Class of January 2020 Part 12
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
Sobriety has also allowed me to see some folks in a different way. Some good, some not so much.
Really liking NC.
Really Hating this house selling crap. We were supposed to close last Thursday but lender is dragging feet now they are saying the IRS is reviewing something about their taxes.
Have to give them 10 days but after that I am backing out of this contract, firing my agent and starting over.
If I was still a drinking man I can assure you I would be a mess right now. Instead I am strolling along as best as I can.
Really liking NC.
Really Hating this house selling crap. We were supposed to close last Thursday but lender is dragging feet now they are saying the IRS is reviewing something about their taxes.
Have to give them 10 days but after that I am backing out of this contract, firing my agent and starting over.
If I was still a drinking man I can assure you I would be a mess right now. Instead I am strolling along as best as I can.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
Hope everyone is well
Still working on being in control of my moods.
I think a major part of others controlling them is me taking their moods personally. I think a major reason I let it happen is I tried very hard to make others lives easier. Hate to see anyone suffer and I like the feeling of being able to ease that suffering even if it is only a little.
So when I have spent the day or an hour or 5 minutes eliminating a worry or obstacles from someone's life and then they complain about some trivial bs, phone is slow or dog wants "too much" attention I think my efforts are going unappreciated.
In reality I know they appreciate, most of the time anyway, what I do they are just stuck in a negative pattern that has nothing to do with me.
Even with that knowledge I find it difficult to not let their mood ruin mine.
Especially hard when some are pretty much negative all the time.
Still have not closed house sale. Hopefully soon.
Still working on being in control of my moods.
I think a major part of others controlling them is me taking their moods personally. I think a major reason I let it happen is I tried very hard to make others lives easier. Hate to see anyone suffer and I like the feeling of being able to ease that suffering even if it is only a little.
So when I have spent the day or an hour or 5 minutes eliminating a worry or obstacles from someone's life and then they complain about some trivial bs, phone is slow or dog wants "too much" attention I think my efforts are going unappreciated.
In reality I know they appreciate, most of the time anyway, what I do they are just stuck in a negative pattern that has nothing to do with me.
Even with that knowledge I find it difficult to not let their mood ruin mine.
Especially hard when some are pretty much negative all the time.
Still have not closed house sale. Hopefully soon.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
Originally Posted by venuscat 
Do something nice for yourself dear fish. That is my suggestion. 
s
sI have always wanted to get into cabinet making but never had the time to dive into it.
Not to mention it is difficult to do drunk.
Well I am getting ready to spend the money and set up a small shop and get at it.
I am looking forward to doing all the cabinetry in the new house.
This makes me happy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,425
Fishk, I have long had a terrible time with what you are describing, in professional relationships as well as around the house. It helped to read about Emotional Contagion.
I've been making a little progress. Learning about how stress factors develop seems to take the strength out of them. Making one stress factor less pronounced seems to open the door for breaking down others.
A friend of mine who has been a firefighter for about 20 years, but has been doing some woodwork on the side, quit his job a year ago and is just doing cabinets now.
The house selling sounds like it's being a PITA.
Work is pretty busy right now.
I've been making a little progress. Learning about how stress factors develop seems to take the strength out of them. Making one stress factor less pronounced seems to open the door for breaking down others.
A friend of mine who has been a firefighter for about 20 years, but has been doing some woodwork on the side, quit his job a year ago and is just doing cabinets now.
The house selling sounds like it's being a PITA.
Work is pretty busy right now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,425
Sad that our group has been whittled down. I hope that many of the originals have managed to remain sober.
Sharing the same timeline has given the discussions a unique quality.
For all this time, since Jan 2020, many thoughts have been in reference to before vs after quitting, making up for lost time, thank God there is no hangover, etc. Now I'm beginning to just think about things outside of that frame of reference. For example, the projects that have gone undone for so long, I'm thinking about the projects instead of thinking about how at least I'm sober enough to think about them. Hope that makes sense.
Fishk, I hope you get through the house selling and get settled in with some great fishing spots.
Abraxas, I hope you are managing with going back to work and all.
Sharing the same timeline has given the discussions a unique quality.
For all this time, since Jan 2020, many thoughts have been in reference to before vs after quitting, making up for lost time, thank God there is no hangover, etc. Now I'm beginning to just think about things outside of that frame of reference. For example, the projects that have gone undone for so long, I'm thinking about the projects instead of thinking about how at least I'm sober enough to think about them. Hope that makes sense.
Fishk, I hope you get through the house selling and get settled in with some great fishing spots.
Abraxas, I hope you are managing with going back to work and all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
I agree about the group. It was such a big part of my success early on and still is.
I know exactly what you are talking about in reference to thought processes.
At 1st when I had to go to an event I would plan on how not to drink, what to say if I was offered a drink, etc.
Now I just look forward, or not, to going. No worries or thoughts about alcohol.
Freedom is what I call it.
Our buyer apparently owed taxes and has set up a payment plan that is supposed to be finalized no later than Monday. So hopefully next week this will all be over.
New property has been subdivided, perked and 911 address filed.
We have decided on a house plan also.
Just need to sell house and find a builder.
Have met a couple neighbors and it looks like we picked a good spot.
I know exactly what you are talking about in reference to thought processes.
At 1st when I had to go to an event I would plan on how not to drink, what to say if I was offered a drink, etc.
Now I just look forward, or not, to going. No worries or thoughts about alcohol.
Freedom is what I call it.
Our buyer apparently owed taxes and has set up a payment plan that is supposed to be finalized no later than Monday. So hopefully next week this will all be over.
New property has been subdivided, perked and 911 address filed.
We have decided on a house plan also.
Just need to sell house and find a builder.
Have met a couple neighbors and it looks like we picked a good spot.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 354
Hi folks!
Just touching on the importance of this group in my own recovery - it has been my only true source of support. Of understanding. Not once have I had one friend, family member, or health professional truly understand what we have gone through and achieved over the past (nearly) 2 years. Priceless.
Work is going well thanks, it's good to be taking another step towards some kind of "normality" after all the curve balls covid has thrown at us over the past 18 months.
One area that I have not been challenged on for the past 18 months is the peer pressure of social drinking. Mainly due to the various lockdowns we've had, but even in-between those lockdowns the pre-covid norm of going to the pub has dropped off a lot of people's agenda.
So a couple of days ago I had my first experience of peer pressure to have a drink. It started with the team leader of the group having a drink in the office with some other staff members, whilst myself and a couple of other guys continued working. (To give a bit of context, this was a day when staff weren't required to be in the office, so the building was largely empty).
Once upon a time, this scenario would have annoyed me immensely - free beer and I'm not invited? Outrageous!
Anyway, not long after, towards the end of the day, the rest of us (doing the work!) were invited to join in. Whilst I had no desire whatsoever to have a drink, there was a slight "what reason shall I give to decline" moment. But in the end, I just said no, end of story. It was a good feeling :-)
Just touching on the importance of this group in my own recovery - it has been my only true source of support. Of understanding. Not once have I had one friend, family member, or health professional truly understand what we have gone through and achieved over the past (nearly) 2 years. Priceless.
Work is going well thanks, it's good to be taking another step towards some kind of "normality" after all the curve balls covid has thrown at us over the past 18 months.
One area that I have not been challenged on for the past 18 months is the peer pressure of social drinking. Mainly due to the various lockdowns we've had, but even in-between those lockdowns the pre-covid norm of going to the pub has dropped off a lot of people's agenda.
So a couple of days ago I had my first experience of peer pressure to have a drink. It started with the team leader of the group having a drink in the office with some other staff members, whilst myself and a couple of other guys continued working. (To give a bit of context, this was a day when staff weren't required to be in the office, so the building was largely empty).
Once upon a time, this scenario would have annoyed me immensely - free beer and I'm not invited? Outrageous!
Anyway, not long after, towards the end of the day, the rest of us (doing the work!) were invited to join in. Whilst I had no desire whatsoever to have a drink, there was a slight "what reason shall I give to decline" moment. But in the end, I just said no, end of story. It was a good feeling :-)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
Glad the job is going well abraxas!
I will continue checking in here as long as I can.
I went to a party the other day and as soon we walked in the door we were offered drinks. Declined. Are you sure?? Yeah I am sure. Wife said she doesn't drink when the drunk girl kept pushing the subject. Drunk girl says, we got a non drinker here!
Wife got a little annoyed but I could not have cared less.
FREEDOM!
That is what you felt.
Awesome ain't it?!
I will continue checking in here as long as I can.
I went to a party the other day and as soon we walked in the door we were offered drinks. Declined. Are you sure?? Yeah I am sure. Wife said she doesn't drink when the drunk girl kept pushing the subject. Drunk girl says, we got a non drinker here!
Wife got a little annoyed but I could not have cared less.
FREEDOM!
That is what you felt.
Awesome ain't it?!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,425
"We got a nondrinker here" doesn't seem like a very cool thing to say. Sounds like either a lack of manners resulting from drinking or a lack of respect for anything outside of their own beliefs.
Abraxas, glad work is going well. Seeing others place such a high value on drinking seems utterly ridiculous now. I know, though, that for so long I was always the worst in the group. The social drinking aspect has not been bad for me, not nearly as much as the thoughts of drinking after a disagreement with a family member.
Talk of getting up a fishing trip? Don't threaten such a thing with me unless you mean it. The best time to plan a trip where I go on the gulf is mid April through mid May for good inshore action and consistent weather. The invitation is always open. I'm also down for an adventure elsewhere.
Abraxas, glad work is going well. Seeing others place such a high value on drinking seems utterly ridiculous now. I know, though, that for so long I was always the worst in the group. The social drinking aspect has not been bad for me, not nearly as much as the thoughts of drinking after a disagreement with a family member.
Talk of getting up a fishing trip? Don't threaten such a thing with me unless you mean it. The best time to plan a trip where I go on the gulf is mid April through mid May for good inshore action and consistent weather. The invitation is always open. I'm also down for an adventure elsewhere.
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