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Dee74 02-12-2020 03:16 PM

Class of January 2020 PART 4
last part here


Cityboy 02-12-2020 03:21 PM

Sober45, maybe you'll decide that the cabin is cool without drinking. Maybe you could rent it for weekends on homeaway or something when you're not using it.

Dee74 02-12-2020 03:22 PM

FK I had a lot of trouble learning to say no - not just in recovery - I drank a lot of times when I real;ly didn't want to to avoid hurting my drinking buddies....

I finally realised it's ok to say no to things that will put me in a dangerous position or a miserable one.


fishkiller 02-12-2020 05:06 PM

Sober 45 I associate just about everything except eating breakfast with drinking so I know how you feel about the cabin.
Double whammy being next to Mom who wants to drink with you.

I have a little workshop out back that I spend most of my days in when I'm home. Of course projects and alcohol go great together. Not really but that is what I believed.
There were days in the first week or so I went out there and felt like I was missing something.
I was.
I was missing getting drunk and waking up the next day to a mess or worse that I had to clean up before I could even start another mess.

Now I go out there and it is either put away or laid out and ready for the next day.

Hopefully you can find a way to re-associate, is that even a word?, cabin life to a sober state of mind.

Willow68 02-12-2020 05:43 PM

Hi guys. Thanks for the new thread Dee.

Dontlookbacchus, yes we are sober triplets with Sobermafia :)

And yay for 30 days Daisybelle7 :)

And day 35 Wolfie :)

And 40 days Sober45! :)
I hear you about the blah :(
And the eating everything in sight to ward off the AV :(

And weíre going through very sad family times, as my uncle died and then so did our fur baby a couple of days ago. Everyone has been crying. Too sad to talk about much, I feel like just cry all the time. It sometimes seems like I have barely stopped crying since Mum died, and then Dad and on it goes. Life throws so much at us sometimes it makes me wonder why weíre even here :(
But even though I have been ďdyingĒ for a drink to numb some of the pain, I havenít. I need to stay vigilant against the AV because itís chinks in the armour like grief, that it uses to pry its way in....
Iím on day 44 and I will not drink today.
Sorry for the downer. I havenít felt much like posting but I know if I donít, and if I drift away from SR, the AV sneaks back in. Itís done it before when I stopped posting. I just donít feel like I have anything much to contribute at the moment.

But Iím really thankful for you all being here ❤️❤️❤️

venuscat 02-12-2020 06:09 PM

Willow darling ~ I am so very sorry. This is so much for you. :hug: s
We are with you every single moment and all of our love and strength and faith is with you. :hug: s

Too much loss baby, I understand. It is way too hard and feels insanely unfair.
It is unfair.

We are keeping you close much love, all of our arms wrapped around you. :hug: s xx ❤️

Willow68 02-12-2020 06:17 PM

Thanks Suze :hug: xxxxxxxxxxx

Dee74 02-12-2020 07:30 PM

I'm sorry Willow. Stay strong - you can get through this!


dontlookbacchus 02-13-2020 02:11 AM

Hi Classmates

Willow, I know all of our thoughts are with you. Well done pushing though, staying on course, despite so much sadness. This sober journey is our path to happiness. You can do it. I hope your new clear head may allow you to console a loved one around you.

Fishkiller, that was a great post and gave a lot of food for thought. For everyone. Like you said, avoiding situations while we are so fragile is a smart move. I haven't gone into sobriety details with anyone. Right or wrong, I don't feel it is their business. Maybe it is just that I am ashamed it got so far. I have no clue.

Sober45, I agree 100%. This year maybe too soon to put yourself in that situation. In the future, who knows ?Maybe it will be a writers cabin or home base for a photography excursion. The future is ours to rewrite now. Maybe the cabin could end up an oasis that you love.

Yesterday ended up bizarrely stressful, on lots of fronts, and I didn't drink. Got through the day and night. My AV was going nuts. Pushed through. Nobody said this was always going to be easy, I guess.

DB7. Great to have you back and on the mend.

Venus, thanks for that reminder how one simple light beer can set us back. I know that to be true.

Have a strong, happy and sober day classmates


Willow68 02-13-2020 02:59 AM

Thanks Dee and Bacchus. I managed to stay sober today, despite massive cravings, but Iím going to bed sober. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day ❤️

fishkiller 02-13-2020 04:34 AM

Good morning class!

Thanks DB!

Willow I hope good things start coming your way.

Cityboy 02-13-2020 05:04 AM

Sorry to hear about your uncle and fur baby willow.

DaisyBelle7 02-13-2020 06:46 AM

Awww, Willow.... Iím so sorry. Youíre really going through a lot right now. No need to apologize for anything. Weíre all here for you - to read, send virtual hugs, and give you all the support we can. :grouphug: Iím sorry you have all this on your plate, and are navigating through these feelings. Please post, vent, whatever you need. :hug:

jr67 02-13-2020 09:09 PM

Wow this thread has been quiet. No posts in 14-plus hours?

What have y'all been up to, class?

I noticed this long posting gap just as it was turning past midnight here in eastern USA so I thought I'd break the ice and welcome myself to my Day 44 and everyone to Yesterday Plus 1.

Now I'm hoping for some zzz's before an early-rise day that will end with a 5-hour bus ride to Manhattan for a stay at our friends' place.

Dee74 02-13-2020 09:58 PM

Hope everyones doing well :)


dontlookbacchus 02-14-2020 02:17 AM

Good morning classmates.

I live in an apartment complex with shared recycle bins.
Last year it was a major cause of shame. How to hide so many bottles, without neighbours seeing. I went even so far as putting bottles into carrier bags and putting them in other peoples recycled bins. It was that way buying all those bottles from the same liquor store and markets.

One of the weights off now. Many of the really great benefits of this journey will come later with patience and hard work. Recycle day is a day I can savour now. And lighter grocery bags.

Yesterday was improved for me by handling some stressful situations better at work. My AV peaked a bit at the end of day but it faded. An extremely large can of coconut water, full of chunks, seemed to end that battle.

Thinking of everyone. Have a safe, sober and happy day all


fishkiller 02-14-2020 04:28 AM

Morning class!

Not much to report which is a good thing I guess.
Going to a boat show so I can see how the other half lives.

Hope everyone has a happy Friday

Cityboy 02-14-2020 04:48 AM

I have found the different stages to be interesting.

First few days there was still some residual hangover effect. I think that the biggest hurdle for me was to let go of the things that had been internalized for decades. Finding SR was a godsend. A heavy emotional component for a little while.

Eating everything in line of sight for about 3 to 4 weeks.

Weeks 2 through 3, the AV showing up everyday when my truck pointed towards home in the afternoon.

I feel like I can process thoughts and discuss things with my wife and kid like a normal person now.

There is no thought process towards which days during the week I am meeting with people, so nights in which I can drink heavily are planned out.

No thought process put towards which of my favorite beer stores will be on the way home each day.

No going around policing up beer cans and wine bottles.

I still fully expect there to be hurdles ahead and will have to work out various situations.

venuscat 02-14-2020 06:46 AM

One of my shames is all of the bottles I didn't recycle....every day I would hide two empty bottles in my rubbish bag so no one could see them. I still feel bad about it....if I add up the bottles I threw in the wrong bin.....hundreds? thousands?

And when the garbage collectors came I could hear my bottles breaking in the truck, and I always cringed.

It is seriously wonderful not to do that anymore.....I hadn't thought about it in a long time....makes me even more grateful to be sober. :)


DaisyBelle7 02-14-2020 07:08 AM

Good morning everyone! I did most of my drinking away from home, but there were the occasional parties with way too many booze bottles at the end of the night. Like you all mentioned, itís so nice not to have that hanging over our heads anymore.

I have found that Iím eating like crazy. I think Iím depressed from my broken foot, daughterís eating disorder, my surgery, etc. Iím definitely exchanging one addiction for another, which I know isnít helpful. I need to work on that.

My mom (major anxiety producer) is coming over, uninvited, today. I hate seeing her. Iíve asked her very firmly two times not to offer my daughter food nor talk about her eating disorder. Both times she offered her food (behind my back). This morning she texted my husband asking if she could come over because she got us Valentineís Day gifts. I hate Valentineís Day and she knows this. I think itís a stupid Hallmark holiday. Wanna bet she brings over candy to my anorexic and bulimic daughter? My anxiety is through the roof. Thank God Iím talking with my sponsor before my mom comes over. Iím talking with her about Step 4 so that will be very helpful.

I donít mean to sound ungrateful because I know there are those who have lost their moms. My mom is incredibly unhealthy for me. Sheís narcissistic, critical, controlling, disrespectful and manipulative. I never had a mom. From a very young age, I took over the role of mom... sheíd ask me for advice on men she was dating, job offers she got, medical decisions. She continues to do this and now I tell her, ďI donít know. Thatís your decision to make.Ē Sorry to get on a tangent. She just really triggers me and I know I need to go no contact. Just a stressful morning.

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