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Class of July 2019 Part 4

Old 10-17-2019, 06:38 AM
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Morning everyone.

Well, I'm glad to report that the meeting last night was loads better than the previous one. Assistant wasn't there and it was a real SMART meeting. The facilitator passed out the ?reminder? sheets. Each person said something about Successes, Setbacks, Upcoming challenges, and what they would do in the next week to further their progress toward what's important to them.

Then an appropriate a SMART tool was passed out and worked through. It was more structured than the other meetings I go to but that was actually great. My SMART/ACT evaluation is that the meeting was both useful and helpful and I will be going back.

At the meeting last night I said in the coming week that I want to set aside time each day to read and exercise - two things that I've not been doing that I used to enjoy and that benefit me.

At the meeting last night something came up at least twice. We have to consider ourself most important. Otherwise we can't take care of ourselves and be the best we can be for others that we love. If we are at the bottom of the importance heap we can easily say "I'm not important so what does it matter if I drink (or do whatever DOC). I'm not hurting anyone but me". And that's wrong. If we are the most important we have to be strong and sober because the loved ones depend on us and so we can help and support them as we are able. In addition, doing everything for everyone breeds resentment and gives us an excuse to feel justified indulging.

It rained hard all night and is still raining. Very windy too. I do have things to take care of (even though I got all the kitchen mess handled yesterday). Toilet flush handle broke - YES!!! I have hated the way that thing wobbled. Now I can run to the big box hardware that has lots of options and get a good one. In the bad old days I would have been grumbled and would have used that as an excuse to grab a bottle. Ha, nope, nope, nope!!! Funny how, when you change your perspective, you can turn a negative into a positive. Instead of "Now I have to fix the damn thing" it's "Now I can finally get that damn thing fixed" and feel satisfied and rewarded at getting that done.

Enough babble from me. You all have a happy thursday (or whatever day it is where you are). And remember to treat yourself well. You are so worth it.
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Old 10-17-2019, 06:50 AM
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And taking care of yourself because you are important promotes self-love, so that's another plus.

Have a great day Charon. ❤️
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Old 10-17-2019, 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Charon View Post
Today a message popped up on the computer from my electronic calendar "D-day" - meaning decision day. I put it in a long time ago. It was to remind me that if I wanted to drink while on my drive trip I should quit antabuse today. Fat chance. It did give me a chuckle though. No way I'm stopping antabuse. No way I'm ruining my dive trip by being stupid and repeating past actions. Nope, nope, nope.
.
it is clear that many relapses are 'planned' but I don't think most of us plan them with a pre-set message There is no way I would have just forgotten about this 'D-day'.

Really happy you did not cave in.

I had another short trip. Ireland, this time. It was difficult. Trips are very difficult. Everything seems to remind me about drinking. It is a constant temptation: Airport/Plane/Hotel/Drinks and dinner with colleagues that I can't avoid. Nobody was actively offering me alcohol, so it comes from inside me (like always) but at times it feels like it is the environment inviting me to fail.

Anyway, I remained sober. I am back and happy to have made it again through this challenge. As tough as it was, I feel it is becoming easier. I am developing my own new routines around work trips and usual locations. I was waiting at a train station yesterday and the thought of having a beer/wine did not even crossed my mind. I only noticed afterwards that I had stayed away from the bar/cafe and just walked around the station observing people and checking the board to understand better the possible destinations.
Hope you are all ready for a very nice and sober WE
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Old 10-18-2019, 05:34 AM
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As I have built up sober time, I have noticed that I see train stations and airports etc differently now. I also used to feel that the entire setup was "inviting me to fail' as you said. But now....now I look around and see the people who aren't drinking.....they look fabulous after a 14-hr flight. They are excited to go go go rather than desperate to get to the hotel to eat and sleep. They are the happy people, travellers enjoying themselves, whether it's a work trip or a vacation.

I am proud to have joined that group....not that I look great after a 14-hr flight mind. s
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Old 10-18-2019, 06:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Lucinda2 View Post
Now, this is interesting BackandScared because there was a lot of poverty when I was growing up and I don't remember anyone drinking much either. High days and holidays and then only a small lager & lime. My own drinking only took off later in life when I started getting more affluent and mixing with different people for whom drinking seems to be a total way of life; theatre = booze, cinema = booze, dog walks = boozy pub lunches, dinner parties = **** faced. Since when did going to the cinema get to be about getting wasted??? It used to be about popcorn and cola. I think it was when we got to a ripe old middle-age where we could afford the executive lounge.

But you are right we are going to do what we are going to do regardless of what our friends are doing. It seems once that line is crossed everything changes.
I can still not afford the executive lounge. I travel a bit with work, but still only economy. Almost grateful. I am sure I would have only seen it as a source of free booze.

Wishing you a very nice WE Lucinda. This will be my 14th Sunday sober!!
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Old 10-18-2019, 06:44 AM
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Morning.

Back, glad you were successful. I know what you mean. It seems like everything is plotting against us. But like Venus said, looking carefully in most places that aren't specifically where people go to get trashed, most are not drinking and are in much better shape (not tired & dragged out).

Back when I was still drinking, having my wife go away was a huge trigger and I would never be able to abstain. In fact, it was a time when I would completely go off the rails and end up detoxing the day she was coming back. Those days are gone and it is so much better and such a happier place - for both of us.

My wife is returning from a ten day trip today and I am most happy that not only have I not had any alcohol and am I not hung over, but the house is in good order, and the only thing I plan to do today before grabbing her up from the airport is to put up some welcome home signs (already done), run to get some gellato for her, and buy some roses and get them in a vase. I bought a cute card a few days after she left, so that's already done.

Hope everyone has a successful start to the weekend, a terrific and sober time over the weekend, and that you all find something awsome in your life and environment to enjoy.
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Old 10-18-2019, 08:55 AM
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What a nice thing to do Charon. Sometimes we really miss our partners/appreciate their presence, companionship, etc. but fail to express it. She is going to be very touched by your small gestures (apart from the massive one of being sober and totally present for her on arrival; I am sure she was worried about this trip too).

It is true that most people don't drink alcohol as we do. And when they do, they are not a happy sight. I have never considered drinking alone 'normal'. I think being a woman it is easier to see it is not normal. To date, I can't imagine my mother going inside a cafe alone to drink a tea, let alone alcohol. Because I thought it was really a problematic and shameful thing to do, I was always hiding.

However, airports/planes/trains/stations, have always been a place where women seem to be able to drink alone 'legitimately' . It was the only solo drinking that I felt could be done in the open.

Enjoy your evening with your wife Charon.

Venuscat, I forgot to say a few days back that if you have moved country to be with your husband, the massive effort has been yours. It is very difficult to move from one country to another, even when madly in love.Don't take away credit from you.

By the way... i made a mistake earlier. Next Sunday will be the 15th sober!!! I have finally (FINALLY) lost count
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Old 10-18-2019, 05:23 PM
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Congratulations to everyone hitting a milestone, no matter what it is

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Old 10-19-2019, 07:09 AM
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Morning.

Mrs. Charon's flight got delayed and didn't get in untill midnight. By the time we were home it was about 1 am. On her time that would be 7 am and she had been awake for 26.5 hours with only 2-3 short naps. She appreciated all my little surprises but was too tired to have any gelato. Went to bed and crashed. This morning about 7 am she crept into my bedroom to tell me she was going hiking with her "Crooked Canes" group after all. LOL That girl just doesn't slow down.

Nice and sunny here. I'm going to take advantage and shred some leaves today. This evening I'm going to start packing for my trip. I always start early because I pack, then repack, then find something else to bring and remove something, then repack, and repeat. It keeps me from getting twitchy that I'm forgetting something, which I have done, but never anything important to the objective of the trip. Only 9 days now.

My Daughter stopped over yesterday to grab the clothes I treated with permithrin for her. Wednesday she's going to VIrginia to do some hiking and camping. A friend is driving down and offered to take her clothes so she doesn't need to check a bag and they will be driving back together. Turns out he may be a romantic interest though she is taking it extremely slow. Been burnt too many times. I so hope this one works out - and if it doesn't, that she gets out fast. But it's not my life. All I can do is support her and love her.

Have a great day everyone. Enjoy the world, ignore US politics if you can, and wallow in sobriety.
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Old 10-19-2019, 07:16 AM
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Glad your wife is home dear Charon.
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Old 10-20-2019, 06:44 AM
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Morning.

This afternoon I have an after auction dinner to go to. Not my kind of thing but we are to discuss ways to make the lead up to the next orchid auction smoother. For my part, I have all the kinks worked out. If I recieve the email addresses for new members as they come in I'm all set, so I could skip this. But I feel obligated and once I get there it won't be so bad.

I do want to get out and get the leaves in three areas mowed into long lines so that I can suck them up tomorrow. It's supposed to go rainy on tuesday and i want to have them gone by then. My shoulder is aching so I know there is weather coming.

Mr.s Charon crashed into bed early and slept all night and seems to be back to normal this morning - well as normal as anyone ever is. lol She's coming to the dinner/meeting so that will make it quite a bit more pleasant.

Started packing for my dive trip yesterday evening. Got all my critical gear into my carry-on. I might be able to fit everything else into another carry-on size suitcase to check.

Well, time to get started on the outside work. Have a great & sober last day of the weekend and give yourselves a pat on the back for making it through another one.
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Old 10-21-2019, 05:35 AM
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Morning everyone.

Well, the demon is starting to talk. "What are you going to do if it's windy down there and the boat can't go out to the reef?" And I answer "Can't drink, that's for sure. Too late to stop antabuse. I'm sure I can enjoy the sunshine, read a good book, have some coffee, explore dive shops, just poke around, go look at other keys, get up very early and go see the miniature deer on Big Pine Key, go to Robbie's on Islamorda and feed the giant tarpon, look for a souvenier shirt. Lots more fiun doing those things than sitting around stupid and feeling sick in the morning". Demon shut up and left. I think it might be a good idea to make a list of things I don't want to forget to do like the deer and tarpon. As far as I or the demon know it could be perfect weather and I'll end up diving morning and afternoon and be pressed for time to do other things. Either way, I've no time for drinking.

Mrs. Charon went hiking the day after she got back, we had the orchid dinner/meeting yesterday, and she's hiking again today. I need the suitcase she used for Italy to pack for my trip but it's sitting untouched. Normally this would tick me off. However, that isn't going to solve my problem (unhelpful). We have 2 other suitcases that are the same size but have ripped handles. I could very carefully move her stuff from the good suitcase to one with a ripped handle. Problem solved. No need to get upset, no lame excuse to drink. Solved those issues as well. Actually though, I don't need to do that right away. Tuesday looks like a rainy day. No F2F and no scheduled tasks or activities. I can spend all day packing. So I'll gently remind her tonight that I would appreciate it if I could get the suitcase to start my packing. Then if the suitcase is still full by mid-morning tomorrow I can do the transfer then.

I got all the leaves up from both front areas yesterday morning. Today I was hoping to get the boat broken down and stored and get the leaves out back done. It rained yesterday and overnight but it's supposed to get sunny later. I'll deal with the boat this morning and move on to leaves once it dries out.

Hope everyone has a fine start to the week and remembers to stop occasionally and treat themselves to something good.
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Old 10-21-2019, 06:31 AM
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I like to tell the 'demon':

THANKS FOR SHARING (MATE!!!!)

I am an Aussie, and that is a very sarcastic tone, and I say it LOUD.
It always makes me smile, and the AV is never amused by me laughing at it.
It tucks in its tail and slithers away. ❤️
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Old 10-21-2019, 07:28 AM
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It is good you are recognising the demons yourself Charon.
Since your wife left, your messages suggest as much. I don't know what will make it work for you. Think about your daughter, perhaps? The hurt and pain you went through when you thought you could do nothing to bring her closer to you. The massive disappointment.

Obviously, if you decide to drink you will do so thinking it is not going to be like every other time before. It will be a one off and then you will 'behave' or whatever. We are all where we are because we thought we could control it. The whole addiction comes with this speech: You can do it now, just today. Today there is a reason for it: I am angry, I am alone, I am happy, I am getting provoked, life makes no sense anyway, I am going to die anyway, etc.

The only thing that works for me is this: the demon would not be there if you were not an addict. The demon inhabits your head because you have a very serious problem with alcohol and you cannot decide to make exceptions. It causes pain to you and to others and the MOST important thing: it is never worth it.

There is not one single time when you decide not to drink and then you feel you missed something. The feeling of missing out only happens before you drink. Once you haven't drunk it is obvious you didn't. So if you go on your trip and you don't drink, I bet you whatever you want to (it is a serious bet; willing to transfer money) that you will not look back to your trip with regret.

Depending on the company, you may decide the trip is not worth doing again.

Stay strong. I need you around here!!!
All the very best,
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Old 10-21-2019, 02:35 PM
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The AV never had anything good to say to me...I blanked it...it withered away.

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Old 10-22-2019, 07:31 AM
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Morning.

Back, I think you misread my post. I handled the demon and there is no way I'm going to drink, so why would I cancel the trip? Also, I handled my wife being away with no urges.

Just checking in this morning. Good F2F last night. I want to get packed and get all the loose ends tied up today.

Hope everyone has a great, sober day.
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Old 10-23-2019, 03:29 AM
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Originally Posted by BackandScared View Post
I can still not afford the executive lounge. I travel a bit with work, but still only economy. Almost grateful. I am sure I would have only seen it as a source of free booze.

Wishing you a very nice WE Lucinda. This will be my 14th Sunday sober!!
haha me neither BackandScared. I was only talking about the executive lounge at the cinema. But as you say it is probably a good thing I can't afford to travel that way! I once got a free upgrade to business class on a flight and they seemed to be positively forcing alcohol on people.

14th Sober Sunday! Go you that is awesome! I hit 90 days over the weekend so that felt like a milestone mark.
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Old 10-23-2019, 03:30 AM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
I like to tell the 'demon':

THANKS FOR SHARING (MATE!!!!)

I am an Aussie, and that is a very sarcastic tone, and I say it LOUD.
It always makes me smile, and the AV is never amused by me laughing at it.
It tucks in its tail and slithers away. ❤️
Love this!
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Old 10-23-2019, 03:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Charon View Post

Hope everyone has a great, sober day.
Thanks, Charon. Hows the packing going?
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Old 10-23-2019, 03:37 AM
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Something changed. I am taking a pyjama morning mid-week! I have been self-employed for the last 15yrs, I work a lot and I never take random times off in the day. I think it must be a reaching 3 months thing. Not only free from alcohol but working towards giving myself some other freedoms. Feels good!
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