work required to figure out how to live sober. To invest the time and money to figure out why. I am who I am. I aspire to be something more but lack the conviction to figure out who. Until I do, this is as good as it gets for me. I’ll be okay. Always just okay.
This is goodbye. I thank all of you for the support over the last few months and wish you the best.
Sometimes I think the AVs great weapon is to whisper - ‘never gonna get better than this bro - welcome to your crap new life’.
Of course that’s not true…but it takes a good deal of faith some days before the benefits of staying sober become tangible and undeniable.
I hope you decide to come back CP. Thus is not a ‘one and done’ kind of deal, it’s too important for that.
Fall down seven times, get up eight
D
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,827
I hope you come back, CP. I have failed many, many, many times over the years. I always get back up and try again. I don't like how long I have been at this, but I do like that I keep trying again and again. Every sober day counts. One of these times it will work. It's hard.
LHW
LHW
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Hi, everyone-
I was just going to swing by and say hey, and then I caught up and saw that you, CP, had a rough week, that makes me hurt for you but it's not the end, look at how far you came and what you've accomplished. Looking at it day by day makes it seem slow and maybe less than impressive but it's HUGE. I am here to say to all of us who are feeling shaky (it's hit me, too, as of today) that the slump GOES AWAY. If we slip, that's not the end- it's a bump, it's a lesson. It is NOT a lesson we MUST have, but it is not a reason to stop the journey. Of this, I speak from experience. Today was not a great day for me, and I had been feeling FANTASTIC. And I will again- just like you will, katlin, and Numblady and SouthernSober and Clearpath64. We are all in this for a reason and we are all together for a reason. Here is what is different for me this time and I remind myself of this daily- IF you need help, reach out BEFORE you do something you'll regret. Come here or post a thread or PM someone (I'm here EVERY NIGHT if you want to message me) and do anything you can to not go down the rabbit hole. We are stronger together. No one is going to be harder on you than you will be- so lean on the group whenever you need. I came here feeling blah and down and now I just want to hug you all and make everyone feel stronger and heck, being here with you all gives me energy. Don't come off the sober bus. We have the tickets for the whole dang trip.
The good part is that our tickets allow us back on the trip if we had an unplanned detour, so welcome back, CP. We're waiting and saving you a seat.
I was just going to swing by and say hey, and then I caught up and saw that you, CP, had a rough week, that makes me hurt for you but it's not the end, look at how far you came and what you've accomplished. Looking at it day by day makes it seem slow and maybe less than impressive but it's HUGE. I am here to say to all of us who are feeling shaky (it's hit me, too, as of today) that the slump GOES AWAY. If we slip, that's not the end- it's a bump, it's a lesson. It is NOT a lesson we MUST have, but it is not a reason to stop the journey. Of this, I speak from experience. Today was not a great day for me, and I had been feeling FANTASTIC. And I will again- just like you will, katlin, and Numblady and SouthernSober and Clearpath64. We are all in this for a reason and we are all together for a reason. Here is what is different for me this time and I remind myself of this daily- IF you need help, reach out BEFORE you do something you'll regret. Come here or post a thread or PM someone (I'm here EVERY NIGHT if you want to message me) and do anything you can to not go down the rabbit hole. We are stronger together. No one is going to be harder on you than you will be- so lean on the group whenever you need. I came here feeling blah and down and now I just want to hug you all and make everyone feel stronger and heck, being here with you all gives me energy. Don't come off the sober bus. We have the tickets for the whole dang trip.
The good part is that our tickets allow us back on the trip if we had an unplanned detour, so welcome back, CP. We're waiting and saving you a seat.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by VikingGF
Hi, everyone-
I was just going to swing by and say hey, and then I caught up and saw that you, CP, had a rough week, that makes me hurt for you but it's not the end, look at how far you came and what you've accomplished. Looking at it day by day makes it seem slow and maybe less than impressive but it's HUGE. I am here to say to all of us who are feeling shaky (it's hit me, too, as of today) that the slump GOES AWAY. If we slip, that's not the end- it's a bump, it's a lesson. It is NOT a lesson we MUST have, but it is not a reason to stop the journey. Of this, I speak from experience. Today was not a great day for me, and I had been feeling FANTASTIC. And I will again- just like you will, katlin, and Numblady and SouthernSober and Clearpath64. We are all in this for a reason and we are all together for a reason. Here is what is different for me this time and I remind myself of this daily- IF you need help, reach out BEFORE you do something you'll regret. Come here or post a thread or PM someone (I'm here EVERY NIGHT if you want to message me) and do anything you can to not go down the rabbit hole. We are stronger together. No one is going to be harder on you than you will be- so lean on the group whenever you need. I came here feeling blah and down and now I just want to hug you all and make everyone feel stronger and heck, being here with you all gives me energy. Don't come off the sober bus. We have the tickets for the whole dang trip.
The good part is that our tickets allow us back on the trip if we had an unplanned detour, so welcome back, CP. We're waiting and saving you a seat.
I was just going to swing by and say hey, and then I caught up and saw that you, CP, had a rough week, that makes me hurt for you but it's not the end, look at how far you came and what you've accomplished. Looking at it day by day makes it seem slow and maybe less than impressive but it's HUGE. I am here to say to all of us who are feeling shaky (it's hit me, too, as of today) that the slump GOES AWAY. If we slip, that's not the end- it's a bump, it's a lesson. It is NOT a lesson we MUST have, but it is not a reason to stop the journey. Of this, I speak from experience. Today was not a great day for me, and I had been feeling FANTASTIC. And I will again- just like you will, katlin, and Numblady and SouthernSober and Clearpath64. We are all in this for a reason and we are all together for a reason. Here is what is different for me this time and I remind myself of this daily- IF you need help, reach out BEFORE you do something you'll regret. Come here or post a thread or PM someone (I'm here EVERY NIGHT if you want to message me) and do anything you can to not go down the rabbit hole. We are stronger together. No one is going to be harder on you than you will be- so lean on the group whenever you need. I came here feeling blah and down and now I just want to hug you all and make everyone feel stronger and heck, being here with you all gives me energy. Don't come off the sober bus. We have the tickets for the whole dang trip.
The good part is that our tickets allow us back on the trip if we had an unplanned detour, so welcome back, CP. We're waiting and saving you a seat.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,827
This is a bit off topic but does anyone feel that they are getting more and more intolerant the more they go into sobriety?
For example. I have a friend who is very concerned about getting a Covid booster shot. I texted her earlier tonight and said “hey you can get the Moderna shot across the street at the grocery store. I just got fiancé one, I wish I was eligible.” Her response: “Let me know if you hear of any place that has the Moderna shot”. My reply: “I just did… I said it was across the street at the grocery store”. Her response: “No thanks, I’m just gonna wait until Moderna booster is approved.” My response: “ it just was approved 20 minutes ago. Here is the New York Times article saying so”. Her reply: “I don’t see that here so I’ll just wait till I see it on my own news station”
Well then, WTH? Why ask me?
I went bonkers and I told fiancé I have zero tolerance of anybody anymore. He said just drop it - you answered her question, just drop it. I can’t just drop it, which is irritating the **** out of me.
Stuff like this did not used to bother me….
For example. I have a friend who is very concerned about getting a Covid booster shot. I texted her earlier tonight and said “hey you can get the Moderna shot across the street at the grocery store. I just got fiancé one, I wish I was eligible.” Her response: “Let me know if you hear of any place that has the Moderna shot”. My reply: “I just did… I said it was across the street at the grocery store”. Her response: “No thanks, I’m just gonna wait until Moderna booster is approved.” My response: “ it just was approved 20 minutes ago. Here is the New York Times article saying so”. Her reply: “I don’t see that here so I’ll just wait till I see it on my own news station”
Well then, WTH? Why ask me?
I went bonkers and I told fiancé I have zero tolerance of anybody anymore. He said just drop it - you answered her question, just drop it. I can’t just drop it, which is irritating the **** out of me.
Stuff like this did not used to bother me….
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 517
LHW, I would definitely lose my patience and be very irritated by that situation too because it doesn’t make rational sense your friend wants you to let her know if a place has the moderna vaccine so you do and she doesn’t accept that because of your news source. That’s frustrating but at the end of the day it’s her problem that you were trying to help her resolve and she won’t accept that help so you can just chalk it up to that.
I feel as I gain more time into sobriety I have a lot of negative feelings/thoughts ruminating and I’m quick to being full blown ticked off. I think that’s a normal side effect that comes from not being numb from alcohol and feeling the feelings I drank not to feel. They can sometimes be a bitch but I’ve been finding that the waves of negatives feelings I experience are easier to get through when I just accept the feeling I’m having and don’t judge myself or get angry at myself for having that feeling. It’s perfectly normal to be irritated by your friend you’ll drop it or move on from it eventually it’s just really getting to you now. That feeling will dwindle soon.
I feel as I gain more time into sobriety I have a lot of negative feelings/thoughts ruminating and I’m quick to being full blown ticked off. I think that’s a normal side effect that comes from not being numb from alcohol and feeling the feelings I drank not to feel. They can sometimes be a bitch but I’ve been finding that the waves of negatives feelings I experience are easier to get through when I just accept the feeling I’m having and don’t judge myself or get angry at myself for having that feeling. It’s perfectly normal to be irritated by your friend you’ll drop it or move on from it eventually it’s just really getting to you now. That feeling will dwindle soon.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,827
I will add that what is even more irritating is that she clearly did not read all of my texts! Maybe that’s what is the issue? Or is she’s not hearing me? Why waste my time even providing the info?
I have to let this go. So hard though!
Thanks, Bodhi… our posts crossed but you are so right.
I have to let this go. So hard though!
Thanks, Bodhi… our posts crossed but you are so right.
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 517
CP sorry to hear you drank. It happens I slipped back in august and it taught me some valuable lessons. I hope you stay close whether you’re drinking or not.
I know you say you just want to drink but is there still a voice inside you saying this isn’t what I really want to be doing? A little part that says this doesn’t make me happy?
I’m trying to unravel my unconscious beliefs about alcohol and what makes me want that drink in the first place. All the marketing BS that sells you the lies that you need it to be happy and cool, but in reality it’s poison to our bodies and it’s damaging to our souls. It’s insulting that alcohol companies insinuate that we need a substance to improve ourselves like hell no we are great just the way we are! It only brings us farther away from ourselves and the present.
I know you say you just want to drink but is there still a voice inside you saying this isn’t what I really want to be doing? A little part that says this doesn’t make me happy?
I’m trying to unravel my unconscious beliefs about alcohol and what makes me want that drink in the first place. All the marketing BS that sells you the lies that you need it to be happy and cool, but in reality it’s poison to our bodies and it’s damaging to our souls. It’s insulting that alcohol companies insinuate that we need a substance to improve ourselves like hell no we are great just the way we are! It only brings us farther away from ourselves and the present.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
CP, tried to PM you but it wouldn’t let me so I’ll just post here, although I have to say everyone else’s responses are so good. I’m not really adding anything.
“James! I’ll post on the board but I just wanted to say thank you for being honest and giving us some info about what was going on with you. I hope you will change your mind about the good-bye. You are a pillar of our group. I don’t mean that as a guilt trip but just, you have been so wonderful with all your posts and you should give yourself more credit for already doing so much work to give yourself the life you want. I hope that even if you are gone for a while you will come back. Or check in periodically. I will definitely be thinking about you. Your positive posts and how affirming you are to others. You deserve the same. Big hugs and here if you ever need me. Well, I mean, I check in about once a day.”
CP, I really am grateful and proud that you came to tell us. I know that wasn’t easy. And hope after a while you will come back for some virtual hugs and support.
Bodhi/Katlin thanks for all the supportive words about the parenting stuff. I talked about it with my therapist some too and she also helped validate that schools these days can be pretty shaming of the parents when some of it is the school’s responsibility. I’m not saying kids shouldn’t follow the rules or that schools can correct dysfunctional families or anything. Just that sometimes the teacher’s skill level and aptitude really does factor in. Love the pizza rolls catch phrase, Bodhi.
Katlin, the sadness you mention…definitely you should talk to someone if it feels oppressive. But one thing that has helped me from that book I think Free recommended about 12 rules (I didn’t get too far before abandoning it but got this out of the beginning) is that if we strive for pure happiness it won’t work. Building a life of meaning is what we can/should strive for. Life, even with all fo our comforts and ease, still comes with pain. And drudgery. And annoying texts. Etc. So expecting ourselves to be happy just because we can list our blessings won’t last in the long run. At least, this was what I took from it and it has helped me.
LHW, I think sobriety can help us feel more authentic and not feel the pressure to excuse our emotions because they may be alcohol fueled. But i think i would have found the exchange frustrating drinking or sober. Your friend chose a very passive aggressive and frankly kind of unnecessary way to make her point. It involved either inadvertently or deliberately not reading/disregarding your text and then disregarding the information you did give. It also felt a little gas-lightly to me. Like, the problem was your info and not that she never wanted to hear it in the first place. If she’s someone who is important to you, I’d say try to scare up the courage/will to pick up the phone and tell her it came across kind of like she wasn’t really interested in what you had to say and you wanted to check with her if that was how she meant it. Or something like that. If she’s not very important in your life I’d say acknowledge that it was crap in your mind and make peace with not taking action on it.
Crap. It’s almost time to wake up my kiddos and drive the carpool. I had a nice day of blowing off work again yesterday. My daughter was home so I tried to spend time with her as she is super anxious about meeting with the school (understandably). Tried to get help from my husband but it was “too early” for him to help her make lunch and he “didn’t have time” to help her get a snack. He did have time for: an hour long run, a couple of appointments (important ones—therapy and helping at school, so I totally get those), a nap, a “meeting” downtown (which was him drinking with our friend and talking about other commitments he is now going to take on that aren’t this family), a nap, and so on. Pizza rolls! (Is this how I use the catch phrase Bodhi?)
I somehow managed to really pull my back out. I say somehow because nothing happened. Woke up yesterday and it was fine but in my first shift sitting at my desk doing emails it just got totally out of whack. It’s annoying and painful!
Okay, stay strong everybody!
“James! I’ll post on the board but I just wanted to say thank you for being honest and giving us some info about what was going on with you. I hope you will change your mind about the good-bye. You are a pillar of our group. I don’t mean that as a guilt trip but just, you have been so wonderful with all your posts and you should give yourself more credit for already doing so much work to give yourself the life you want. I hope that even if you are gone for a while you will come back. Or check in periodically. I will definitely be thinking about you. Your positive posts and how affirming you are to others. You deserve the same. Big hugs and here if you ever need me. Well, I mean, I check in about once a day.”
CP, I really am grateful and proud that you came to tell us. I know that wasn’t easy. And hope after a while you will come back for some virtual hugs and support.
Bodhi/Katlin thanks for all the supportive words about the parenting stuff. I talked about it with my therapist some too and she also helped validate that schools these days can be pretty shaming of the parents when some of it is the school’s responsibility. I’m not saying kids shouldn’t follow the rules or that schools can correct dysfunctional families or anything. Just that sometimes the teacher’s skill level and aptitude really does factor in. Love the pizza rolls catch phrase, Bodhi.
Katlin, the sadness you mention…definitely you should talk to someone if it feels oppressive. But one thing that has helped me from that book I think Free recommended about 12 rules (I didn’t get too far before abandoning it but got this out of the beginning) is that if we strive for pure happiness it won’t work. Building a life of meaning is what we can/should strive for. Life, even with all fo our comforts and ease, still comes with pain. And drudgery. And annoying texts. Etc. So expecting ourselves to be happy just because we can list our blessings won’t last in the long run. At least, this was what I took from it and it has helped me.
LHW, I think sobriety can help us feel more authentic and not feel the pressure to excuse our emotions because they may be alcohol fueled. But i think i would have found the exchange frustrating drinking or sober. Your friend chose a very passive aggressive and frankly kind of unnecessary way to make her point. It involved either inadvertently or deliberately not reading/disregarding your text and then disregarding the information you did give. It also felt a little gas-lightly to me. Like, the problem was your info and not that she never wanted to hear it in the first place. If she’s someone who is important to you, I’d say try to scare up the courage/will to pick up the phone and tell her it came across kind of like she wasn’t really interested in what you had to say and you wanted to check with her if that was how she meant it. Or something like that. If she’s not very important in your life I’d say acknowledge that it was crap in your mind and make peace with not taking action on it.
Crap. It’s almost time to wake up my kiddos and drive the carpool. I had a nice day of blowing off work again yesterday. My daughter was home so I tried to spend time with her as she is super anxious about meeting with the school (understandably). Tried to get help from my husband but it was “too early” for him to help her make lunch and he “didn’t have time” to help her get a snack. He did have time for: an hour long run, a couple of appointments (important ones—therapy and helping at school, so I totally get those), a nap, a “meeting” downtown (which was him drinking with our friend and talking about other commitments he is now going to take on that aren’t this family), a nap, and so on. Pizza rolls! (Is this how I use the catch phrase Bodhi?)
I somehow managed to really pull my back out. I say somehow because nothing happened. Woke up yesterday and it was fine but in my first shift sitting at my desk doing emails it just got totally out of whack. It’s annoying and painful!
Okay, stay strong everybody!
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 273
Good morning, all ...
I hopped on as soon as I had a moment alone and was hoping to see a post from CP. I agree that CP was such an important component of our group (a "pillar"). He remembered the sobriety dates, acknowledged the milestones, and responded to whatever was going on in the rest of our lives. It is a real loss to the group and I hope it's only a temporary vacation ... fingers crossed he'll be back.
I know it's the nature of a group of alcoholics to see one or more slip and trip but it does indeed leave me sad. Yesterday I used the word "depressed" but that was probably overstating. I'm not depressed in that I need a treatment setting (but, thanks for that recommendation in the event that was the case) but just "down" to see someone who was working so hard and seemed to be successful at getting in touch with his non-drinking authentic self falter. It's sad. I'm sure Venus, Dee, and likely Southern Sober have seen this scenario play out quite a few times. I saw it personally with my Dad over many years of stopping alcohol then as CP put it "picking up" again. Finally, the bottom was deep and dark enough for my Dad to understand there was no survival without "putting down". I guess each one of us has to realize we cannot (will not) continue drinking if we want to live happily and healthily for the remainder of our lives. Speaking of sad - it really resonated with me reading CP's statement "I failed". Oh, my. He didn't fail. He succeeded in many days sober and he succeeded in authentically helping the rest of us along the way.
Today is my Day 80. I am so thankful for every day and I am determined not to let a little bleh minute or hour knock me out of another day sober.
I hopped on as soon as I had a moment alone and was hoping to see a post from CP. I agree that CP was such an important component of our group (a "pillar"). He remembered the sobriety dates, acknowledged the milestones, and responded to whatever was going on in the rest of our lives. It is a real loss to the group and I hope it's only a temporary vacation ... fingers crossed he'll be back.
I know it's the nature of a group of alcoholics to see one or more slip and trip but it does indeed leave me sad. Yesterday I used the word "depressed" but that was probably overstating. I'm not depressed in that I need a treatment setting (but, thanks for that recommendation in the event that was the case) but just "down" to see someone who was working so hard and seemed to be successful at getting in touch with his non-drinking authentic self falter. It's sad. I'm sure Venus, Dee, and likely Southern Sober have seen this scenario play out quite a few times. I saw it personally with my Dad over many years of stopping alcohol then as CP put it "picking up" again. Finally, the bottom was deep and dark enough for my Dad to understand there was no survival without "putting down". I guess each one of us has to realize we cannot (will not) continue drinking if we want to live happily and healthily for the remainder of our lives. Speaking of sad - it really resonated with me reading CP's statement "I failed". Oh, my. He didn't fail. He succeeded in many days sober and he succeeded in authentically helping the rest of us along the way.
Today is my Day 80. I am so thankful for every day and I am determined not to let a little bleh minute or hour knock me out of another day sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 273
Intolerant much? Yes!
Also wanted to weigh in on this topic. Yes, yes, yes. I find my "fuse" getting shorter the further into the sobriety journey I travel. That said, the things that aggravate me are the things that I think probably should have always aggravated me. I can also identify with the thought that I used to second guess myself when I was drinking and became upset with legitimate issues. I would talk myself out of being upset or at least talk myself out of addressing certain situations. I thought maybe it was the hungover me that was being less than kind (which may have been true). I know the drunk me certainly could get mouthy or flip off a situation or person when I was "in my cups" (love that phrase).
I'm not proud of what I'm about to say ... but what is really ticking me off currently is my husband's drinking. I've shared here that I didn't drink (at all) until well into this second marriage. I know it's not my husband's fault that I "picked up" but now that I've "put down" and he's drinking multiple glasses of wine each and every night he's really annoying me. I notice the things about his drinking behavior now that I noticed early in our marriage (it was vodka or scotch back then for him and MUCH worse than it is now with only wine) that I really didn't like. Back in the old days (our first wedding anniversary to be exact), I basically gave him an ultimatum. I had grown up with a drinking father. I didn't want my children to grow up with a drunk stepfather. I had noticed my husband drank when my kids were around (we moved into his house) but not when his daughter came to visit (which really ticked me off). Thankfully, he recognized the seriousness of the situation and stopped drinking except when the two of us were alone and at some point switched just to wine. I'm probably overstating and likely overreacting to the current state, but I really do wish he wouldn't drink himself to sleep every night. If I had to describe it in a word it's "boring". I'm tired of it and I hope this feeling passes soon.
There's a rant for you. (I wish CP was here to read it).
Also wanted to weigh in on this topic. Yes, yes, yes. I find my "fuse" getting shorter the further into the sobriety journey I travel. That said, the things that aggravate me are the things that I think probably should have always aggravated me. I can also identify with the thought that I used to second guess myself when I was drinking and became upset with legitimate issues. I would talk myself out of being upset or at least talk myself out of addressing certain situations. I thought maybe it was the hungover me that was being less than kind (which may have been true). I know the drunk me certainly could get mouthy or flip off a situation or person when I was "in my cups" (love that phrase).
I'm not proud of what I'm about to say ... but what is really ticking me off currently is my husband's drinking. I've shared here that I didn't drink (at all) until well into this second marriage. I know it's not my husband's fault that I "picked up" but now that I've "put down" and he's drinking multiple glasses of wine each and every night he's really annoying me. I notice the things about his drinking behavior now that I noticed early in our marriage (it was vodka or scotch back then for him and MUCH worse than it is now with only wine) that I really didn't like. Back in the old days (our first wedding anniversary to be exact), I basically gave him an ultimatum. I had grown up with a drinking father. I didn't want my children to grow up with a drunk stepfather. I had noticed my husband drank when my kids were around (we moved into his house) but not when his daughter came to visit (which really ticked me off). Thankfully, he recognized the seriousness of the situation and stopped drinking except when the two of us were alone and at some point switched just to wine. I'm probably overstating and likely overreacting to the current state, but I really do wish he wouldn't drink himself to sleep every night. If I had to describe it in a word it's "boring". I'm tired of it and I hope this feeling passes soon.
There's a rant for you. (I wish CP was here to read it).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
"I find my "fuse" getting shorter the further into the sobriety journey I travel. That said, the things that aggravate me are the things that I think probably should have always aggravated me. I can also identify with the thought that I used to second guess myself when I was drinking and became upset with legitimate issues. I would talk myself out of being upset or at least talk myself out of addressing certain situations. I thought maybe it was the hungover me that was being less than kind (which may have been true). I know the drunk me certainly could get mouthy or flip off a situation or person when I was "in my cups" (love that phrase)."
We talk about this kind of stuff all the time in AA. Every day is very much recognizing old patterns of character defects and applying Steps, or just an attitude adjustment, so we can react differently. And here comes the Serenity Prayer. We're asking our HP for the wisdom to know the difference between things we can change and things that we can't. Because we are powerless over people, places, and things (not just alcohol), that usually means changing ourselves is to adjust to the world and life on life's terms, not the other way around.
The other part, sure, especially in early recovery. We're raw, exposed. No anesthetic available by merely twisting off the cab and inverting the bottle. No timeouts, bailouts, copouts. And frankly, I find it exhausting. Or, Bruce Hornsby, "Swan Song:"
It's circumstance or burn out
You can be sure I've been grinding
Till I'm grinding to a halt
Sometimes it's the right thing to cut the cord
You've been holding on hard but your hands get sore
Sometimes it's worth it, but sometimes you wonder what for
This is why--again, I know it's not possible for some people--I arrange to avoid all electronic devices before I make my bed, do my morning meditation, feed my cats, get my coffee, and sit down to deal with whatever's on my desk. It's a bad start--even sober--to the day getting worked up before I do those things, and it emphasizes what's really important. Know Peace, or No Peace. best, SS
We talk about this kind of stuff all the time in AA. Every day is very much recognizing old patterns of character defects and applying Steps, or just an attitude adjustment, so we can react differently. And here comes the Serenity Prayer. We're asking our HP for the wisdom to know the difference between things we can change and things that we can't. Because we are powerless over people, places, and things (not just alcohol), that usually means changing ourselves is to adjust to the world and life on life's terms, not the other way around.
The other part, sure, especially in early recovery. We're raw, exposed. No anesthetic available by merely twisting off the cab and inverting the bottle. No timeouts, bailouts, copouts. And frankly, I find it exhausting. Or, Bruce Hornsby, "Swan Song:"
It's circumstance or burn out
You can be sure I've been grinding
Till I'm grinding to a halt
Sometimes it's the right thing to cut the cord
You've been holding on hard but your hands get sore
Sometimes it's worth it, but sometimes you wonder what for
This is why--again, I know it's not possible for some people--I arrange to avoid all electronic devices before I make my bed, do my morning meditation, feed my cats, get my coffee, and sit down to deal with whatever's on my desk. It's a bad start--even sober--to the day getting worked up before I do those things, and it emphasizes what's really important. Know Peace, or No Peace. best, SS
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Congrats on day 80 Katlin.
I can still get irritated but it’s much less often these days and a much shorter time before I step out of the cranky pants
I think that’s a mix of age and recovery?
D
I can still get irritated but it’s much less often these days and a much shorter time before I step out of the cranky pants
I think that’s a mix of age and recovery?
D
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