Sober45

Hi All, Day 34 for me! Hope everyone is doing well

I'm wondering what to say to people about my drinking. To this point I haven't told anyone outside my husband and daughter that i quit. Instead, I've been telling people that i'm having a dry January. ...and now a dry February. I tell them in a "no big deal" kinda way...just doing it for fun.

However, in reality, I'm at a crossroads and this is probably the the most important decision of my life.

If I continue as is, downplaying the significance of what I am doing, I'm afraid I'll eventually talk myself into a drink.

If I tell the truth, then I'm afraid I'll be putting too much pressure on myself which could drive me to drink also!

I guess it's a personal choice. Just wondering if anyone might have any thoughts on this?

venuscat

For sure love. s

I wasn't sure outside of family and close friends what I wanted to say in the beginning....I know lots of people feel that way.

But it ended up being simple....I went with "no thanks, I'm not drinking right now". (The 'or ever' was in my head, but I wasn't ready to share that yet).

Not one single person asked why. Or why not to be specific. Just oh, ok, would you like a soft drink? xx

What I realised after a period of time, is that alcohol is only important to alcoholics. Other people seem perfectly happy with a take it or leave it attitude.

Sober45

Yes, I can try to keep it simple but I have such a tendency to complicate things! Looking back, I remember at least one time where I "professed to the world" that I would never drink again and it backfired on me because I felt so much pressure. I really need to stick to one day at a time.

venuscat

Sorry if that wasn't helpful love. s xx

DaisyBelle7

I’m in an AA online group. I have a sponsor through that group, and I talk with her on the phone once per week. I also send her a daily gratitude list of 10 items. There are 2-3 meetings per week, and they encourage us to participate.

Sober45, I am now taking the route that venuscat mentioned. Previously, I’ve made announcements to the world, only to relapse and feel like I have to go into hiding. The approach I’m taking this time is I identified my circles, and I shared only what I’m comfortable sharing.

1. Family and best friends - they know everything
2. Friends who drink but aren’t drinking buddies -I told them that I’m refraining because we have some family issues and I want to remain clear headed.
3. Drinking buddies - they haven’t contacted me since the last time we got drunk together (shocking). When they do, I’ll prboably say I have other plans, am not feeling well, or something along those lines. When I feel strong enough in my sobriety, I’ll tell them that I quit drinking. I fully expect for them to drop off. The only thing I have in common with most of them is booze.

I do plan to make an announcement of sorts when I hit the 1 year mark. That, for me, is when I will feel accomplished. I’m hoping that if I share my news at that point, that I might inspire someone else who is struggling. I’ve had so many relapses, and have never made it to the one year mark (except when I was pregnant/breastfeeding).

DaisyBelle7

This is such a true statement! Very well stated!

Sober45

Your comment was VERY helpful. Thank You!

venuscat

Oh, good. xx

Cityboy

Fish story? Big one that got away?

Willow00

Sober45 I totally get where you’re at. I’m afraid to tell everybody in case it backfires. I did have over a year sober and relapsed. And I don’t want the pressure, the worry, the guilt, I do that to myself too much already....

So I just tell people (a bit like Suze said) that I’m not drinking at the moment . If asked why, I say I feel so much better when I don’t drink, physically and mentally. If pressed for details (which isn’t common) I just say I have more energy, lose weight, and feel clearer and calmer in my mind when I’m not drinking. I don’t say I’ll never drink again, just that not drinking at the moment is working for me right now.

I keep it in the present, because that’s when I’m not drinking, and that’s where I’m working at not drinking. Right now. One day at a time.
If pressed about future drinking (only one person has asked me that, and I suspect he has his own issues with drinking although I don’t know him well), I say I don’t know, but at this point in time I’m happier not drinking and while it’s working for me I’m sticking with it.

This might not be very helpful, but it helps me to keep everything in the “now” because the future causes me too much anxiety in general, as well as regards to drinking.

venuscat

I hear you Willow. s xx ❤️

Dee74

I shared before how I had these great essays of justification in my head ready to fire at anyone who asked why I wasn't drinking.

I thought everyone else thought drinking was as important as I did - but they don't.

Having said that I avoided drinkers and drinking for a while. I really wanted to stay sober.

D

Cityboy

The only one I've told so far has been my wife and that was only after nearly two weeks. Just not comfortable discussing it openly right now. Perhaps for reasons willow said.

Sober45

Sober45

jr67

Sobes, my cohort, yet another thing we have in common. it's as if one of us is the evil twin of the other lol.

Quiz:

Q. Which is which?

A. Don't answer that.

No, but really, I told people (including myself) that January (beginning 2 January 2020, like you) was a Dry January. To myself, it was sort of "just to show myself I can," so I could tell myself I don't "really" have a drinking problem. To others, I think I mumbled something about New Year's resolutions, and losing a few pounds; as has been said most (non substance-abusing) people are not that interested.

Then, around Day 5 I was surprised at how I felt: I was sleeping fine, but feeling out of sorts, and consulted the google for something like "symptoms of alcohol withdrawal." Long story short, I happened upon this website, and began learning and learning, and thinking and observing, and finding myself diving deeper into introspection than I have done in a long while, not just about my "high-functioning" drinking level, but about who is this jr67 character really, the part that no one, including jr himself, much sees, and is he who he wants to be, doing what he wants to do, living an authentic jr life.

Lo and behold (or skip to the next post -- your call, dear reader, life is short), ... lo and behold, jr, to his surprise, began to like what he was uncovering: the new self unfolding -- basking, even -- in this new-found, hangover-free, still emerging clarity.

Lol the new self, kinda sorta just like the old self, a doppelganger of the same-old, in fact, but more alive, in the moment, appreciative of the day, the night, the challenges, the accomplishments of daily life. From the outside, nothing heroic, but from my inner eye's point of view, just, I don't know, the same, but better.

So around the third week in January I started playing with the idea of extending Dry January into Dry February, toyed with the idea, trepidatiously told my husband, got used to the idea for myself, and announced it here in SobeRlandia. Then, as the calendar turned, to friends with whom I have shared social occasions in the past four days.

It was part of the same arc that led me to latch on to the concept in some of my posts of a "century" of sobriety, and to calculate the date, which will be April 11, I think, for those of us whose Day 1 was 2 January 2020, and to announce on here that that is a goal for me (as I said earlier in a different post, today, our Day 34, marks us passing beyond one third of the way there).

Lol that is as far out as I've projected so far, but I could see this thing really catching on for jr. I'm starting to ask myself, Yes, even if maybe I can go and have the occasional drink here and there, and not find myself suddenly careening downward, well, why do it? I am learning that I am enjoying myself as much (actually more) in social situations these weeks, without the ethanol infusion, a revelation I would not have thought possible 1 January 2020, when the long month ahead looked merely like a test of willpower, like how many laps can I swim back and forth underwater in the neighbor's backyard pool (I was the local (hyperlocal) champ) before I come up gasping for air (or downing the champagne or shots of scotch to "celebrate" the end of the dry month).

Not so this time around. It is early days yet, but I am viewing this sobriety not as a triumph of willpower (though surely it requires some of that), but, unexpectedly, I am finding it to be a gateway to opening a new appreciation for what is really the "same-old, same-old" life of jr.

At least as of this writing. S45, I think it is for me, as you say it is for you, in a way, kinda no big deal, but at the same time, it just may be a crossroads. Your life and my life may or may not actually have a lot of bio facts in common (we don't know enough about each other, when it comes down to it, to say one way or the other), but for me with my jr bio, in my jr kind of way, and for you with your Sober45 bio, in your S45-ish kind of way, we may be making, as you say, the most important decision of our life.

It's been a blast sharing the ride so far, and I look forward to continuing the ride with you and our sober-train fellow travelers.

But Sober45, please, no pressure, or, perhaps, fashion for yourself a pressure-release safety valve, of whatever design your crafty self may invent.

Do what is best for you because it is best for you, not because you think others (or you, yourself) expect or don't expect you to pass or fail some litmus test of your own devising.

fishkiller

30+ catfish biggest around 10-12 lbs
1 striped bass @ 22". Out of season so he went back. He be even bigger in a couple months when season is in.

Had another dozen or so come loose before we could get them to the boat.

Weather was nice, wind was down. Great day to be alive and sober

Cityboy

Cool, sounds like a great day. Are those catfish good to eat there? Around here it depends on where you are as to the catfish being tasty. We have a few stripers but not many people target them like they do farther north in Georgia.

fishkiller

Yes they are delicious!
They are slimy, ugly, stinky, but delicious!

Stripers are one of the most targeted fish here. We only have a couple months out of the year we can keep them but when they are in season the rivers and Bay are packed with boats.

Me, I like to catch different types of fish. I get bored targeting one species all the time.

Cityboy

Great discussion about sober45's post. Enjoyed jr's thoughts as well as everyone's.

I think that for me question of if or when to tell who has been like most everything else this time, there is no plan. There have been so many attempts that failed miserably, often within 32 hours, in which these things were thought out. Like I would tell all my buddies and never drink again. This time it's all uncharted territory and just taking it a step at the time. Have put thought toward the possibility of some moderated drinking at some point but have just heard too much testimony of terrible relapses. Other than that I'm just going to take it as it comes and figure it out as I go.