Class of January 2020 PART 2
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,449
Someone else shared the same thing with me the other day....in a meeting....that they couldn't keep vanilla extract in the house anymore. And I also drank anything in the end, including whiskey which destroys me completely.
My dad was a big wig at GM (Holden) and he received a lot of alcohol gifts. And didn't drink. (Like maybe one drink on a Sat night with mum), and the bottles built up....when I started drinking I started stealing them. Really shameful memories.
I don't steal anything anymore. And I tell the truth. And I try to put good energy into the world....so I am learning to forgive myself.
I think we all can. xx
My dad was a big wig at GM (Holden) and he received a lot of alcohol gifts. And didn't drink. (Like maybe one drink on a Sat night with mum), and the bottles built up....when I started drinking I started stealing them. Really shameful memories.
I don't steal anything anymore. And I tell the truth. And I try to put good energy into the world....so I am learning to forgive myself.
I think we all can. xx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 268
Wastinglife...
Those blackouts sound absolutely terrifying. I have them, but I'm at home when it happens. According to family, my personality changes, and I become belligerant and combative. I have no memory of it at all.
I used to want to get sober because my friends and family said I should, to get them off my back. Now...I want to quit for me. I'm tired dealing with the fallout, tired of the anxiety, wasting valuable time and money. And seriously scared for my mental health, I have no doubt if I carry on like I was I will end up in an asylum.
Those blackouts sound absolutely terrifying. I have them, but I'm at home when it happens. According to family, my personality changes, and I become belligerant and combative. I have no memory of it at all.
I used to want to get sober because my friends and family said I should, to get them off my back. Now...I want to quit for me. I'm tired dealing with the fallout, tired of the anxiety, wasting valuable time and money. And seriously scared for my mental health, I have no doubt if I carry on like I was I will end up in an asylum.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 546
Originally Posted by NotTooSmart 
I don’t remember who it was but someone mentioned the liquor cabinet with only stuff they wouldn’t drink in it... and it brought back some memories.
When I have been at my very low points, there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t drink. My then partner had some scotch hidden away and I stumbled across it. I LOATHE scotch. I could barely hold it down. But... I wanted that ******* drink. I literally held my nose and threw it back.
There was a time I couldn’t keep vanilla in the house.
When I have been at my very low points, there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t drink. My then partner had some scotch hidden away and I stumbled across it. I LOATHE scotch. I could barely hold it down. But... I wanted that ******* drink. I literally held my nose and threw it back.
There was a time I couldn’t keep vanilla in the house.
(Part of) my problem is, I don't think there has ever been anything I wouldn't drink. Sure I had my (long list) of favorites, but, let's see, ... nope, I can't think of any type of beer, wine, spirits, cordials, etc. etc., where I would say anything like "Thank you, I would prefer not to."
Oh, that's right, here's the exception that proves the rule: One time, and one time only, (sometime between 1980 and 1993) when I was living with a certain roommate, after we hosted one of our dance parties, we ended up with a leftover 24-can case of Budweiser or some other watery so-called beer that neither the roomie nor I was interested in drinking (as long as there was something else in the house, which I made sure there always was).
So the case sat in the floor of the pantry for probably 2 years. Then one night I was home alone, it was probably after 11 p.m. so the local liquor store would have been closed, and I finished the last of whatever else had been in the house. Suddenly that case of Bud seemed to sparkle from under its coating of dust. I put a couple in the freezer and the rest in the refrigerator.
Gave it probably 3 minutes to cool down a little (hey, I was thirsty). Opened the first one. Totally skunked. (Is that just a U.S. term or universal English for beer that has spoiled? Smells like ... well guess.)
I tried the second coolish beer, same thing. I ended up pouring the entire case down the drain. And here, umpty-ump years later, I still lament the loss.
So as the t-shirt says:
No, I don't have a drinking problem.
I drink. I fall down. No problem!
Last edited by jr67; 01-15-2020 at 09:01 AM. Reason: correcting typo
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Colorado
Posts: 702
Checking in... 4 days sober (again). Last time I drank was 1/10/20. I think this is the 4th or 5th time I’ve quit. I’m a heavy binge drinker, and it’s taking a toll on my mental and physical health.
Last night I came clean to my husband. I told him about the times I “had a 24 hour bug” that it was really alcohol poisoning, and about my resting HR reaching 154 when I passed out from drinking last time. There are other horrible things I’ve done when drunk, but I didn’t feel I should tell him.
My plan this time is to hibernate. I keep going out with “drinking buddies”, thinking I can abstain while with them. Not true. When I have 1-2, it turns to 8-10 and I blackout every single time I drink now.
Anyway, today has been the first day my depression over my last drinking episode has started to subside. I’m looking forward to no more hangovers!
I hope everyone has a great day! ❤️
Last night I came clean to my husband. I told him about the times I “had a 24 hour bug” that it was really alcohol poisoning, and about my resting HR reaching 154 when I passed out from drinking last time. There are other horrible things I’ve done when drunk, but I didn’t feel I should tell him.
My plan this time is to hibernate. I keep going out with “drinking buddies”, thinking I can abstain while with them. Not true. When I have 1-2, it turns to 8-10 and I blackout every single time I drink now.
Anyway, today has been the first day my depression over my last drinking episode has started to subside. I’m looking forward to no more hangovers!
I hope everyone has a great day! ❤️
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Colorado
Posts: 702
Originally Posted by venuscat
Your new avatar reminds me of a pic I have of Venus. 
I was trying to find an avatar pic that didn’t look too much like the original Daisybelle.
Venus is a beauty! I love that pic with the flowers! I have two black cats... and two black dogs.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I was at an AA meeting early this morning and there was a young woman who brought her pet bunny. It struck me as odd because while people often bring their dogs, bunnies don't need to go for walks or outings.
She eventually spoke and I figured out why the bunny was there. She had relapsed and was going through withdrawal depression. She didn't mention the bunny but it was obviously a comfort to her. She talked about her loneliness etc. I knew exactly how she felt. I would love to have a pet around but I can't even take care of myself.....
She eventually spoke and I figured out why the bunny was there. She had relapsed and was going through withdrawal depression. She didn't mention the bunny but it was obviously a comfort to her. She talked about her loneliness etc. I knew exactly how she felt. I would love to have a pet around but I can't even take care of myself.....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: nope, nope, nope
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by venuscat
Someone else shared the same thing with me the other day....in a meeting....that they couldn't keep vanilla extract in the house anymore. And I also drank anything in the end, including whiskey which destroys me completely.
My dad was a big wig at GM (Holden) and he received a lot of alcohol gifts. And didn't drink. (Like maybe one drink on a Sat night with mum), and the bottles built up....when I started drinking I started stealing them. Really shameful memories.
I don't steal anything anymore. And I tell the truth. And I try to put good energy into the world....so I am learning to forgive myself.
I think we all can. xx
My dad was a big wig at GM (Holden) and he received a lot of alcohol gifts. And didn't drink. (Like maybe one drink on a Sat night with mum), and the bottles built up....when I started drinking I started stealing them. Really shameful memories.
I don't steal anything anymore. And I tell the truth. And I try to put good energy into the world....so I am learning to forgive myself.
I think we all can. xx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: nope, nope, nope
Posts: 63
On a more positive note, I spent the morning thoroughly cleaning out and organizing my pantry. The fact is I had allowed it to get, and stay, all jumbled up because it made for a good alcohol hiding space. Now it’s all sorted out. I can find anything in there! I feel like such a grownup 😁
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 456
Ginger lemon juice, does sound yummy Willow. That is one thing that I made important to myself yesterday when the AV spoke, and that was my sparkly berry water was far more refreshing than dehydrating wine.
silversky, I too am taking that leap of faith that those with a good about of sobriety know that it does get better, learning different ways of coping is what we need to do, that and changing our thinking.
imo. I know for me.
Maggie, I thought I was cold, this is summer compared to you!
Nice new profile picture venuscat.
Hello to everyone, the days are turning in to weeks now for some of you. I am at 12 days, actually starting to lose count, so that is a good sign.
Dee, I thought about this when I woke up. I read this on our last thread.
I was thinking Dee, my last long quit, I was avoiding life, and my problems I was having, therefore I went back to drinking. This quit I am facing my problems, on bad days, I am recuperating and gaining strength. I have a different mind set now, and it is survival, I have allowed myself to be a victim for to long. Life IS too good to waste. thank you always for your insight.
And thank you to all that are posting here, I think we are all learning something from everyone's posts.
silversky, I too am taking that leap of faith that those with a good about of sobriety know that it does get better, learning different ways of coping is what we need to do, that and changing our thinking.
imo. I know for me.
Maggie, I thought I was cold, this is summer compared to you!
Nice new profile picture venuscat.
Hello to everyone, the days are turning in to weeks now for some of you. I am at 12 days, actually starting to lose count, so that is a good sign.
Dee, I thought about this when I woke up. I read this on our last thread.
I think most people want to take it easy the first few weeks. Its called recovery for a reason - we've been through some serious stuff.
Only you can tell the difference from recuperation and taking it easy & isolation/avoiding life.
I hope you'll feel like venturing out soon and engaging with people tho - sober life is too good to waste
Only you can tell the difference from recuperation and taking it easy & isolation/avoiding life.
I hope you'll feel like venturing out soon and engaging with people tho - sober life is too good to waste
And thank you to all that are posting here, I think we are all learning something from everyone's posts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,449
I see you fighting this battle head-on this time dear time.
So much love.
And thank you....just wanted to see Venus tucked into bed again. 
s xx
(I lost my beautiful cat in 2016).
So much love.
And thank you....just wanted to see Venus tucked into bed again.
s xx(I lost my beautiful cat in 2016).
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Welcome DaisyBelle7
here's my take on the AV....
the AV has no arms or leg - it can't drive to the shop, and buy booze, it can't open the bottle, it can't throw the booze down my throat,
It needs my co-operation to do those things.
If I refuse to co-operate - there's nothing my AV can do about it...sure it can throw a tantrum but like any toddler, it will eventually tire itself out.
Whatever power the AV has we give it that power.
Refuse to
D
here's my take on the AV....
the AV has no arms or leg - it can't drive to the shop, and buy booze, it can't open the bottle, it can't throw the booze down my throat,
It needs my co-operation to do those things.
If I refuse to co-operate - there's nothing my AV can do about it...sure it can throw a tantrum but like any toddler, it will eventually tire itself out.
Whatever power the AV has we give it that power.
Refuse to
D
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Originally Posted by venuscat
I needed to find my way back to things I loved that made me feel good again.
I am very creative, like most of us it seems, and I began exploring those things.
I found out that I am a very good photographer and I now have two of my photos on the walls of our apartment on canvas....to be honest, I get a bit of a surprise still every time I walk into the loungeroom and see my huge sunrise on the wall: it is really amazing. And I did that. (somehow).
And my husband makes jewellery and has begun teaching me. And I love designing bracelets and earrings. Who'd a thunk? I used to admire people who did that and I knew I never would. But now I can and do.
I think it's easier to tell the negative thoughts to take a flying leap when we are doing stuff that builds our self-esteem. s
I am very creative, like most of us it seems, and I began exploring those things.
I found out that I am a very good photographer and I now have two of my photos on the walls of our apartment on canvas....to be honest, I get a bit of a surprise still every time I walk into the loungeroom and see my huge sunrise on the wall: it is really amazing. And I did that. (somehow
).And my husband makes jewellery and has begun teaching me. And I love designing bracelets and earrings. Who'd a thunk? I used to admire people who did that and I knew I never would. But now I can and do.
I think it's easier to tell the negative thoughts to take a flying leap when we are doing stuff that builds our self-esteem.
sThis is soooooo true ❤️
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
That’s 2 weeks JR, well done!
As for -37, how is it even possible to live there?
I hope it warms up for you soon MaggieMay
Welcome Daisybelle7
Venus looks gorgeous tucked up in bed Suze
Silversky I agree that journalling can be really helpful. Dumping all the crap in our brain onto paper to free up some space. Also yoga and breathing helps me.
Dee I love your take on the AV. A toddler! Mine throws tantrums quite regularly lol
and I’m getting better at ignoring them. If I can ignore the AV long enough, and call it out on its lies, it does tend to slink off in disgrace. I like to visualise it slinking away
I had over a year sober, then got tripped up by the AV and drank again. That was a mistake, but I’m learning from my mistakes. The AV is a big fat liar. I’m learning to ignore it’s tantrums, but it takes vigilance and practice. It does get easier and better the longer you’re sober and drinking really is just not worth it. I’m back on day 16, but I’m determined to get back up there again. The benefits of sobriety really are worth the effort in the early days (which are hard, but do get easier with time). One day at a time.
Time, like you said, about last time you quit for a long time, you were avoiding life, I was doing the same!
I stopped drinking for over a year, but I was merely existing. And I wasn’t really trying to address the underlying issues of why I was drinking. And I wasn’t really working on rediscovering things I enjoyed doing, or finding new things to enjoy. Not enthusiastically anyway, it was all halfhearted. And I wasn’t looking for those feeling “alive” moments like Geenie described walking along the waterfront. I was abstaining from drinking, and just existing.
This time, I’m more aware of what I need to do. Work on teasing out the stuff in my head that caused a sense of not being “enough“, work on my self-esteem, work on finding what brings me joy, look for experiences that give me a sense of being “alive”, connect with nature, connect with family and friends, and do more travelling, which I absolutely love and work on mindfulness, being present, and looking after my physical health as well as mental health, as they go hand in hand. Regular exercise, healthy nutritious foods, and lovely refreshing sparkling ginger and lemon drinks!
As for -37, how is it even possible to live there?
I hope it warms up for you soon MaggieMayWelcome Daisybelle7
Venus looks gorgeous tucked up in bed Suze
Silversky I agree that journalling can be really helpful. Dumping all the crap in our brain onto paper to free up some space. Also yoga and breathing helps me.
Dee I love your take on the AV. A toddler! Mine throws tantrums quite regularly lol
and I’m getting better at ignoring them. If I can ignore the AV long enough, and call it out on its lies, it does tend to slink off in disgrace. I like to visualise it slinking away I had over a year sober, then got tripped up by the AV and drank again. That was a mistake, but I’m learning from my mistakes. The AV is a big fat liar. I’m learning to ignore it’s tantrums, but it takes vigilance and practice. It does get easier and better the longer you’re sober and drinking really is just not worth it. I’m back on day 16, but I’m determined to get back up there again. The benefits of sobriety really are worth the effort in the early days (which are hard, but do get easier with time). One day at a time.
Time, like you said, about last time you quit for a long time, you were avoiding life, I was doing the same!
I stopped drinking for over a year, but I was merely existing. And I wasn’t really trying to address the underlying issues of why I was drinking. And I wasn’t really working on rediscovering things I enjoyed doing, or finding new things to enjoy. Not enthusiastically anyway, it was all halfhearted. And I wasn’t looking for those feeling “alive” moments like Geenie described walking along the waterfront. I was abstaining from drinking, and just existing.
This time, I’m more aware of what I need to do. Work on teasing out the stuff in my head that caused a sense of not being “enough“, work on my self-esteem, work on finding what brings me joy, look for experiences that give me a sense of being “alive”, connect with nature, connect with family and friends, and do more travelling, which I absolutely love
and work on mindfulness, being present, and looking after my physical health as well as mental health, as they go hand in hand. Regular exercise, healthy nutritious foods, and lovely refreshing sparkling ginger and lemon drinks!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 43
Jumping in mid-month
Hi all, out of detox a few days ago, now on Day 10, would like to join the Januarians! Detox in hospital was so much easier for me than the miserable unsuccessful struggling I had been doing at home for many many months. A little shaky but feeling good, so happy to have gotten through the first 10 days!
Free at last!
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 52
Morning all from the UK and welcome Daisybelle7 and Sunnyday13.
Where ever you are on your journey, this is a great place to find help to stay on course!
Having gone pass the 2 week stage I am seeing marked improvements in myself.
Puffiness in face has gone. Redness in face is fading as is the redness at the end of my nose which I hated, and was a real give away to my drinking! Eyes are brighter.
Instead of a good 7 months I know look about 4 months pregnant with regard my bloated middle. Craving a lot of sweet things as expected and eating a lot more...….probably due to boredom at times.
Sleeping better but still some way to go to achieve a full nights sleep. Alcohol has stopped me sleeping properly for years so not expecting a quick fix on this, just glad it is going in the right direction.
I also have the foggy head at times when I can't motivate myself to do something, but I remember this from previous attempts so telling myself it will get better. Overall more energy and pleased to be here starting day 16!
Where ever you are on your journey, this is a great place to find help to stay on course!
Having gone pass the 2 week stage I am seeing marked improvements in myself.
Puffiness in face has gone. Redness in face is fading as is the redness at the end of my nose which I hated, and was a real give away to my drinking! Eyes are brighter.
Instead of a good 7 months I know look about 4 months pregnant with regard my bloated middle. Craving a lot of sweet things as expected and eating a lot more...….probably due to boredom at times.
Sleeping better but still some way to go to achieve a full nights sleep. Alcohol has stopped me sleeping properly for years so not expecting a quick fix on this, just glad it is going in the right direction.
I also have the foggy head at times when I can't motivate myself to do something, but I remember this from previous attempts so telling myself it will get better. Overall more energy and pleased to be here starting day 16!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 546
Originally Posted by Sunnyday13
Hi all, out of detox a few days ago, now on Day 10, would like to join the Januarians! Detox in hospital was so much easier for me than the miserable unsuccessful struggling I had been doing at home for many many months. A little shaky but feeling good, so happy to have gotten through the first 10 days!
You've come to the right place. One of them, at least. So I have found, since I found this place (SR), let's see, 10 days ago, on my Day 5. And look at that, I just woke up from a little nap, and I am now an hour-plus into my Day 15. Good for me! And you!
You will find, we will find, an amazing support system here, part of our array of tools to keep making it one more day.
May I ask what other right places do you have, or do you have in mind to develop over time? I mean, do you have other components of a support system? Family and friends? Stable home environment? Employment? All of the above? None of the above?
Feel free to answer all, or none, of these questions right now. There is time.
For the present go easy on yourself (and it is always the present).
Free at last!
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Willow68
Finishing up day 15 and drinking ginger lemon juice, yummy
Grapefruit and Ginger Spritzer
1 part grapefruit juice
2 part ginger ale/beer
Mix above and add to a tall (hi ball) glass with ice cubes, some mint leaves and orange slice.
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