Dee74

last part here

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-8-a-20.html (Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 8)

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Dee74

Hope tomorrow is a less fraught day NC

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Numblady

Can’t lie. Super jealous of the spa day, NC, even if there’s no spa involved. I was down at the capitol for 13 hours Tuesday and a mere ten yesterday (but I worked a half day in the office first and we got down there at noon). While all of this is going on I’ve got personnel drama, people not helping when I need them to, staff dealing with serious family issues, no end in sight, and my husband just left town for five days so I’m solo with the kids to boot. I couldn’t sleep well last night from all the caffeine and stress. My head hurts from being tired. And of course there’s no rest for the weary. Just get to plow back into it all again today and hopefully try to catch up some on all the stuff that piled up while I was stuck downtown. And what may be bothering me kind of the most is that for all that time I spent down at the capitol I didn’t do that great a job when it was my turn to actually talk. I need a giant hug and a lot of sleep but instead I’m about to wake the kids up and get them ready for school and that usually involves a lot of screaming and fighting and consternation. As does bedtime. So all in all a lot of awesome things happening.

Sorry to be so negative. I’’m just really exhausted and the lack of a break in sight makes it harder.

PS Glad to hear about the exciting things on the horizon — and I can imagine they would definitely be energizing. Hooray! Funny you reference Mad Men. That’s actually what someone who left our agency picked to describe our office. With the ladies fetching coffee and water and such. We’re an agency of 80% or more women but of course at the top level it’s approx 80% men. Maybe less than that. Too tired to do the math in my head. Some of them of course I really love and admire but some I don’t feel like have to do much to have the jobs they do.

NC sorry about the infection. That does sound really irritating!

I digress. I feel a little better after just barfing all this out on the screen so thanks for listening.

Dee74

Hope the weekend brings you a little down time numblady

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NewChapterJan18

Numblady

Thanks for the nice thought Dee!

Sorry I was so down yesterday. Doing a little better today for sure.

Numblady

Hi me! Miss hearing from you guys.

Well, for my part, the weekend so far has been blissful and restorative. I can’t believe it worked out so well. I’ve done zero work for my actual job but have cleaned and organized and hung with my kids, then they both went to sleepovers and I got gobs of sleep. Cup feels kind of refilled and I think I can get through next week without some kind of breakdown, which I felt perilously close to last week. I try never to hope that I have a weekend like this because it just doesn’t happen for the most part.

Hope to hear from you all. NC, hope the spa was relaxing in spite of annoying infection and that infection is on its way out.

Dee74

I hope everyone got the new thread link at the end of the old thread.

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NewChapterJan18

Hi Class - Happy New Thread! Thanks Dee :-)

NL: Sorry, it appears our my last post crossed with yours as I hadn't seen the new thread before Dee kindly moved my post over here! I'm so sorry work is so tough at the moment, juggling all those various stressors is so taxing, particularly when the actual workload itself is burden / challenge enough, without the added drama. I am SO happy that you had a wonderful weekend free from work-work and that you got to tackle some domestic chores, chill with your kids and most importantly, catch up on some sleep and reset the batteries after a crazy tough week. I hope this week goes better.

The night away at the spa was soooo nice. We got down a little later than we hoped as got caught up in work before being able to hit the road, but once we got down there, we totally disconnected - literally! We turned phones off for an entire 24 hours and it was bliss to just not be hounded by email and obligations. We chilled at the spa area and while hubby went for a swim I just kicked back in a lounge chair in my robe and read my book (they had this cool infinity pool that I was just a bit jealous I didn't get to try!). Then we had an amazing meal in the hotel restaurant and I had a bubblebath before bed. I actually cannot remember the last time I had a bubble bath, probably not since I was a teenager! The next day we visited family who live near the hotel and got to see all their cute little sheep and lambs before heading home. Hubby had a night out with friends, so I got a nice night to myself, though we had a client go live on a different time zone that I was monitoring, so I was up every hour or so to check on that. Yesterday I had a nice riding lesson and then we just had a relatively quiet day before early to bed and a nice early start to the new week. Oh and yes! Thankfully infection is almost cleared!

Did I tell y'all that I have been accepted to the Masters programme? I don't know if you remember I had applied last year and got accepted, but ultimately had to turn it down as I just had too much on my plate. They wouldn't allow me to defer, and I agonised over applying again this year, but I did and I've been accepted and i'm going to go for it! I've decided to just make it work. I've wanted this for so long, and I'm fast realising that there is no 'perfect' time or circumstances for anything (well, not that I've experienced!), so if you want something, you kind of just have to roll with the punches and make it happen as best you can! I'll be starting in September.

Hope everyone is doing great!

Dee74

Congrats on the masters course NC!

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NewChapterJan18

Numblady

Hi NC that sounds relaxing — until the part about checking email every 1 hour over night! Did I read that right? That sounds awful if so. You did mention getting back into the master’s program if memory serves. The thought actually crossed my mind a day or two ago, wondering if you were going to do it with all the job stress but not wanting to pry as I know it’s a difficult decision. Sounds like taking the plunge is the right call. I bet it will start to be more and more exciting as it gets closer.

Hi to everyone else!

NewChapterJan18

PalmerSage

Hi all! I tried to post yesterday, but I don't see it now? Anyway, what I basically said was that I'm trying to hold everything together and not doing the best job. My husband is driving me crazy, my mom's health problems (especially dementia) are becoming steadily worse, my dogs have started to viciously fight with each other, and work has been much busier than usual - which is good, but just limits my time to deal with the other stuff. On the plus side, we still have our lovely French student, who has quickly become part of the family, albeit one who appreciates my cooking and is generally lower-maintenance than the rest of the group. Also on the plus side, today is a telework day and I'm going to sneak out to get my hair and nails done this afternoon at a really nice salon.

NewChapter, I'm so happy that you made it to a spa, that sounds absolutely amazing and completely necessary, given that you were getting up hourly (!!!) for a project! And if I haven't said it already, HUGE congratulations on your masters program. I have no doubt you'll do an amazing job.

Numblady, the description of your well-rested weekend makes me so happy! I keep thinking of you and your office as I watch Mad Men, which is crazy in its depiction of sexism and also, alcohol abuse! Wow! I'm only on season 2, so it's round-the-clock drinking for most of the characters, but the consequences haven't become unbearable yet. They did have one person who was sent to rehab, but so far has not been heard from again.

OK, I'm off to make breakfast for these 3 kids and get myself going for the day. I hope everyone is doing well, hi to Scotty, Sunflower, and Dee too!

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

PS: I'm sorry to hear things are a bit of a whirlwind right now. I am so happy you are squeezing in some 'me' time to go to the salon today, I hope you enjoy this little time out from the demands of others and can relax a little, if only ephemerally! I know getting away at the weekend, even just for the night, made me feel at least human again. My grandad has dementia, though it's relatively early stages, and I know it is a long and difficult path. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I hope your dogs can work things out soon - has this ever happened before? I know my parents' dog has gotten cantankerous with age. Happy to hear things are going well with your student!

Thank you all for the well wishes re: masters course. I get little bouts of panic every so often when I think about the time commitment and how it's going to pan out around work and riding (and life admin in general!), but I try to just not engage those thoughts for now. I'll cross that bridge and deal with it as it comes.

I forgot to mention, I watched the movie 'Beautiful Boy' recently, have any of you seen it, or read the book? It's about the son of a journalist who becomes an addict. It's very well made and though uncomfortable to watch, I feel it did such a great job of capturing the heartbreak of addiction, not only on the individual, but the whole family.

I have a work meeting tomorrow that I am absolutely dreading - I've definitely been stress eating and I think this is one of the main reasons, so hoping once it's over, I can try claw back some control in that department.

Hi to NL, Sunflower, Dee and anyone else out there!

Numblady

PS that sounds stressful especially your mom. I have heard from many people how stressful it is to care for any aging parent, and I know there are other strains in that relationship as well so not that it’s ever easy but that would seem to make it even tougher. I got through all of mad men actually and if memory serves alcohol addiction was a plot trope in that one episode and it’s otherwise glorified.

NC, I read that book so long ago. I think before I had even really admitted to myself I had a problem. Not totally sure. Do recall it being a good read. I have such a terrible memory for the books I read. Right now i’m Reading the unexpected joy of being sober. It’s no literary masterpiece but is a good reminder of some of the things I seem to keep forgetting now that I’m over a year in.

Speaking of things I forget now that I’m further along, I have to say lately the AV is strong and whispers sort of insidiously about drinking in the future. I’ve mostly decided to just look at the day in front of me instead catastrophizing and thinking too far ahead. We’ll see how long that works for me. I just lately have been feeling like drinking again is inevitable (of course it’s not). Like my husband yesterday mentioned he was open to possibly one day moving to my home town and my first thought was, well I would definitely just go ahead and start drinking again with everyone around me drinking. It’s really stupid and not in line with reality but seems to keep happening. Last night was a horrible night with the kids. I was happy to see that while I in one sense wanted to drink my rational mind was much stronger — and even though I wanted the screaming to stop and was full of anger, I recognized I didn’t actually want to drink alcohol. It sounded awful in taste and effect. I again just wanted to not feel the way I was feeling. Hoping today goes better. Should be a little improved because my husband will be here (he was working last night)) and we’ve all had a night of sleep.

Have a good day one and all.

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

I met two girlfriends for dinner after work last night and it was just so lovely to sit and chat and catch up. It also served as a welcome distraction to avoid sitting ruminating and over-preparing for the dreaded client meeting today. All in all, it was about as expected. In short, this is one of our most difficult clients, due on no small part to the fact that they are a large organisation with terrible internal processes and a complete disarray of disorganisation and competing egos. And all of those egos prefer to lay blame anywhere they can other than take ownership for their respective department or wheel house. Sigh. At least it's over now (until the next one - and the hurricane of disjointed email diarrhoea that inevitably follows any and all interactions with this organisation). If I were to categorise them, they are the type of organisation who just loves to have meetings about meetings for meetings' sake, and lay blame and give out rather than make any real effort towards change or improvement. By nature I prefer to work efficiently and productively, and I have a low bar of tolerance for this kind of pencil pushing behaviour, so that probably doesn't help matters! Sorry to moan, just needed to get it off my chest! As it was almost en route, I did make a detour to pop in and visit my horse on the way back to the office though, just to say Hi to him in the field and release some of the tensions post-meeting, which was actually really effective.

I definitely find that being sober has really helped me to tune in and identify those emotions, and locate healthy little interventions (such as a quick drive by my horse, or meeting friends for a coffee/dinner) rather than my previous go to of suppressing it all, allowing anxiety, resentment and anger to rise to overwhelming and the inevitable booze binge to numb it all out.

NL: I'm so sorry that your kids gave you a hard time last night, I cannot begin to understand the patience of mothers, y'all are SAINTS as far as I am concerned. Honestly. I can relate to the AV cropping up and whispering threats to the foreverness of our commitment to sobriety. After the one year mark, I definitely struggled with this on and off. Though it seems to be dormant for now, I have no doubt it will rear its ugly head again and again throughout this journey. I imagine that's normal. I also think the thoughts you're describing are natural in the context of the associations and triggers you mentioned, such as stress relief or old patterns (such as your hometown and old buddies / acquaintances). I hold onto the hope that if we are at least recognising those thoughts and sharing them here, we are placing ourselves in a strong position to challenge and defy the lies of the AV and bolster those efforts with each other's support.

Hope everyone has a great day!

NewChapterJan18

Numblady

NC—I totally agree. I know our class has kind of dropped off but there is absolutely no way I would be here having gotten this far and looking at continuing for the rest of my life without the support of the forum but in particular this group. I still compose imaginary posts to you all in my head albeit that it’s harder to actually get around to posting. Actually I guess that’s about the same as it ever was for me.

I’m feeling a little better about the whispering AV. A couple of days ago I found an old FB message from March from an old friend who has long since moved away. She was coming through town and wanted to visit but of course that didn’t work since I didn’t see the message until April. I wrote back and was just really honest that I was sad to have missed her especially because she had posted on FB about being sober and it was really motivational to me. It felt great to unburden that with someone who knows me already. She said she actually got sober not long after she and I made a crazy trip to New Orleans for Jazz Fest a long time ago. Actually I just remember it as a debauched fun weekend but I do think we took some mini thins or something for more energy. They made me feel gross. I guess she was going through more than I understood at the time. Or maybe she was just visionary in seeing what path she was on and it took me 20 years. She does AA and Alanon so it will be interesting to get her insights on things. I’m also thinking I can/should reach out to other people in my life who I know are sober. That kind of accountability and support may also help in the long run. Because right now, other than Sunflower and my kids there really aren’t any sober people in my real life world. But I do have the power to change that, it seems.

Well...groan...time to work out. Blech. Have a good day!

PalmerSage

Hi all! Numblady. that's so funny that you mention "posting in your head" because I do that constantly. Lately, I think it's deluded me into thinking that I was still active and posting almost daily, when it's clear from my lack of posts that I was definitely not. That makes me think about the importance of routine, and how hard I work to make my time as unstructured as possible, presumably so I can adapt and respond to changing priorities but in reality, it's a hangover from my drinking days that really doesn't serve me anymore.

Work has been good, a very welcome challenge even though I'm very anxious about the presentations I will need to give to some very high level people. I find that I'm OK as long as I can sit down, and one-on-one I think I can be pretty persuasive, but I do think I've become complacent about developing my public speaking skills. NC and NL, you guys seem to do it constantly, so any advice on that front would be very much appreciated.

I was also invited back for an interview for the higher-level job with the new organization - I'm feeling very zen about the whole thing, planning to interview but (hopefully) not stress myself out too much. I'm seeing a lot of opportunity in my current organization now, so it may be best to just stick around for a bit longer.

NC, thank you for this, it perfectly explains how I feel about sobriety even though my AV is up to her old tricks too:

I definitely find that being sober has really helped me to tune in and identify those emotions, and locate healthy little interventions (such as a quick drive by my horse, or meeting friends for a coffee/dinner) rather than my previous go to of suppressing it all, allowing anxiety, resentment and anger to rise to overwhelming and the inevitable booze binge to numb it all out.


That's all for now - hi to everyone else!