Class of July 2013 Part 60
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Free
Posts: 902
Thanks SW
My friends. I have had a horrible revelation today about my son. We had the falling out last Xmas and not much contact this year. We’d made some slight headway but had a run in a few weeks ago, where I ended up saying, look no contact unless we go see a counsellor together. He said “he’d think about it”.
i felt at least it was a bridge offered so I could understand what the deeper issue was.
OMG.
He told my daughter in front of my ex husband and his new gf that I’ve never met that I called him and was abusing him for hours and I WAS DRUNK!!!!
i am not even joking. And my daughter said no, mum hasn’t had a drink in years. And he proceeded to tell her there were cartons of wine everywhere at the home I shared with my recent partner and I’d been drinking all along!!!!!
I was gobsmacked and devastated. (My recent partner had some stupid wine subscription and he rarely drank and they stacked up before he ended up canceling the subscription) I can’t even tell you much more than it’s horrible, how could he even begin to believe this lie? And want to create this lie?
My daughter was wonderful and she said, Mum, there are people who just can’t stand other people getting up and doing better. It suits people when you stay on the ground.
it is starting to make sense. He’s caused problems the past two Christmases, like he NEEDS drama to thrive.
I told my daughter I never want contact with my son again. How can I deal with poison coming from my own child? It’s the most horrifying thought, any of my children lying, but here he is, having been to rehab himself ( I found out), saying that I’m still drinking.
you guys know how hard I’ve worked and I’m nearly at 5 years sober. And he’s not seen me drunk for 7 years! It was a gut punch.
My friends. I have had a horrible revelation today about my son. We had the falling out last Xmas and not much contact this year. We’d made some slight headway but had a run in a few weeks ago, where I ended up saying, look no contact unless we go see a counsellor together. He said “he’d think about it”.
i felt at least it was a bridge offered so I could understand what the deeper issue was.
OMG.
He told my daughter in front of my ex husband and his new gf that I’ve never met that I called him and was abusing him for hours and I WAS DRUNK!!!!
i am not even joking. And my daughter said no, mum hasn’t had a drink in years. And he proceeded to tell her there were cartons of wine everywhere at the home I shared with my recent partner and I’d been drinking all along!!!!!
I was gobsmacked and devastated. (My recent partner had some stupid wine subscription and he rarely drank and they stacked up before he ended up canceling the subscription) I can’t even tell you much more than it’s horrible, how could he even begin to believe this lie? And want to create this lie?
My daughter was wonderful and she said, Mum, there are people who just can’t stand other people getting up and doing better. It suits people when you stay on the ground.
it is starting to make sense. He’s caused problems the past two Christmases, like he NEEDS drama to thrive.
I told my daughter I never want contact with my son again. How can I deal with poison coming from my own child? It’s the most horrifying thought, any of my children lying, but here he is, having been to rehab himself ( I found out), saying that I’m still drinking.
you guys know how hard I’ve worked and I’m nearly at 5 years sober. And he’s not seen me drunk for 7 years! It was a gut punch.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Don't know what to say CW 
idk the full story but from what you shared it sounds like he saw the wine and made up his own version of events which obviously hit like a gut punch as it would anyone
The best advice I got is give it a little time I'm sure you or your daughter have informed that isn't the case and your ex should believe your daughter if he chooses not to believe you and the son but once the initial hoohaa they make of it dies down I'm sure your 5+ years will show the mistake they have made
What not to do is get worked up over what old ex family members think of you I used to do that a ton but it served no purpose and really the best thing I done in a similar situation recently was to finally cut them off there is other f'd up reasons too that if I even think about honey I could go nuclear about but this is where D's words have always helped me albeit taking a while getting through my thick wooden head
Best just to let them think what they want as thier going to anyway
Sorry this is happening CW x
idk the full story but from what you shared it sounds like he saw the wine and made up his own version of events which obviously hit like a gut punch as it would anyoneThe best advice I got is give it a little time I'm sure you or your daughter have informed that isn't the case and your ex should believe your daughter if he chooses not to believe you and the son but once the initial hoohaa they make of it dies down I'm sure your 5+ years will show the mistake they have made
What not to do is get worked up over what old ex family members think of you I used to do that a ton but it served no purpose and really the best thing I done in a similar situation recently was to finally cut them off there is other f'd up reasons too that if I even think about honey I could go nuclear about but this is where D's words have always helped me albeit taking a while getting through my thick wooden head
Best just to let them think what they want as thier going to anyway
Sorry this is happening CW x
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
CW, You know you’re sober. You know you have drank for nearly five years.
That’s what is important.
He seems to want to cause some trouble and straight away your daughter said you hadn’t drank for years! Fizzled out his lie.
You know you’re sober. You know you have drank for nearly five years. That’s what is important.
He seems to want to cause some trouble and straight away your daughter said you hadn’t drank for years! Fizzled out his lie.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Free
Posts: 902
Thanks everyone. And yes, I know the best thing is to not get involved or try to defend myself. I’m in no way concerned what my ex thinks, he has his own issues but we get on fine now, my daughter said he was puzzled about the rant from my son too.
my daughter thinks that my son is trying to justify to his new girlfriend why he doesn’t talk to his mum, so it’s easier to demonise me, than admit he’s been causing trouble.
At first, when I got sober, I knew I couldn’t expect roses and sweetness and light from my kids, even though my worst drinking years were when he’d left home and I lived interstate. I knew some dysfunction was there though and I couldn’t just expect them to believe I’d stay sober in the beginning. My son would not have seen me drink in 8 years!
My daughter nailed it, when she said, people want you to stay down. It makes excuses for him having a drug problem and not succeeding at life. And I thought that was very insightful of her.
So, it suits my son to continue the “my Mum is an alcoholic” line. The irony is - and I’m not saying it’s great, is that I did maintain a reasonable income and Single handedly funded my kids upbringing from the time my son was 8, and didn’t even drink at home regularly til he was about 16/17! My extreme drinking was 6 years period, after he’d moved out - most of which I was interstate in Sydney for! My kids never saw violence or horrific things, and I’m not downplaying my drinking, because it would have been frustrating for them for sure, but to continue it on way past the period I even drank for is ridiculous!
As in, I’ve been committed to sobriety now longer than the bad period of drinking even existed in our lives!
sorry I just have to get it off my chest.
my daughter thinks that my son is trying to justify to his new girlfriend why he doesn’t talk to his mum, so it’s easier to demonise me, than admit he’s been causing trouble.
At first, when I got sober, I knew I couldn’t expect roses and sweetness and light from my kids, even though my worst drinking years were when he’d left home and I lived interstate. I knew some dysfunction was there though and I couldn’t just expect them to believe I’d stay sober in the beginning. My son would not have seen me drink in 8 years!
My daughter nailed it, when she said, people want you to stay down. It makes excuses for him having a drug problem and not succeeding at life. And I thought that was very insightful of her.
So, it suits my son to continue the “my Mum is an alcoholic” line. The irony is - and I’m not saying it’s great, is that I did maintain a reasonable income and Single handedly funded my kids upbringing from the time my son was 8, and didn’t even drink at home regularly til he was about 16/17! My extreme drinking was 6 years period, after he’d moved out - most of which I was interstate in Sydney for! My kids never saw violence or horrific things, and I’m not downplaying my drinking, because it would have been frustrating for them for sure, but to continue it on way past the period I even drank for is ridiculous!
As in, I’ve been committed to sobriety now longer than the bad period of drinking even existed in our lives!
sorry I just have to get it off my chest.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Bloody hell Crois !!! You must have been gobsmacked, hurt , incredulous,angry & every other emotion that fits this scenario. What a little **** 
The immediate thing i would have thought was omg ...how do i justify myself? Its been 5 years ! What a liar ! I hope noone believes it! I better let everyone know im not drinking again.
I cant tell you how much anger i feel for him in this post.
It brought back my own feelings of my son who i am now estranged from for 3 years.
But let me tell you this. They have been 3 peaceful years. As you know, i was devastated as his partner was the main cause of our troubles, always holding me back from seeing my grandchildren.
I did what you said and bought myself a journal and have been writing to Ryleigh In it ever since. ( thank you )
My last incident with my son was when he kicked my front door in and dented my car. I dont know what he was on but it was bad.
Your son seems to sabotage your relationship with him. Its 1 step forward then 2 steps back.
You dont have to justify yoursekf to ANYBODY. You cant change how other people think of you.
You have a very intelligent daughter in your corner who will right this wrong, so let it play out that way.
Im so, so very proud of the hard work you have put into your 5 years and have encouraged and helped all of us.
WE know who you are and how true to yourself you are xx
Im trying desperately hard not to fill this post with expletives as im so angry for you. My heart is racing and i need to go and have a coffee.
Im thinking he wont want counselling as he seems to thrive on a bit of drama. So be it. Youve offered it, dont offer it again. Let him stew in his own juices for a while cos he knows how pissssed youre gonna be about this.
Im really feeling for you, but try to let it pass. This issue is by far ALL about him and not you . Dont worry about what the gf thinks and what he has told her.
You cant control that.
Just be your lovely self because this is HIS issue , NOT yours sweetheart.
Give your daughter a big hug, shes awesome .
Love you lots
Let it go
But l
The immediate thing i would have thought was omg ...how do i justify myself? Its been 5 years ! What a liar ! I hope noone believes it! I better let everyone know im not drinking again.
I cant tell you how much anger i feel for him in this post.
It brought back my own feelings of my son who i am now estranged from for 3 years.
But let me tell you this. They have been 3 peaceful years. As you know, i was devastated as his partner was the main cause of our troubles, always holding me back from seeing my grandchildren.
I did what you said and bought myself a journal and have been writing to Ryleigh In it ever since. ( thank you )
My last incident with my son was when he kicked my front door in and dented my car. I dont know what he was on but it was bad.
Your son seems to sabotage your relationship with him. Its 1 step forward then 2 steps back.
You dont have to justify yoursekf to ANYBODY. You cant change how other people think of you.
You have a very intelligent daughter in your corner who will right this wrong, so let it play out that way.
Im so, so very proud of the hard work you have put into your 5 years and have encouraged and helped all of us.
WE know who you are and how true to yourself you are xx
Im trying desperately hard not to fill this post with expletives as im so angry for you. My heart is racing and i need to go and have a coffee.
Im thinking he wont want counselling as he seems to thrive on a bit of drama. So be it. Youve offered it, dont offer it again. Let him stew in his own juices for a while cos he knows how pissssed youre gonna be about this.
Im really feeling for you, but try to let it pass. This issue is by far ALL about him and not you . Dont worry about what the gf thinks and what he has told her.
You cant control that.
Just be your lovely self because this is HIS issue , NOT yours sweetheart.
Give your daughter a big hug, shes awesome .
Love you lots
Let it go
But l
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Free
Posts: 902
Thanks Dee. I appreciate your support too.
Snooz, I know, I did think of what you’ve been through with your son, and I felt your support in your post. Thank you.
I’m grateful I’m so strong in my sobriety now. Years and years ago, a comment like that would make me think momentarily, “well I’m copping the punishment for it, I may as well drink anyway”, or feel guilt and shame for the time I drank.
If anything, the words my daughter said touched me so deeply that it counterbalanced the heinous behaviour of my son. She acknowledged that she’d seen me work so hard and been good to them. And that she said, when you get better it leaves people with no excuse when they are not doing well in their life.
Yes Snooz, I will tell her your words.
and thanks for being a support too. I said this not long ago, but I’m so grateful for this site and just knowing that you all understand and share so openly your own struggles and family issues - like you too SW. It helped to hear your family struggles too.
Im much better than I was yesterday and thank you all for helping me to get it off my chest.
like you said, Snooz. It will be no contact at all now. It’s sad, but yes, I fear violence at some point too and once trust is broken, and on top of that - lies. I can’t deal with that.
love to all.xx
Snooz, I know, I did think of what you’ve been through with your son, and I felt your support in your post. Thank you.
I’m grateful I’m so strong in my sobriety now. Years and years ago, a comment like that would make me think momentarily, “well I’m copping the punishment for it, I may as well drink anyway”, or feel guilt and shame for the time I drank.
If anything, the words my daughter said touched me so deeply that it counterbalanced the heinous behaviour of my son. She acknowledged that she’d seen me work so hard and been good to them. And that she said, when you get better it leaves people with no excuse when they are not doing well in their life.
Yes Snooz, I will tell her your words.
and thanks for being a support too. I said this not long ago, but I’m so grateful for this site and just knowing that you all understand and share so openly your own struggles and family issues - like you too SW. It helped to hear your family struggles too.Im much better than I was yesterday and thank you all for helping me to get it off my chest.
like you said, Snooz. It will be no contact at all now. It’s sad, but yes, I fear violence at some point too and once trust is broken, and on top of that - lies. I can’t deal with that.
love to all.xx
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
Morning Julyers
CW, I think I was on the attack when I read your post and I apologise. Having a father who drank heavily, was the proverbial Jekyll and Hyde, the drunken dad memories reared as I was reading. I didn’t realise until later. I went black and white in my thoughts.
Getting sober is the best thing we have done firstly for ourselves and secondly for family and friends.
We none of us can change our past and yes, people may remember us how we was, we can’t stop that. What we can do is stay sober and be accountable for our actions. Life is so much better sober.
CW, I think I was on the attack when I read your post and I apologise.
Having a father who drank heavily, was the proverbial Jekyll and Hyde, the drunken dad memories reared as I was reading. I didn’t realise until later. I went black and white in my thoughts. Getting sober is the best thing we have done firstly for ourselves and secondly for family and friends.
We none of us can change our past and yes, people may remember us how we was, we can’t stop that. What we can do is stay sober and be accountable for our actions. Life is so much better sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Mags, there was nothing wrong with your post.
You are supportive of everyone and we ALL appreciate you opinion.
Youre an Angel, ive never heard you say a bad word about anyone
Also, thanks for directing me to Dees Austalian bushfires page. Xxx
Xxxx
You are supportive of everyone and we ALL appreciate you opinion.
Youre an Angel, ive never heard you say a bad word about anyone
Also, thanks for directing me to Dees Austalian bushfires page. Xxx
Xxxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Free
Posts: 902
Mags I didn’t see any of that in your post. xx
in fact - not to justify that I was somehow less damaging to my kids than my mum, but I feel, I think like you, that a Jekyll and Hyde home life is horrible as a child. And even my daughter said that. That they were cared for and looked after, it was more, why is she drinking so much?
In fact I probably went more to the hey let’s all be happy drunk stage when they were around and I was drinking to hide it was a problem. The sad ugly side reared in Sydney and they were not exposed to that.
my sons behaviour is baffling and has more to do with HIS addiction issues than mine at this point in his life.
in fact - not to justify that I was somehow less damaging to my kids than my mum, but I feel, I think like you, that a Jekyll and Hyde home life is horrible as a child. And even my daughter said that. That they were cared for and looked after, it was more, why is she drinking so much?
In fact I probably went more to the hey let’s all be happy drunk stage when they were around and I was drinking to hide it was a problem. The sad ugly side reared in Sydney and they were not exposed to that.
my sons behaviour is baffling and has more to do with HIS addiction issues than mine at this point in his life.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Well.. that's the gas engineer off on his way .. managed to fix the boiler turning on whenever it wants to and asked do you realise you do not have a combi boiler I replied yes I know he then said you can't control the water temperature via the dial he showed me on the boiler and that was something Mrs SW suspected but I'm not touching a boiler not knowing what I'm doing no thanks
I forgot about the apt too so them just turning up for one is awesome and on time !!!
I forgot about the apt too so them just turning up for one is awesome and on time !!!
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
Thanks Snoozy, pleased you found the Australia thread. x
CW, thanks too. x , I, for some reason when I was a kid, made myself the protector of the family from my dad when he was drunk. Crazy really. I goaded him so he would leave my mum alone. I probably made things much worse but in my young mind I thought I was helping.
My dad slowed down his drinking when he married his new wife (after my mum passed) and he was a lovely man sober.
Seeing how alcohol made my dad you’d think I would’ve left it alone but I did the opposite. At the time it gave me well needed confidence and escapism. Little did I realize it would take hold and I’d become addicted.
Thankfully that’s behind me me and us all.
xCW, thanks too. x , I, for some reason when I was a kid, made myself the protector of the family from my dad when he was drunk. Crazy really. I goaded him so he would leave my mum alone. I probably made things much worse but in my young mind I thought I was helping.
My dad slowed down his drinking when he married his new wife (after my mum passed) and he was a lovely man sober.
Seeing how alcohol made my dad you’d think I would’ve left it alone but I did the opposite. At the time it gave me well needed confidence and escapism. Little did I realize it would take hold and I’d become addicted.
Thankfully that’s behind me me and us all.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Free
Posts: 902
Yes well same for me. I think that’s why I sold myself the dream that because I was a “happy drunk”, there was no issue with alcohol. I just liked to be happy and merry. In fact I didn’t drink at all until I was around 32. Before that 1 a year on Xmas day.
that’s what’s annoying about my son, honestly alcoholic drinking didn’t hit til late 30s and he was practically out the door by then.
that’s what’s annoying about my son, honestly alcoholic drinking didn’t hit til late 30s and he was practically out the door by then.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
Hiya Julyers
So true PJ.
I’m going for my appointment with the immunologist later this morning. I’m hoping he can iron out the blood problems, which then causes skin problems. Fingers Crossed
Have a good day, see you later. x
So true PJ.
I’m going for my appointment with the immunologist later this morning. I’m hoping he can iron out the blood problems, which then causes skin problems. Fingers Crossed
Have a good day, see you later. x
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