Numblady

Scotty, that definitely sounds really tough. You’re absorbing all this stuff from other people but then also you have so much going on with your son. What happens when he gets violent? Is it like fits of rage or you get hurt? Are you ok? I mean, I guess in a lot of ways no one is really ok — but you know what I mean. I am sending you love from TX. What you have in place with your son sounds like really as much structure as you could have with the other demands put on you. Connecting with my son is definitely a challenge I want to keep working on. So far the main thing is pillow fights but he also showed me how to play one of his video games and did a personality quiz with me.

I’ve also read that NZ is crushing the spread of the disease there. Impressive. I’m still over here in the states listening to people wax political about not wanting to give up personal freedoms and how much of this is really necessary and blah blah blah. meanwhile the numbers grow and people keep dying. Very much hoping your family (along with everyone in NY) stays as safe as possible.

Ok, have the best Thursday you can, everybody!

PalmerSage

Hi all, coming through for a quick check-in. We are hanging in there, my parents are finally taking this situation seriously and staying home, which gives me great relief. I went over there yesterday with an Easter dinner, plus some treats, flowers, groceries, etc. I was happy to talk to them from outside their house, but even that felt risky. Today is my dad's birthday, so my brother will pick up the takeout of his choice and bring it over. We also talked to my in-laws last night about doing their grocery shopping (they are in better health than my parents, and my FIL is quite stubborn), so hopefully we will be able to do something for them too.

Scotty, I'm so sorry about the challenges with your son, and I can partially relate. My 16 year old has some behavioral issues, and he is someone who really needs some structure, so this situation has been extra challenging for him. He is spending way too much time gaming, and while my husband and I are generally on the same page with screen time, I advocate for taking his computer away much more strongly lately. I also feel like he could be pursuing a new interest, learning a skill, basically making better use of his time - but then I think about how unmoored and restless I feel, and I'm an adult, so then I want to cut him some more slack. Ah, parenting.

NL, you're doing such an amazing job of connecting with your son on his terms, such as playing silly games that HE likes, learning a video game, etc. I really admire that and I'm going to try harder with my older one, especially because he and I generally have a good relationship.

Hi to NC and hoping you're doing OK, I keep thinking of you because my eating is truly out of control and I wonder how things are going on that front. I also hope you're able to ride your sweet horse to maintain your sanity!

Hi to Dee, thank you so much for keeping the lights on and the water running here on SR!

Talk to everyone later...

Numblady

Hi friends. Hope all are hanging in there.

PS Hump Day in the final week of current job has to feel so good. And a week off! Awesome. Definitely concur with what you say about cutting our kids some slack and the unmoored feeling. Why the psychic drain of all this would be so exhausting when we’re all seemingly in the category of very fortunate...I just don’t know. But it’s real. I don’t even like going downstairs and back up. Feels so tiring these days.

And as for connectedness with my son, it’s definitely touch and go. Yesterday went better but we will see how today goes. He just gets so sucked into those screens and will do stuff like say “you can go now” in the most condescending voice. ARGH!!!

Dee Scotty and NC, thinking about y’all.

NewChapterJan18

Dee74

Its great to hear from all you guys

D

PalmerSage

Hi all! NC, thank you so much for driving through, I miss you too, and I look forward to offering you some much-needed support.

NL, that is so funny and awful - "you can go now," LOL! My older one was pretty good for a long time, but over the past 6 months, he definitely knows IT ALL. He can be so condescending too, and it's so irritating - then I engage with him and try to debate, and then I'm mad because I took the bait, especially when he says ridiculous things about politics. I'm glad that our schools are back from "spring break" and they have started to learn new content, even if the system isn't working that well, I appreciate the fact that it gives him something to work on other than having endless "conference calls" about video games. Serenity now!

The reaction from my "big boss" to my leaving is still bothering me a bit. I feel like I handled the situation well, by giving 3 weeks notice, identifying and recruiting my replacement, and working hard to set him up with all the contacts and information I feel he will need to be successful. If I hadn't suggested this course of action and taken steps to make it happen, I think they would have been in a serious bind just due to the type of work it is and its relative importance to the organization at this specific point in time. I've mentioned my feelings to a few people, and of course they rightly say that "it says more about the kind of person the boss is," but when he is ignoring me and acting like the replacement is the second coming of the messiah, it still bugs me. Thanks for letting me vent. Two more days.

Well, time to take my dogs for a quick walk and then hop onto the first of many calls! I hope everyone is taking good care and staying safe and well.

Numblady

Good to see you driving by NC! And I always feel good knowing you are out there, Dee.

PS, I definitely agree that it says more about your boss than you. Of course, if I’m being honest, I’ve probably been sad about someone leaving before and let it come out in stupid ways. Maybe you could look at boss’s boss as someone who is just struggling not to personalize something that is by definition not personal.

As for me I have a weird jumpy feeling in my heart and pit of stomach over marriage. Hubby has asked me point blank if I want to stay married (through text after I went to bed ... in my separate room...like all healthy communications right? ). He’s also grappling with our son’s screen addiction and our daughter's behavioral issues. It’s a lot. I got divorce lawyer recommendations last week, though I haven’t acted on them. Just praying for the strength to approach everything with love but also not give my own perspective short shrift. Very nervous at the moment.

I’ll try to check back in soon!

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

Again, apologies for my absence / drive by communications of late. I've been thinking of you all even though I haven't had the chance to come by and let you know as often or as comprehensively as I would like.

Hi Dee! I'm happy to know that you're keeping safe and well.

Palmer: I'm just so sorry you're having to deal with your boss and his regrettable management of your departure. It must be so frustrating to have to navigate that type of behaviour when you have done nothing but show grace and consideration to him and the organisation. Hopefully you can put this behind you and move on and enjoy your new role and he will also get over himself in time and maybe even realise how poorly he acted. Monday is the big day for the fresh start, right? In relation to eating habits, I am sorry to report that I am so far down the binge eating / food dependency rabbit hole that I cannot even see the light anymore! I ahve been relying on a steady diet of take out / microwaveable meals and junk food such as candy, chips and cakes and it is taking an almighty toll on my waistline (and all other lines!!), my mental capacity and overall mood. I really need to make an effort this week to do better and just move more, also - I'm spending my days hunched up over my computer and it's just starting to feel as though my body is slowly atrophying. I hope you've been able to get a better handle on things than I!

NL: I'm sending you such a giant hug right now. I'm so sorry that you're going though this with your husband, I can't imagine the uncertainty, fear, emotional pain and mixed feelings and thoughts you must be having about everything, let alone in this highly pressurised and abnormal environment we find ourselves in. For what it's worth, having 'gotten to know you' over this past 2+ years, I've learned what a kind, considerate, brave and strong lady you are and I have every confidence that you will navigate these next steps, whatever path may ensue, with grace, courage and from a place of love, as you wish. We're here for you

Hi Scotty, I hope things with your son are going well and that you're keeping safe and well.

Take care, all

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

Just popping by to send my love to you all. I hope everyone is hanging in there. Things continue to worsen here as our business has been completely eviscerated by these restrictions / lockdowns and our financial position within the company rapidly diminishes day on day. Given that there is no end in sight and our industry will be the last to come back, it means that difficult decisions need to be made regarding sticking it out and trying to seek financing / investment or calling it quits altogether. At this point I'm swinging from overwhelmed, to depressed, to entirely numb. And in the meantime I have deadlines building for my Masters and looming fees also. It's just crazy how things have changed so utterly and completely in a matter of weeks. I'm finding it very hard to grapple with that right now, let alone to stay 'motivated' or optimistic in any way.

Sorry for the downer post, just needed to vent some of the thoughts clouding my mind. Thanks for always being here to listen. Sending big hugs to you all

NewChapterJan18

Dee74

hey NC

D

Numblady

NC that is so stressful!It really is astonishing how vastly and quickly things have changed. I really hope it’s not too long before you get to a more peaceful place. And I’m glad you are coming here more.

I’m working a ton and it’s not going great with the kids doing school. I literally can’t help most of the day because I’m on calls. It’s very frustrating. My husband joined the therapy session yesterday. It was intense but good I think. If I leave the marriage I think I’ll be able to do it knowing I really tried to do what I could to make it work. It’s just going to be expensive and painful.

Ok well gotta get moving on work stuff. Hang in there everybody!

Dee74

The site is being upgraded, Thanks for your patience guys.<br><br>D<br>

Numblady

Testing, testing 123.

Numblady

Ok so it seems like not using quick reply does help as I think Dee pointed &nbsp;out in one of the threads about the site upgrades. but I’ll keep it brief and just say NC I have I think written two posts just saying I hope you and you husband are able to get to a better place with the business, whatever that looks like, sooner rather than later. It has to be so stressful. I am thinking of you.&nbsp;<div><br></div><div>And everyone else too!&nbsp;</div>

Numblady

I give up!

PalmerSage

NC, I'm with Numblady in that I've tried a few times to reply to your post saying basically: I am so sorry that you and your husband are going through such an unbelievably tough time with this crisis right now!!! You are not alone in using food as a coping strategy (I just tried to weigh myself for the first time in months, and the scale battery mercifully died, because it was NOT going to be pretty. Seriously). Please keep posting, try not to feel like you have to support everyone here at the same time as you are contending with this crisis, it will be everyone's turn at some point to simply VENT because it's the only thing that helps sometimes!!! We are totally here for you and I really hope there is a breakthrough in the pressure soon.

Numblady

Hooray posting seems to be restored, even the older posts! Hoping this works. I’ll keep it brief just in case.Â
We are hanging in there. My husband really seems like he’s willing to work on things. We’ll see if we can sustain it but I have the tiniest glimmer of hope, which I never thought possible in my heart of hearts. He even took a day off drinking and just hung out with me and then the kids. I also am almost certainly changing jobs now. It’s unclear whether the new role will really bring about the work life balance but since I talked to my boss about it and how much I’m struggling with making it work and not taking too much from my family, she seems to have adopted it as her plan. Not sure if that’s because she has someone in mind for my job or she just genuinely doesn’t want to lose me and can tell if something doesn’t change I’ll have to leave. Either way I guess I’m going to give it a go. It would be a lateral move and a small time and entirely focused on the lawsuit that gives me so much grief. I can’t even imagine just being able to focus on it. I’m supposed to talk to my boss on Monday to let her know for sure. I’m going to encourage her to post it competitively so she can see who else she might be able to get but we will see.Â
I’m also with everyone on the healthfulness stuff. I’m not watching what I eat though I really never do that too terribly much. But I”m also really not finding a ton of workout motivation or time. My schedule is so weird now and I stay up too late. Idk. I’m not too worried about it right now but I’m sure if I ever get out in a bathing suit I probably will be!Â
Well this wasn’t as brief as I intended it to be. Hope y’all are as good as you can be out there.Â

PalmerSage

NL, I keep thinking about you and your possible new role - I really, really hope it comes through for you, and brings some relief from the unrelenting pressure you've been under to manage work and home. I'm almost positive that your boss's response is 100% due to the fact that she can't risk losing you, which is extremely smart on her part, and will hopefully result in a win-win. Any status update yet?

NC, I'm thinking a lot about you too. I hope you're holding steady and not feeling that familiar pressure to fix everything at once, and to be everything to everyone. I think it was Dee who said that sobriety can help us to "resign as general managers of the universe" or something like that, and it's such good advice, especially now when the pressure can seem crushing. I hope you come and post soon, even (especially!) if it's simply to vent, kind of like the early days of sobriety when we were trying to hold on by our fingernails sometimes.

As for me, I started my new job officially on Monday, but I had a lot of "noise" last week with people who wanted my immediate help to push a specific agenda forward on this (very high-profile but not an emergency) project. I'm working for someone I know a little bit, but her boss is the one who actually recruited me if that makes sense, so I want to make sure that I build some trust and goodwill with her before pushing her too hard on my project. She has an extremely critical and stressful job, especially right now, and I want to make sure she knows that I'm here to help her solve problems rather than creating new ones. Of course, the people who are pushing ME are the ones who have been running the project and one of them competed for the role I'm now in, so it's all kind of sensitive but I'm resisting the urge to be reactive...at least not yet. I am finding the remote onboarding to be kind of stressful, partly because I'm someone who is hugely dependant on informal channels to get things done, so "meeting" people through email and conference calls isn't exactly ideal. I'm trying to take my own advice and not allow my uncertainty to snowball into full-on anxiety or even depression, which definitely feels like a real risk for me these days.

I hope everyone is hanging in there, and can check in soon!

Numblady

PS, thanks. It does seem like the new role is happening. I’m telling my team on Friday. I wake up in the middle of the night now wondering if I’m doing the right thing but I know I can’t stay still (and now it’s too late to put the toothpaste back in the tube as they say) so will just need to see how it is once I’m in it. It definitely won’t be a relief at first since there will be a gap in time between when the current holder of the job leaves and when they can fill my current job — but hopefully later in the summer I will see a difference. Sounds like your new role is also coming with some unnecessary drama. How I wish people focused more on how they can help than on how they can be right. I like what y ou reminded NC about. I could use a reminder about resigning as GM of universe.Â
Well guess i should get this day going and try to do my “workout” pitiful though it will be (easy yoga )