Class of May 2020 part 14
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
My mind tends to feed the evil wolf exclusively. I'm self-aware of my thoughts and no matter how hard I try to feed the good wolf, evil wolf always wins out. The harder I try to think positively, the darker my intrusive thoughts become. I have a breaking point and this is when I always relapse. All it takes is a few beers and the evil wolf disappears. Of course, I have to stay drunk to keep evil wolf away. Thanks for the metaphor!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I think the AV is the evil wolf WL. I think it just wants us to drink and drinking makes it happy and keeps it happy. But it’s at the expense of our own life and to the detriment of our own happiness. It only brings misery in the long term.
I don’t generally feel particularly happy to be honest, but people say that with long term sobriety it gets easier. And I read somewhere to fake it till you make it (I think it was on the weekenders, Gilmer, or Mags, or maybe both said it. And so I’m trying to do things that will help bring happiness, and I try to be joyful around people to help them feel good. Trying to be kind and helpful.
What really helps me feel happy is to plan future events to look forward to. I know that’s not living in the moment (I still really struggle with living here and now even though we’re supposed to cherish the present moment), but I get some joy from thinking about things I can do…. one day. I’ve always been a bit of a daydreamer. But I try to make some of them happen. It doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated. With Covid restrictions it has to be simple and close to home. Things like a visit to a walk-through nature park or wildlife sanctuary. Or a trip to the seaside for an icecream. Or a hike up a mountain to see the view at the top. A camping trip.
I know it must be so much more difficult in isolation. I have never had to endure that. We haven’t really experienced the worst of Covid at all here. Even with the brief Covid lockdown here we were still allowed out for exercise, so just going for a long walk in nature I find really helps my state of mind.
I think for me, being out in nature brings me the most peace.
I don’t generally feel particularly happy to be honest, but people say that with long term sobriety it gets easier. And I read somewhere to fake it till you make it (I think it was on the weekenders, Gilmer, or Mags, or maybe both said it. And so I’m trying to do things that will help bring happiness, and I try to be joyful around people to help them feel good. Trying to be kind and helpful.
What really helps me feel happy is to plan future events to look forward to. I know that’s not living in the moment (I still really struggle with living here and now even though we’re supposed to cherish the present moment), but I get some joy from thinking about things I can do…. one day. I’ve always been a bit of a daydreamer. But I try to make some of them happen. It doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated. With Covid restrictions it has to be simple and close to home. Things like a visit to a walk-through nature park or wildlife sanctuary. Or a trip to the seaside for an icecream. Or a hike up a mountain to see the view at the top. A camping trip.
I know it must be so much more difficult in isolation. I have never had to endure that. We haven’t really experienced the worst of Covid at all here. Even with the brief Covid lockdown here we were still allowed out for exercise, so just going for a long walk in nature I find really helps my state of mind.
I think for me, being out in nature brings me the most peace.
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,972
Living in the moment still allows for goals and plans.
I can only put my stake into today’s actions, though. If I put $5 in a jar today toward a proposed trip, well good, I did that.
If I call about a student loan for some college plans, well great. If I do what I can today towards a goal, great. If I try to attain that goal instantly (today) maybe that’s cause for frustration.
{My take on plans/goals while living ‘one day at a time’}
Anyway, worked on campus today. Just doing shop maintenance. No students around. I’m tired.
Wife is asked to self-isolate for two weeks. She came home from work with a health order.
This might also preclude me from work based on my health checklist questions.
Have a good evening locals.
good mornin’ Aussies/ Newzealanders.
I can only put my stake into today’s actions, though. If I put $5 in a jar today toward a proposed trip, well good, I did that.
If I call about a student loan for some college plans, well great. If I do what I can today towards a goal, great. If I try to attain that goal instantly (today) maybe that’s cause for frustration.
{My take on plans/goals while living ‘one day at a time’}
Anyway, worked on campus today. Just doing shop maintenance. No students around. I’m tired.
Wife is asked to self-isolate for two weeks. She came home from work with a health order.
This might also preclude me from work based on my health checklist questions.
Have a good evening locals.
good mornin’ Aussies/ Newzealanders.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,446
another day in the office today. I was off Monday as it was Memorial day in the US.
Memorial day weekend is also a traditional garden planting weekend in this area as it's typically the earliest weekend without risk of overnight frost. I got my plants outside in a shady spot to harden off but haven't planted yet.
There was no big parades with kids marching this year, but I saw my son take part in his civil war re-enactment group. They put on a nice display at a local veterans park.
Have a good day/week gang
Memorial day weekend is also a traditional garden planting weekend in this area as it's typically the earliest weekend without risk of overnight frost. I got my plants outside in a shady spot to harden off but haven't planted yet.
There was no big parades with kids marching this year, but I saw my son take part in his civil war re-enactment group. They put on a nice display at a local veterans park.
Have a good day/week gang
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,972
Work is ok. I face a meeting with supervisors tomorrow about my crash and burn of 6+ weeks ago. I am reluctant. It’ll be hard to talk about. I am also guarded. I don’t want to say too much. (a trend for me)
One day at a time.
Be well friends.
One day at a time.
Be well friends.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,506
I think it could work if you kind of say just that dear TC....tell them that it is hard to talk about, but that you are working on this. Looking after yourself and making sure it doesn't happen again. I think they will get that. 
s ❤️
s ❤️
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
TC I hope the meeting with your supervisors goes well.
I like what Suze said, it’s difficult to talk about but you’re working on it.
Good luck, let us know how you go.
My supervisor is currently away, and one of the girls in the office seems to have taken it upon herself to become bossy, having a dig and telling me and another staff member what to do. I won’t go into details but it wasn’t at all necessary nor appreciated. I believe it’s a power trip for her while the supervisor is away. I wasn’t impressed at all. I have let it go, but I will be happy when my supervisor returns and things go back to normal. It’s made me remember that certain people like to be in control and micromanage, and that I have no desire or willingness to work closely with such people. I had a supervisor like that once years ago and it was stressful and undermined my confidence and annoyed me no end. I do my job well and don’t need someone micromanaging me. Thank goodness it’s only temporary. Phew
I like what Suze said, it’s difficult to talk about but you’re working on it.
Good luck, let us know how you go.
My supervisor is currently away, and one of the girls in the office seems to have taken it upon herself to become bossy, having a dig and telling me and another staff member what to do. I won’t go into details but it wasn’t at all necessary nor appreciated. I believe it’s a power trip for her while the supervisor is away. I wasn’t impressed at all. I have let it go, but I will be happy when my supervisor returns and things go back to normal. It’s made me remember that certain people like to be in control and micromanage, and that I have no desire or willingness to work closely with such people. I had a supervisor like that once years ago and it was stressful and undermined my confidence and annoyed me no end. I do my job well and don’t need someone micromanaging me. Thank goodness it’s only temporary. Phew
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,972
Thanks for the apt advice Suze. I will approach it that way,
I agree Willow, instead of micromanaging, a boss could hop right into the trenches with us occasionally to show us they still care about the job. Mine does two things, one: delegates EVERYTHING, then expresses how managable our tasks should be (how would he know?) and Two: seems to have me pegged as a slacker (I’m very diligent and I care about the caliber of instruction) so now he micromanages me.
Stressy at work. I quess they were right in physics class: “work causes stress on an item”
lmao
Have a splendid day folks!
I agree Willow, instead of micromanaging, a boss could hop right into the trenches with us occasionally to show us they still care about the job. Mine does two things, one: delegates EVERYTHING, then expresses how managable our tasks should be (how would he know?) and Two: seems to have me pegged as a slacker (I’m very diligent and I care about the caliber of instruction) so now he micromanages me.
Stressy at work. I quess they were right in physics class: “work causes stress on an item”
lmaoHave a splendid day folks!
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,972
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that it’ll be 95F here tomorrow (35C).
We don’t often get that temp.
I’ll be seeking cool places. I’ve built houses in the heat too many times. I can no longer take it.
Great for the sun lovers.
Not for me. 
We don’t often get that temp.
I’ll be seeking cool places. I’ve built houses in the heat too many times. I can no longer take it.
Great for the sun lovers.
Not for me.
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,972
Thanks Dee, nmd, and Suze. I hope your day is good today.
I face some challenges today for sure. An 8 a.m. talk with my boss. An afternoon meeting with his boss and HR.
Overall it is a supportive community, so I could be worrying to greatly. We’ll see.
Sobriety first, the rest will follow.
Have a good day Willow, WL. Karen, and everyone.
I face some challenges today for sure. An 8 a.m. talk with my boss. An afternoon meeting with his boss and HR.
Overall it is a supportive community, so I could be worrying to greatly. We’ll see.
Sobriety first, the rest will follow.
Have a good day Willow, WL. Karen, and everyone.
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