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Old 02-20-2020, 01:03 PM   #161 (permalink)
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hi willow

for me my urge to drink was strongly connected with fear - fear I was not good enough, fear I could not handle raw emotion, fear that life was changing...

The more things I tackled sober the less thst fear got and the less I wanted to escape.

I hope it will work out that way for you too.

If you're clinically depressed, maybe a different med wouldn't make you sick?
couldn't hurt to ask your Doc?

sorry to hear about your husband job sober53 - best thoughts and wishes to you both that something comes out of this.

congrats on 50 days sober45 - glad you didn't hurt yourself too badly.

D
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Old 02-20-2020, 01:13 PM   #162 (permalink)
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Thanks Dee I will talk to my doc again
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Old 02-20-2020, 02:52 PM   #163 (permalink)
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Willow
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There's no wall You won't kick down, lie You won't tear down, coming after me.
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Old 02-20-2020, 04:06 PM   #164 (permalink)
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I hope you are able to process those feelings willow.

Not too much ice to slip.on in Florida. I did crash terribly on my bike on the way back from class, and only a few feet in front of a girl that lived across the parking lot. It was raining and the pavement was very slippery. She just walked by me lying there on the asphalt like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Driving through a town in which I do a lot of out-of-town work this morning, I drove by a Gators Dockside (sports bar) which is one of the places we go to watch college football. Of course these outings would normally include pitcher or beer bucket specials for at least the three to four hours in which our game was on and would likely continue for another game. I had a flush of that feeling of extreme familiarity again. It's an intense feeling, more so than the thought of stopping at store on way home, though it only lasted a moment. I would describe it as being kind of similar to the feeling of arriving home after a long trip. To clarify, the feeling was brought on by the fleeting thought of going back to the sports bar to watch college football and drink pitchers of draught beer. Further thought of doing so still seems repulsive. It's just interesting how these feelings hit you.
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Old 02-20-2020, 09:29 PM   #165 (permalink)
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Hello everyone. Boy I sure have some catching up to do (again). For now, still progressing along. Made a big milestone today as I finish Day 45 with a sober birthday. I'll check back in later.
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Old 02-21-2020, 01:31 AM   #166 (permalink)
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Hello everyone. Boy I sure have some catching up to do (again). For now, still progressing along. Made a big milestone today as I finish Day 45 with a sober birthday. I'll check back in later.
Happy birthday, Mr. W, and a big congrats on 45 days!!!!
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Old 02-21-2020, 01:41 AM   #167 (permalink)
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((sober53)). I suffer from a huge amount of work related anxiety so I feel you re the job searching woes, etc. All in all, the most important thing you have to hold onto through this is your sobriety. This too shall pass.

((Willow)). You're in my thoughts. What you described re the depression is similar to what I've faced all my adult life. However, I will cautiously say that I believe I'm getting out of that cycle now. For me, time has been a huge factor plus the constant introspection and searching my soul for answers. The answer was inside me but it was so hard for me to see for so long.

Like Dee, fear was a huge component in my misery and drinking. I'm still battling fear but it's not as crippling as it previously was and I've developed several strategies to fight it. Fear and anxiety, of course.

I hope you figure things out soon and the suffering can cease. I'm not overly religious but this has manifested in my life: '...and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'
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Old 02-21-2020, 03:09 AM   #168 (permalink)
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Good morning & evening Januarians

Jr & Sober45, congrats on hitting 50 days!! Love the card JR !!
Sober53, thinking of your husband. It is a major challenge for you both, so lots of positive thoughts. Stay strong.
Willow, thinking of you. However overwhelming events feel now, you have a new group here who care. You can push through all these challenges and maintain your sobriety. Everyone is behind you.
Fishkiller, glad you are feeling better physically. It sounds like you could do with one of your amazing, restorative seafood dishes this weekend
Wolfie. Well done on 45. That is a major milestone. Going strong.
BM, the more I think about why I do what I do, the more fear seems to be what rules us.

I am doing OK. Much the same as yesterday, happy that I am on this journey with you all but a bit fatigued from work. Grateful for many things. Maybe learning not to take so much for granted.

It feels like one thing to become sober and another thing to change the world we live in so we don't need to numb ourselves or escape from life anymore. Being sober, making good decisions, building relationships and good habits, seems to be the first steps of changing our world. In my mind anyway.

I think I expressed that terribly but hopefully it came across.

Have a very happy and sober Friday classmates

dlb
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Old 02-21-2020, 04:51 AM   #169 (permalink)
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WTG Wolfie! And Happy bday!

Hello butters!

Bacchus thanks, there is a fried rockfish, striped bass, sandwich with cheese and tomato in my future around lunch time today. Mmmmmmm
I think your sober life assessmen and plan is sound. No need to be sober and miserable.

Hope the rest o the class is sober and well today
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Old 02-21-2020, 05:15 AM   #170 (permalink)
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Congratulations on 45 days, MrWolfie!
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Old 02-21-2020, 05:37 AM   #171 (permalink)
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Good day, class.

Today jr will continue practicing posting photos so it doesn't take him a half hour each time, followed by losing the entire post that included the photo so no one sees it anyway.

Here is another pic from my weekend in NY last week.

I call it:

Jr boogaloos
down Broadway when his new shoes
step on his home town
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Old 02-21-2020, 05:40 AM   #172 (permalink)
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Nice kicks jr!
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Old 02-21-2020, 06:12 AM   #173 (permalink)
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Thanks, fk. Purchased not a half hour before the photo shoot. They are boots, actually, and were comfortable as could be for all the walking we did Saturday and Sunday in the city.
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Old 02-21-2020, 06:49 AM   #174 (permalink)
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Hello everyone. Boy I sure have some catching up to do (again). For now, still progressing along. Made a big milestone today as I finish Day 45 with a sober birthday. I'll check back in later.

MrWolfie!! s ❤️
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Old 02-21-2020, 06:53 AM   #175 (permalink)
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It feels like one thing to become sober and another thing to change the world we live in so we don't need to numb ourselves or escape from life anymore. Being sober, making good decisions, building relationships and good habits, seems to be the first steps of changing our world. In my mind anyway.

I think I expressed that terribly but hopefully it came across.
I think you expressed that really well DLB.
We change our world by changing ourselves. s ❤️
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Old 02-21-2020, 06:54 AM   #176 (permalink)
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Hi jr and fish and sobermafia and all of you fantastic people s ❤️❤️
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Old 02-21-2020, 06:26 PM   #177 (permalink)
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Evening all. Hope everyone had a good day.

I'll be working on my tax return tomorrow morning. Was going to work on it this afternoon but got home about 3:30 and took a nap. Have really had a chronic lack of energy since I quit drinking. Keep thinking it will sort itself out.

Nicest shoes I ever wear are a pair of loafers. Still have a nice pair of justin boots but haven't worn them in a long time.
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Old 02-21-2020, 08:35 PM   #178 (permalink)
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Taxes, ugh. Need to do that soon myself.

I seem to be taking more slow days myself since getting sober. Some days I feel lethargic seemingly for no reason.
Slept good last night, up at 6 am. By 10am I was spent and all I did was start the fire place, feed myself a bowl of cereal and get on SR.
By 11 am I was asleep in my chair and didn't wake up until 1pm.

Now I'm wide awake at 11:30 pm.

I think our bodies are just like, WTH man!. lol

Anyway I have the luxury of basically setting my own scheduled as long as I and the animals are fed. So I am taking advantage of that and focusing more on staying sober.

We will get in a groove soon enough I believe.



Got a potential kayaking trip planned on Sunday!
Never kayaked a day in my life so there is plenty of anxiety. Also going with folks I've never met in person before so the social anxiety and the new experience anxiety is there.

But I may get to bend a rod so I'm more stroked than anxious. For now anyway.
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Old 02-21-2020, 09:45 PM   #179 (permalink)
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You'll do great, FK. I look forward to hearing all about it.

Cheers!
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Old 02-21-2020, 09:47 PM   #180 (permalink)
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Hello all. You don't know how comforting it is to me to stop in and see how everyone is doing. Thanks for the kind words. I was just thinking about how frustrated I am about still being so tired and uninspired even a month and a half sober...and I find a nice discussion ongoing on the subject. It really does take a long time for the body/mind to readjust. Wish it was not the case, but it is definitely easier to accept as "normal" knowing it is a common experience.
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