Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 10
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I totally hear you on sorting through all the assignments, I'm so overwhelmed too. The idea that each kid has X number of teachers (7/8) with X number of learning platforms that are supposed to talk to each other, but don't (3+) and X number of applications within those platforms (a million?) combined with the emails and texts from individual teachers is...uh, daunting to say the least? 
Last year, we started using a tutoring service, but it was kind of tough for the reasons you mentioned, because the tutors would ask the kids what they need help with, and usually they would say "I don't know" so the tutor would work with them on something, but maybe not the right things. So this time, in the couple classes where they are struggling, I want the tutors to be able to communicate how they are preparing them for tests and quizzes (and maybe I'll even listen to the sessions since it's all virtual). Of course, this could be a complete waste of time, and I hear you on needing a wife/grandma/someone who is qualified for this role!!!
The fact that your husband plays up his condition when he's with the family only to perk up around his drinking buddies sounds VERY annoying, to say the least!
RE: my colleague, I've been overthinking it to death (of course), and realizing that she is just a person who asks a lot of questions about everything, and I prefer to go with the flow a bit more - so what I hear as criticism, I'm sure is her just trying to make sure she is clear. I also think she is kind of self-centered (vs. being a team player) so her main goal is to make sure she doesn't look bad and maintains her status within the top levels of our organization. I'm still figuring out how to best work with her in the longer term, but in the short term I think I need to try to understand where she's coming from and anticipate that she will have a lot of questions, so making sure I craft my communication in a way that will (hopefully) minimize her angst, while keeping my distance a bit more than I have been. Wish me luck!
Last year, we started using a tutoring service, but it was kind of tough for the reasons you mentioned, because the tutors would ask the kids what they need help with, and usually they would say "I don't know" so the tutor would work with them on something, but maybe not the right things. So this time, in the couple classes where they are struggling, I want the tutors to be able to communicate how they are preparing them for tests and quizzes (and maybe I'll even listen to the sessions since it's all virtual). Of course, this could be a complete waste of time, and I hear you on needing a wife/grandma/someone who is qualified for this role!!!The fact that your husband plays up his condition when he's with the family only to perk up around his drinking buddies sounds VERY annoying, to say the least!
RE: my colleague, I've been overthinking it to death (of course), and realizing that she is just a person who asks a lot of questions about everything, and I prefer to go with the flow a bit more - so what I hear as criticism, I'm sure is her just trying to make sure she is clear. I also think she is kind of self-centered (vs. being a team player) so her main goal is to make sure she doesn't look bad and maintains her status within the top levels of our organization. I'm still figuring out how to best work with her in the longer term, but in the short term I think I need to try to understand where she's coming from and anticipate that she will have a lot of questions, so making sure I craft my communication in a way that will (hopefully) minimize her angst, while keeping my distance a bit more than I have been. Wish me luck!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Hey PS good luck for sure! Reading your description made me wonder if I could be the other lady in some situations. I am pathologically task oriented and concrete so I spend a lot of time and energy trying to get to how we go from the big idea to the actual execution. I get frustrated sometimes, especially with my former employee who took my old role, because she’ll just say X needs to be done. And it’s like, okay so are you saying I need to do it, and if not me, who? And how are they supposed to do it with these other things factoring in? and by when? And what about this other stuff over here? It doesn’t sound like you’re the other person in this dynamic exactly. It sounds like your colleague is just asking questions to be sure something that is already in progress doesn’t bite her somehow. Which is different. just reminded me of it. Is it all going any better?
I finally interviewed a couple of sitters over the weekend. We’ll see if it brings any relief. At this point if I even had someone who could occupy one kid so I could focus on the other it would be progress. Though I’m realizing our home life is so broken with my son being as obsessed as he is with video games, and screaming, table-banging, and sometimes cursing when he gets to play, and being so unbearable when he doesn’t, it’s almost like I don’t even know if I can successfully bring someone into our home and have it do anything at all other than have them wonder how we live like we do. And it’s going to be a while before I can really give him the reprogramming/digital detox he needs. We’re increasing limits and forcing some other things but it’s still quite dysfunctional. He has started seeing a counselor through school, and I’m hopeful that may help. We’re talking to her this week too. Ugh. Serenity now.
Hope you’re hanging in there.
I finally interviewed a couple of sitters over the weekend. We’ll see if it brings any relief. At this point if I even had someone who could occupy one kid so I could focus on the other it would be progress. Though I’m realizing our home life is so broken with my son being as obsessed as he is with video games, and screaming, table-banging, and sometimes cursing when he gets to play, and being so unbearable when he doesn’t, it’s almost like I don’t even know if I can successfully bring someone into our home and have it do anything at all other than have them wonder how we live like we do. And it’s going to be a while before I can really give him the reprogramming/digital detox he needs. We’re increasing limits and forcing some other things but it’s still quite dysfunctional. He has started seeing a counselor through school, and I’m hopeful that may help. We’re talking to her this week too. Ugh. Serenity now.
Hope you’re hanging in there.
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PS, (and Dee), how you doing? Any new developments on the work front PS? I’m interviewing tomorrow for a new one. Sure I should be more nervous but I’m just kind of at a place where I don’t even really have much regard for anything other than getting out of my current gig.
How is the virtual learning going for you? It’s working much better having in-person school but I don’t know how long that is going to last with the numbers spiking so high. If we make it through the fall semester before they move to all virtual, I’ll be surprised if we go right back from winter break. At least—Lord willing and the creek don’t rise—I’ll have a more manageable gig by then. Hopefully.
What else is going on? Hope you are doing well out there everyone
How is the virtual learning going for you? It’s working much better having in-person school but I don’t know how long that is going to last with the numbers spiking so high. If we make it through the fall semester before they move to all virtual, I’ll be surprised if we go right back from winter break. At least—Lord willing and the creek don’t rise—I’ll have a more manageable gig by then. Hopefully.
What else is going on? Hope you are doing well out there everyone
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Hi guys! NL, I hope the job interview goes well and at least gives you an option to consider. AND, if you accept the job, that you can defer your start date until after the holidays, at least! I had a small epiphany regarding work: This has the potential to be my last "big job" before I'm eligible to retire (!!!) in 7 years. Therefore, I can focus on doing a good job within my current role, with zero pressure to look up and ahead to the next rung on the ladder. It seems simple, but I realized that I seem to be always (even if subconsciously) competing with others, or putting a ton of pressure on myself to get everything absolutely right the first time - and maybe there's a bit of imposter syndrome in there too. So it helps to recognize that I'm not as much on a personal crusade fueled by heartfelt passion, as I am just a person who is capable of rising to the occasion, over time, for the job that's in front of me.
Distnce learning is OK, but not great. We have a virtual meeting tonight to talk about the option to transition to a hybrid model, but I'm not super optimistic that it will be sustainable. I also need to make sure that I get some math tutors lined up, because both of my kids are struggling.
In sad news, my father-in-law passed away recently, which was pretty sudden and traumatic for my husband especially. Basically, he thought he had acid reflux, only to be admitted to the hospital for shortness of breath, which led to a diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer with no possibility of treatment. Luckily, we live close by, so we're able to support his mom, and in the grand scheme of things, it's probably best that this happened quickly so he didn't have to suffer for long. Still, it was very hard on everyone and reminded me that I need to be there for my parents no matter what, COVID or not.
Hope everyone else is doing ok out there!
Distnce learning is OK, but not great. We have a virtual meeting tonight to talk about the option to transition to a hybrid model, but I'm not super optimistic that it will be sustainable. I also need to make sure that I get some math tutors lined up, because both of my kids are struggling.
In sad news, my father-in-law passed away recently, which was pretty sudden and traumatic for my husband especially. Basically, he thought he had acid reflux, only to be admitted to the hospital for shortness of breath, which led to a diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer with no possibility of treatment. Luckily, we live close by, so we're able to support his mom, and in the grand scheme of things, it's probably best that this happened quickly so he didn't have to suffer for long. Still, it was very hard on everyone and reminded me that I need to be there for my parents no matter what, COVID or not.
Hope everyone else is doing ok out there!
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Oh my goodness PS I was wondering based on something on gratitude board about your FIL. I am so sorry. How is your husband handling it? That is just really really awful, and I can’t say I’m sorry enough.
In a different kind of awful I am sorry about virtual learning. For all of us. It really is not sustainable and for kids whose families don’t have time, bandwidth, or money to fill the gaps it’s just even worse. I hurt for the students. And the teachers. And the administrators. And the policy makers. And the families. And the kids living in residential care away from their families. And the staff there. And basically just most everyone. My son got sick and got to stay home a few days and now we’re having a hard time forcing him back but it has definitely helped to have some masked-up face time and at least at the middle school level and down there really haven’t seemed to be transmission beyond anywhere else in the world. If anything it’s lower than gatherings. But that of course could change any time. They had to shut one of our high schools for several days because the rate of infection got so high.
That is cool about your job and your realizations around it.That sounds liberating and healthy. I was also about 7 years away from retirement. But the job was too big for me to sustain obviously. I am going to ask for a start date past the holidays if i get a job offer. Haha only downside is my kids will be around for so much of it. Kidding. Mostly. I’m just going to have a lot of work to do to really start more rigorous enforcement of screen limits even while on break. Because it turns them into such weirdos.
Hope you have a good day everybody!
In a different kind of awful I am sorry about virtual learning. For all of us. It really is not sustainable and for kids whose families don’t have time, bandwidth, or money to fill the gaps it’s just even worse. I hurt for the students. And the teachers. And the administrators. And the policy makers. And the families. And the kids living in residential care away from their families. And the staff there. And basically just most everyone. My son got sick and got to stay home a few days and now we’re having a hard time forcing him back but it has definitely helped to have some masked-up face time and at least at the middle school level and down there really haven’t seemed to be transmission beyond anywhere else in the world. If anything it’s lower than gatherings. But that of course could change any time. They had to shut one of our high schools for several days because the rate of infection got so high.
That is cool about your job and your realizations around it.That sounds liberating and healthy. I was also about 7 years away from retirement. But the job was too big for me to sustain obviously. I am going to ask for a start date past the holidays if i get a job offer. Haha only downside is my kids will be around for so much of it. Kidding. Mostly. I’m just going to have a lot of work to do to really start more rigorous enforcement of screen limits even while on break. Because it turns them into such weirdos.
Hope you have a good day everybody!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Thanks for the congrats, Dee and Numblady, it means a lot coming from two of my very favorite SR people! I've been reading the December 2020 thread and reminiscing about the way I felt three years ago. Life definitely still occurs on its own terms, but is light years better than it was while I was actively drinking. Happiest of holidays to both of you, and thanks so much for all of your incredible support. 
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Happy New Year!
Congratulations to those who are celebrating 3 years sober. My anniversary (and I hope Sunflower’s) is a couple of weeks away. I’m still not sure why on Jan16th I decided to stop drinking, but I do know this site and the people in this group are an integral part of why I stayed sober.
I did though have my first taste of alcohol last night - by accident. I was drinking non alcoholic grape juice out of a champagne glass to celebrate seeing in the New Year and accidentally picked up the wrong glass and took a mouthful. It was absolutely VILE, as I swallowed it was a horrible chemical taste and a burning sensation. There was not a single sense of a pleasant memory, or a ‘boy do I miss this’ - it was disgusting. I’m not counting it as having a drink, but it was an affirmation that it was a poison I used to put in my body.
I think of everyone here often, 2020 has been a tough tough year. I take my hat off to all the people in the various classes of 2020 who got sober, I am so pleased I didn’t face lockdown in our first year of sobriety.
NZ is doing ok re. Covid, our borders are closed, but with no (current) community cases life is pretty much normal, but there is the knowledge that this could all change that creates an often unspoken tension. We know we are lucky to be in the position we are, but it only takes complacency to bring it all tumbling down.
So here is hoping 2021 brings global vaccines to those who want them and offers hope and a way forward.
Much love to our January 2018 family.
Scotty
Congratulations to those who are celebrating 3 years sober. My anniversary (and I hope Sunflower’s) is a couple of weeks away. I’m still not sure why on Jan16th I decided to stop drinking, but I do know this site and the people in this group are an integral part of why I stayed sober.
I did though have my first taste of alcohol last night - by accident. I was drinking non alcoholic grape juice out of a champagne glass to celebrate seeing in the New Year and accidentally picked up the wrong glass and took a mouthful. It was absolutely VILE, as I swallowed it was a horrible chemical taste and a burning sensation. There was not a single sense of a pleasant memory, or a ‘boy do I miss this’ - it was disgusting. I’m not counting it as having a drink, but it was an affirmation that it was a poison I used to put in my body.
I think of everyone here often, 2020 has been a tough tough year. I take my hat off to all the people in the various classes of 2020 who got sober, I am so pleased I didn’t face lockdown in our first year of sobriety.
NZ is doing ok re. Covid, our borders are closed, but with no (current) community cases life is pretty much normal, but there is the knowledge that this could all change that creates an often unspoken tension. We know we are lucky to be in the position we are, but it only takes complacency to bring it all tumbling down.
So here is hoping 2021 brings global vaccines to those who want them and offers hope and a way forward.
Much love to our January 2018 family.
Scotty
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Scotty!!! It's so amazing to hear from you, and congratulations in advance on 3 years. 
And happy new year.
I can totally relate to being repulsed by alcohol (when I smell it, I have a negative and visceral reaction as you described). Of course, my AV has popped up here and there to make some terrible suggestions, but overall I would feel like you did when taking an accidental sip - NO THANKS!
It's good to hear that NZ is doing fairly well with COVID. In our part of the US, we're currently experiencing a surge so restrictions are in place, but I do feel like people are becoming increasingly lax. Luckily, the vaccines are starting to roll out, and we have a political shift happening which may improve the situation. There are definitely silver linings in the form of increased telework, more family time, and the benefits of social distancing for us introverts.
I do worry about isolation though, especially for my elderly family members. We lost my FIL in November very suddenly, and it was tough.
Much love to you, Dee, and anyone else who is still reading here. When I read the new class threads, I think about all of the amazing support I received from this class during the early days, and feel tremendous gratitude for the gift of this class. Happy 2021 to one and all!!!
And happy new year.I can totally relate to being repulsed by alcohol (when I smell it, I have a negative and visceral reaction as you described). Of course, my AV has popped up here and there to make some terrible suggestions, but overall I would feel like you did when taking an accidental sip - NO THANKS!
It's good to hear that NZ is doing fairly well with COVID. In our part of the US, we're currently experiencing a surge so restrictions are in place, but I do feel like people are becoming increasingly lax. Luckily, the vaccines are starting to roll out, and we have a political shift happening which may improve the situation. There are definitely silver linings in the form of increased telework, more family time, and the benefits of social distancing for us introverts.
I do worry about isolation though, especially for my elderly family members. We lost my FIL in November very suddenly, and it was tough.Much love to you, Dee, and anyone else who is still reading here. When I read the new class threads, I think about all of the amazing support I received from this class during the early days, and feel tremendous gratitude for the gift of this class. Happy 2021 to one and all!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Hi PS,
I’m so sorry to hear about your FIL. Sudden is difficult and shocking, but having lost my husband to a long and drawn out battle with cancer where he suffered so much, sometimes there is a blessing in things being fast, though the grief is no easier. I scrolled up and see you live nearby, that must be a huge source of support for your MIL.
Numblady, I also saw your post about your son and video game addiction, I live with an addict too and 2020 has been a terrible year for digital addiction. I have definitely ‘picked my battles’ around video games, especially during lockdown, but I found the following things helped: Having a TV show we watched together every other evening, creating a movie night once a week (with all the popcorn treats etc) -he wanted to watch all the Marvel movies in order so we committed to that (it was a mission I’m not a fan), paying him to do a daily job for an hour - in our case walking the dog, but it had to be an hour’s walk, agreeing on an amount of time he could game and then he could earn extra time by doing stuff around the house and the one that worked really well was agreeing to play some of his games with him, either two player ones or him teaching me ones he loved. The last one is buying into the addiction, but it also showed him I was willing to share his interest and was not anti-game.
All of that was really hit and miss, the strategies worked some days and not on others and of course all take time that is hard to give when working from home too. The other thing I wanted to mention that has been a God send was buying a weighted blanket, that has been a HUGE help to him when he starts to get angry and meltdown. I wish I had got one years ago and I actually love using it myself.
@ Dee thanks for the congrats. I agree about watching where I put my glass and usually I try to use a distinctive one too, mine rarely looks like other people’s, but I fell into the NYE trap and set it down to enthusiastically hug people to see the back of 2020 - lesson learned!
I love that a light remains in the window in our January group.
I’m so sorry to hear about your FIL. Sudden is difficult and shocking, but having lost my husband to a long and drawn out battle with cancer where he suffered so much, sometimes there is a blessing in things being fast, though the grief is no easier. I scrolled up and see you live nearby, that must be a huge source of support for your MIL.
Numblady, I also saw your post about your son and video game addiction, I live with an addict too and 2020 has been a terrible year for digital addiction. I have definitely ‘picked my battles’ around video games, especially during lockdown, but I found the following things helped: Having a TV show we watched together every other evening, creating a movie night once a week (with all the popcorn treats etc) -he wanted to watch all the Marvel movies in order so we committed to that (it was a mission I’m not a fan), paying him to do a daily job for an hour - in our case walking the dog, but it had to be an hour’s walk, agreeing on an amount of time he could game and then he could earn extra time by doing stuff around the house and the one that worked really well was agreeing to play some of his games with him, either two player ones or him teaching me ones he loved. The last one is buying into the addiction, but it also showed him I was willing to share his interest and was not anti-game.
All of that was really hit and miss, the strategies worked some days and not on others and of course all take time that is hard to give when working from home too. The other thing I wanted to mention that has been a God send was buying a weighted blanket, that has been a HUGE help to him when he starts to get angry and meltdown. I wish I had got one years ago and I actually love using it myself.
@ Dee thanks for the congrats. I agree about watching where I put my glass and usually I try to use a distinctive one too, mine rarely looks like other people’s, but I fell into the NYE trap and set it down to enthusiastically hug people to see the back of 2020 - lesson learned!
I love that a light remains in the window in our January group.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
Scotty so good to hear from you!! 1/2/20 would have been 3 years for me but ... I didn’t make it. I’ve only told PS but now you and Dee and whoever happens through. I just kind of gave up tbh. But as I told PS I’m still so pumped for everyone who kept on the path.
I appreciate the advice on the screens. I’m so overwhelmed. I’ve got a counselor for each of my kids; we’re starting family therapy in the new year; I’m reading 5 separate parenting books each of which is hard to keep straight; my son is getting a psychiatrist’s assessment in the new year; and it still feels like combat to be a parent despite what feels like a lot of trying. His counselor has helped us put in place and continue to try and enforce a behavior contract around screen usage. I think it is helping some but I’m kind of hopeless and despondent today feeling like I’m just tinkering around the margins and failing. a lot. I did resolve to work on having more special time to connect with him so I like what you have done to create some other special traditions. It’s hard figuring out how to do it since he doesn’t really want to do anything but game and my daughter muscles in just about any time I try to do something with him. Yet he doesn’t want to leave the house and it’s a whole production to get there. We are putting an outside limit in place that will be tracked by our Circle home network device. I’m hopeful that will help some, albeit that the process of them learning to find activities that do not require screens is probably going to be painful.
How do you use the weighted blanket in times of distress? I bought one for each of the kids but they pretty much just sit folded up. Do you just put it on him when he starts getting agitated? By the time my son is angry he’s usually punching stuff or hitting himself or whatever — and definitely screaming at a minimum. I’d love to be able to intercept that somehow, or shorten the screaming time.
I too am glad the light is on in our group. I still claim it as my own even if I don’t have the same sober time anymore. Love you guys.
I appreciate the advice on the screens. I’m so overwhelmed. I’ve got a counselor for each of my kids; we’re starting family therapy in the new year; I’m reading 5 separate parenting books each of which is hard to keep straight; my son is getting a psychiatrist’s assessment in the new year; and it still feels like combat to be a parent despite what feels like a lot of trying. His counselor has helped us put in place and continue to try and enforce a behavior contract around screen usage. I think it is helping some but I’m kind of hopeless and despondent today feeling like I’m just tinkering around the margins and failing. a lot. I did resolve to work on having more special time to connect with him so I like what you have done to create some other special traditions. It’s hard figuring out how to do it since he doesn’t really want to do anything but game and my daughter muscles in just about any time I try to do something with him. Yet he doesn’t want to leave the house and it’s a whole production to get there. We are putting an outside limit in place that will be tracked by our Circle home network device. I’m hopeful that will help some, albeit that the process of them learning to find activities that do not require screens is probably going to be painful.
How do you use the weighted blanket in times of distress? I bought one for each of the kids but they pretty much just sit folded up. Do you just put it on him when he starts getting agitated? By the time my son is angry he’s usually punching stuff or hitting himself or whatever — and definitely screaming at a minimum. I’d love to be able to intercept that somehow, or shorten the screaming time.
I too am glad the light is on in our group. I still claim it as my own even if I don’t have the same sober time anymore. Love you guys.
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