Be123

Morning all. Hope everyone has a great day

Willow00

Thanks Be I’m just off to bed. Night everyone.

Be123

Evening all. My daughter's 15th birthday coming to a close...quite low key but a good day.

Shes a great kid. Since when did teenagers start becoming so sensible?!?!

venuscat

Never. She is an anomaly. Count your lucky stars Be.
And Happy Birthday to your girl! s xx ❤️

Willow00

Lol Be, you’re lucky! As Suze said, they’re not all. I live with one too

Happy birthday to your daughter!

Be123

Morning all. My wife went to her first mediation session yesterday and she's being super difficult about the details of separation/divorce. Maybe not a surprise but still hard work.

The issue is I have never been the instigator of the separation, and because I'm trying to be amicable made (what I thought was a generous!) proposal for her to move out. She's taken this to mediation as if I am proposing the separation and trying to rip her off 😡

Im going to mediation next week and then we do a session together, I am at the stage of just accepting anything to get it over and done with and protecting my mental health.

I am so glad I am sober right now. When I got this challenging news yesterday I didn't once think of drinking...i didn't sleep very well but the price of that is just a bit of tiredness

Willow00

Oh Be, that sounds super challenging I hope you can come to a fair agreement without too much stress. Separations can be so stressful Wishing you the best of luck with it all

venuscat

That doesn't sound like mediation to me....what an odd way to do it. The authorities I mean.
I wouldn't give up any more than you agreed to already Be....you are being crazy generous. s xx

Be123

Thanks willow and Venus. I think I'm just a bit anxious about it all, I'd rather it was all resolved so I could begin coming to terms with my new life. And it's becoming increasingly hard not being honest with the kids.

Strongly sober today 💪. Hope everyone has a great day

venuscat

I know this is none of my business..... you mentioned your kids' ages.....so my guess is that they know love. s xx

Bilr44

I would second what Suze said, especially your daughter. Body language is pretty easy to read and I’m pretty sure my kids knew I was drinking even when I hid it. It’s none of my business but it might be better to tell them earlier rather than at the last minute. It is pretty far along if the mediator is now involved. I doubt things will get more civil from now forward. Either way I feel for what you are going through because I was pretty close to that as well.

Be123

Yes (and yes to Suze too) - my daughter certainly knows something is going on, but not what. I have pressed my wife over and over to speak to them, but I have now said I am speaking to the kids on the 20th with or without her (whilst emphasising how important it is that we do it together). Hopefully this will concentrate her mind a bit.

In a lot of this she seems to be gripped by inertia, and it is affecting my mental health so I am pushing her just to move along. This is a bit risky as anyone making decisions under pressure tends to make worse ones, but its coming up 7 months now and I have offered lots of ways to allow the physical separation to happen which she hasn't taken. It cannot go on indefinitely!

I am at the point now of just wanting to move on - not that I want to separate or am ready to 'get on with my life', but I am ready to start moving forward. I am also feeling ok(ish) about the uncertainty and stress I am feeling and will be about to go through, which is not pleasant but obviously par for the course.

venuscat

I can't think of a reason why your wife wouldn't want this to just move along as well....I know you feel sure she hasn't changed her mind.
Perhaps she is afraid of how to move forward. s xx

Be123

Its hard suze, for me and I accept its hard for her.

I've had the benefit of an excellent therapist, some really good friends and of course this group, plus all the work I've put in to get and stay sober - and I'm still struggling. Without all of that I'd be a mess. I think the hard-ness of it has taken her by surprise. I don't want it sound horrible because I'm not being but this is her decision, she's got to take responsibility for it, same as I am trying to do

Willow00

You’re right Be, she has to take responsibility, like you are. Although breakups are always so difficult and painful, people often tend to try to avoid the discomfort. Keeping the communication open is important.

I’m not working today, instead I’ve given myself the day off and am going out for lunch with my sister, a real treat!

Bilr44

I’m not a confrontational person so I can see both viewpoints. However, the situation calls for both of you to have a united front with the children. They need both their parents even if that means it being divided. Putting it off will only lead to more stress for everyone involved.

getting ready for the drive to Florida this Friday and Saturday. It will be really nice to see my kids again as it has been a while. I might be here less over those next two weeks but will make sure to check in when I can.

Be123

Hope you had a good day off willow

Morning all, time to attack the day

Be123

Hi all. Had my turn with mediation today - it's certainly a complex picture, mainly in that what my wife and I are tending to agree on would not be ok by a judge for a divorce settlement! It's a bit confusing and boring so I won't go in to it, but we're meeting together with the mediator next week so hopefully will progress it then.

The best thing was I text my friend to say how stressful it was and she replied: 'If you want to meet up use me rather than the pub' and I could reply honestly 'Drinking never crossed my mind'. I automatically went out for a long walk - god that's a healthy, auto choice!!!!

venuscat

She Brian? I am not sure about that text.

I am guessing that the judge won't let you walk away with nothing. s xx

Be123

Haha, I think it was all completely above board (or maybe I'm so distracted I missed My chance 😂😂 )