venuscat

I was just saying that Saturday was my hardest day in early sobriety as well. I always planned things out to do as well, and I made Sat night my AA home group meeting. Anything you can change up...like if Sat night was grilling night, get takeout instead, or if it was sports tv night, rent a few new movies.....I mean you know all of this Just thinking out loud while I try to wake up today..... :hug s xx

venuscat

Before BJ went pop, he was my hero.

sobermafia

Thanks VenusCat. You are so kind. It's definitely not easy worrying about my Mom all the time. She went for a second option on Friday and will be having more surgery in March. Her surgeries on her feet are in the double digits.

Meanwhile, at work, my coworkers are calling me in tears. Everyone is fed up with the long hours. We are on a hiring freeze, and the company is also doing layoffs, but we worker bees are working way too many hours and we are not appreciated.

Sometimes it all feels like a little too much; I thought about stopping and getting a bottle of wine last night and numbing out. But I didn't. Today will be day 39. I don't want to throw my progress away. I want my body to heal and I want to face things head on, because the wine doesn't solve anything anyway. If anything, it just adds more problems, right?

Congrats to everyone with milestones, and welcome to all the newbies. This is such a supportive community with such wonderful people in this thread. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't post at all because I can't often read or reply back to every post, but hopefully it's okay that I still check in and post when I can(?)

venuscat

Oh gosh honey, it is more than OK.
You are part of this awesome group and we love hearing from you.

I don't love hearing how stressful everything is right now, that's not easy at all.
But you are getting through it....you are being supportive of your fellow colleagues and hey, you are not in danger of losing your job because you rock it.

That is one of the benefits of sobriety ~ we get our confidence back.

And being there through all of this for your mom is wonderful....she needs you I bet. s xx

And the wine doesn't just add more problems, it makes the whole house of cards come tumbling down. Day 39 is awesome love. s xx ❤️

fishkiller

Good morning sobermafia and venus!

sober, don't worry about replying to every post. It is almost impossible to keep up here sometimes which is kind of a good thing cause that means people are reaching out and engaging.

I have been spending a few hours a day here and still miss things.

I for one don't take it personal if someone doesn't acknowledge one of my posts or responses.
Sometimes it is good enough just to type it out.

DaisyBelle7

Willow, great job diverting your craving to ice cream! That’s a much better treat anyway.

fishkiller, your outing sounds like it’ll be a lot,of fun! It is amazing how far we’ve come technologically in the last 50 years.

Cityboy, we are land locked in CO. I like hearing about your and fishkiller’s fishing trips. I used to go with my dad, and am not a fishing person now, but I did love being out on the water.

dontlookbacchus, thinking of you today and sending you virtual strength. Saturday is a hard day for me, too.

venuscat, I prefer Billy Joel’s non-pop songs, too. My favorite is Allentown.

jr67, that’s so cool about your *almost* connection to Billy Joel. He’s on of my all time favorites. Very kind of you to help your friend declutter her place.

sobermafia, you have a lot on your plate. I commend you for using other coping mechanisms. It’s amazing how quickly the thought “I *need* a drink” can pop into our heads. I’m thinking of you.

Not much going on here today. We got somewhere between 6-8” of snow yesterday, and supposedly more is coming Sunday and Monday. I love how beautiful it is, and it usually melts quickly because of how much sun we get.

I hope you all have a wonderfully sober day!

ButterMarsh

Hello everyone.

Day 20 for me. At the beginning of this I couldn't comprehend making it to day 20 but here I am. Tomorrow is 21 days and you know what they say about needing 21 days to break a bad habit? If only that's all it took with addiction!

Anyway, I've been ok. Unfortunately I've not been reading here as much as I'd like to but I'm hoping to be more online next week.

This week was challenging for me... A loved one got news that they'll need heart bypass surgery asap... That sent my anxiety in overdrive. I managed to calm myself down, though, especially when I saw that they weren't terribly worried or scared themselves. It'll be ok.

Thanks daisybelle for this;

'God does not promise a lack of suffering. He promises to walk with you and give you peace.'.

I read it at the exact moment that I needed it. I'm going to be meditating on it for a long time to come.

I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend. ❤🤗

DaisyBelle7

s to you ButterMarsh! That’s a lot to deal with. I’m glad that quote helped you. ❤️ ... and congratulations on 21 days tomorrow!

venuscat

On days (not too often) that I have a migraine I don't always respond to everyone, but I always read.

So many prayers and lots of love for your loved one dear Buttermarsh, and love to all of you. s ❤️

Sober45

jr67

Thanks, DB7. I just learned today that my cousin, who is a year older than Billy and lived closer to Billy's side of town when in grade school, had the same piano teacher as Billy Joel.

My cousin was a pretty good player once upon a time at family get-togethers, but, well, now he's a retired banker, so I don't think anyone here wants me to try to get his autograph, unless it's on a nice cashier's check from his former employer lol.

And I have another cousin who used to live in Allentown, Pennsylvania, which is where the song is about.

I know, I know, I'm stretching, (but it's true!).

jr67

Hi Sober45, happy Day 38 to us.

I had occasion to be writing to a non-SR friend today who lives about 500 miles (804.672 km) away, about a mutual friend who lives 1500 miles (804.672 x 3 km) away. The 1500-mile guy is going through self-detox (once again) and is apparently planning to keep sober (again), after a major slip-up. So I was telling the 500-mile guy I was writing to, about my Dry January now turned into Dry February and very possibly beyond* due in large part to what I have learned, and am continuing to learn, here on SR, which I did not even know existed until about 7 January 2020, and due also to the self-reflection inspired by the experiences and personal stories shared by some of our fellow travelers here on the SobeRlandia Express.

* Remember our century challenge, Sobes (century on a bicycle = 100 miles; century in SobeRlandia = 100 days), works out to 11 April 2020.

So I'm going to find that email I wrote earlier and quote myself below. Hold on.

I'm back. Still with me? Here is what I wrote to my friend earlier today (slightly edited):

"Long story short: I happened upon a website called Sober Recovery [on my Day 5, I think it was 7 January 2020], and (almost literally) I have not left. It's this amazing (I am finding) worldwide site for people who have decided they want to go ethanol-free (or other intoxicant-free). Open to all English speakers, so there are a lot of members from the UK, Ireland, the U.S. and Canada, New Zealand and Australia. I don't know how many thousands all told, but many hundreds of active members from around the globe, so it is fully a 24/7 site. There are many many different e-conversation threads and subject areas, for newcomers and veteran sobriety practitioners and seekers, in an open setting not promoting any one method of seeking to maintain sobriety.

"So some peeps are members of 12-step programs, either IRL (in real life) or on line, while others (including yours truly) can't imagine themselves conforming to the strictures of those programs, even the explicitly secular ones. That is not to say I can't learn from their lessons, I do. The serenity prayer was always my mother's favorite, even though she and my father were just social drinkers, fitting no one's definition of people with a drinking problem, and I have her needlepoint** version of the serenity prayer in our kitchen.

[** I learned today, after posting a photo here, that it is actually cross-stitched, not needle point; thanks Willow68.]

"You know the prayer I mean, right?:

"'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference'.

"To allow the serenity prayer to resonate in your own life, if you are me (a non-believer), you just have to define 'God' as 'This Grand Illusion of Significance That We Attach to Our Fleeting Moments on This Ultimately Doomed Planet.' The prayer then works for me, but that throws off the meter way off in the first line, and let's not even get started about how hard it would be to fit it onto a bumper sticker on my Honda Fit)."

[END OF QUOTE OF JR EMAIL TO 500-MILE GUY.]

So yeah, S45, I agree that God can bring peace despite adversities, and that that concept can give people (and does give jr) a sense of comfort, even if the comfort-seekers may not agree on the definition of what, exactly, they mean by God.

And Sobes, if I recall, you were jotting down the name of the Brantley book. To you and others I repeat (I'm not working on commission, but):

I repeat my recommendation for the book by Jeffrey Brantley, M.D., "Calming Your Anxious Mind," as a helpful guide to someone (like me) who is interested in developing a mindfulness meditation practice in part to help assuage a lifetime of low-level to higher-intensity periods of anxiety. Subtitle of the book: "How mindfulness and compassion can free you from anxiety, fear, and panic."

Ok, jr is off on his decluttering mission described elsewhere today.

Wish me luck.

venuscat

We have over 180 000 members.

DaisyBelle7

The snow moon with a beautiful Colorado sunset

ButterMarsh

Thank you, jr, for elucidating this point.

I started doing this exact thing in response to anxiety and basically every other unwanted feelings and emotions I experience. I discovered this while in the process of incorporating into my life the principle of beinh comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Previously, I tended to balk at the discomfort of:
-anxious thoughts
- alcohol cravings and temptation
- fear of the future
- regret over the past
- fear of failure
- being forced to get out of my comfort zone, etc...

This balking would then increase the tension inside me and, of course, I'd drink to relax, or to forget for a bit.

Recently, I began to just sit with these bad feelings and simply feel them. I discovered that the feelings don't and can't kill me. Most importantly, they pass.

I don't have to drink to overcome or go through them. I mean I could drink if I wanted to but I don't, I haven't and I won't. Even when I really really want to, I simply acknowledge the want, I even agree with it, like yeah, I'd really love a tall glass of... But then I tell myself no. It's not good for me so I will not indulge. This approach has taken away a lot of the deep fear I had of relapse and it has freed me to start to truly build a sober life I love.

Dee74

Glad you made it through sobermafia - I hope everyone else did too
D

Willow00

Sobermafia, well done on not stopping for that bottle of wine. I’ve had similar temptations, usually after a stressful day at work. You’re right though, it would only make things worse. Don’t worry about not responding to all posts, I think it’s nearly impossible to keep up sometimes, especially if posting in multiple threads.

I don’t always respond to everything. I actually often forget what people have written by the time I’ve got to writing, especially if there are lots of posts since I last checked in, but I always read them all.

Great posts jr and Buttermarsh about sitting with your anxiety (and other feelings).
I think I’ll look for “Calming your anxious mind”.

Actually I really do appreciate every single post, from each and every one of you


I’m just finishing up day 40

And that’s a really gorgeous picture Daisybelle7 ❤️

dontlookbacchus

Hi gang

Thanks Venuscat, I appreciate you reaching out with a tip that helped you. You being so much a part of this group is a real support.

I like my weekends, and am trying to be productive, even though there are still AV battles being fought.
As my new life settles, and I fully forget about throwing weekends away in the way I used to, I know I will really love them.

Lots of great posts and milestones today. It is amazing to see how appreciative and supportive everyone is for everyone else.

Sobermafia, I was thinking yesterday how, if something hard, painful, or unexpectedly good even, came my way the first thing I would do is drink. Like there is a big OFF button and I couldn't wait to hit it.
I don't know why.
I am less like that, this year, and see that as self abuse that created even more damage, but I can relate to what you are going through.


Going to try to be productive now ... or sleeping
Have a healthy, sober and happy day/night all.

dlb

DaisyBelle7

Congrats on day 40, Willow!

fishkiller

Good morning class!
Congrats on 40 days Willow!