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Class of September Part 2 2019

Old 10-02-2019, 07:43 AM
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Dee great I love 'beat 60'. I'm actually in a 100 day challenge through Annie Grace, and all was in tact and I was strong and committed. Then Rome happened. The drink with dinner. Turned on that part of the brain that wanted more more more.... If I could have just not had the first drink... After all these years I still think I can handle it.

I have confided in a good friend about what happened. My friend in a nutshell said, well you were in control the majority of the trip. You are just going through a change with your son moving out to college. Figure your life out and then see where alcohol fits in..

That thought seems appealing because my AV is like oh so there is still a chance you can feed me. My sober desire says that isn't going to work. I'm stuck in my internal battle still after all these years contemplating. For me it's torture to drink and it's torture to be sober. Until I commit to either side this torture lives.
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Old 10-02-2019, 08:04 AM
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Joy honey.....I have never found a friend or relative who wasn't in recovery who really understood that alcohol is not a choice for me, not something I can play around with.

If you commit to drinking, how is this going to benefit you love?
If you are like me you can't moderate at all....one drink becomes many drinks becomes a horrible life all over again.

Was it really torture to be sober before Rome?
If so, we need to help you find ways to make this a good change rather than a difficult one. s

Sending so much love. s
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Old 10-02-2019, 08:42 AM
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Venuscat... the two weeks before rome were torturous because I had constant urges and had to fight them off every single day. I know what it's like on the other side of the hill of sobriety it is lovely. But the journey there is hell for some reason. I bought a bike joined a gym paid into a program on sobriety went to a sober conference read new books on sobriety journaling everyday I have a sober plan occasionally attend a smart meeting. And still there is the urge looming over my shoulder like the grim reaper.... I tried to justify to myself that the binge drinking is very rarely and I'm not a daily drinker. And what is the difference? Anyway I'm just rambling because I'm frustrated with myself.
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Old 10-02-2019, 09:08 AM
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You are not rambling at all. Not one bit....this is important stuff.

I spoke with my husband about this, actually we talk about it a lot. Because our journey is very different. He was a binge drinker and I was a daily drinker.

For me, the situation I was in physically was dire, so recovery meant that after a few weeks, I just continued to feel better and better every day. So when cravings came up and it got really tough, I had only to look in the mirror to remind myself that my health was not to be played around with: I more than likely had no more chances.

But for binge drinkers who spend days or weeks at a time without alcohol, I imagine that would be really hard. People who drink this way are often still being responsible humans (I was not ever when I drank), and it really might not feel any different from others who go out for a meal and a drink on a Saturday night.

Yes, that would be hard.

I think what I would consider is what happens to me when I drink. Binge drinking means different things to different people....does it mean you have a few drinks Saturday and Sunday? Or does it mean you get blitzed for 2 or 3 full days?

That is what would help me to decide I think. Am I in control when I drink or is it a game of Russian Roulette?

It helps to talk all of this through I think.... s xx
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Old 10-02-2019, 10:12 AM
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There’s some brilliant chat on here! Loving reading about the successes everyone’s having! You’re all doing great!

Welcome Joy, I’m in the same boat regarding making a beat 60 plan too. Let’s smash this! I agree with Venus-this is all really important stuff and better out that in. I hope it helps order your thoughts. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t know deep down that sobriety is the key to a joyful joy.

Still full of a cold, sat on the train home next to someone who’s having some train beers. I am so relieved that I get to go home, put my pjs on and eat a pizza....sober!! I am feeling blessed!
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Old 10-02-2019, 10:21 AM
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Hope the pizza is yummy dear Hoping. s xx
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Old 10-02-2019, 12:37 PM
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Good stuff. Urges came today, so it was helpful to
Log on here and be reminded that this addiction makes no logical sense. I’m so much better off without wine, yet those thoughts try to tell me life would be better with it. Ridiculous. I’m feeling so much better health wise and spiritually. Why would I ever go back? Frustrated that I even have to be in the midst of this mental battle.

Will post tonight. Will not drink today. Hang in there Class. I have to believe this will get better with every sober day and week.
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Old 10-02-2019, 12:37 PM
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Just poured out all the alcohol in my house. I was surprised how much I had stored away, some behind furniture so guests wouldn’t know. Gin, vodka, rum, cider, and beer — all GONE. I have a mini fridge in my basement that is now filled with a variety of nonalcoholic beverages. As said in the movie Poltergeist, “This house is clean.”
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Old 10-02-2019, 12:40 PM
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Yes joy57 that internal struggle is usually the thing that makes me relapse. I think it's tied up with pride and complacency. As fairly well self-controlled sober people, it's sometimes baffling how out of control just one drink can make us. But I think it's just reality for some of us and there's no out smarting it. That's how it is for me anyway, I start feeling better, forget how horrible it was and think I can conquer the world!

I think I have to work on my long term thinking about being able to beat it, when I know I can't. And at the end of the day, it's a poisoness, distorted way of living I don't really want anyway.
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Old 10-02-2019, 01:11 PM
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Good for you Mike. Wish I could do the same but my wife keeps Vodka and Rum in the house at all times.

You'll win the mental battle Quit. Hoping-Train Beers? Is that like airplane drinks? You must have a long commute.
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Old 10-02-2019, 02:23 PM
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Bob that’s exactly what it is! And my commute is about 1.5 hrs one way. These people were students and off out somewhere but only one of them was really caning it. I just empathised with him-I’ve been that person before, nailing the drinks like it’s going to be taken off me if I don’t, whereas everyone else isn’t bothered and can take it or leave it. I’m relieved that I don’t have to play that game anymore
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Old 10-02-2019, 02:27 PM
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Hi everyone - today is #9 and I'm cruising along right now - taking care of myself and being attentive to my thoughts and emotions.
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Old 10-02-2019, 03:23 PM
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Great job leo and Hopingwishing
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Old 10-02-2019, 03:28 PM
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Hope you're feeling better after your panic attack Suze

D
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Old 10-02-2019, 04:02 PM
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Just now....I realised that the knot in my tummy is dissipating. Thank you D s

And awesome dear Leo! s

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Old 10-02-2019, 06:04 PM
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Hey Suze, I'm sending you a big cyber hug. I didn't know the feeling kept going, I thought it was a short thing and then gone. I hope you feel all better soon!
Bob, congratulations on 31 days! You're lucky to have a doctor that actually cares or even knows about alcohol problems.
Denise and Leo, congrats on day 9! Tomorrow is double digits! If you're like me, you're almost through the worst part.
You sound like you're feeling so much better, Hoping. I know what you mean about being so glad to be home and sober. It really does feel good.
R&H, amazingly wonderful that you dumped all your booze! That is such commitment! The Steven King novel is "Dr. Sleep". It may be a fine story and I'm just not in the mood for it. I prefer his more realistic books to the monsters and magic stuff. Refuge Recovery was just too heavy reading for me right now. I'm still having some memory and concentration problems. I am believing that will fade as I stay sober.
My sobriety tracker (which I talk about entirely too much, but it's one of my sober pals ) says that cognitive abilities start improving after two months. I sure hope so!
Dee, thank you for your amazing support to all of us.
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Old 10-02-2019, 06:08 PM
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oh thanks for the kind words Karen

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Old 10-02-2019, 06:21 PM
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Joy, I really appreciate you sharing your struggle with us. As you said, you already know that it gets better, the constant cravings fade away, and that sobriety is a great place to be. The 100 day challenge sounds great. It gives you plenty of time to think and consider.
When I started this time I was in Annie Grace's 30 day challenge. I liked it a lot and it did a lot for me. I admit I quit logging on after about a week. I think I honestly just forgot about it. I was doing a lot of other recovery things, though.
I hope it gets so much easier very fast for you.
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Old 10-02-2019, 06:48 PM
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Love and goodnight everyone.....and have a great day Dee.

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Old 10-02-2019, 06:54 PM
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Good evening...
Congrats to everyone for the successes, strengths and progress. Thank you all for sharing the helpful posts! Great job Rattle in getting rid of the temptation. Bob...my husband drinks rum but fortunately, it's not my poison of choice. Our friends bring over wine on Football Sunday...next time I'll insist they take any leftover home like I do the sweets my mother-in-law brings over.
I am trying not to self-loathe over all the unhealthy food I consumed recently. I have been feeling sluggish but pushed myself to get a good workout in this evening. I have found that eating healthy and exercise goes a long way in keeping my AV quiet.
Meh...I dislike this recycle feeling but told myself I would put it behind me and move forward...Day 3
Wishing all a terrific Thursday!
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