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Class of July 2013 Part 61

Old 11-28-2020, 04:47 PM
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Good luck with it all, Wendy. I’ve been “enjoying” Addicted Australia every Tuesday on SBS. It is all available online also on SBS on demand. Watching the ups and downs as people attempt detox and recovery, or why they relapse. It’s a great show, and has been a great gritty honest ride to watch.

It feels like 100 years since I felt those things, but also it’s a good reminder that I’m one drink away from being right there in the trenches fighting demons and justifying a drink.

Wishing you health and happiness Wendy. It is there for the taking. xx
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Old 12-01-2020, 03:03 AM
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For nearly 30 years , I have begged my ex husband for us to get together with rebekah and tell her the truth. That when we split up for a while I met with someone I fell deeply I love with .
I was only 28 at the time. I got pregnant at 16 and I was a child having a child.

my first husband was very dominant , just like his parents. I was only 16 so I followed teir rules.
my parents didn't like him as he was very controlling .

I stayed , I thought I would be married for life.
but there w,as always something very off about him . Perverted in a sense .
when I met Rebekahs Dad it was the first time I felt true love.
Mark found out , punched him up and slapped my face .
I stayed with him because I became pregnant, and tried to try again for my son.

this was the worst time of my life . He told me if I ever told her I would be sorry.

I'm looking back on my history now I'm 5 days sober and wish I had had more guts.
I'm not asking for sympathy or anythingthing else as I'm clear headed right now.
Asked mark Days ago if we could get this lie out of the way and be a United front.
of course , he said no. Because he needs to control everything.
I'm not having him hold me to ransom any longer in my life and thi
s lie has never gone away.
I went to Mums and because Rebekah doesn't answer her phone , I sent it in a text which kills me because it's so impersonal. But that's how ALL my girls are. They never answer my calls and will only reply by text. I asked her if I could come visit her in Tasmania before this and she said yes of course you can, but I can't see eyou because of covid when I knew covid was ok there .

I've tried over and over to ring her but now she has blocked my calls. I just need to talk to her . Her and I , so I can tell her the truth so we can move on . But pretty sure I've ****** it all up .
I'm not wanting sympathy, I'm getting well and just need to get these skeletons out of my closet.
please don't think bad of me.

the truth really has set me free but apparently she is distraught as her sister tells me.
re rebekah has ALWAYS known instinctively she is different. She looks nothing like my other 3 and has always questioned me as a little girl. Why do I have olive skin and you are all white. Why do I have curly hair and you all have straight hair.

this is unbearable .

I'm cpmpartmentalising the other shittt I'm dealing with that I told you earlier .
I would just love to have a loooooong sleep and it be over.


this was my choice and I loved her Dad Dearly. But at that time, women didn't have a choice to leave o get help.

I feel like the worst mother . No it's not an excuse to drink and I'm doing well at the moment .
I've just got to sort through this mess and my bully ex husband .

I don't think I will ever hear from her again

x xxx
I
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Old 12-01-2020, 03:11 AM
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If you’d asked me before I would have said let this wait, you’re under enough assault now...but I understand why you wanted to clear the decks, Wendy.

Whether or not Rebekah talks to you again is really out of your control right now. I know that sucks - but I also know you’re a good and loving person and mother and if there’s any justice you’ll reconnect in time.

Your job now tho is to love yourself as much as you love the other people in your family. Your focus right now needs to be on caring for yourself the same as you care for them.

Fence mending and reconciliation will come - I believe that - but stay sober now - make that the focus.

I promise you won’t believe the good things you’ll get in return Snooz

D

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Old 12-01-2020, 05:21 AM
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You're a beautiful human Dee. You have no idea how much these words have helped me right now. I'm so sorry I just had to unload. I feel that people must be getting sick of my dramas, because believe me, I am truly sick of my drama.
it felt good to get that out without judgement.
You're such a nice guy Derek. Sometimes I feel like I overwhelm people with my over sharing, but it truly helps .
thanks Dee I can sleep easy now. Goodnight all Xxxx
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Old 12-01-2020, 07:22 AM
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Snoozy, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.

I remember a sr member saying to look after my side of the street. It frustrated me at the time because I thought I knew what was best for x, y and z.
I wasn’t sorting me out when I was sorting someone else out. But how could I sort out other problems when I’d not sorted my own?
As time went on with more sober time under my belt, I understood the wise words that were told me.

Snoozy, looking after you now is the priority. Give Rebekah time love. She’s got a lot of food for thought. Concentrate on you sweetheart.
Sending love and hugs. xx

Love to all Julyers xx
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Old 12-01-2020, 07:38 AM
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Thanks honey. I get it. I need to get myself well before I can help anyone else get well. Love you Mags xxx
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Old 12-01-2020, 07:41 AM
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PJ sends me a funny gif every single morning, either cats , chickens or both . He has helped me so much to feel human again. I'll go to a meeting with him eventually , even though AA is not my thing. I have nothing to lose . It may work this time, who knows xxx I'm off to bed , my brain is in overload. Love you all and thanks for all your opinions, even the ones I don't want to hear xxxxx
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Old 12-01-2020, 07:55 AM
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Goodnight love xx
It’ll be good for you to go to one of PJ’s meetings Snoozy love 😘
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Old 12-01-2020, 04:13 PM
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Wendy,
You know that nobody here will cast the first stone.
Everybody has things in the past that they're not proud of. Or poor decisions made because of youth, inexperience in life, foolishness and or being drunk. Keeping a secret that long must have been quite strenuous.
Give it to the Lord and be patient. Let your daughter make the next move.
Take care of yourself and don't stress. Knots in a rope take time to untangle.
But, it's worth the time and effort in the long run.
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Old 12-01-2020, 04:47 PM
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Noone is 'getting sick of your dramas' Snooz

D
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Old 12-01-2020, 07:20 PM
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Wendy I second all the other remarks. I think chasing sorting out the Rebekah issue now would be really bad timing. Yes, we want to undo past hurts, BUT it would add a layer of drama on top of your son issue right now - all the while trying to stay sober.

The issue you speak of would have to be handled at a time you are solid and even and can support Rebekah and she could rely on you. I don’t think that time is there yet. I honestly think it takes a long time in sobriety before our kids really can look to us to be stable and consistent.

I think we need to examine our reasons for wanting to “correct wrongs” and being honest about, it - to seriously examine is it our selfish need to allay our own guilt that’s motivating us? I know there are some wrongs I desperately want to apologise for and correct, but approaching that person now would be more upsetting to them, and it really is about me feeling better about something bad I’ve done.

There will be a time for telling her. But I believe the current moment and for months to come, is being single minded and laser focused on you and your recovery.
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Old 12-02-2020, 03:40 AM
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Thanks so much guys

xxx
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Old 12-02-2020, 04:02 AM
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I'm feeling a LOT better this past week Xxxx Thanks for all your advice& thank you PJ
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Old 12-02-2020, 07:09 AM
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Snoozy love, sometimes what we think clears the air, rights the wrong, sets the record straight is more about us trying to unburden ourselves....to make the hurt and pain we feel and have caused others go away.
Sounds good on paper, but in fact it’s so much more complicated than that. Declarations bring along the need for explanations.....and sometimes it’s just such a hurtful subject matter that it takes a long time to recover from the information given.
At this point please try and be a selfish little Wendy and spend all of your time on yourself. You’ve shared the hidden truth with your daughter and now you have to let her absorb and deal with the information in her own way.
Now it’s time to move onto the “Wendy” project. Give yourself the attention and love and I think the results will be amazing. You’ve unburdened your heart and now you can start to heal it.
The best thing you can do for any of your relationships is heal yourself. Do the necessary work to get yourself in a better place.
You’re such a special, loving person and a safe, fulfilling and happy life awaits you.....but you’ve got to do a little work for it...
You can do it of that I’m sure.
Sending you love and support Sweetie.
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Old 12-02-2020, 07:23 AM
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Hello to all you special Julyers and dear Dee. I hope everyone is handling this crazy time in our lives ok. It’s not been as hard for me to isolate as it has been for some, as I’ve not wanted to socialize at all anyway. It will be soon be 8 months since I lost my DH. I’m doing about as well as can be expected I guess. I miss him very much.

I hope you all have a wonderful (although probably different) Holiday Season. It looks like there’s light at the end of the tunnel now with the vaccine. Time will tell.

Stay safe and don’t forget to say I love you to those important people in your life. Let them know they are cherished.

So, let me say I love you all from afar.
Croutie
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Old 12-02-2020, 09:08 AM
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Croutie, lovely to see you.

Thank you for reminding us to cherish the ones we love. I so often take Mr. Mags for granted, familiarity I think. I’ll be more thankful for him and my family and friends.

Love to all. xx
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Old 12-02-2020, 11:56 AM
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So much love guys.....and very glad to see you dear Croutie. s ❤️

Wendy love ~ the only way we can stop making these decisions that haunt us is to stop drinking.
Telling your daughter this kind of thing in a text is kind of devastating.
She is going to have to get past that and so are you. s

Everyone here loves you....and are right to say you need to heal you, look after you and then the rest can and will fall in place.
With you honey. s xx ❤️
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Old 12-02-2020, 12:03 PM
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(((Croutie))) As strange and painful as this year has been I hope you find some peace and a little joy this Xmas.
You deserve it.

D
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Old 12-02-2020, 12:17 PM
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prayers for croutie and snooz
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Old 12-02-2020, 04:11 PM
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Croutie, your post resonates so much. Thank you for taking the time to share.
I’ve had a reflective time of late. Well, more reflective than usual. And it’s funny, out of the blue my best friend sent a pic of me this morning back when I was young holding my second baby. 30 years ago. Literally a lifetime ago.

All of us have our sliding doors moments, what if’s or even “what shoulds” for the future. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say other than all we can influence is now that creates memories for the future, tomorrow is not promised.

Wendy, I hope you consider going to a meeting with PJ. It’s a generous offer. I got A LOT out of hearing stories on that SBS show Addiction (yes I’m a broken record - I lived it!). We all have hopes and dreams and struggles Wendy. Sobriety isn’t a magic elixir, but it brings clarity at least. You know this. You had 2 years before, it’s merely a day after another to choose YOU and to live YOU. Love to all.xx
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