Daisybelle

Good morning Apillers and I hope you are all happy, well and sober. I'm feeling a bit drained and headachy today.
I had an awful confrontation with the wayward one yesterday evening when I picked my g.son up. He was incensed that I met up with my gson and his mummy, absolutely raging mad. I meet up with them every time she comes over to England and he know that, he doesn't like it but I do it because I think it's the right thing to do for my g.son. The last time she came over was in May which is quite long time for a child not to see his mum and he was a bit apprehensive about the visit..Anyway went I went to collect him last night daddy went ballistic. Apparently I'm an interfering, sneaky, manipulative, control freak. All this was in front of the child! I tried to tell him not to scream and shout in front of him and he said the child needed to know what a horrible person I am. I know it's gas lighting/projection but last night I was thinking 'is it me?' and reliving things that's happened with him in the past. I know it isn't me, but my stomach is still churning this morning. He needs help with his temper but there is just no talking to him. I'm at a loss.
I'm sorry to keep going on about him, sometimes I just need to vent.
Anyway......

Thanks for the congrats Nichole, much appreciated. Time flies and the way you are going it won't be long till you're saying you have 18 months, its very achiev
able. You did well on Friday and good thinking not to take your I.D with you, if you can get through visiting a haunted house and eating out without alchohol, you can get through anything. You should be proud of yourself, I know I'm proud of you. We didn't 'let' you be part of our group, we 'want' you to be part of it, every one of us here has/have had hard times and screw ups. I myself have a degree in screw ups. xx

Hi Erratic, yay you're back, I'm glad. Thanks for your kind comments re my sober time, I'm hoping to see you get some behind you now. Good luck with your appointment tomorrow, let us know how it goes.
It was really kind of you to phone your sister, you are a good person, I hope it made her think. Have a good day yourself and don't work too hard. xx

Thank you Suze and I'm glad to be on this path with you too, with all of you here even. This is my longest time sober in over 20 years and I'm going to make sure it stays that way, I don't ever want to go back to being the mess I was.
I'm sorry you're having issues with Seren's dad, I feel your pain, he does sound a bit immature to be honest. Keep those boundaries well in place and you'll be fine, you're so much stronger these days and so am I. xxx

I'm off now to peruse.

Love always. xx

xxxNICHOLExxx

Daisy I’m sorry you have to go through all that. I just hope you know how kind and lovely person you are with a beautiful soul. Just keep shining bright!!!!!!
Snitch It was actually good . was actually on a ship..... ship wreck into a bridge very long time ago killing some on board which made me feel creeped out but it’s one of that high dollar ones where the floor moves and drop out... if you ever travel to Indiana let me know I can show around..
Erratic viper Dee how are you
Sobriety is starting to become some what normal. It’s so odd how I love life at the moment I don’t understand why I never done this years ago or way or what I was running from because whatever it was wasn’t worth the addiction of alcohol or drugs. I can’t see myself ever being drunk again and even though I get the urge and cravings I know that’s not really what I want just a short phase in life that will fade-away!!
Hopefully today is a simple blessed day

Daisybelle

Bedtime check in. Well as if I haven't had enough stress, Mr D.B got attacked by a big dog this morning!! He works for a plumbing company and was delivering a boiler and radiators to a large pub, as he was walking to the door a huge bull mastiff type of dog came running towards him growling and barking and actually tried to jump on him, he said he thought it was going for his head. Luckily he is a large man and managed to punch it away but it bit his elbow breaking the skin. His jacket was shredded. What's worse is the the pub owner and owner of the dog came out and was totally unconcerned, his words were 'Oh has he bitten you?' When my husband told him that he went for his head the owner said he wouldn't do that! The paw marks on the shoulders of his jacket say different.
Husband went back to work, without delivering the stock and his boss called the police. The police went to see the dog and the owner and are prosecuting mainly because of the owner's disregard. We put the blame on the owner, not the dog.
What a day! Thank goodness I don't drink.

Awww thank you Nichole, when someone constantly abuses you, you start to believe that you're not a good person and last night I had to give myself a good talking to. I'm okay. Thank goodness I have you all.
I am so happy that you are loving life, you are worth so much more than all the misery drinking brought you. Take good care of yourself. xxxx

Daisybelle

Good morning everyone, new day, fresh start. You must all be still asleep.

Back later, have the best Tuesday you can.

Love always. xx

Erratic

Morn x

not much to say just now as got my appointment this morn and i am not really in talkative mood x sry am thinking of you all and hope ur day is better daisy x its great also nichole x that ur doing so well xx

check in later xx

snitch

Hey all

Oh Daisy. I feel your pain also. That must have been horrible for you. I totally understand that questioning yourself. I have done it before. Well, if he says that I am X,Y,Z then maybe there is some truth in it? Well I am telling you now that is bull**** From reading your posts over the last 18 months, all you ever have at the forefront of your mind is your grand son's welfare. You are a kind, loving, thoughtful nanny and person. The smile on your beloved grandsons face I have seen in many photos tells a very different story to the one your son is telling!! It is frustrating and also a huge shame that his vision is so warped. Keep praying for him and using the Serenity Prayer. I have found with my ex it is the only way to go! Poor Mr DB too. That would have terrified me and thank God he wasn't more injured. I am pleased you are taking appropriate action so that hopefully it won't happen in the future to someone else ��

Ahh Nichole you are sounding great. We don't fly to Indiana, I had a look last night the closet we go to I think is Chicago and then it is about a 2 and a half hour drive from Chicago to Indiana. Maybe one day though if I am ever lucky enough to maybe get to spend 2 nights in Chicago we could make it work! It would be amazing to meet you!

Good luck today Erratic. Come and let us know how you get on.

I am good today. If I look at my life today, I dont have any problems. I am sober, have a nice, albeit small home, a job, money in the bank (not much buy still some!), food to eat, a warm bed to sleep in, a beautiful daughter, great friends, an amazing and supportive family and a wonderful, diverse bunch of recovery friends! I have everything I need and am so grateful. I am about to do a workout and there is an AA meeting 2 mins from my hotel so going to go to that.

Check in later.

Have a good day everyone

Xxx

xxxNICHOLExxx

Snitch I’ve been to Chicago is was definitely an experience I live 4/5 hours away I’m more southern part.. btw your not missing anything around my state not in less your into hay/corn/soybean fields or cattle lol pretty boring here!!!!

So I know I’m not exposed to think ahead but when I’m planning a party I have to think ahead it’s a massive Halloween party like 60-90 people expecting. I’m super stressed out as I’m trying to get the house and everything ready for that many people. this is something we do every year we even have a haunted trail through the woods and a lot of the planning and decorating is on me!! every year I drink and get trashed I can’t help but think how I’m I going to pull this one off?? I’m not going to drink today or any other day leading to that but I need to definitely make a plan for just that day to keep level headed!!

snitch

Ok. How much do your close friends know? Re your drinking. How has your husband been lately? They must know you haven't been drinking? Do they know why? Are they supportive or not? Just want to get the full picture so I can just tell you how I would deal with it. Not saying my way is right or wrong lol just how I would approach something like this x x

xxxNICHOLExxx

Snitch
My close friends really don’t know anything except for one i told her I’m struggling with drinking and supporting me 100 % but she isn’t a big drinker. They notice I haven’t been drinking around them and I just kept making up reasons I haven’t been. My husband doesn’t care if I drink or not but I can tell he isn’t super happy me not drinking he calls me boring which I don’t really care in one a way but I hope it doesn’t cause problems between us because I don’t want to pick between sobriety and marriage. I know they want be supportive as in my friends they like to push stuff on others like drinking or other stuff!!! I really having a hard time telling my family and friends about my drinking

Daisybelle

Hi again, I hope you've all had a good day. All quiet for me and that's good.

Thanks Erratic and I hope everything was okay for you today. It's perfectly fine not to be in a chatty mood, I very often feel that way, in fact I'm probably quite unsociable. Just don't isolate yourself though ( I used to do that too.). I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thank you so much Suze, I needed to read that today You always know the right things to say. I say the serenity prayer and the sick man prayer at least 87.5 times per day.
Mr DB is okay, he's back to his usual self today ( grumpy & miserable ), the police have said that they may want to take him to identify the dog.
You have so much to be grateful for, you're very blessed. xxx

Hi Nichole, I've been thinking about this party and it's a difficult one. Because your many friends are the type who will push drink and drugs on your, all well meaning of course, I think, if it were me I would tell them that I am on strong antibiotics and under doctors orders not to stop taking them and not to drink. I'm not 100% sure that that would be the best thing to do but it might keep them from pushing too hard whilst you are still in the early stages of sobriety. I'm sure the others will probably have better ideas. xx

That's it for now, I'm off to peruse and then I'm jumping into bed.

Night night. xxx

Dee74

Been away for a day or two but thinking of all guys and the challenges of the week

D

Daisybelle

Good morning all,

Good morning Dee ( I know its not morning for you) , good to see your post, I hope you are ok, take good care of yourself. xx

xxxx

Erratic

afternoon all x

appointment went ok and he is willing to help me so thats fine. darn cold started yesterday or was it day before, hard to think with sober foggy brain lol trying to keep on top of the cold so it doesnt get anywhere near my chest so my operation wont be cancelled!!!

hope u are all doing ok?

thinking of you all x

Daisybelle

Oh no Erratic, not a good time to start with a cold. Be careful and look after yourself.

Pleased for you that your appointment went well and glad he's willing to help you.

xx

Dee74

All good DB

D

Viperidae

Nichole, ‘Boring??’ 😂 Boring is getting wasted every night and acting the fool. OMG you have come so far Nichole. I’m loving this! I knew you could do it. You kept at it, and kept at it, and something broke. You’re super strong. If you think of taking a drink, think about the next morning. The misery. Then keep thinking about it. That’ll put you off. At least that helps me.

Massachusetts, is pretty nice. The thing about The Northeast is the States are so much closer together and they are very different. It’s interesting as soon as you cross the border into MA, the people are more relaxed and nicer. Weed is legal there. So you have the Connecticut folks driving up to get baked, and bring it back if they dare.

Vermont is a beautiful State. Vast forests, lakes, rivers, all that. It’s covered in low mountains. Drive 3 hours from my place and get out of the car and it feels like you’ve never breathed oxygen before. Plus the girls up there are pretty sweet 😍. I really wanted to your Vermont on my motorcycle this summer and fall, but that went up in smoke with my thumb.

V🐍

Viperidae

snitch

Nichole, why do you have a hard time telling your friends and family you don't drink? Are you worried about what they may think of you? Or are you worried that they may not think you will be fun to be around anymore?

You could say what Daisybelle suggested...that you are on medication prescribed by your doctor and you have been told not to drink. That's probably your best excuse to be fair and it's not that far from the truth is it as you are on meds for your bi polar. Not sure if they can be mixed with alcohol or not.

Personally I had to start getting honest with the people closet to me. My family and close friends. I don't need to tell every Tom, Dick and Harry but I needed support from the people I hung around with the most. I know we are all different and maybe that is a route you don't want to go down and that is your right, however I can only share with you what worked for me. I used all the excuses in the book before. Antibiotics, weight loss, health, etc etc. I was worried what people may think. Would they think I am weak because I cannot control my alcohol? Would they think I will be boring if I don't drink and not want to hang with me anymore? Would they feel uncomfortable drinking around me? I realise now that was my pride talking. I had to put aside my pride. My recovery HAS to come first.

Maybe you have your own reasons which are different to mine and that is ok but if you are serious about staying sober one day the excuses will dry up. It is perfectly fine to tell people, your friends and family, that you are choosing not to drink anymore. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

snitch

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

I could literally effing scream!!!

Seren's dad

Why oh why did I have to meet that complete and utter ******** ?????


Oh yes I know. My beautiful daughter. Who was meant to be on this Earth with me.

He knocked on my door this morning to drop her lunch box off and her bus ID . I shouldn't have answered. Anyway, I was going to my AA meeting and he lives near that way so he said he would walk with me (ugh!) For someone he appears to dislike he seems to want to spend an awful lot of time with me. Anyway I told him that it isnt appropriate for him to come in and out of my life when he wants. Do you know what he said? That he was feeling lonely and needed a bit of companionship. Wtf????? Oh ok. Come see Snitch for a bit. Then bugger off as soon as the loneliness passes.!! Yes my sole purpose in life is to be available when you are bored and lonely. I am just a bit of a fill in for down days for him. It's so painful and I keep cracking the door open and allowing him in. I am such an idiot. He just has this way of making me feel worthless, unloveable and just a piece of s$%t really. I text my ex sponsor as she knows all about our relationship and she said I am not any of those things and that I have to stop giving him power over me. I know she is right but it still hurts .

I need to keep those boundaries right up and locked so they never come down again . Keep working on myself and my recovery, keep doing or at least keep trying to do the next right thing, keep my side of the street clean. Be true to myself . Feel better already for sharing this. I have zero power over him and how he acts but there is alot I can do to minimalise any impact he has on my life.

Sorry I just needed to vent.

Glad I do not need to drink over this today.

Dee74

I find boundaries very important Snitch - there's a lot of emotional blood suckers out there.

Nichole I had great trouble saying no to my friends - until I realised they didn't have the same problem to the level I did.

My drinking would kill me. I don't want to go out like that.

Hope everyone is doing well - good luck with the MRI vipe