Dee74

Last part here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-6-a-20.html (Class of December 2020 Part 6)

D

Lixie

Shotgun?

Lixie

I'm so nervous, I don't know whether to cry or throw up.

Zura

You got this lixie. Deep breaths. Pace yourself.

Lixie

Trying to follow a lecture on zoom. Not succeeding. Vacuuming instead...

venuscat

I am betting on it being a reaIIy positive experience Iixie honey. s ❤️

And sending you caIming Iove dear Tanky xxxxxx ❤️

Tanky

First thought - terror, anxiety. Second thought? This is about taking care of you in your recovery. This is about making lixie whole again. You are so worth this, Lix.

Tanky

I got through tanky rage against the machine day. And finally a bit calmer now . Thanks for more calming vibes, Venus. You never know I may sleep at some stage tonight. 11.40pm and only now can I turn around and look at the unnecessary wreckage. 😂

I had a confrontation w my boss. She called me out yesterday afternoon on a group chat w my colleagues and a few people higher up the chain over a totally nothing issue . I asked her to take it up with me , directly. But instead she brought it up again in our team meeting this morning. I didn’t totally lose it , didn’t swear, but was out of line. Alkie brain stuff, I guess. And the **** has been building up with her.

So because I knew I was shaky already, and didn’t want to do anything stupid, I called my sponsor . She wanted me to clean up my side of the street - apologise for my part . Put my big girl pants on. So after awhile, I did. Even though I didn’t want to give my boss that, because all I am truly guilty of is carrying her & doing her job for her. After I had apologised, my boss sent an email to me, her boss & a director about the “issue”. I left office at that point . I wanted to drink, of course , but didn’t . Then eventually figured I needed to tell someone that I was getting in the hole. So called sponsor back. Then got massively pissed off with my sponsor because she suggested I shouldn’t be “listening” to my disease . Gimme a ******* break. Etc.

so all in all, excellent behaviour. But I guess pretty normal early recovery stuff.

venuscat

So what did she say in the emaiI? I am not sure if it was good or bad....

Tanky

it as bad. She was trying to make me look bad to those higher up to save herself. It is what she does, unfortunately. But was a shock after I had actually apologised . The issue was some messages that I had sent to clients about supporting their housing. Nothing in the messages I sent was actually inaccurate. But as I have mentioned the organisation is under a lot of pressure. So everything we do is a big **** show. And the messages were “perceived” a certain way creating more problems. My boss wanted to offload blame for the latest **** show onto me. I don’t even believe my messages were the single source of the problem. But I did not raise that during my apology to her because I was just taking care of my side . And simply apologising for being disrespectful and acknowledging she is under pressure etc. We have still not discussed the actual issue. But she sent the email already.

venuscat

I am sorry you had to deaI with your boss' inadequacies Iove.
It happens a Iot. I have had bosses Iike that.

I know it's hard, but staying caIm is the best defense as weII as the best way to get your point across.
And hopefuIIy the others who received the emaiI are aware that your boss is Iike this....passing the bIame.

It sounds Iike you maybe overstepped a tiny bit but didn't break any ruIes?
I know how much you care about your cIients.
And so does your boss and the higher-ups.

Hoping it wiII aII just settIe. s ❤️

Tanky

Yeah, people higher up know what I do and appreciate me. I am not really worried from that perspective too much. I didn’t do anything wrong. Apart from be a dumb reactive alkie and lose it a little with her.

But I fear I am just getting to the end of my capacity to work with her. It’s one thing for her to be useless and currently subject to performance review, it’s another for her to start throwing hand-grenades at her staff.

sorry maybe I am still a little angry. 😂

venuscat

You can't change her Iove ~ and it is a waste of your energy being mad at her. And it is hurting you, not her. Just saying. s ❤️

Tanky

Did I mention rage? I didn’t say it was rational. 😂

and yeah you are right , of course, Venus. just as my sponsor was right about not listening to the thoughts, not giving them the time of day. But I swear I am doing the best I can , on very limited sleep and a tonne of pressure. I will go to bed sober.

That’ll do, pig, that’ll do.

RAL

Thanks for the new thread Dee

Hope you got on ok Lixie

I'm glad you are safe now Zura

Tanky -great news you got through those negative feelings. sorry to hear you've having issues with your boss. Do you have an HR department you could take this to or someone more senior to your boss? Whilst good to recognise your own part I don't think it is helpful for you to blame alkie behaviour.Your boss demeaning you and otehr stuff is a separate issue and is verging on bullying imo. I would take it to someone else, calmly and clearly. Or speak with her and say what you intend to do. Keep a diary of all incidents. I had a similar boss once.

Good day at work but off till Monday now and thoughts-oh let's have wine. No let's not. Did some jigsaw and just eaten. Witching hour over.xx

Tanky

great job batting off that AV , RAL. 💪 jigsaw is great. Very symbolic for us lot. Putting lives back together piece by piece.

And you are right about the diary. I should be doing that. But is one of the things I find very hard to do because too busy doing my job. My colleague and I have made several complaints about her already. With her boss . We haven’t gone to HR yet. My organisation is notoriously bad at managing this stuff, unfortunately. I don’t trust HR not to make it worse.. 😂

To be fair, she is being performance managed, as far as I am aware. Her boss had to come to our team meetings for about three months (just not yesterday, unfortunately) and she was sent to management training last week. But I know how this stuff generally goes at our organisation. They are unlikely to actually get rid of her at any stage. And there is a tendency to eat the staff instead of the manager. My colleague is already actively looking for alternative employment.

EllyB

Tanky— I know there’s that whole idea of cleaning up your side of the street in AAA, but the trouble with apologizing to toxic people is that they get to say that they are right and you were wrong. Maybe that’s not exactly what happened here, but I think I would have a hard time doing something like this with a difficult coworker. It’s fine to personally look at your part of something like that internally, but you don’t want to give difficult bosses ammunition.Your sponsor is no different than any other layperson. She is right about not listening to drinking thoughts, but apologizing in modern culture is a tricky thing, especially for a woman.

Dee74

I do what I can to clean things up if there's a problem but sometimes it's not my problem

D

RAL

What Elly and Dee said.

Tanky- sending you hugs from across the world

Zura

Good Morning All
lixie - how did you go hun?

Tanky - your work is tough enough without those sorts of problems. I'm sorry that's a part of your work life. Even if you did make a mistake (sounds like you may not have even) I don't think your boss handled that appropriately at all. It not unreasonable to react under those circumstances, it's toxic behaviour whether or not you made a mistake and it's hard not to try and defend yourself against it in the moment. Unfortunately those types of people are masters at getting people to react in a manner that gives them the ammunition they need to further project their inadequacies on you. Not alot of advice here, just understanding. If it were me I'd be looking elsewhere too.

RAL - way to stay strong, no let's not!! Ever again!! Yes, I've been safe for a while now but unfortunately it's the emotional abuse, as opposed to the physical stuff, that is the hardest part to get through. I'm told im doing suprisingly well and I'm extremely resilient. It can take decades to recover and some people never really recover. Breaks my heart that this is the way of things for many, domestic violence is truly tragic. But I made it out alive and damned if I'm letting it darken the rest of my life. Life's simply to precious.

Elly & Dee - well said 👍