Santi27

Hi everybody,

It's Saturday morning here in Madrid and quite a fresh start here to the day at 7ºc, but at least the cold snap we've had seems to have ended.

I've had a good week and haven't been drunk. That's the good news, but I have drunk which is something I don't want to do. On Tuesday I had a glass of sherry, on Wednesday two glasses of wine and last night 3 glasses of wine. That in itself isn't a problem. The problem is that I've been in this situation before. I give up alcohol and then manage to persuade myself that if I can go without it for a chunk of time then I'm ok. I then start drinking again without any problems and then one night I go too far and get out of control drunk.

The whole process is tiring. At the theatre on Tuesday I couldn't enjoy the performance properly as I was thinking about whether or not I was going to drink later. When I left, I had one drink and then went home, so no problem. But in reality I'm playing Russian roulette.

On Tuesday I have an appointment with the doctor at the abuse clinic and I'm going to talk to him about Antabuse. I need a break from these eternal conversations I have with myself almost on a daily basis of "should I or shouldn't I risk drinking today? " and then when I'm in a bar "Ok, this is has to be the last one you order and then go home." Over the last couple of weeks this has worked and I haven't been drunk, but it's exhausting. Antabuse will bypass that process as the question won't exist, I just won't be able to drink.

That will be the first stage. I then need to continue with individual and group therapy to figure out how I can build a life in which alcohol isn't a problem. I need to work on how to deal with my compulsive behaviour. This doesn't just manifest itself in my drinking, but in many other things that I do. I love going to the theatre for example, and last week I went 6 times. I don't do anything in moderation and while this doesn't cause any big problems in most areas, with alcohol it's a massive problem.

Talking about group therapy, it was something that I had always ruled out, but I've tried it and it's going really well. So I want to urge everyone to try any option available to see if it works for you.

Have a great weekend everyone. I'm sorry that I haven't commented about people individually, I just needed to get the above off my chest. I am reading all of your comments and I really hope that everyone finds the method that works best for them and finds the route that helps them to achieve their goal and solve once and for all this awful problem that all of us here unfortunately share.

Dee74

Hi Santi

I'm glad that you're seeing your doctor - for a long time I counted drinking and not getting drunk as a win - but the reality was I was continuing to do something I knew I shouldn't be doing, something I wished with all my heart I could stop.

D

Red78

So I have to eat my words from yesterday to sweeti and come crawling back, tonight I had a drink but I'm not drunk, just read Dees post on newcomers forums - at least I didn't get drunk..
It's was such a beautiful day and I struggled with the AV ALL day long and I resisted and resisted and then I didn't 😔 but i will not give up, I will keep on trying and start over tomorrow..

Dee74

I'm glad you came right back Red - what do you think stopped you from posting before you drank tho?

D

Red78

I let it get too far along in the day, I didn't actually think I was gonna cave but by the time I got home I already had the booze..

Dee74

Yeah it's hard when you're circling the drain all day.

I had to make a strategy for that....for me that was making some time to get on SR...I had to make a commitment to myself that I'd post (and read) here before I drank - no matter where I was, or whether I already had the booze or not.

The earlier I acted the less I wavered.

Sometimes I was glad I did right away, and other times I was pissed off not drinking, or at not being 'able' to drink...

but I was always ALWAYS glad later

D

Santi27

Thanks Dee. I'm attending an addiction clinic that has doctors, therapists and psychiatrists too, so I'm getting a fully blended treatment. I'm very lucky to have this facility where I live, especially as it's available free on the Spanish public health system.

It's been a long process, first I ignored the problem, then I accepted it but chose to do nothing about it and now I've chosen to do something about it but am still looking for the treatment that works for me.

JimiC

That's very helpful Dee, thank you. I remember the analogy that AV will come, but don't serve it tea. Quickly show it out the back door.

Thanks for the info on the broccoli salad recipe soberbythesea. I looked it up and it sounds like a winner

I'm off to a 5k Turkey Trot, my daughter is running with some friends. Temperature is in the 30's so I'm going to layer up!

venuscat

Hi dear Peanut. s

I remember being so overwhelmed by the forums when I joined SR....I had never been on a forum site before and there are just so many threads....

Any hints or help you need just yell out. s

Maybe when you are ready you can have a chat with your husband....maybe he will take some time off booze in solidarity. Or maybe just drink less. I know that would be just so hard to deal with. s xx

venuscat

I am jealous. xx

venuscat

I need to go and find Dee's post in NC that you mentioned Red. s

Not getting drunk definitely is a plus, but today is going to be even better dear Red. s ❤️


Santi ~ I think it is fantastic that you are able to clearly identify the compulsive actions....and your plan sounds great. I think you are going to find wonderful help here because you are so open to it. ❤️

taplow

This is my 35th day today. It's been very easy and the reason for that is no matter what, I finished drinking forever on day 1. If I had any internal argument about it then I would have given in as I always do. But now drinking is nothing to do with me. No matter what happens, I won't drink. I'm not going to really try this time because really trying admits the possibility, and there is no possiblity. There's no effort required here as the battle's been won.
I can tell myself that I can't drink, but that's a lie, of course I can. I just won't. It's not my choice. It's not to be debated. There's no longer hope or effort or luck involved. I'm not going to rely on circumstances to see me through. It doesn't matter how bad things are, the fact is I don't/won't drink. Anything less than that clear statement would mean that somewhere inside me I am keeping drinking alive as an option, and if I'm doing that then I'm already preparing to drink again.
I hope you can find something that works for you as well as this position works for me.

It doesn't matter what you have achieved in life, you'll never be taken seriously if you insist on wearing a pantomime horse's head.
And no matter how beautiful a woman may be, it will all count for nothing if she has an overpowering smell of urine.


Best wishes everyone.

soberbythesea

Good morning all, awake and happy to be on DAY 21! My last drink was three weeks ago.

I went to Target early this morning to pick up some cooking stuff and am now knee deep in mashed potatoes, stuffing and pumpkin cheesecake. I'm trying to finish it all by around 1pm and head up to bf's apartment as apparently there is a holiday party he wants us to stop by later this afternoon (that he rsvp'd for both of us for awhile back and never told me about... sigh lol.) I'm not going to allow myself to get stressed out, whatever happens. It will all be fine. Dinner tonight with him and some friends, then more cooking and the party tomorrow.

I feel good but am very aware of the possibility for stress and wanting to drink in this situation... which is why I'm managing my mental state carefully, taking breaks to sit down and read here, and determined not to stress or rush. If I run late then I run late, I am doing pretty much all the work for this party tomorrow so really he's just going to have to be understanding and work around me.

Also heating up some breakfast now as I have a bad habit of forgetting to take breaks to eat when I'm cooking a lot of stuff like this.

I'll keep checking back here and won't drink. There is no way I'm losing three whole weeks, no matter what happens. If I feel tempted I will post here.

Talk to everyone later. x

Anotherexcuse

Tap, great job on 35 days. I like that attitude of eliminating possibilities. This is how I am and there is no compromise.
SBTS, Congrats on 3 weeks. I am on day 19 and ready for the holidays. It sounds like you have a good plan and a handle on everything. Your cooking sounds amazing. I hope you don't mind if I stop by for leftovers.(LOL)

Well it looks like a couple of my co-workers gave me an early Christmas present. I have caught a bit of a head cold so I will be laying low.

Hoping that everyone's day goes well.

JimiC

Great post taplow, I wish it was easy for me to say forever. AV is perking up today and says let's just drink only on Saturdays

Citrus

Good morning all.
My son just finished his nationals run just a bit ago. He put up a good time and I am so very proud of him. I really wished I could have been there to cheer him on. So glad for online results! He texted and is feeling good after, so that's a relief. I've seen many a kid go down after a grueling race. He is now cheering on his two "little brothers".
My yongest goes to a Birthday party/sleep over here in a bit. My daughter will be headed to work until the morning. It is going to be a quiet house! We may take the middle to do something fun tonight, I'm sure he will like alone time with just Mom and Dad.

Day 40 here. I am super happy about that. My body is feeling better every day that I don't put poison in it!

Citrus

Stick close and don't give in. A hangover free Sunday morning sounds better than a sloppy drunk Saturday night to me!

Itispossible

This group reccomend I read The Naked Mind. Best decision!! It's about making a shift from I can't drink to I don't want to drink. I'm not very far in the book but it's already empowering. Thinking about you friend.

taplow

With regard to my post above, apologies for the irrelevant last bit. Sometimes something comes into my head and I just have to write it down.
I mean the rest of it though.

Itispossible

Now I need to make sure I don't smell like urine. 😂