Lixie

Briansy, thanks for asking!

I'm doing great, actually. These past months have been quite a struggle for me, I have been under a lot of stress at work and I haven't slept much. I have been tired and sad, and I really thought I was heading into a new depression. And whenever I felt sad, I self medicated with alcohol, and then everything got worse. Recipe for disaster.

But then I got these strange dizzy spells, and I went to see my DR. He diagnosed me with BPPV (Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo) and ordered blood tests, which revealed that I have dangerously low levels of B12 and iron, and I'm severely anemic as well. No wonder I've been feeling tired! Now I'm taking daily shots of B12, and I am on quadruple doses of iron.

Still, the main reason that I have finally chosen sobriety over moderation is because of my partner. My drinking scares her and she is so worried about me, and she has admitted that she has been thinking of moving back to where she used to live - 7 hours from here. I can't live without her. She's the love of my life and I want to be with her forever. I choose her over alcohol. Period.

So, here I am, on day 2, feeling the energy coming back, and I am so proud of myself. This is probably the best thing I've ever done for myself. And a big thank you to all of you who have welcomed me back. I need this community, I need you.

I wish you all a great day!

soberbythesea

Briansy I'm glad you told us the truth. I would be careful of using other drugs to get a high while maintaining "sobriety" with regards to alcohol. I did that a few times over the summer and it turned out to be a slippery slope for me. I couldn't feel good about my sobriety date anymore, and it eventually devolved into drinking again. I definitely don't want that to happen to you because I know how committed you are!

Lixie I'm really glad that your health issues have been diagnosed and are being addressed. And, I'm glad you are back with us.

Willow, that picture is so pretty!

Day 85. I had a nice time last night just texting for hours with one of my best friends while watching TV. I feel like it's the 2020 equivalent of the long chats on the phone I used to have in high school with my friends, lol. Today I'm going to see a movie at noon called Fast Color. I also want to do some organizing tasks around the house and some planning for my workweek. Then my bf should finally be home around 9:30 pm if his flight is on time.

Will check back later, it's still early here I woke up super early for some reason, I might go back to sleep for a little while.

Briansy

SBTS, the way I felt yesterday reminded me of why I'm doing this. Never again! I don't feel I've broken my sobriety date though - although certainly many would disagree. For me it is specifically linked to my brain chemistry and its reaction to alcohol. The more I accumulate, the less my brain asks for it. So continuous time is the key.

soberbythesea

That's totally yours to determine, of course and I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. For me, I know that if I took anything with the conscious intention of getting high, I would have to change my date. But I only know that because I've handled it differently in the past and that didn't work for me. I have to be 100 percent sober or I end up right back where I started.

trudgingagain

Hi all! Glad to have you back! Way to go Briansy! I've (involuntarily)
have fasted for days, but then I couldn't keep anything down.
Thanks for the birthday wishes, Magnum! It was FABULOUS (except for one glitch in the plans).. We were supposed to see Cirque de soliel on Thursday at night at Dodgers Stadium. BUT the Stdiumm Way offramp was close. I plugged it into my GPS and finally got there, but all the entrances were locked. We spent over an hour trying to find an open gate, but couldn't. There were actually 3 other drivers who asked us if we trying to get to Cirque apparently they were lost as well. We decide to just go home, and the following day I called and explain the situation. Even though the tickets we had we not refundable/changeable, the agent found us better seat for March 6th!

On Friday (my actual birthday) was incredible! We has a couples' hot stone massage, came home for a short nap, and then went to Maestros Steakhouse for fine dining. Steaks were PERFECT, server was great, and the food was incredible! Our bill was over $300.00 with NO alcohol, but it was so worth it! It's hard to find fine dining anymore, let alone at a place near our house! The whole day was PERFECT. Unfortunately, neither of my 2 daughters called, nor did they send me a text/email, card...nothing. That REALLY hurt.
Yesterday (Sat.) Hubby worked on the backyard again, and I did a bit of gardening. Today, we can pick up our new glasses (YAY), and I have to return some shoes that I bought online (too small)...but at least the store is in the same mall! I hate driving, but we are taking separate cars, so he can leave once he gets his new glasses! He always says, "women shop; men buy", so that gives me an opportunity to shop! Hope that you all have a great Sunday! BTW it is 8:33am here in California

Briansy

Good to hear your views and food for thought SBTS. Thanks.

Lixie

Going to bed on day 2, sober and happy. My wonderful partner is so supportive, and tonight we've bingewatched Revenge... Our guilty pleasure.

Dee74

Hi Briansy

I know some people have different dates for different drugs recovery.

I prefer to keep it simple - on/off in/out recovery/addiction - because my inner addict loves to rationalise and twist numbers around.

I think the really important thing here though is not the day count so much as the wanting to get high.

That should be setting off red flag galore for you.

Obviously your recovery plan is letting you down.Its there to keep you clean and sober,

if you can work out where and why it let you down and what else you can add to the plan now to make it foolproof , you can keep this to a blip not a blowout and you'll thank yourself forever.

Happy bday SBTS.
D

venuscat

I completely hear you Dee....I have been thinking about this all day and staying quiet....a new look for me

I am seeing you compartmentalise this dear Briansy.....gambling under control, tick, drinking under control, tick....one night crazy time with sudes.....different.

I get it. Really I do.

But I want to tell you something....sudes + alcohol sent me almost off a bridge and killed me. Sudafed is so dangerous that it is almost impossible to get in Melbourne Aus now....you are allowed only 12, and then only every few months....it isn't just about the fact that they were making meth from them, it is about that they are very dangerous. Combine them with alcohol and other drugs and God knows what could happen.

I am not saying you should reset your date or anything love, not at all, but I would like you to throw out the sudes if they are pseudoephedrine. Or just be careful.

s xx ❤️

Dee74

Aussie Sudafed does not have pseudoephedrine any longer, UK version still has, so yoiur posts kinda slipped under my radar initially , but Suze is right - its a dangerous and slippery slope - noone here wants to see you fall on your face Briansy

D

soberbythesea

It's a controlled drug here in the US as well. I bought them one time long ago for a cold and had to show ID and have my purchase logged, and by federal law you can only buy a certain amount every 30 days.

Regarding the date you claim, like I said it's an individual choice... it's not for me to take anyone else's inventory, I can barely handle my own at times... but yeah I agree with Dee and Venus, the desire to take a 4x dose of something like that with the conscious intention of getting high really indicates to me that you might need more support or more of something in your plan. We are all here for you.

venuscat

I don't feel that way exactly.....my only point is I nearly killed myself on Sudafed.
The overuse has issues that they haven't even studied....it causes aggression for one thing....(in my experience).

soberbythesea

Ok. Sorry to misquote you Suze. I agree with Dee then

venuscat

Sorry love....I am being confusing.....this is because of Ibuprofen. Just that.
My neck and head are so sore and I need this drug right now....and just this drug confuses and messes with my processing. Which is why the other one scares me so much. Not disagreeing with anyone at all. Adore you SBTS. xx

soberbythesea

Me too Suze <3 x

Dee74

I hope you get some pain respite soon Suze.

D

Outonthetiles

Briansy, thank you very much for levelling with everyone here. The key to recovery is honesty. I lied so much and essentially led a double life when I was drinking that by the end I hated myself. It was so refreshing to be honest and not have to spend by life covering up my tracks. Even though you're catching some heat for the sudafed, I think the larger picture is that you told us what happened and that's a positive thing.

Willow00

Hi guys, just popping in to say I’m home and so relieved that I survived the Australia Day long weekend without drinking!
Day 27 and I’m feeling grateful to be sober.
Sending you all love and hugs ❤️

Briansy

Cheers all. I absolutely hear what you're saying - hence why I brought it up. The funny thing was I was actually feeling really good on Friday after going into a bit of a down mood last week. And the sudafed was there and I just kinda went with it on impulse. The lingering desire to get blotto on drugs is strangely always there for me even though I know it's utterly pointless. Be it with that, alcohol, casual sex or whatever, the desire for wholesome and "clean" ways of living always returns as the high is short lived and unfulfilling. I like my life the way it is now and know it can and will get much better. Putting to rest those thoughts and not feeding them with fantasy thoughts is a very good idea. As for "recovery plans" and "programmes" I tied myself up in knots religiously following them - reading, praying, ticking off my daily checklist of things to do, call an alcoholic, ninety in ninety etc etc and every time I drank I would hear: "oh, you're not committed, you're in denial, you aren't working the programme hard enough!". But I've realised that rigidly adopting the received wisdom of others isn't going to keep me sober, but rather the slow realisation that those relapses aren't even close to worth it - it also helps when the events themselves aren't all that enjoyable. And eventually you just think: jeez, I am fed up with this, I'm not even getting that cheap high and I have all this downside also? And so this recent run started and it's going to stay going. Friday was a good reality check.

Dee74

I didn't follow any recovery programme or method Briansy.

I just accepted that to live the life I wanted to live and be the person I wanted to be, I could no longer get drunk or high.

I did not immediately lose the desire to get wasted - but I did commit to doing everything else I could but get wasted.

Over time I changed and the desire to get wasted, or flirt around the edges of getting wasted, disappeared.

There was a part of me that wanted to reach that point of abstinence in increments too, but I knew if I did that I might never get sober, or stay that way.

It had to be one decision backed up by a lot of action. A lot of posting here to rat myself out, or to simply share the good advice I knew I was capable of.

Hesitating just let my inner addict back in on the conversation.

It was a hard few months but still worth it all these years later

D